Spring Break (4): The Day My Feelings Sprouted
When was it? The day this feeling first sprouted...
Right, it was the day I broke up with Seonwoo. My childhood friend of ten years, and the end of my unrequited love. That's when this emotion was born.
"Here."
A handkerchief casually offered to me.
"Forget a guy like that. There has to be someone out there who'll like you, sis."
His comforting words after that melted my heart. On the way home, those offhand words of consolation and care kept swirling in my mind, without a thought for a jerk like Seonwoo... They settled warmly in my chest.
I'm just emotionally vulnerable right now. It's temporary.
But I snapped out of it. Yeah, he's just a close little brother. Besides, he's already the guy other girls like—where would I even fit in?
Sure, when we bumped into each other at the festival committee, I was surprised by how reliably he helped with my stuff like it was his own. And yeah, he suddenly vanished and made my heart race with worry. But still, Taeyang's not my type anyway.
That's what I kept telling myself.
But everything changed after Taeyang shot up in height.
"What the hell? This heart-fluttering height difference!"
Taeyang had become my perfect type. Tall, great build. Reliable, someone to lean on... Anyway!! I wasn't expecting him to grow this much, so it was just surprising. I stared because it was novel.
Sure, looking at him strangely made my heart tickle more than before, but I ignored it. As long as we stayed close like brother and sister, it'd be fine. That's what I thought.
And then... today happened. I grabbed his hand to warm it up. He flinched away in surprise, but luckily Hayan jumped in before things got awkward.
"Alright, let's head out now. I'm excited—it's been ages since we went shopping."
"Saying it again: I'm not wandering around more than three stores."
"You used to be the soccer team's ace, and here you are whining."
"Ancient history."
He used to play sports, huh? Figures his body's in such good shape.
Argh, what am I even thinking?! No weird thoughts—focus on having fun.
After that, we just hung out normally. The clothes he said suited me actually did, so I ended up buying some I hadn't planned on. Ah, but really, they looked good on him, that's why.
I checked out his clothes too, and gradually, I started feeling more at ease. He'd just grown taller—Taeyang hadn't changed.
"Excuse me, looking for anything in particular?"
"Nah, just browsing pants."
"I see."
A store clerk approached while Taeyang and I were picking out pants. I didn't think much of it. Until the clerk said...
"Your boyfriend might like these... What do you think, girlfriend?"
"Uh... huh!? G-Girlfriend!? Th-That’s..."
Wait, do we look like a couple!?
Wh-What do I do? I should deny it, obviously... But saying it coldly feels like drawing a line. No, I already decided to draw that line!!
While I was fumbling for words, Taeyang...
"We'll take these pants. I'll try them on."
"Right this way."
Taeyang acted totally unfazed, like it was no big deal, just doing his thing. As if being mistaken for a couple didn't bother him at all.
"Taeyang... You’re okay with people misunderstanding us like that?"
Does that mean... he doesn't mind me that much?
I shouldn’t feel this way... but I was secretly thrilled.
Alone by the fountain, lost in thought.
I really do like Taeyang.
Once I admitted it to myself, his face flooded my mind. He'd be back soon, and I'd have to face him... Now that I've realized my feelings, how am I supposed to look at him?
But at the same time, a sad thought crept in.
But now... is it okay for me to like Taeyang?
After getting burned so badly by Seonwoo, is it okay to fall for another guy? What if I get hurt again...?
And Gahee and Iri are here too. I can't let things get messy between me and my precious friends over a guy. Shouldn't I be the one to stay level-headed and mediate if Taeyang causes trouble for Iri or Gahee?
Yeah, I can't let myself get swept up. Decision made.
I'll hide these feelings. No, bury them.
A sigh escaped me. My first love, and now my second—neither would come true.
I cleared my mind and happened to glance to the side.
"...Huh? When did you get here?"
Taeyang was already there.
"Just now. More importantly, where's Hayan sis?"
"……"
Truth be told, while I was deep in thought, I'd vaguely sensed someone sitting a bit away. He'd been... quietly by my side the whole time, without a word?
Not interrupting my serious thinking, considerate enough not to make me worry about him.
He's such a good guy.
Now that I'd admitted my feelings, my heart stabbed relentlessly, unlike before.
After that, I was a mess. Half-listening to the siblings' chatter, knowing I shouldn't but unable to stop my eyes from following Taeyang.
Taeyang grills meat so well.
Rolling up his sleeves and wielding the tongs, or making sure the perfectly cooked pieces went to his sisters first.
"……"
"Juyeon sis, you don't like meat or something?"
"Huh?... Oh, no."
"Huh? Too much fire? Don't get too close, Juyeon sis."
"Gonna hit the bathroom real quick."
I needed... time to calm down, so I fled to the restroom.
"Haaah~ I can't calm down at all!"
