Padding the Runtime
If they made that hammering noise again, I'd pay them back with a ten-hour video.
…Or so I'd thought, until all of that became completely pointless. Starting the day after the woman came down to our floor, the noise dropped off dramatically.
The woofer speaker I'd bought with such grim resolve. Grateful for its service, I carefully peeled it off the ceiling and moved it beside the monitor. The two pairs of earplugs I'd gone out of my way to buy at Daiso no longer had any use either, but…
What of it, this way or that? Just thinking that I'd made that shameless face uncomfortable was enough to send the food that had risen to my throat sliding straight back down into my stomach with a refreshing clarity.
"How am I supposed to search for it?"
"You type the title you want right here, then press this big button…"
With the noise-terrorism computer suddenly out of work, it settled into a corner of our apartment and got put to its original purpose. What we were doing now was searching YouTube for the anime Siyeon liked to watch.
Watching her hunt for each letter one by one, pecking at the keys with only her index finger, I saw myself and Siyeon overlapping with the days when we'd first learned how to use a computer. Come to think of it, this was about the age you first encountered one.
A magical girl searching for magical girl anime…
Looking at Siyeon struggling with the keyboard, the thought came unbidden. Was it because so many scenes looked more like a magical girl than an actual magical girl?
"Ah, found it!"
"Now move the mouse and click the left button."
After a parade of screens awash in soft pink, the magical girl anime began. Ever since the computer arrived, the TV had naturally been left out in the cold.
Filling the lonely apartment room with positive sound—even if it was a childish anime—meant I didn't particularly feel like turning the set on. You know how it is: even if you put the TV on, it's mostly just a pile of bad news anyway.
Childish content or not, I was lying on my side on the floor watching the anime for quite a while when—
"Siyeon?"
"Lady Mari?"
The mascots called us at almost the same time. If they were calling first, there was only one thing it could be without needing to hear another word. Expecting the usual job, I grabbed the black mask from the wardrobe and held it in one hand just in case, then asked.
"Monster?"
"Yes."
A firm answer that didn't even entertain the possibility of being wrong. Sometimes I wished even this prediction would turn out wrong.
"Nothing for it. Siyeon?"
"…"
"Siyeon?"
When no answer came, I called again. Apparently my voice had been buried under the sound of the video still playing. Only when I raised it a second time did the reply come.
"Ah, yeah!"
"If you click the screen it pauses like this, so hurry up and take care of it and we'll watch more when we get back."
As Siyeon left the house, her eyes flicked toward the computer for just a moment. Getting completely absorbed in something only to have it cut off suddenly never feels good. I understood that feeling well enough that I deliberately took the lead and hurried our steps.
"Moon Power, transform!"
"Sun."
The moment we chanted the transformation spell in a secluded alley out of sight and took to the air, we flew toward where the mascots' gazes pointed — like a monster navigation system. A question flew at me from Siyeon, who was tilting her head curiously.
"Sun, why do monsters have so many minions in the cartoons?"
"Minions? Ah…"
Wondering what she was talking about, I thought it over and realized she was right. Those grunts in full-body tights whose eyes you could barely even see. She meant those guys who couldn't even talk, right?
"Hmm…"
Hearing the question made me turn the mystery over myself. I let out a short hum as we flew, folding my arms in the sky. Minions. The purpose of a minion's existence.
In the story settings it would be to wear down the magical girls' strength, or that each monster gets a quota of useless minions assigned — something like that. But thinking about it realistically…
"Padding the runtime, probably."
"Pad…ding the…?"
That expression of not fully understanding. Thinking I'd used words too hard for a lower-elementary schooler, I decided to break it down a little more. Ever since the monster alert started sounding in Sun and Moon's — that is, our — jurisdiction, average monster cleanup time was under five minutes.
"I mean, monsters are… weaker than you'd expect, right?"
If they made an anime out of it as-is, it would literally become a Shorts series. And if they kept going with that same one-note pattern, kids would lose interest fast. In reality, the faster you deal with a monster, the better.
"Is that so…?"
"You can't fight all day, so you need some grateful existences to fill the time until the cartoon ends."
"Grateful…"
Siyeon seemed to have complicated feelings about that. Those minions she'd only ever thought of as villains who drained magical girls' power were actually beings that helped so much with keeping the cartoon going. Oh — had I just poked at the realm of childhood innocence?
