Thirin's Forest Escapade and Addiction♡
The next day, the forest beside the church looked like a perfectly painted watercolor. Sunlight shattered through the leaves, and the songs of nameless birds echoed all around. Butterflies of every color danced between the wildflowers. Right in the middle of this fairy-tale scenery, Thirin lay sprawled out.
She looked like a fairy who had inherited the noble bloodline of the goddess of beauty. It wouldn’t have been strange to see squirrels or small birds gathered around her as if under mass hypnosis, creating a scene of perfect peace.
In reality, that could have happened. Thirin’s charm stat sat at 180. A beauty that could captivate 100% of men and 80% of women. An appearance that could even charm animals.
But there was a reason why the birds, squirrels, deer, and butterflies refused to come anywhere near her, let alone worship her en masse.
“Grrrk, hack, glrrrgk……!”
Thirin was in the middle of a majestic seizure. Her entire body twisted on its own, limbs convulsing wildly. Her fingers curled and clawed at the empty air, the tops of her feet arched so hard they formed fists, and her back bent like a bow, bouncing off the ground. Froth bubbled from the corners of her mouth and leaked out from under her mask.
Thirin couldn’t move a single inch. She desperately tried to force her body upright, but the signals from her brain seemed to evaporate before they could even reach her spine.
“Found you.”
Accompanied by the sound of a branch snapping, a familiar shadow approached. It was Peter, the old priest of the Savior Cult. He stood with his arms crossed, slowly looking Thirin’s pathetic state up and down. His gaze passed over her rolling form and lingered briefly on the scattered wood fragments and the deeply gouged dirt around her.
Traces of the sword dance Thirin had performed the night before. Sword marks that any martial artist would recognize at a glance and gain enlightenment from. The Plum Blossom Sword Technique had beautifully shredded the surrounding trees to pieces.
Peter gave a simple evaluation of the wonder Thirin had created.
“Looks like a crazy foal kicking around on a spring day.”
“Grrruuuugh……!”
Watching Thirin groan, Peter clicked his tongue.
“You must live such a fun life. To be able to act this drunk without touching a drop of alcohol—what an enviable talent. Is your new hobby rolling around in the dirt?”
“Grrrrrr……!”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I agree. I also think that’s better than a mud bath.”
“Grrraaaargh!!!!!”
There was a reason Peter remained calm even as Thirin convulsed like she was dying. This wasn’t the first time she had shown him this kind of sight.
When Thirin gathered mushrooms and herbs to pay Martha back for the bread, she had tested whether they were poisonous by eating them herself. Every time, she would have a seizure but eventually recover, and Peter had witnessed it multiple times.
Just as Peter expected, the cause this time was similar.
Thirin had spent the entire night swinging her wooden sword, hovering on the threshold of enlightenment. When morning came, she felt a bit of fatigue. Wanting to gain even greater insight and achieve Rebirth as quickly as possible, she had searched for and chewed on the yellow-capped mushrooms known for their excellent fatigue recovery effects.
“Greeeeek……!”
And they turned out to be highly poisonous mushrooms that looked almost identical in color and shape. Thirin was now paying the full price for ignoring the survival expert’s warning to never eat wild mushrooms.
Martial Arts in a Fantasy Land (provisional title) is now applying.
Due to the interaction with the ingested poison, a new system is activating!
Poison Elixir system has been opened!
Refining Poison Core!
“Grrruuugh……!”
The system began evolving Thirin’s body at its own discretion. It had created a poison storage organ, just like humanity in the 40,000th century. Well, whatever. Thanks to it, Thirin’s convulsions gradually began to subside.
Seeing this, Peter handed her a waterskin, and Thirin hurriedly gulped it down.
“Kek, cough, krrgh…!”
Watching Thirin choke, Peter chuckled.
“You seem much more polite when you can’t speak at all. If you ever need to show some manners in the future, maybe you should start by eating poisonous mushrooms first. What do you think?”
“Grrrr……!”
“Anyway, enough with the jokes. I have something to tell you. Commander Roderick came by earlier.”
“Huu, huu… hu… That epileptic civil servant?”
Peter nodded.
“Commander Roderick has agreed to vouch for your identity as promised. You should be able to receive an official通行证 soon.”
At those words, Thirin felt as if the last remnants of the poisonous mushroom had completely vanished from her system. This was what she had demanded from Roderick in exchange for the debt.
