Misunderstanding

The sting of sunlight brushed my eyelids, and my eyes fluttered open of their own accord.

"Mmngh..."

I rolled over, shifting out of the light's reach, and closed my eyes again.

But a moment later the sun found me once more. Still unwilling to wake, I twisted away from it — until at last I was driven right off the sofa and had no choice but to get up.

When I rose, Na-rae was looking at me with an awkward expression. "You're awake," she said in greeting.

She even asked if I was thirsty and brought me a glass of water. The whole scene felt exactly like those first few days after I'd picked her up.

I was a little bewildered, but I was thirsty, so I accepted the water without refusing and drank it down. The coolness helped clear the sleep from my head, but I still wondered what had gotten ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠into her.

"Na-rae, you're being awfully polite today... Something change your mind?"

From the way she usually acted, I knew full well she wouldn't be this courteous for no reason. So her behavior made me wonder if something had happened.

...What did I do yesterday?

"Ah, no. Nothing happened at all, of course! Really, nothing. It's just... yes, like you said, Min-a, maybe my feelings shifted a little...?"

The way she talked made it sound like something definitely had happened. What on earth was it that she was so determined not to talk about?

Watching her, I carefully retraced my memories of the day before. So after I'd said I was going home, what had I done next...

I'd been low on blood, so I'd grabbed and eaten whatever was nearby, stolen that guy's phone, called Na-rae and told her to bring clothes to the area... that was about it.

I genuinely had no memory of threatening her or anything like that, so I couldn't understand why she was treating me so carefully.

Had she only just realized how dangerous I was...? Ah.

As I cast around for plausible reasons, one possibility occurred to me and my head drooped of its own accord.

Aaah. If it was that, there was nothing to be done about it. Anyone would watch their words and actions in front of a massacre demon.

"Is it because of what I did in Seoul?"

Na-rae didn't answer. Instead she suddenly announced that coin prices were crashing and she had to sell before they dropped any further, then fled in a hurry to the desk where her laptop sat.

Her true feelings were painfully obvious, but I would have done the same, so I didn't feel ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠resentful or betrayed.

It hadn't exactly been a relationship that started on good terms to begin with, so expecting devotion from her would have been asking far too much.

I scrubbed a hand down my face and berated my own stupid head for not thinking of this sooner.

You couldn't even come up with something that simple if you'd just thought for a second. How dumb are you, exactly?

Beating myself up wasn't going to produce anything useful, so I decided to press Na-rae a little further.

"Na-rae. How many people died?"

I could have found out in an instant by turning on the phone right next to me, but the thought of looking it up with my own hands was simply too terrifying, so I asked her to check for me instead.

When she said nothing, I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠called her name again. She insisted she absolutely wasn't ignoring me, that she was searching hard right now, and asked me to wait just a little longer.

You don't need to be that scared...

...Yeah, actually, you do. When there's a monster who punched a hole through a magical girl's gut standing in front of you, being scared makes perfect sense.

"Um... well, the damage assessment isn't even finished yet, so it's not certain. It might be better to wait a little..."

"Something must have come out by now, right? Even if it's wrong, just tell me something!"

I knew it wasn't her fault, but I was so frantic that I snapped at her for no good reason.

Under that much pressure, Na-rae covered herself with a "You were the one who asked, Min-a," and relayed the most recent published figures.

"Th-the data here shows the confirmed casualties alone are in the ten thousands..."

...

......

In the ten thousands?

That couldn't be.

"The ten thousands? You didn't misread hundred or thousand? It's really ten thousand?"

I couldn't believe it and asked her again — hoping she would slam her head against the desk and say she'd gotten it wrong.

But she told me I'd heard correctly: that even by the most conservative estimate, casualties numbered in the ten thousands.

......Casualties in the ten ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠thousands?

Ten thousand people dead? Because of something I did just to stay alive?

My hands started shaking violently. Ice water seemed to be flowing through my veins. I couldn't even breathe properly.

Granted, the range of what I hadn't fully registered had been absurdly wide. There had been magical girls among those who went down. And I hadn't unleashed it in some ruins — I'd done it in the middle of Seoul.

But still.