"Kwahaha! You've come, magical girl—?"
Just as my thoughts had grown a little deep, a mysterious sound that seemed to come from below lightly brushed my ear.
"Ah, Lady Mari! You flew past it! You flew past it!"
"Siyeon! Back — go back!"
Right after, the mascots' urgent shouts that we'd passed the monster reached my ears.
"Oops."
"Ah."
With short sounds of realizing our mistake, I hit the brakes in midair, coasted a few more meters, then urgently spun around and hurried back toward the direction of the voice. This is why you shouldn't talk about other things while driving.
Anyway, once I landed nearby a step ahead, I could finally make out the monster that had only been a speck before. Its head had a three-pronged horn that looked like a stag beetle and rhinoceros beetle fused together.
Its arms were forelegs shaped like a mantis's, perfect for grabbing things. It looked like the ultimate insect weapon.
Siyeon was less skilled at flying than me, so she'd land a bit later — I opened my mouth first.
"Ah, what was it again… I won't forgive you, or whatever."
I scratched the back of my head as I tried to dredge up the lines a magical girl was supposed to say for the first time in a while. My brain, which found even that too bothersome to recall, just filled it in with "or whatever."
"Krr, you brats! Not only did you fly right past me, one of you is even wearing that weird mask! Are you insulting me?!"
Apparently that had wounded its pride — the insect monster pointed at me with its mantis-like forelegs and flew into a rage.
"That just now was a mistake, but isn't it natural?"
"What…?"
As I used my staff to massage my own shoulder like a hammer, I kindly explained to the monster who was voicing fresh doubts.
"We're going to fight anyway, and you're a public nuisance who only causes damage to the surroundings — why should we respect you?"
"W-well, that's…"
The moment it got flustered — now was the chance. The instant that "w-well" answer came out, I sprang forward on my toes, putting all my strength into them, and launched straight ahead.
A magical girl who fights fair and square from the front at full condition? Go look for that in the cartoons on TV. This is a job, and this is reality. My heart was full of nothing but wanting to finish fast and go home to rest.
"Kwahahaha! You've taken the bait!"
"?!"
When my magic staff collided with its head carapace, a sharp metallic clang rang out as if two blades had struck each other. Right after, the monster's tone and laughter mixed as if it had anticipated this.
The stag-beetle-like pincers attached to its head carapace revealed sharp spines and closed in toward my waist. Siyeon's startled cry reached my ear.
"Sun!"
"I've heard plenty about you from the others in particular!"
The monster's voice, already certain of victory, rang out boldly. Above, a rhinoceros-beetle-like horn blocked any escape route, and with the monster's head thrust forward, there seemed no way down either. No escape.
"That viciousness more monster-like than a monster itself! That legend ends here!"
The stag beetle pincers closed in as if to cut through my waist, and then… just like when the staff had struck its head, an even sharper metallic sound spread through the surroundings. Those pincers tried to saw at my waist like a hacksaw, but they only produced a grinding noise as they spun uselessly.
"…Huh?"
A dazed, confused monster's voice flowed from right in front of me. It had stabbed the inside of the pincers studded with sharp spines. Surely it must have felt something, right? That would be the thought.
"Hey, you done?"
"No, this… this can't be, how is this possible…?"
In its panic, the pincers fell away from my waist.
"Where do you think you're going, you bastard."
Looking at those thin-looking legs trying to back away, I grabbed the beetle-horn-like thing right above the pincers. That long horn that had been blocking my escape route until a moment ago had become the handle blocking its own.
Whether that had been its all-out finishing blow or not… rather than charging boldly, it was now pathetically flapping the transparent wings that had emerged from under its shell just to run away.
"Sounds like you've heard a lot about me?"
"W-wait…!"
"Vicious, more monster-like than a monster, and cruel… aha."
Having confirmed it couldn't win, its wingbeats grew more desperate as my words continued. Parararak — the distinctive insect wing-fluttering sound kicked up dust around us.
"Ah, no! That was a slip of the tongue on my part!"
"No, no, you don't have to take it back…"
I smiled faintly at the insect monster trying to take back what it had said, dismissing it with a trailing-off that said there was no need. What came next would not have been very welcome to it.
"Because all of that is probably true…"
The heart ornament of my heated staff was taking on the color of crimson despair.