The Ideologically Unsound
Exit 8, Euljiro 3-ga Station.
A long stretch of aging storefronts lined the street—lighting shops, hardware stores, Chinese restaurants, and the like. True to Seoul, the road itself was thick with cars. The sidewalks, though, were nearly empty.
There was a reason I'd picked this spot for the fight. If I ended up colliding with a hero, people could get hurt. Call it this body's foresight—an effort to keep the collateral damage to a minimum.
Heh heh...
See? That's how decent I am. The kind of guy who factors civilian safety into his choice of venue.
And yet that WhiteTiger bastard!
What? Calling me a Main?
I was so flabbergasted I couldn't even form words. He'd slapped on a pro-wrestler ID just to look tough, too. I would have bet money he was some basement-dwelling keyboard warrior. This time, as his senior in life, I was going to give him a proper education.
First things first, though—coffee.
"Welcome to Star Cafe. What can I get started for you?"
Ah... I was going to cry. A cafe. It had been a full seven months. There was no way I was letting this opportunity slip away.
Time to loosen up the mouth a little. One deep breath.
"Hooo..."
Okay. Ready.
"Ah, yes. I'll order. A Java Chip Frappuccino with heavy cream, unsweetened milk, no water. One pump of honey, extra caramel syrup, extra Greek yogurt, add half a shot of soy milk, hold the ice, and finish it with extra coconut powder, matcha powder, and blueberry topping."
The part-timer's face went rigid over the register.
Had she not caught all that?
"...Shall I go over it one more time?"
Fortunately, she forced her mouth into a bright, trembling smile.
"No, that's all right. I'll have it right out. And for your companion?"
Right. I had a companion.
Shit.
I turned my head. Hongryeon was blinking blankly at the surroundings, taking everything in. A sky-blue crop top, a checkered flare skirt, a ribbon hairpin, white sneakers. It was a college-girl date look, a world apart from her usual maid uniform.
Alpha had recommended the outfit, but I had to admit it suited her. That wholesome look was secretly kind of my type—
No! Get a grip!
She was a virgin ghost! A ghost!!
I wanted to live a long, thin, uneventful life, thank you very much!
"Messa..."
Hongryeon closed her mouth and hesitated.
"Might Lee Dogwang be so kind as to recommend something? Such a place is still unfamiliar to this maiden..."
The part-timer flicked a glance at me and muttered under her breath.
"'Lord'...? 'This maiden'...?"
Urgh...
If there had been a hole in the floor, I would have crawled into it on the spot. What fresh flavor of humiliation play was this, Hongryeon?
"Do you like sweet things, by any chance?"
Her image had screamed espresso drinker, but I'd figured it couldn't hurt to ask. Hongryeon rolled her eyes toward me without moving her head.
Hey... turn your whole face when you look at someone. That's terrifying!
"...This maiden would request something of the chocolate variety."
Unexpected. From the outside, she looked like the type to sip a single dignified Americano.
"All right, then."
The moment I looked back at the part-timer, her face locked up again. I timed the order to the exact instant she swallowed.
"A Venti Java Chip Frappuccino. Five pumps of mocha, three of hazelnut, four extra pumps of Frappuccino roast, heavy chocolate drizzle, and grind half the Java chips, please."
The part-timer's smiling mouth twitched as she stabbed at the register.
"Yes... if you'll have a seat, I'll call you when it's ready."
As we walked toward a window table, Hongryeon folded her hands neatly and whispered.
"Just now, this maiden was truly astonished."
"Hm...?"
What, had placing an order been that impressive? What exactly had she found so amazing?
I looked at her with a face full of questions, and her peach-tinted lips parted.
"Your performance was so magnificent that for a moment this maiden nearly mistook you for a 'human' rather than a Main."
Huh?
Something about that was very wrong!
No, no, no! You've got it backwards! This side is the real one—Messat is the act!!
Not that I could correct her. I was going to lose my mind.
I worked my mouth and whispered back.
"This much is nothing, kyshishishi... Hongryeon. You haven't forgotten our purpose for infiltrating the human world, have you?"
Right. Under ordinary circumstances, going outside wouldn't have been possible at all...
"To gather intelligence on a hero's daily life that cannot be scouted by drone... this maiden has taken the mission to heart."
An absurd piece of sophistry...
And somehow, it had worked. Of course, that was only after Alpha and I had spent seven straight hours briefing Hongryeon on the outing plan right in front of her!
Which was how we'd landed on the couple concept: me in an ordinary hoodie, Hongryeon in a student-coded skirt look, out on a date.
Except calling it a date was generous. The way we were acting, we might as well have been intelligence operatives. There was not a single flutter of romance in the air!
Sigh... I was an idiot for expecting otherwise.
Fine... my goal was never a date anyway. It was the fight!
"Two drinks for you."
I stopped Hongryeon as she started to rise.
"No. At times like this, the man goes."
She froze halfway out of her chair, then slowly sat back down.
