You and Me!!
A fortnight had passed since I'd torn through the Hero Plus Research Institute. In all that time, not a single news report had mentioned my name. The Association had probably slapped a gag order on the whole affair. Couldn't blame them, really. When your own bunker gets punched through from one end to the other, you don't exactly go around bragging about it.
"Haa... I'm exhausted. So tired."
I'd think about going to bed, but one glance at the monitor and my eyes would snap wide open. A waning crescent moon was sinking toward the Yellow Sea. It was the dead of night, when everyone else was asleep — but the Super-science Dungeon was throwing a rave all its own. On the CCTV feed, the Mecha Legion was going wild, slamming steel palms together in a frenzy of applause.
"Evolution! Evolution! Evolution!"
"Evolve! Evolve! Evolve!!"
Mechaman climbed onto the stage.
"Hmmm!"
He struck a bodybuilder's pose. Instead of biceps, turret barrels jutted from his shoulders. A plasma cutter flared along his flexed forearm. His opponent was a Mechabot — a circular chassis walking on six legs. Vote tallies lit up a massive electronic display, and the host robot spun its body and bellowed.
Wiiiiing—
"And today's winner is... Mechaman! Bipedal cyborgs are the foundation of everything! Dual light-blades are romance itself, wouldn't you agree?!"
"WOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The Mecha Legion blasted steam in celebration.
They were really just goofing off. Sigh. Still, at least they were having clean fun. That counted for something. Watching this, I'd actually started to think even Mains might have a shot at rehabilitation. I realized that was a miscalculation soon enough.
Mechaman pulled out an eight-linked staff. An engine shaped like a hammer locked onto the end.
CLUNK!
An operating table rose from the floor. A headless pretty boy was strapped to it, twitching.
"BEHOLD! The fate of feeble organic life!!"
Blue boosters erupted from the rear of the hammer.
FWOOOOSH!
The drill on the front face spun into a furious blur. Then the merciless hammer came screaming down.
KABOOM!
KRNNNNNCH!
The pretty boy was ground to pulp along with the operating table. Ugh... The neural data would be transmitted remotely, of course. That pretty boy was probably dying of ecstasy right about now...
"Praise Master Mesath! Glorious evolution! Overwhelming science!!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"
Those insane fanatics. These guys, rehabilitated? A hollow laugh escaped me.
That was when an alert chimed from the automatic door of my office.
Entity Designation: 'Hongryeon'
Lv.4 Clearance Confirmed. Access Granted.
The blast doors parted left and right. Hongryeon lowered her stance. Even so, the teacup on her tray didn't so much as tremble.
"It seemed Your Lordship might be hungry... so this humble maid has prepared green tea of her own brewing, along with honey-glazed injeolmi rice cakes."
My greatest headache had come walking in of her own accord. Oh, my head...
"Perfect timing! Just now, thinking about Hongryeon had dropped my brain's glucose from 6mg per minute all the way down to 3.8! I was this close to a fatal error in the cerebral cortex! Hiyohhohot!"
Clink—
The teacup that hadn't trembled once just sloshed.
Thud!
Hongryeon set the tray on the desk and quietly turned her head aside.
"I see. To think you were thinking of this humble maid... might you... have something you wished to say?"
Huh? What was that supposed to...
My brain short-circuited for a second.
Shit. What did I just say? Thinking about Hongryeon... You insane idiot! Why would you say that out loud?! I'm going to lose my mind!
No. Not yet. Hongryeon doesn't know my real plan — the grand project of rehabilitating Mains into heroes! Just bluff through this. She must never discover my true intentions.
"What perfect timing! I was just about to summon you, Hongryeon!"
I snatched her hand and clasped it in both of mine.
"Mm?"
What is this?
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Through her hand, I could feel a pulse gradually picking up speed. Hongryeon carefully withdrew her hand and folded them neatly before her.
"Please spea—"
Ah... she bit her tongue.
"Please speak, my lord."
Uh... I just pretended I didn't notice. That blank expression asking what's going on left me with nothing to say.
"Hoyoyot! Prepare yourself! A NEW mission for a NEW plan! This time, it will be on an entirely different level from anything so far! Ooooh! Doesn't just imagining it send a thrill down your spine alreadyyyy?! Kishishishishishishit!"
Hongryeon's eyes widened slightly.
"A mission..."
But her eyelids soon drooped halfway, and she let out a short sigh.
"...Should you issue the command, this humble maid shall carry it out with all haste."
That's right. Of course she would. Even if she's my designated watcher, she's still the maid the Lord of the Underworld bestowed upon me. She has no choice but to obey. Heh heh heh.
I swept back my waxed hair and leaned into my chair.
"However! The difficulty of this mission is ultra high-level. Even within the Super-science Dungeon, none but the most suuuuuper elite could possibly carry it out."
Hongryeon blinked a few times and turned her gaze. On the monitor, Mechaman was striking a variety of bodybuilder poses.
"...Does my lord mean that I am to sortie alongside Mechaman?"
Well, Mechaman's combat power after his upgrades was legion-class. If you judged Mains by combat strength alone, classifying him as elite wouldn't be wrong.
