Soju Shenanigans and Iris's Irresistible Offer
If you do that for me, I won't refuse! It felt great to finally step out of the dungeon after so long. I'd been totally hooked on making money for a whole week straight, only leaving once—and even then, it was just for some bank errands. Once those were done, I'd rushed right back in to plant seeds on my farm. Honestly, I'd planned to buy seeds today, grab dinner, and head straight back to the dungeon too.
"Nyom nyom nyom~ So tasty!"
"Kyaa— It's spicy!"
"Soju—that's what tastes good~?"
"You're too young for that!"
"Eeeh... but we're only two years apart?"
"Kim Chaerin! What are you to your unnie?!"
"I used polite speech though~"
I still couldn't tell if those two were close or at each other's throats. But lately, Chaerin had even started helping Eunji with her trolling antics sometimes, so things seemed better than before.
Anyway, I'd planned on just grabbing some quick pork belly, but then...
"Pork belly goes with soju!"
It was such a logical argument that I couldn't say no, and before I knew it, Eunji and I had each downed a bottle. I wasn't particularly weak to booze, so I wasn't buzzed yet.
"But Eunji, you're 22?!"
She said she was two years older than Chaerin, and honestly, it blew my mind. For reference, Chaerin was 20.
"Yeah~ Why?"
"Why?! Since when do you talk so casually to your oppa?!"
Until now, I'd assumed Eunji was my age or older. Our first meeting was as employer and employee—or tourist and guide—so we'd naturally used formal speech without thinking about age. Then, at some point, she'd started dropping the honorifics and nagging me, so I'd figured she was around my age or older.
What the... thinking back, it feels like she tamed me...
Anyway, after Saintess Eunji's farm piss-terror incident, I'd started talking casually out of spite too. But 22?!
"Ha... has anyone ever seen such a bratty kid with no blood dried in their veins?!"
"What~? You sound like such a boomer."
"Hey! Keep sassing your oppa?!"
This kind of attitude in a Confucian country! I should straighten her out with a good spanking... hmm... now that I think about it, that sounds kinda fun? Smacking that plump, firm ass...
"You're talking casually too!"
"You... youuu?!"
"Ah... fuck... so what should I call you then?! Oppa?"
Why did my heart jolt like that? It was totally different from the first time Chaerin called me oppa. To a guy who'd gone through all-boys middle school, high school, engineering college, and the military, "oppa" hit like a heavy blow. Sure, there were girls in engineering, but I'd enlisted after freshman year and hadn't returned yet, so I'd never even met any female underclassmen.
In my 24 years, I'd barely had any contact with women. Guiding group tourists, I'd heard "oppa" from middle-aged ladies calling me a "handsome oppa," but that "oppa" meant something else entirely from what I was hearing now.
"Um... oppa...?"
"Why? Should I just stick with Hajin?"
Hearing "Hajin" after so long felt oddly comforting. I looked into Eunji's eyes, and she grinned mischievously, like it was all a joke.
Why's she been so tame lately?
The fierce, carnivorous vibe Eunji used to have was gone, replaced by something that actually fit her saintess image. Maybe it was the soju, but her cheeks were flushed like she'd been pinched.
Damn, she's gorgeous!
Seeing her every day didn't make her beauty fade at all. Chaerin was cute-pretty in a petite way, but Eunji was a full-fledged stunner. Her only flaw used to be her dogshit personality, but she wasn't acting up like before, so she looked different now.
No... don't fall for it!
Yeah. The soju had loosened me up. Just look at how she'd been demanding "service" when buying my crops lately—she was clearly plotting something.
"Whatever. Call me however's comfy."
"Then I'll go with oppa."
Why was her lip curling like that? Flustered, I slammed back a shot of soju.
"Kyaa~"
"Oppa~ More side dishes~!"
Unlike Eunji, Chaerin was always bright and cheery as she handed me a perfect ssam. Om~ crunch crunch— gulp—
"Fucking delicious!"
I gave her a thumbs-up, and her eyes curved into adorable crescent moons.
Meanwhile, the place was filling up. When we'd arrived early after leaving the dungeon, it was nearly empty, but now every seat was taken.
"Hm..."