A通行证. It wasn’t necessary in this remote backwater village, but it was practically mandatory to enter a prosperous city surrounded by walls. Especially if she wanted to head toward the heart of the empire.
From what Thirin had picked up while living as a beggar, the process of obtaining this通行证 was an absolute pain in the ass and ridiculously complicated.
“Huu, hu… Hmm. I guess being the Imperial Guard Commander isn’t a job just anyone can do. Swift rewards and punishments—how very fitting for a fair and upright imperial civil servant. I’ve always thought so.”
When Thirin started making a fuss, Peter added,
“Of course, it won’t be free. You’ll have to pay the issuance fee.”
“Pay money? Where did all the taxes I paid go?”
“When exactly did you ever pay taxes?”
“...!!!!!!!!!”
At Peter’s jab, Thirin nearly had a mental breakdown. Civilized society is maintained by taxes. But ever since falling into this other world, Thirin had never paid a single tax. She wasn’t even a member of civilized society.
She was the barbarian!!!!!
“I’m a goddamn freeloader!!!!!!”
“Where did you learn that kind of language?”
Seeing Thirin about to have another seizure, Peter laughed heartily and said,
“Don’t worry. I’ll cover the cost.”
Thirin came back to life. As expected, the world was still worth living in.
“...?”
Suddenly, a question occurred to her.
“You, old man? Why would you?”
“Let’s just say I felt like it.”
“You felt like it?”
“Hmm. The problem is that you keep drawing lines like that. This is sincere advice, so listen carefully.”
“......?”
Thirin couldn’t understand Peter’s Zen-like answer. She rolled her eyes, trying to figure out what he meant. But it just didn’t click.
Seeing her struggling, Peter gave a small smile and said,
“Anyway, to issue the通行证, there’s something you need to tell me.”
“What?”
“You’ve never told me your name.”
“......”
That was true. Thirin knew that Peter knew her name, but she had never said it herself. That was simply bad manners.
“......My name is Thirin. I guess I’m finally introducing myself.”
“Is that your real name?”
“Of course it’s my real name. What would I need a fake name for?”
Peter smiled gently.
“Good. And your family name?”
“......”
Thirin hesitated for a moment. In a world where Kim became Kimm, Park became Parke, and Choi became Choy, there was no way these barbaric medieval fantasy land savages could properly pronounce the complex and refined sounds of her beloved home world. Besides, from what Thirin had experienced, the empire’s administrative procedures were ridiculously picky in certain areas. Even during that duel trial or whatever, they dragged things out forever and made a huge fuss with scales or something.
If she gave them her hard-to-pronounce family name, Roderick would probably drag in something unnecessary and cause a huge commotion again.
“......”
Just imagining it made Thirin incredibly tired. She answered roughly.
“I don’t have one.”
“You don’t?”
“Yeah.”
Truthfully, Thirin didn’t have much attachment to her family name anyway.
“Just call me Thirin.”
Upon hearing this, Peter’s expression became extremely cautious.
“Do you perhaps… not have a father?”
A dad joke out of nowhere? Thirin narrowed her eyes at Peter.
“......”
But she knew Peter. His mouth was a bit crude, but he wasn’t the type to pick fights for no reason. Thirin suddenly felt annoyed again.
“Yeah, I don’t. Let’s say I don’t.”
“You really don’t?”
“I don’t!”
After all, Thirin was a person from another world. Just like how a dead friend didn’t count, parents who didn’t exist in this world might as well not exist. In other words, dad jokes like “Your dad went to America?” had no effect on her. Because in this other world, there was no dad and no America. Thirin was invincible.
“...I see.”
At Thirin’s answer, Peter smiled brightly.
“......”
Thirin was slightly taken aback by his reaction. Peter was smiling brighter than she had ever seen before. It was as if he had finally confirmed something he had waited a long time for, or as if he had set down a heavy burden. A look of relief crossed his wrinkled face.
Thirin got the strange feeling that his smile looked exactly like that of a child who had found their lost parents.
“......”
Thirin thought to herself.
This old man has finally gone senile. To be so happy about hearing that someone doesn’t have a dad.
Thirin sighed. He used to be so quick-witted that he could understand even the most roundabout speech, yet such a smart old man had developed dementia in just a few minutes. Time really was cruel.
