Birth of the To-Carrot
Chewing on the freshly harvested tomatoes that no one had ever seen before, I mulled it over. Was I really just a farmer growing plain old veggies with no effects or buffs, like everyone mocked me for? The serious doubts crushed my motivation completely. Why didn't my crops get blessed with any effects? Even tomatoes grown chugging the Saintess's holy piss only had "twice as delicious" and nothing else. And even after running Synthesis, I ended up with this dick-shaped monstrosity that was just "four times as delicious" and useless.
To explain the hideous new crop born from synthesis precisely: a carrot sprouting from a tomato, boasting the mighty grandeur of a man's cock. Literally dick-shaped... And the size? It matched my own dick perfectly, like it got special treatment.
'Impressive... fuck...'
Enter a name
■■■■……
Even now, the cursor blinked insistently, demanding a name for this garbage. Did something this pathetic even deserve one? But thinking about it, "four times as delicious" offered a glimmer of hope... Fuck... The more I thought, the more pissed I got. I shouldn't have hoped at all.
Like always, like a wage slave grinding the daily routine, I should've just stuck to Farm Creation - seeding - harvest - list for sale - get roasted - repeat. My fault for getting ahead of myself with the new ability. Might as well buy cabbage seeds and plant those, I thought, punching in a name half-assedly.
Usually, tossing in words like "new" or "first" nets some reward, but nope—not for my shitty power. With enlightened resignation, I bestowed a dignified name on the new crop.
To-carrot……… Granting the tomato, forever second fiddle to carrots, a noble surname, I wrapped up the naming.
But seriously, what the hell was I supposed to do with this? Four times the nutrients! Four times the taste! All my crops originally had double effects, but limited to "taste." Synthesizing double-tasty carrots and tomatoes birthed a four-times-tasty To-carrot... Fucking hell! If I juiced this for detox, it'd detox four times faster... Shit!
I decided to stop thinking.
'Whatever, it's not like it's the first day.' No point wasting time lamenting. It looked unsellable due to its shape, but my stuff never sold anyway, so no change there—mental victory was my best bet.
From now on, I'd bury myself in my true calling as a Dungeon Entrance Tour Guide, farming tasty crops as a hobby to eat alone... Fresh, insanely delicious veggies all to myself... Haaaaaaah…… A long, thick sigh escaped naturally.
Oh, and there stood Choi Eunji behind me, awkwardly dressed, having snuck up. Synthesis only showed to me, so she must've thought I was weirdly flailing at empty air. Her unusually demure gaze held pity, like she was looking at something pathetic.
'What scheme are you plotting now!' I absolutely couldn't show her the To-carrot. It'd get listed and roasted anyway, but I didn't want her cruel sarcasm yet. I'd register the new... crop at home...
'Anyway, is no one coming to rescue us?'
I checked the comments in the Dungeon Shop. And got some welcome news.
Some culty comment with enthusiastic replies. Summarizing the useful info: The Dungeon Defense Squad wipeout was fake news. No way hundreds died; just one squad of five mishandled it, scattered, and got stranded.
To clarify: The commenter always roasting my shop, claiming Defense Squad affiliation, was getting brutally grilled as "this era's true troll," worse than my carrots.
The carrots listed in the shop still showed [Sales: 0], but at least gov forces were starting rescues for stranded awakeners—small mercies?
Even so, the Saintess was the Saintess. From heroes vowing to save her to folks raging at the gov for not rescuing her fast enough—variety galore. As expected from beloved Saintess Choi Eunji.
'And I've got that Saintess...' My shoulders suddenly tensed with pride. Bitch with dogshit personality who eats anything and pisses anywhere, but still a Saintess. I'd flooded her womb with endless fresh baby batter, so yeah, I could strut.
But Choi Eunji had been acting off lately.
"Hey, back off a bit? Told you my farmland expanded!"
"B-Bigger...? Y-Yeah... it really grew... B-But I'm still scared..."
"What's scary? Nothing can enter the safe zone, so relax! What, you think a Jam Tiger's gonna rape you?"
"R-Rape...?!...If you wanna... again... like that..."
"What the hell are you saying?"
Her brain must've glitched from fear. Awakening gave new powers, but people stayed people. Especially tour-guide scrubs like us at the entrance—we had zero horror resistance, totally understandable.
Jam Tigers? Kicked 'em like soccer balls, they'd fly off laughing. Lone wolf types didn't herd, but she'd never faced real danger, so trembling in terror was fine.
Choi Eunji was just scared. We'd already fucked anyway—lending a shoulder was easy. Truth be told, her massive tits squishing softly against my arm weren't bad at all.
'Gov forces skipping our rescue? Lemme ride the Saintess bus too!...' I grumbled inwardly—some asshole I was. Wait, a woman was sprinting our way.
Why alone?
"Y-You there! Hey! A-Are you okay?!"
Alone was bad enough, but a horde of Jam Tigers trailed her. White short hair bouncing, sleepy-eyed girl panting hard, chased by hundreds, yelling.
"E-Eat this and fuck off alreadyyy!!!"
Inventory or pockets—who cared. She kept tossing stuff, luring the Jam Tigers. Goosebumps prickled my skin.
Enemy...? Summoner maybe? Leading hundreds like that, she had to be behind this dungeon anomaly.
I stayed tense, watching her close the distance.
But! Jiggle jiggle─── Nah, ally.
Her ample tits bouncing up and down, skirt flipping to flash white panties—I knew she was friendly.