"This maiden is deeply sorry. Her experience is lacking, and she has caused Messat... Lee Dogwang such inconvenience..."
No, inconvenience is a bit—
...
Now that I thought about it, it really was inconvenience.
If you're going to put me through this, just let me go! Freedom for Lee Dogwang! I want freedom!!
"Haa..."
I walked over to collect the drinks. Tray in hand, I flicked a glance at the entrance.
I'd come all the way out here in a fit of temper to throw down, but at my age, what kind of childish stunt was this?
"Well... being outside is still nice. Feels like a new recruit's first leave, I guess."
Wait. Leave?
Hold on... couldn't I just run?
My feet, which had stopped, started moving again.
Hongryeon, a walking arsenal of insane combat power, was staring a hole straight through me. And every time I passed one of the full-length mirrors mounted on the walls, my shoulders jerked like a private with war trauma. There was no telling when Elise might appear. At this rate I was going to develop a mirror phobia.
"Eugh..."
Run? Please. Until I finished a new weapon capable of putting those ghost bastards in the ground, a coup was a pipe dream.
I was shaking my head when a college girl brushed past me.
Hm? What was that?
This familiar feeling...
I watched her receding back. Round glasses, a neat bob, the air of a model student who probably got perfect grades. It felt like I had seen her somewhere, and also like I was looking at her for the first time.
Just my imagination? Maybe I was just wound tight because the fight was coming up.
The instant she finished ordering and started to turn around, I spun away just as fast.
"Messat, come back!"
I set the tray on the table. Hongryeon swept a long look around the cafe, then quietly rose from her seat—and sat down right beside me.
"Hm? What are you doing, Hongryeon?"
She pushed the straw of her drink toward my face.
"Ah... please drink, dear brother."
...What?
On paper, that line should have made a heart skip. There was not a shred of intonation in it. She might as well have been reading from a textbook.
I peeked past her shoulder at the next table. A couple was feeding each other cake. So that was where she'd picked it up.
Sigh... fine. The effort was admirable enough that I'd play along.
I bit down on the straw and drank. Chocolate bloomed through my mouth.
"Mmm! An acceptable flavor. There's no poison or anything of the sort, so you may drink without concern. Kyshishishi."
Hongryeon stared down at the straw for a long, hesitant moment.
Did she actually hate chocolate? There was no need to copy other people...
She brought it to her lips, pulled it away, brought it back, pulled it away again—and finally gave up on the straw entirely, tipping the cup against her mouth instead.
For a maid, she was sloppy.
I reached out with my thumb and casually wiped the whipped cream off her upper lip.
"A Santa beard suits this Messat far better than it does Hongryeon. Kyshishit."
Do you have any idea how much extra that cream cost? What a waste.
I licked it off.
Hongryeon stared at me, then whipped her head away in a hurry.
What? Why the sudden act?
I would never understand this woman.
I glanced down at my wristwatch.
6:50 p.m.
Just about time.
"Hongryeon. It is time to proceed to the next plan."
Only then did she fold her hands neatly and rise from her seat.
Slip from the cafe by the station into the back alley and you'd find a pork cutlet place. The long-awaited venue for our little showdown.
Since things had come to this, I was going to use the situation for everything it was worth.
Hongryeon did not know Morse code. So I would tap out the entire truth of the incident, in Morse, to the person I was supposed to fight! He would report it to the Hero Association, obviously. And once the heroes learned what was really going on, they would move to extract me.
"Kihihihihit! A perfectly flawless plan."
And as a bonus, I would get to enjoy WhiteTiger's strip show. Not that I had any particular interest in looking at a naked man... but framing me as a Main was unforgivable.
Hongryeon surveyed the quiet street and asked,
"Lord Messat. What manner of person is the one we are to rendezvous with at Point B?"
Awkward to explain. Saying I'd come out here in a fit of temper to throw down would make me look cheap.
"Hmmm... to put it simply, a fool who denies this body's ideology."
Hongryeon's eyes narrowed.
"Then he is an enemy."
The way her neatly folded hands started to fidget told me that if I left this alone, there was a nine-in-ten chance this ended in bloodshed. He was infuriating, sure—but he was also an ordinary, decent civilian. I couldn't let a murder happen!
Wow. My moral fiber just now? Immaculate. Model citizen, Messat!
"Kyshishishishit. Non, non. The stronger one's convictions, the more reliable an ally they become once their heart is broken. You would do well to break the habit of wasting precious human resources, Hongryeon."
Hongryeon stared at me, blank.
"Hmm...? Is there something on my face?"
"It is not that. This maiden has been astonished by Lord Messat many times today."
What did I do this time?!
"This maiden had thought you a reckless and impulsive person. Only today has she realized that deep insight and calculation lie hidden beneath your words and deeds."
Uh.
You actually nailed it?
I just made that excuse up on the spot?
Anyway, I needed to answer like Messat—like a complete lunatic.
I was just curling my mouth into a crooked smirk when Hongryeon turned her gaze down a lightless alley, a stretch of street without even a lamp, and quietly spoke.