“...!”
Suddenly, Thirin felt a chill. Could this senile old man be trying to become her new dad?
Fortunately, Peter didn’t pursue the topic any further.
“Hmm. I see. Anyway, I understand. I’ll take care of the通行证, so you just do whatever you need to do.”
“What do I even have to do?”
Well, she did have something. She still needed to continue her martial arts training.
#
Thirin didn’t get much martial arts training done.
Part of it was because she kept looking for shortcuts and easy ways out, but contrary to her expectations, the empire’s administrative procedures—which she thought would drag on forever—turned out to be surprisingly swift.
Roderick came to find her himself before three days had even passed. Judging by his sunken eyes, he must have had a mountain of paperwork to deal with.
Of course, Thirin didn’t feel even the slightest twinge of guilt.
Without so much as a greeting, Roderick immediately held out his hand the moment he saw her.
“This is your通行证.”
It was a palm-sized round metal plate. In the center was a strange engraving. It looked like someone had sliced off the back of a person’s head and reattached a face there—like a bizarre two-faced figure.
Thirin recalled a movie from her homeland.
It’s that British lightning-scar wizard movie, part one. So the guy whose name must not be spoken became a god here.
Roderick explained in a tired voice.
“This token borrows the power of the ‘God of Gates and Two Faces’ and serves as a通行证 guaranteed by the empire. You must drip your blood on it to imprint ownership. After that, when passing through checkpoints, submitting this通行证 along with a single strand of hair will allow the resonance plate at the inspection station to verify that you are the rightful owner.”
Blood and hair. Primitive yet foolproof. Suddenly, a question popped into Thirin’s mind.
What about bald people?
With an expression of pure intellectual curiosity—which somehow made it even more annoying—she asked Roderick,
“Then that priest from the Pantheon wouldn’t be able to travel even with a通行证. It’d be a waste of his remaining hair.”
“...Priests of the Pantheon are identified by their very existence. They have no need for such vulgar proofs as hair.”
“Then what about other bald people?”
“......”
Roderick was at a loss for words. It seemed the empire’s administrative system had not yet considered the human rights of the hairless.
Thirin nodded.
Discriminating against people based on appearance. How barbaric.
Thirin had cleanly forgotten the fact that she had insulted Heres and Gordo based on their physical characteristics. She was incapable of objective self-assessment. It was truly lamentable.
Clicking her tongue, Thirin held out her finger. It was pale and slender. When Roderick pricked the tip with the small needle he handed her, a drop of red blood welled up. She let it fall into the concave groove on the back of the metal plate. The blood soaked into the metal, emitted a faint glow for a brief moment, then faded.
Nothing else happened.
“Is that it?”
“Yes.”
Now that the procedure was over, Roderick turned around as if he couldn’t wait to leave.
“Then I’ll be on my way.”
“Wait, Commander.”
“What?”
Thirin grinned and said,
“That sword. The one Heres and that bear guy used. It doesn’t have any value as evidence anymore, right?”
“......That’s correct.”
“I’ll be leaving the village soon, and someone as delicate and frail as me… as a delicate person can’t just wander around defenseless without a single sword, can she? It’s dangerous outside the village. Don’t you think so?”
Thirin shamelessly held out her hand.
“......”
Roderick was speechless. If someone were to name the most dangerous person in the area, it would undoubtedly be the woman standing in front of him. He wanted to just hand over the damn sword and chase her away, but he couldn’t.
Heres’s sword was nothing more than junk, but the longsword Bjorn had left behind was a different matter. It was a sword of the Imperial Legion. It was practically a sacred artifact. He couldn’t just hand it over carelessly.
“......”
But the one who had abandoned the sword was Bjorn himself. As a third party, Roderick had no grounds to interfere with an item whose owner had given up ownership. Roderick let out a short sigh.
“...I’ll send a subordinate.”
With those words, Roderick practically fled the scene.
“Hehe.”
Left alone, Thirin held the通行证 up to the sunlight and giggled. Peter, standing beside her, spoke.
“Looks like you like it.”
“Of course. Now I can finally leave this backwater village…”
Thirin’s words trailed off. Her eyes were glued to the back of the通行证, where her name was engraved.
The name engraved on the通行证.
[ THIRIN ]
“......Tthirin?”