I had never even imagined it would be this bad.

"T-tens of thousands of people died...? No, right? You're lying...?"

No. That couldn't be. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I'd done it to survive — it wasn't supposed to cause something like this.

I... I hadn't meant to. I-I just wanted to tease White a little. Why, why did things turn out like this...

"H-huuh..."

I... I hadn't wanted to...

Tears were about to spill over drop by drop when Na-rae rushed over and urgently corrected me.

"Min-a! C-casualties and deaths are different words! According to this data, the officially tallied death count is around two hundred!"

"...H-huh? Casualties aren't the same as deaths...?"

I asked because I genuinely didn't know, and Na-rae smacked her forehead and told me they were two different terms.

"Th-then... it isn't that ten thousand people died...?"

Na-rae answered that that was right, and added that if ten thousand people had actually died she would have run for it long ago.

Two hundred...

...It was by no means a small number.

Even knowing that full well, though.

I couldn't stop myself from murmuring, "Thank goodness," under my breath.

"H-huuh... huaaah..."

Relief and guilt tangled together into an emotion I didn't even know how to name, but at least I could breathe far more easily than a moment ago.

"...Sniff. W-well... yeah, anyone could mix those up."

Na-rae didn't bother adding anything further to that. She muttered that she was going to go make some money and edged away.

...So two hundred, huh.

Until a second ago relief had been at the forefront, but now the guilt took over. The thought that I had killed two hundred innocent people.

And yet maybe that wasn't entirely true.

The criteria for the Selection that Shining White had taken as her Principle included not only strength and weakness, but good and evil as well.

So if I told myself that some of those two hundred had been wicked people, it eased my heart just a tiny bit.

It didn't change the fact that innocents had been caught up in it — but right now I wanted even that scrap of comfort.

Wanting a change of mood, and also wanting to see just how big an incident this was being treated as, I reached for my phone.

A call came in from Su-hyeok.

...There's no reason for Su-hyeok to be calling me right now. Is he trying to talk about what happened in Seoul?

If that was it, I was too scared to pick up, so I just left it until the call ended on its own.

If I hung up myself... that would feel worse somehow.

Once the call cut off, I saw that the one he'd just made was the fourth missed call from him.

Ah. I'd put it on silent. That was why there'd been so many calls...

...Then he really must have something he wants to say.

If he wanted to reach me this badly, answering felt like the decent thing to do.

Even if what happened in Seoul came up, I told myself I had to face it, screwed up my courage, and took his call.

"Hello..."

I'd been crying only a moment before I answered, so my voice was pretty badly cracked, but he should still have been able to make out what I was saying.

I didn't think my voice would come out properly if I tried to say more, so I waited for his reply. Out of nowhere, he said this:

Not my fault.

So. I knew perfectly well.

That those words weren't meant for me — they were meant for "the vampire Seong Min-a."

He thought the mother of his child was distressed over what had happened and was offering comfort.

I knew that.

But what was I supposed to do about the fact that it still sounded like he was saying I hadn't done anything wrong?

"...Right? I didn't do anything wrong, did I? I-I haven't done anything wrong at all, right?"

I knew full well that wasn't true at all, but I wanted to hear someone — anyone — say those words, so I clung to him and hoped he would say it one more time.

I knew perfectly well it was a filthy attempt to scrub away my guilt, but the comfort was so sweet and warm that I clung to it like a pup burrowing into its father's arms.

"Yeah, thanks. That helps a little. Haah... yeah, I'm really fine. Truly. So... was that everything you called about?"

After soaking in the comfort for a long while, I felt much better — well enough, at least, to put on a cheerful front.

Ah. So that was it.

...From here on, I'd have to work my head carefully.

Now that I knew those were vampires under the elder who lived in my body, if I told him they weren't my family, things could get complicated.

Things were already complicated enough — but I could still, just barely, keep a handle on them.

"Did you see brown hair or blond hair?"

Is that so. So he hadn't managed to tell individuals apart yet...

In that case, it might still be possible.

"No. They're strangers."

I stated it flatly, and began rearranging the board for what came next.

There was still too much I wanted to do to waste time shuddering under guilt.