Feeding an Elf to the Cat

"Hee hee hee…."

The next afternoon.

There I was, walking toward the entrance of the convent with a laundry basket that had somehow piled up to overflowing. On any ordinary day, I would have marched along without humming a single note, my mind a blank, moving like a machine.

Today was different.

I was in an extremely good mood.

Because Iris's gift, promised yesterday, had been finished that morning and delivered into my hands.

Contrary to my fears, Iris's gift turned out to be perfectly ordinary.

"Hee hee…."

A crude cross necklace, carved by hand from wood.

Honestly, judging by looks alone, it was rough enough that I couldn't tell whether it was a cross or just a random hunk of tree. But the image of Iris, holding it out to me with those tiny fern-frond hands of hers, kept floating up in my mind, and the smile hadn't left my face since.

Tap.

In any case, I set the basket down right in front of the convent entrance to make the evening laundry run easier, then turned my steps naturally toward the church.

True, I was still wearing the dashing saint's outfit Ellie had given me yesterday, just as Iris had asked. But thanks to the wooden cross hanging around my neck, my heart felt considerably lighter.

Bang—!!

"Sister—!!"

I had just come back to the church and was sweeping the interior when Ellie, who had been playing in the garden, suddenly kicked the door open and shouted for me at the top of her lungs.

"B-Big trouble…!! Something's wrong with Eisen…! Healing isn't working or anything…!"

Something quite serious seemed to have happened—Ellie was stammering so badly she could barely get the words out as she seized my sleeve and began tugging with all her might.

The suddenness of it all blanked my mind for a moment, and while I stood there mute as a honey-guzzled fool, Ellie hauled me bodily out the door.

Thus I found myself stumbling out onto the steps in front of the church entrance—and at the chaotic scene sprawled before my eyes, both my eyes went wide in an instant.

"Eisen—?!"

I dropped the broom where I stood and rushed headlong across the garden to where Eisen lay.

"Waaah… Eisen's all weird…"

Beside Eisen, who lay sprawled with a pallor suggesting he might ascend to heaven at any moment, Iris was weeping most pitifully.

But from this alone, I couldn't for the life of me tell what had happened to him, so I steadied my heart as best I could and asked Ellie calmly.

"Wh-Wh-What on earth happened here?!"

"Eisen ate one of the plants growing in the garden. He said it was definitely edible…"

"What?!"

Shocking news I heard directly from her mouth and still couldn't believe. I had no idea why Eisen had gone around munching garden weeds, but now that I knew the cause, the proper emergency response came first.

After a single glance at his status window, I hauled Eisen upright, turned his back to face me, and hastily wrapped my arms ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠around his waist.

After all, the only measure I could take on the spot was to make him throw the poisonous weed back up.

Once I had Eisen's waist locked firmly in both arms, I applied pressure to his abdomen in a steady rhythm, careful to keep my strength in check.

"Ughk…!!"

Before long, Eisen felt the nausea rising and began to retch, and then he vomited up the poisonous weed he'd swallowed—barely averting the worst-case scenario.

"Ellie, please heal Eisen right away."

"Y-Yes…!!"

With Eisen's thoroughly worn-out body quickly restored by Ellie's healing, we had him patched up in short order.

Ellie's healing wasn't all-powerful, though—it had no effect whatsoever on status ailments.

It was a skill that worked on health and wounds alone.

"Phew…"

Fortunately, Eisen hadn't eaten the weed all that long ago, so a bit of abdominal compression managed to sort things out somehow. Still, thinking ahead, we would absolutely need a skill that could dispel status ailments.

To think he'd just casually munch on the plants growing in the garden, without a shred of hesitation….

The status ailment that had been on Eisen's status window vanished cleanly away.

Primitive, perhaps—but it seemed to have been a rather appropriate remedy all the same.

"You can rest easy now. Take him inside and let him rest properly, and he'll be back on his feet in no time."

"Th-Thank goodness…"

Ellie collapsed onto the spot where she stood, slowly stroking her startled chest.

She must have been nearly as shocked as I was, yet she'd kept her head, assessed the situation, and come to fetch me—that truly deserved praise.

"But why on earth did he eat the plants growing in the garden…"

The moment things had calmed down considerably, I gently lifted Eisen, whose body lay sprawled across the ground like a dried fish.

Just then, Iris, who had been quietly wiping her tears beside us, suddenly grabbed my collar and spoke up in a low voice.

"By the way, Sister… are you okay…?"

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"You hate sunlight, remember…"

"Sunlight?"

At first I had no idea what Iris was talking about—until, belatedly, I registered the searing, burning agony radiating through my entire body, and my eyes slowly went wide.

Because I had happened to come outside at the very hour when the sun sat highest in the sky, that pain was beyond all description in its intensity.

"Ah—."

.

.

.

That night.

