Chapter 36
Chapter 36
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Translator: crow
Chapter Title: Am I a Pervert?
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"Lize, am I a pervert?"
"...Pardon?"
I was looking over the notes I'd jotted down in my room when the thought suddenly hit me.
It had crossed my mind a few days ago too, while Rozalin and I were chatting over a late-night snack.
"Hmm... just something. It popped into my head a little."
"........."
It sounded a bit ridiculous, but honestly, I couldn't help feeling something was off.
She was my mom, after all. Even if she was my stepmother, wasn't it weird to still feel this way after all this time?
It had been a full four years.
Four years living in the same house as Rozalin, treating each other like family.
And yet, I still didn't treat her like a normal mother at all.
"...Hmm."
Even if I'd been a man in my past life, wasn't I a bit too weak to women?
All the people I was close to were women, after all.
I'd lived more years as a man in my previous life, but there were limits.
"Lize, give me a candy."
"Yes."
"...Hmm."
Watching Lize pull a candy from her pocket and hand it to me, I had to admit... I seemed awkward and clumsy around women.
Honestly, if she weren't such a pretty, cute girl like Lize...
"Hmm."
"Miss?"
"Hmm..."
On the other hand, maybe it was weirder that I, who had been a man, could treat women so casually.
I'd never been close to many women in my past life, and every woman around me now was exceptionally attractive.
Thinking about it that way... maybe it made sense that I was weak to Rozalin?
Of course, I still seemed especially weak to her.
"Heh..."
"...?"
It was funny.
Rozalin was the person I spent the second-most time with after Lize, and yet I was still awkward around her.
Well, the truth was, she was too pretty to treat casually.
I decided not to overthink it.
It would sort itself out with time, I figured.
"Lize?"
"Yes?"
"Want to come over here?"
"...Miss."
"I'm not trying to hold you like last time. I just want to try something."
Sitting her on my lap and playing was fun, but she got too embarrassed.
I wasn't the type to keep doing things that made Lize uncomfortable just for kicks.
What I had in mind this time wouldn't embarrass her as much... more like preventive training?
"Hehe..."
"...Miss, your eyes look a bit strange."
"It's fine. I won't hug you like before or anything."
I thought getting a little more used to women might help?
After all, I was living as a woman now. Being this awkward around them didn't seem healthy.
Not just with Rozalin—it could cause issues in all sorts of ways, so I wanted to fix it.
And the best person for that was Lize, someone I was closest to and spent the most time with.
"Can I have your hand?"
"...Yes."
"Is it because you're taller than me? Lize's hands feel... so slender."
"Do they...?"
"Yeah."
I took the hand she offered and looked at it slowly.
No particular reason—just that I'd seen girls holding hands with each other a lot.
Might as well start getting used to that.
Guys holding hands felt a bit... gross, but girls doing it was different.
"So soft."
They really were... smooth and soft.
Even though I was a girl too, women's hands and skin always felt like this.
"Miss..."
"It's just hands, right?"
"But..."
I was gently stroking Lize's hand.
Holding hands wasn't that weird, and it was just hands.
No need for her to get embarrassed like when I hugged her. I wasn't doing anything odd.
"Lize, does it feel weird like this?"
"Well... no, it doesn't."
"Don't girls our age play like this?"
"...Probably."
It didn't seem too strange.
If Lize herself was saying so, it couldn't be that weird.
"Hmm..."
"Why...?"
"Lize's hands are softer than I thought?"
".........."
"It's fun. Feels nice to touch."
Women's hands had that texture, and Lize's reactions were amusing, so I kept going.
I stroked her hand, laced our fingers.
The softness was nicer than expected, so I got carried away.
Lize kept blushing even though she was just having her hand held.
*
Somehow, I'd decided to periodically get used to women through Lize.
It sounded weird when I put it like that, but it wasn't some pervert's scheme.
Just holding hands and stuff—aiming for the level of normal girl friendships.
Since I'd been a guy, treating them completely normally was tough.
"Lately, the trend at the Academy and beyond is all about flashy display magic, of course."
"The showy kind?"
"Yeah, the really flashy stuff. Exams focus on practical spells, but the Academy isn't just about good grades."
"Hmm..."
Anyway, today was one of my rare lessons with Ashley.
My magic progress had outpaced expectations, so I no longer needed regular lessons like before.
Magic classes were down to once a week—not just magic, but other lessons too.
These days, magic "lessons" were more like consulting with an awake Ashley about magic.
"But Camellia can just ace her grades at the Academy anyway."
"True."
That was one of the main reasons for going, after all.
Graduate with top marks, build connections with other nobles.
As long as that was covered, I was good.
So I wasn't too invested.
Plus, flashy magic...
"If I use advanced spells, won't they react with awe on their own?"
"Pfft... Good point. That's my student."
"More importantly, Teacher, about advanced spells..."
I rarely used magic normally and preferred to keep advanced spells under wraps.
So I always asked Ashley my questions during lessons.
Truth was, I wanted to ask her about magic outside lessons too, but we couldn't talk then...
Only possible during class...
"Yaaawn..."
"......."
And as always, Ashley's lesson ended with her yawning.
Even after four years, she was still sleepy, but I was used to it.
If anything, she wouldn't feel like Ashley without it.
"Teacher, going to sleep now?"
"Mmm..."
Just seeing her nod off in the chair screamed classic Ashley.
We used to do lessons in a separate room, but moving her every time she dozed off got annoying, so we switched.
To her own room—narrower than the old classroom with its bed and all, but magic made space irrelevant.
"Shall I move you?"
"Mmm..."
Being in her room made this easy.
No trekking down halls—just shift from chair to bed.
"Hmm..."
[Advanced Magic: Telekinesis]
"Ueeeh..."
I slowly lifted Ashley's body with magic.
Carefully, so she wouldn't get hurt or bump into anything.
I'd mastered advanced magic, so telekinesis was easy now.
One of the first I learned, fully proficient.
"Teacher, what about the window? Leave it open?"
"Weather's nice and warm... yeah... leave it..."
"Got it."
"Hmmya..."
She was so cool during lessons.
Off-duty, she was so laid-back it was hilarious.
And fun.
"Teacher."
"Mmm..."
I tucked her into bed, draped the blanket over, and just watched.
Bored, and her face was entertaining to look at.
"Teacher?"
"Uuuun..."
Poking her cheeks got mumbled replies.
She was a year older than Rozalin, but acted younger than even Ella.
More baby than kid, really...?
"Hmm..."
Seriously, if Ashley weren't pretty, would she still be my magic teacher?
I couldn't shake that thought.
She was great at teaching, but otherwise so lazy.
Anyway, I watched her lie there.
Fully asleep now, barely responding, just breathing steadily.
Which made her chest rise and fall rhythmically.
"Hmm..."
Big.
Yeah, big.
Seemed bigger than Rozalin's or Lize's, size-wise.
Hard to tell without undressing her.
"...What am I thinking."
I caught myself thinking it.
...I really was a pervert.
I shook my head hard to banish the thoughts and left Ashley's room.
Staying longer might lead to worse ideas.
...I'd probably had enough already, but more would be unfair to her.