A Hero Has Invaded the Dungeon

I stood before the full-length mirror and struck a magnificent pose.

"Kee-hee-hee! Well done, Elise. Your labors shall one day grace the opening chapter of the Mausoleum Temple's chronicles!!"

Inside the mirror, a black-haired girl in a white dress waved a stuffed rabbit in greeting. But there was no one beside me. Fuck. What the hell is this? A ghost girl visible only in the glass. She was right next to me, and I couldn't see her. Ugh. I couldn't let her know I was scared. That manic laugh had already become my mask.

"Kee-hee-hee-heet!"

Her name was Elise. One of the officers of the Mausoleum Temple. She traveled through space by way of mirrors.

My current location was the Seocheon Thermal Power Plant in South Chungcheong Province. A dilapidated building that looked at least forty years old, its steel frames rusted through and its concrete crumbling away. A musty stench of moss and iron hung in the air. The plant had been shut down, but Mains had occupied it in humanity's place. It was one of the sites that had turned into a dungeon.

I strode down the corridor with my scientist's lab coat billowing behind me. Hongryeon followed at my heels.

"Well, well! The dungeon's supreme administrator arrives, and not even a welcome? You must be quite the unpopular fellow! Kee-heet!"

Honestly, I'd rather just turn around and leave. Right now. At least at the Mausoleum Temple I had shown my face for three months. What was an upper-rank dungeon even supposed to be? I felt like I'd been dumped naked in the jungle. The extreme tension of not knowing when or where a Main might leap out was already wearing me thin. I'm tired. So tired.

Hongryeon played the cassette tape hanging from her neck. Click.

The mannequin maid dashed off down the corridor, where the darkness hung thick as cloth.

"Wait! Hongryeon!!"

Oh, for fuck's sake... A moving mannequin was scary enough. But having her gone — the one being I at least recognized as an ally — was even worse. I had no idea what ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠might come bursting out of here.

I stood alone at the corridor intersection. Which way? Left? Right? Forward? Back?

As I deliberated, a clattering sound drifted from the left-hand hall. Thump thump thump. Clatter-clatter. I frantically swung my flashlight toward the noise.

"What the..."

I barely swallowed the scream that tried to tear out of my throat. A mechanical monster was rolling a drum toward me. Its upper body was a boiler. Its arms were springs tipped with pincers. It looked like a heap of industrial scrap that had learned to walk. Whatever it was, it was not human.

Fuck! What the hell is THAT?!

My hands shook violently. But I couldn't let them see that. They would treat me as a weak human, and a weak human made prime prey for Mains. I hurled the flashlight at the floor with all my strength.

BANG! CRASH!

The flashlight shattered, sparks leaping across the concrete. Zzt! Crackle!

"Non no no no no no no!!"

I screamed like a man possessed.

"Entropy is So higher―!! The administrator of an upper-rank dungeon has taken office! And ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠only NOW you show yourselves?! At this rate the hierarchy collapses, the system is on the brink of self-destruction! I am completely disappointed!!"

I gauged the atmosphere. First priority: hammer home that I was the dungeon administrator. I expected some kind of reaction. The scrap heap in front of me just kept making a low, booming sound from its boiler.

Damn it. I'm screwed. The type that doesn't understand language?

What was this? The throbbing had a regularity to it. Doo-doo-doo da-da-da doo-doo-doo. Don't tell me... Morse code?

I tried speaking quietly.

"I am... Mechaman of the Mecha Legion?"

Boom— boom boom—

A throbbing connected by accents and consistent delays. It really was Morse code. When I decoded it, the message made sense.

I waved my hands as if conducting an orchestra.

"Great!!"

I sent Morse signals with my mouth.

"Mm! Mm— mm. Mm. Mm— mm. Mm. Mm—!"

The message I sent was simple. Just one word: Mesath!!

Mechaman answered with a booming pulse. Boom. Boom— boom. Boom.

Then scrap heaps came clattering in from every branch of the corridor. Thump thump thump. Clank clank. Rumble. Each of them made its own sound, sending Morse of its own. Clang. Clang— clang. Clang! Tap— tap. Tap. Tap—! It was like standing in the middle of a percussion concert. But how long was I supposed to keep this up?

I brought it to a close as if drawing the final notes from my conducting hands.

"Bravo! Excellent. Kee-hee-heet!"

Only then did the Mecha Legion stop their signals. Mechaman sent another message in Morse.

I tossed my hair and spoke with my nose held as high as I could manage.

"Hmph! Well, well... even if the heavens themselves tried to hide it, it seems they could not conceal my genius! Kee-hee-heet! Yes. O devotee of this body. What is it you desire?"