Clutching my chest, I checked my face in the mirror. What now? Is it obvious?
My face was flushed. Not from the grill's heat, obviously. The dazed expression, the heat rising from my neck. And my gaze locked on one guy.
Anyone could see I was a girl head over heels in love.
Sharp Hayan probably already noticed. I decided to hide it, you idiot!! She'll definitely catch on like this.
Yeah, pull yourself together and part ways ASAP. Distance will cool these feelings.
I finally cooled off and returned. Lunch? I barely registered if I ate or not.
"Wanna take a quick walk in the park before we go?"
We agreed to stroll the park and split. I worried it'd make me more self-conscious, but Hayan kept the convo flowing smoothly. Just chat and go.
"Ah, hold on—phone call."
No, Hayan... She said she'd be quick, but in the end, it left just me and Taeyang in the park.
Like this, I'd unconsciously fixate on him again, staring blankly. She'd totally catch me now. They probably already suspect me, right?
If I'm hiding it, hide it thoroughly. I stared straight ahead, suppressing my heart.
In the continued silence...
"Juyeon sis, something's up, right?"
Taeyang spoke. I startled and awkwardly looked at him. Seeing that handsome face again made my heart tremble. Don't let it show...
"You've been weird since earlier. Something really wrong?"
"Just a bit tired."
"I see."
He looked at me for a beat, then continued.
"No, you've been staring at me nonstop. I thought maybe I did something wrong?"
"What? Hey, when did I stare? Ahem, I wasn't!"
So he caught me watching. But he can't know my feelings. Deny, deny, deny.
"Really? I almost misunderstood that Juyeon sis liked me or something."
He hit the nail on the head. Did he figure it out!?
"Wh-What are you talking about? N-No way!!"
"Just a joke to cheer you up. I know. No way Juyeon sis likes me."
I froze. Yeah, I denied it, so it's not true. But... he said it so matter-of-factly. Like it was impossible. Shutting down even the slightest possibility.
Right, that's normal. For a friend to suddenly like her friend's little brother—especially one other friends have dibs on. No way that's normal.
I laughed.
"Jeez, what a joke... Haha, yeah, no way I'd like you, Taeyang."
But what do I do...? I already do.
"I'm not Iri or Gahee, wedging in out of nowhere... No way I'd like you. And... after getting burned by a guy like that..."
I like you.
"After getting burned by some jerk... To me, you're just a friend..."
I like you.
"Hey, Juyeon sis?"
"So stop saying weird stuff! Jokes have limits!! You're crossing the line with your sis!!"
It slipped out. I tried hiding, but I got worked up and started crying.
"I'm going."
Ah, screw it. Everything's a mess. My head, our relationships.
How do I face them now? I feel too guilty to look at Gahee or Iri. Sorry to Hayan too—what now?
In the end, I stirred up my own feelings and am about to lose a friend again.
Slap—
"Wait, Juyeon!"
"Huh? H-Hayan."
Hayan grabbed my arm as I ran.
"Ah..."
I quickly wiped my tears. She doesn't know anything.
"Phew~ Sorry, Juyeon. I told him to ask."
"What?"
"I noticed ages ago. That you like Taeyang."
"H-How...?"
So she knew and pretended not to?
"The others might know too, honestly."
"……N-No way..."
"It's fine! Nothing changes! Wanna talk just us for a bit?"
Reassured by Hayan, we sat on a bench and talked. I was still anxious, but Taeyang was off alone since Hayan had texted him.
"Sorry, Hayan."
"Huh? Nothing to apologize for. You can't just flip emotions on and off."
"But... Iri and Gahee..."
It'll be hard on Hayan and Taeyang too. I have to consider them.
"They'll be fine. They're not officially dating yet. Whoever Taeyang picks, they'll respect it."
"But..."
Wishing my friends' crushes end up with me is selfish.
"Not worried about getting hurt again?"
Hayan's words made me flinch.
"Hayan?"
"Sorry if not."
"Well......"
Truth is, yes. I've been burned by Seonwoo already. No lingering feelings doesn't mean no pain.
I know liking a popular guy means I'll get hurt alone, yet here I am, picking another popular one.
"Not saying Taeyang's like Seonwoo, enjoying two-timing... but I'm scared. Of getting hurt again."
I was still afraid to accept my own feelings.
Hayan nodded like she got it all and pulled my hand.
"Then go for Taeyang."
"What?"
"Be bold with my little brother. Even if he doesn't return it, he won't hurt you."
"You think... that's possible?"
"Of course. Think I'd let him pull weird stunts as his big sis?"
Hayan tried a scary face, but it was just cute. Makes sense, with a sister like her.
"Not every guy's like Seonwoo—you'll see once you try."
"......Yeah."
"Alright, let's go."
Led by Hayan's hand, I went back to face her little brother—my second love.