"Non no no no no. That's not it. That's not it at all. Aren't there talents far superior to him?"
Hongryeon tilted her head. That's not what I meant! I jabbed a finger straight at her.
Then I stabbed a thumb into my own chest.
Hongryeon's pupils went wide. Her lips parted ever so slightly. This was the second time I'd seen that startled look on her face.
"This humble maid begs your pardon. She is too dull-witted to have grasped Lord Mesath's meaning."
No you're not? Looking at that expression, you definitely understood.
"When you say suuuuuuuper elite in the Super-science Dungeon, who else is there besides this Mesath?! And you, whose brainwaves resonate with this body of mineeeeee?! Hiyohhohohohohohot!!"
I shot up from my seat and climbed onto the desk.
Clink—
I leaned down and cupped Hongryeon's cheeks in both hands.
"This mission will be carried out by Hongryeon and me! Just the two of us! And it's none other than — a Hero Association undercover infiltration operation! No matter how I think about it, we're the only two people qualified for this!!"
Our faces were close enough that our breaths touched. Hongryeon's cheeks flushed a shade of pink.
Oops. She's about to get mad. Lately, whenever I get too worked up, the persona starts eating me alive. Calm down. Calm down. At this rate I'll actually develop a split personality.
"Hoit!"
I gave Hongryeon's forehead a gentle poke with my index finger and pulled back. A backward jump! Alpha, considerate of my garbage motor skills, quickly caught me with a robotic arm.
Wiiiiing—
I landed in the chair in slow motion! I dunked an injeolmi generously in honey and popped it in my mouth.
"Om-nyom-nyom-nyom! Undercover infiltration requires a perfect performance! So make sure you're prepared by the day the operation starts, Hongryeon! For example..."
I slipped the half-eaten injeolmi between Hongryeon's parted lips. A little wink, on the house.
"Like this... got it?"
Hongryeon covered her mouth with her sleeve and spun around in a hurry.
"This humble maid... shall prepare..."
Her skirt fluttered as she made a swift exit. Only after the automatic door closed did I let out a sigh and collapse face-first onto the desk.
"Haa... that took ten years off my life."
Even so, the corners of my mouth curled up. I'd been certain Hongryeon would refuse. Instead, she'd accepted without a word.
The intent behind this plan broke down into three parts.
1. Pretend to infiltrate the Hero Association — and turn Hongryeon into a real hero.
2. If number 1 goes south, leak Hongryeon's information to the Association and let them dogpile her.
3. Use accompanying Hongryeon as a pretext to escape the dungeon.
And the key was number 3! Pretend it's an undercover infiltration — and get the hell out of this godforsaken dungeon!
"Kishit... kishishishit! Kihihihihihihihit!!"
Whoa, I got too excited. Of course, there was a problem. A person can't live without a mirror. Nine times out of ten, Elise would catch on. Which meant I needed to seduce Korea's strongest hero.
...The SS-Class Sinnyeo!!
Heh heh heh. Even if the Mains call me Mesath, what are they going to do if I deny it? Are you going to believe your boyfriend, or trust the ramblings of a Main? Obviously she'd pick her boyfriend!! I'd worn a gas mask to keep a poker face, but hiding my identity had accidentally come in handy.
"I was going to fill the protagonist's empty spot with White Tiger anyway."
A protagonist always needs allies at their side. Why not try producing the strongest hero team?
"Kihihihihihihihihihihit!"
A temple where blue will-o'-the-wisps flickered.
"Kihihihihihi... hihi... hit..."
The booming laughter of madness faded into a dying echo.
Shit...
That's right. I was currently walking down a corridor of the Mausoleum Temple. The next morning. I'd been cheerfully packing a backpack when I received a summons from the Lord of the Underworld... Articetia.
As if on cue, Noir, walking at the head of our party, adjusted his monocle and glanced back at me.
"In the time I haven't seen you, you've taken on quite the air of a dungeon lord, Mesath."
No. No. I am not happy about this at all. If a human has the air of a dungeon lord, doesn't that just make him a Demon King?! That's an insult to me!!
"A dungeon lord...? Preposterous! This body is nothing more than a faithful follower of the perfect Lady Articetia herself! If anything, please say my loyalty has been upgraded! Hiyohhohohohot!"
Noir let out a dry chuckle.
"Until I received Hongryeon's regular reports, I suspected you were planning to betray us."
Kkuh...! That's Hongryeon for you. True to her role as my watcher. She'd already reported to the Mausoleum Temple in the meantime? And of all people, to Noir! This old man was the one who'd framed me as a traitor last time. Seriously... his instincts are terrifying... How does he read my mind so well every single time? Hnnngh... Anyway, what now?
Fortunately, what came out of his mouth was something other than what I'd feared.
"Judging by your accomplishments and conduct thus far, it seems my worries were unfounded. Heh heh heh."
I laughed loudly to hide the sound of my heart slamming against my ribs.
"Hiyohhohohohot!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!"
"Hiyohhohohohohohohot!!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!!"
Shit... Somebody please save me...