Mechaman fired off Morse.

Hmm?

The tin cans all began to chorus in unison.

An orchestra of scrap metal with no power behind it. The sight sent a chill crawling down my spine. I clenched my trembling hands into fists. Don't flinch. If I lose to the madness here, I'm the one who dies.

"Ooooh! Comrades who understand this body's ideology! Indeed! This dilapidated world is overdue for replacement! We want to evolution! Come, all together!!"

They cheered in Morse as one.

Is this right? Is this RIGHT?! No. Whew... I had almost lost my grip on sanity there.

"Kee-shee-shee-shee-shee-sheet!"

While the Morse-code choir was still in full swing, an irritated boy's voice cut down the corridor.

"You scrawny mannequin! Let go of me! How dare you treat the dungeon lord of Seocheon Dungeon so rudely?!"

The Mecha Legion fell silent. The sounds stopped. The boy approached, and the corridor grew brighter as he drew nearer.

What? His face... was a pumpkin. Eyeholes and a zigzag sawtooth mouth had been carved into it, and flames bloomed in the hollows. His body was that of a small boy, dressed in brown overalls. He was being dragged along tucked under Hongryeon's arm, and no amount of thrashing could get him free.

"You old hag! Let go of me!"

At those words, Hongryeon stopped. She hauled him forward and brought her palm down on his backside.

SMACK!

"Gyaaah!!"

SMACK!

"Aaaagh! Stop!"

SMACK!

"You old ha— hick!"

SMACK!

"Waaaaah! I'm sorryyyyy!!"

Only then was he released from her arms. She played the cassette tape.

But Pumpchi crossed his arms and breathed fire from his mouth. Fwoosh!

"Hmph! I'm the dungeon lord. Why should I bow my head to a human?"

Hongryeon chopped the back of Pumpchi's head with the edge of her hand. Thwack!

"Ack! Why'd you hit me! I don't wanna bow to anyone weaker than me! That's the rule of Mains, isn't it?!"

Hongryeon flinched, seemingly thrown by the valid argument. Hey, you can't be at a loss for words! You're my only ally!

Mini pumpkins sprouted from Pumpchi's hands. He bounced them like basketballs, flames jetting from their carved mouths.

"So if you want to manage this place, convince me!"

I had known it would come to this. A human appointed as dungeon administrator — what Main would just go ah, yes sir and accept it? At this rate, had the Lord of the Netherworld decided to kill me? Urgh. Was I just going to take this lying down? I had to find some way to survive. But what could I do with nothing but this body?

The answer, as always, was nothing but bluster.

"Ohhh! Pumpchi, Pumpchi! Unfortunately, you are unqualified as a dungeon administrator! Kee-heet!"

Pumpchi bristled.

"What kind of bullshit is that! I've protected this place for ten whole years. One of my pumpkin bombs and anyone becomes a lump of charcoal!"

"Non no. Anyone can destroy! But creation is another matter entirely."

I took a step forward.

"Creation is the one power permitted to the gods alone! And the one capable of it is Me! Me―sath! Kee-shee-shee-shee-shee-shee-shee-shee!!"

I closed in on Pumpchi, practically drooling.

"Come... you shall be reborn in my hands, Pumpchi. I shall grant you a meaningful existence as the infinite fuel of this thermal power plant. Come now! You shall become the glorious cornerstone of the Mausoleum Temple!!"

Aaaagh. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. But did you guys understand any of that?

The Mecha Legion sent Morse signals in unison.

A heartbeat like a battle cry thundered through the corridor. These guys were definitely not right in the head either.

Pumpchi slowly backed away.

"Wh... what? Stay back! D... don't come any closer!"

His breathing was growing ragged. Was he getting worked up? Damn it. The bluff didn't work. If a fight broke out like this, nine ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠times out of ten I would be a lump of charcoal. Fuck. Should I just get on my knees now?

But suddenly Pumpchi buried himself in the folds of Hongryeon's maid skirt.

"Waaaaaah! Hongryeon! That crazy psychopath is trying to use me as firewood!"

Huh? Pumpchi was crying. For real? The bluff had worked?

Hongryeon played the cassette.

When did I torment anyone! I'm the one whose life was being threatened, thank you very much!

Still, it was a relief the former dungeon administrator's will had broken. Otherwise I would never know when a mutiny might erupt and blow me to pieces. I secretly let out a sigh of relief.

RUMMMMMBLE!

The entire building shuddered. Ah, shit! What now? An earthquake?

Hongryeon played the cassette.

An enemy raid? Who? Had some Main invaded?

"An enemy raid, you say...?"

Hongryeon played the cassette in reverse.