"Levi! Everyone's here!"

The children sat in a row on the wooden bench inside the church. As expected, Eisen had bounced back within an hour or two and was once again zooming around as if nothing had ever happened.

"Alright, everyone, may I have your attention."

I, however, having been exposed to that sunlight for quite a long stretch, had been forced to lie in bed doing absolutely nothing for nearly half the day.

"What's that?"

"A book?"

"It's a book."

The book I held now was a botanical encyclopedia—one of the many things I'd purchased from the traveling merchant a while back.

Today's incident had taught me something with perfect clarity:

Even if the children under my care were born to the destiny of heroes, they were still children who desperately needed an adult's protection.

"From today onward, we will be holding study sessions on which plants are edible and which are not."

For that reason, I decided the children needed to learn at least the very basics of herbology.

"Ugh…, studying…?"

"Herbology?"

"Oh… sounds kind of interesting."

Unlike Ellie and Iris, who seemed rather intrigued, Eisen's face crumpled hopelessly the instant the word study was uttered.

"What a bolt from the blue… Evenings after dinner are always free time…"

"Don't grumble. This is entirely because you carelessly stuffed some random plant in your mouth, Eisen."

"B-But… I distinctly remember it being edible from before…"

The reason Eisen had suddenly started munching on grass was remarkably simple.

He'd been peckish, looked around, happened to spot a plant he remembered from years ago, and popped it into his mouth without a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠shred of doubt. That was it.

I learned for the first time today just how simple-minded and dense Eisen truly was.

"By the way, Sister, what are we supposed to study from?"

"Ah, don't worry about that. I spent my half day in bed thinking quite a few things over, you know."

After answering Ellie's question without a moment's hesitation, I immediately presented the children with the assortment of herbs I had prepared in advance.

"I'm going to explain each of the herbs ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you're looking at now, one by one."

"Eek, there's so many…"

"Wow… when did you gather all of these…?"

"I've never seen half of these before."

Every herb in my hands at this moment was safe to eat.

Feeding the children nothing but meat had been nagging at me for a while now, so these were the fruits of my labor—plants I'd studied up on and gathered myself for the sake of their health.

"All the herbs you're looking at now appear in this book. Every one of them is safe for people to eat."

"Huh, what? We already started…?"

"Focus, Eisen."

And so the herbology lesson proceeded, step by step, with the actual plants from the book's pages laid out before them.

Having never properly taught a single soul in my entire life, I was awkward and clumsy at it. Even so, I held fast to my composure and carried the lesson forward slowly.

That said, the lesson was little more than reading aloud what was written in the book—it hardly felt like I was imparting any grand technique or knowledge.

I simply thought of it as giving the children a chance to learn, bit by bit, within the bounds of what I knew.

"Later on, we'll have a practical exam outdoors using what you've learned here. So no fooling around—listen carefully."

"Yes—!"

"Yes."

"……"

For some reason, Eisen's face looked like his soul had left his body entirely. Even at a glance, his reluctance to study radiated off him in waves.

"Eisen?"

"Y-Yeah…"

It felt like watching my own school days all over again. I didn't need to think hard to guess exactly what was going through his head right now.

"Whew… Well, then. I suppose I have no choice. Whoever earns the best grade in the outdoor practical will receive a very special opportunity—"

At that one deadpan remark, the children's eyes snapped straight to me.

"A special opportunity?"

"What is it?"

"Curious."

Looking each of them over, one by one, with a meaningful gaze at their better-than-expected reactions, I slowly curled up one corner of my mouth.

"Just one person. You'll be given the special opportunity to go monster hunting with me."

At this rather audacious proposal, the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠children glanced at one another and collectively held their breath. Everyone seemed stunned by the unexpected offer.

"Monster hunting—?!!"

"With you…, Sister…?"

"Ohhh—."

Eisen, who until moments ago had been staring blankly into space with the dead eyes of the soulless, suddenly came back to life, both eyes sparkling wide open.

Ellie and Iris were the same. They didn't celebrate quite as loudly as Eisen, but I could faintly tell they were anticipating it all the same.

"Finally, I get to hunt monsters!! I've been counting the days for this—!!"

"Only one person gets to go. Second and third place will be assigned to guard the church."

"What do you take me for, Levi?! I may not look it, but I know my way around the wild pretty well!"

"Oh, how confident. I like it."

"Ellie and Iris will never be a match for me—!"

Eisen blazed with sudden competitive fervor. He seemed to actually have a decent store of knowledge about herbs, and his brimming confidence was rather impressive.

But even so—

"With you…, Sister…"

"Sounds fun."

They weren't raising their voices like Eisen was. Yet Ellie and Iris were quietly radiating a presence so overwhelming that it was impossible to ignore.

Before long, an indescribable sense of unease crept over me, and my mood began to turn distinctly strange.

"…?"