"...Why?"
"Don't you girls feel all those stares?"
Sure enough, most of the guys around were sneaking glances at our table. When their eyes met mine, they'd sharpen menacingly...
"That's normal."
"Yeah~!"
Come to think of it, who in Korea doesn't know the Saintess's face? Hell, everyone regardless of gender. And Chaerin had been the main model for Hunter Army recruitment ads a few years back, even after her hiatus, so plenty would recognize her too.
Was this what it was like being popular?
"Ah... shit... let's eat fast and bounce."
"Whyy~ It's just starting!"
"I'm getting stares!"
"You'll get used to it."
"It's fine~ Unnie, one more bottle of soju here!"
Chaerin, who'd started drinking at some point, ordered another round.
"B-before you go, could I get just one autograph... please...?"
A hesitant-looking waitress approached Eunji for a signature.
"Sure! Right now."
Ever polite to strangers like a true saintess, she signed it immediately. That was the cue—the lurking guys swarmed in.
"L-line up!!!"
Suddenly playing bodyguard, shoving back the crowd sobered me right up.
Next time, eating with these two means this every time!
*
"Ehehehehe—"
"Ho Tae~ Not... there... ah... nooo~!"
In the end, the pork belly joint turned into a full-on autograph session for the saintess and Chaerin. No incidents thanks to the crowd, but they'd chugged fan-offered shots and were totally wasted.
"Haa... you crazy bitches!!!"
Luckily, Association folks appeared out of nowhere and got us out, but...
"Why bring them to my place?!"
They drove us straight home like it was obvious, dropped us off, and vanished.
"Hoo... why am I stuck with these...!"
"Hmph... Oppa belongs to Chaerin..."
"Cough... cuh... carrots getting hard... this is mine alone...!"
Staring at Eunji and Chaerin piled on my bed, hm... kinda calms my anger a bit.
It definitely wasn't because Eunji had ditched her hoodie, exposing her bikini protector suit, or Chaerin's hiked-up coat revealing her pale thighs. Just... pretty girls on my bed...
"Ah fuck! What am I even thinking?!"
I thought the booze had worn off, but suddenly it surged back.
"Iris, come out."
"...Sigh..."
"You sober?"
"As if."
Sharing a body with Chaerin, I'd assumed she'd feel the drunkenness too, but Iris's voice sounded fine.
"This level of buzz doesn't even register."
"Yeah?"
"Obviously. The booze I've had in my time..."
"Don't care. Where's Chaerin's place? Wait, never mind—you seem fine, so head home."
"...Why?"
"Why?! So Chaerin can go home!"
"And the saintess?"
"Eunji..."
"What's your scheme?"
"Wh-what scheme?!"
Sharp bitch. A dusty old elf who'd never tasted dick, yet spot-on when it counted.
"Ah... you know where the saintess lives?"
"...?"
"Fine, let Chaerin do as she wants tonight."
"What does that mean?"
"A guy like you who doesn't get it..."
"Guy?"
"Anyway, don't call me again. Or do you want what I did last time... that... thing? Yeah, you do. My skillful way of handling... men... again..."
Gulp— Was Iris drunk too? Her mention of "last time" flashed me back. It was more me teaching her, but her words now were clearly...
"Wh-what... if you want, once is fine..."
Chaerin's eyes—well, Iris in her body—shook wildly, staring at me in panic.
The booze played a part, but honestly, the buzz was long gone. Or maybe it was the cramped room thick with the girls' mingled scents. Or two beauties sprawled drunk on my bed.
So.
"Then, wanna do it once?"
It was Iris who'd suggested it first. Definitely her. But her startled reaction only stoked my desire more.
"Th-that eager... uh... w-wait!!!"
As a farmer, my stamina and strength stats were solid. Lifting petite Chaerin by the armpits was no big deal.
"W-wait... I need to brush my teeth..."
"Just do it! I can't hold back."
Staring at her glossy lips with red tint, raw lust boiled over. Eunji was out cold from the booze, and Iris had offered anyway—no responsibility on me.
So.
"Suck it quick."
"Mmph—!"
Forcing my swollen tip past Chaerin's small lips, prying her mouth open—it really wasn't my fault.