It's So Insidious... (1)
“Guhk!”
One of the thugs shot into the air with a grotesque sound. The crisp smack of flesh being struck came as a bonus. Klaus, who had barely managed to turn his stiffened neck, found the woman who had just left now standing before him again. The witch with the venomous tongue. Thirin. A pale moon hung perfectly behind her head, tracing the black silhouette of her figure like a halo. Her face was hidden behind a mask, but he could clearly see the way her red eyes curved beautifully in a smile.
Klaus felt his heart drop straight into his stomach. Those eyes lurking in the shadows seemed to say:
“Hey, Stalker.”
Her tone was completely different from before—gentle, refined, nothing like the same person. Klaus realized all over again that Thirin’s voice was supremely beautiful.
“Looks pretty dangerous. Want me to help?”
“……!”
Did he need help? Obviously. But would his pride allow it? Absolutely not. Klaus couldn’t say either. His tongue and vocal cords were still petrified under the divine power, unable to produce a single sound.
“……”
Thirin studied Klaus for a moment as if measuring something, then nodded.
“Order received.”
In accordance with the customer’s earnest request, Thirin Financial Loans hereby approves the emergency relief product.
Product Name: Saintess’s Emergency Rescue
Annual Interest: 10,000% (compound)
No collateral. No guarantees.
In exchange: submit physical rights waiver.
Loan review: PASSED
Thirin added the final line with a delighted eye-smile.
“I will serve you with utmost sincerity, dear customer.”
The insane declaration left more than just Klaus speechless. One of the thugs who had frozen at the sight of his comrade being sent flying with a single blow stared at the bizarre scene and muttered,
“What kind of crazy bullshit is that bitch spewing?”
Another one picked up the thread.
“Came to save your boyfriend? That shiny-uniform officer must be someone special. You’d even forgive him for cheating?”
“Boyfriend? That thing?”
The words stoked Thirin’s irritation again. She had felt a slight pang of regret after verbally thrashing Klaus earlier, but this thug had just reignited her motivation.
I was planning to give them a light beating and leave, but now I think I need to get serious.
With that thought, Thirin declared,
“I’m a man.”
Thirin’s dual core had a habit of arbitrarily outputting strange statements like this.
The thugs were stunned for a second, then burst into laughter.
“She got dumped by that officer and lost her mind.”
The one who looked like the leader stepped forward, snickering. He rested the club on his shoulder with an arrogant swagger.
“For someone who got rejected, you’ve got a pretty nice face. If you become my girl, I could fix that crazy head of yours. What do you think?”
“……”
Thirin didn’t answer. She stared into empty space for a moment as if contemplating something, then nodded like she had reached a conclusion.
“I don’t need a lover. Instead, I’ll give you all a free species-change patch today.”
“What the hell are you on about?”
“It means I’ll double the number of your bones. Free asset enhancement. That’s how overflowing my love for humanity is.”
“……”
It was a chilling statement. The smiles vanished from the thugs’ faces. But Thirin paid them no mind and continued in her soft, gentle tone.
“In the end, you’ll all be reborn as a brand-new species: human-octopus. See? I’m free of stereotypes. A person can become anything. From human to mollusk. Truly innovative evolution.”
Over the past year, Thirin’s verbal abuse style had evolved considerably. Right after leaving the village she had simply hurled whatever curses came to mind—crude, primitive attacks on physical traits or sexual preferences, just like she had done to Heres and Gordo. But repeating the same repertoire grew boring. At some point she developed a habit of twisting her insults and provocations into elaborate paradoxes the opponent couldn’t immediately understand, or had to chew over multiple times before grasping. This produced an unintended side effect: watching people fail to comprehend her convoluted venom gave her a kind of intellectual superiority complex. It was a very insidious, secret pleasure befitting a modern person. If you materialized Thirin’s mentality, you wouldn’t get Giga-Thirin—you’d get Insidious-Thirin. That was why her tone had grown so soft and gentle. Criticism delivered in a calm, refined voice simply hit harder.
After all, Thirin was a peerless beauty with 180 charm. Even her curses had to possess elegance. Of course, when truly enraged she would still spew venom like a rabid chihuahua the way she had with Klaus, but she carried a permanent passive of self-distortion that let her completely forget such outbursts the moment she turned away. The very concept of refraining from curses didn’t even exist in her thought process. That was the kind of person Thirin was.
“……Must be a full moon. All the crazy bitches are out tonight,” one thug muttered.
Thirin ignored him lightly and began walking toward the group with the calm stride of someone who truly had lost her mind. The thugs tensed and encircled her.
“……!”
To Klaus, Thirin’s behavior was the worst possible choice. She had no weapon. The location was a narrow alley—limited vision and movement. The opponents were five men in low stances, armed with rusty daggers and heavy clubs. They had her completely surrounded. Klaus swallowed dryly without realizing it.
The imperial army tactical manual’s first rule was do not get surrounded. Actually, it wasn’t even a tactical issue. The very first thing soldiers learned to survive the battlefield was how to maintain formation so an enemy spear wouldn’t slide into their ribs. Frontier mercenaries hunting demonic beasts drove their prey into visual blind spots—they never clashed head-on. Even these moldy thugs instinctively cut off the retreat first.
Encirclement didn’t simply mean the enemy had superior numbers. It meant the escape route was gone. It meant attacks would come from every direction at once. It meant the instant you blocked one strike, three more would pierce your back and sides. Impossible to escape. Impossible to subdue. Impossible to survive.
And yet Thirin—
“Hmm. So… Plum Blossom Sword Technique without a sword, Plum Blossom Movement Art, Plum Blossom Steps, Flower Step…”
—stood calmly muttering in the middle of certain death.
“Flower’s Attendant… No, that’s not quite right. Flower’s Luminous Dance. Yeah, let’s go with that. Today it’s definitely going to work.”
It wasn’t bravado. Klaus realized it then. This woman didn’t even register the situation as a crisis.
“What the fuck is this crazy bitch saying?!” the thug leader roared.
“Save the bouquet for a marriage proposal, you lunatic!”
“Wow.” Thirin’s eyes widened in genuine surprise. “For a thug, you’re surprisingly good at proposals. That’s actually pretty romantic. So, do you have someone to propose to?”
“This fucking bitch……”
His voice shook with rage, but Thirin merely scoffed.
“Don’t tell me you’re only good with theory?”
The leader finally snapped.
“Someone rip this bitch’s mouth open!”
The first to move was the club-wielding thug directly in front of her. At the same time, the two dagger users on her left and right lunged at her flanks. To Klaus it was a dirty trick absent from any manual—something only born from real combat—yet it was also a brutally efficient three-sided simultaneous assault. His eyes widened.
He could already picture the future: Thirin rolling on the ground, stabbed and bleeding. Yet he could not close his eyes. Even though he foresaw the horrific outcome, imperial military training would never permit Klaus to look away.
There was nowhere to dodge. Not for him, and not for Thirin.
“!”
But Thirin did not dodge. Instead, she took a single step forward toward the descending club. Her body slipped into the attack’s blind spot, flowing behind the attacker like a leaf riding the wind.
“Huh?”
The moment the club user staggered, off-balance from swinging at empty air, Thirin lightly kicked his back. The man pitched forward against his will. His falling body tripped the leg of the dagger user who had been charging at Thirin’s side. The remaining dagger user froze in shock—and Thirin’s hand blade was already slamming into his nape. He collapsed with a choked gurgle.
Three men neutralized in an instant. The entire sequence had flowed as naturally as a pre-choreographed dance. Klaus unconsciously held his breath.
The last two thugs were stunned to see their comrades fall so quickly, but rage quickly took over and they charged at Thirin. She didn’t leap toward them. Instead she hurled herself at the nearest wall. Her feet planted vertically against the surface, using the recoil to twist and launch herself at the opposite wall. Zigzagging between the narrow alley’s walls and soaring upward, Thirin looked less like a human and more like… yes. A bee. Or a butterfly.
“Crazy bitch, get down here!” One thug swung his club at the air, but before it could connect Thirin had already stepped on his shoulder and dropped behind him. Before he could even turn, her elbow slammed into his torso. Klaus watched the scene in utter awe.