Chapter 43: Honorary Count Deon Hart (8)
Chapter 43: Honorary Count Deon Hart (8)
"No, wait. Isn't it a miracle that we commoners learned to read in the first place? We should be proud we got that far."
"Heh, the tutors did struggle a bit."
"Struggle, my ass. They ran off after I pranked them a few times because watching them tremble was funny. That's how we ended up learning from General Nemeseus. And that was terrifying."
"So, our knight order is going alone? Without the Count?"
The conversation, which had been drifting wherever it pleased, snapped back to the point in an instant.
This kind of conversational flow was characteristic of the Lofty Knight Order. Nothing new about it.
Cletter answered with something like a sigh.
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"How the hell should I know?"
A look of sheer contempt speared right into him.
The guy muttered something about being hurt and backed off, and silence settled in.
Cletter, who'd been lost in thought, suddenly looked around at his comrades when the silence stretched on longer than expected.
Whether they were thinking or just zoning out, they were sitting quietly for once. A rare sight.
"...Drool's dripping."
"Shlurp."
Right. What was I expecting from these bastards? Just not causing an accident is a blessing.
In the end, it was Cletter who broke the silence again.
"First, the reason only our knight order is going... is probably because the border is nearby."
It was rare for only a single knight order to be dispatched for a monster subjugation.
The larger the number of monsters to subjugate, the more knight orders deployed. Normally, at least two, and on average three orders moved together. In that sense, for an ordinary knight order, this subjugation might have been slightly dangerous...
Cletter smirked.
—But that only applied to ordinary knight orders.
'As long as monsters have emotions, there's nothing to worry about.'
Even if they couldn't kill them all, they could at least drive them out.
That left only one matter: the Count.
Knowing the Count's personality, he would have insisted on going along. And since he hadn't seen blood in quite a while, plus he'd been living in his office all day, he must have been terribly stifled.
A perfect escape route had materialized right before his eyes, so why wasn't he taking it?
Just as he was about to seriously ponder it, a voice butted in.
"Why's that?"
A frown creased Cletter's brow.
He'd always called these guys idiots, but now they seemed twice as idiotic.
Was the explanation that only one knight order was moving because the border was nearby really that hard to understand?
"You moron. If several knight orders swarmed in like a regular monster subjugation, how do you think the neighboring kingdom would feel?"
"Hey, moron yourself. I at least know that much, alright? What I'm asking is, what's the problem with only our knight order going? The Count has gone by himself before."
"Ah, that? I heard he led the local lord's army in that region for the subjugation, so strictly speaking, he wasn't alone. And that's not what's important right now. The Count is..."
"Not going with us? I think I know why."
A familiar voice cut in.
Heads turned to find the source. Milan raised his hand as if to say 'here.'
He looked absolutely wrecked, like he'd been beaten to a pulp. He could at least brush the dirt off his clothes. The white uniform made it stand out way too much.
Even while thinking that, instead of fussing over someone else's clothes, Cletter focused on his words.
"You think you know? What is it?"
"When I visited the office before, the paperwork was piled up to the floor. Looked like his work had backed up pretty bad."
"In short, he's too busy to even have the leeway to go on a subjugation?"
"Good heavens."
"Our Count, it's just pitiful..."
Agitation rippled through the members.
Come to think of it, hadn't they been told he collapsed with a nosebleed not long ago? It must have been from overworking himself to handle all that backed-up paperwork.
The moment that thought landed, the same idea popped into every member's head.
"As I thought, we have to bring the Count along to the subjugation."
"Seems like we're the only ones who can rescue the Count, right?"
"Conveniently, the doctor also said to be careful of fatigue and stress."
"Stress... Monster subjugation really is the answer."
"Wouldn't fatigue also completely wash away after a monster subjugation? Last time the Count went on a subjugation alone, he came back with his face all radiant and glowing. Honestly, didn't it look to anyone else like the fatigue had completely lifted?"
The Murderer Knight Order liked Deon Hart.
As a superior officer, he was respectable. On the battlefield, he was the benefactor who saved their lives. Not only did he never discriminate against them for being mere commoners, but he was an excellent commander who tried his utmost not to lose a single one. How could they not like him?
So when they heard he collapsed, even if they didn't show it outwardly, they were more than a little startled.
Given his constitutionally weak body, hoping that such a thing would never happen again was greedy. But the members, hoping at least to reduce the frequency, devised what they believed to be the best course of action.
And the result was the current situation.
"Let's go! To pester the Count!"
For the Count's sake, the Count absolutely must be taken to the monster subjugation!
The brawny men in white knight uniforms surged toward the office with solemn expressions.
A knight of the Count's residence who had been trudging along weakly, clutching stomach medicine, happened to witness this scene and dropped the medicine container.
"What are they trying to pull now..."
* * *
After deciding to send the Murderer Knight Order out on the subjugation, I'd been handling work feeling considerably lighter.
The thought that those mad dogs would finally disappear from my sight already felt like a breath of fresh air.
The location near the border was a bit unsettling, but they'd manage somehow. They weren't idiots who couldn't judge a situation.
"My Count? Is there a problem?"
"Ah, no. I'm fine."
With the biggest headache roughly resolved, I'd been discussing the Count's residence's 'spy' with the butler Rememver.
Right, that bastard who swiftly notified the enemy that I'd returned, causing me to be ambushed on my way to the imperial palace. There was no way I'd just let that slide.
But I couldn't replace all the servants entirely either. I had to filter him out using the method that entailed the least damage and greatest efficiency...
"My Coooouuunt!!"
"We can't go on the subjugation by ourseeeelves!!"
"Please come with us!"
The bastards I wanted to get lost had barged in.
Wait, what? Come with you where, you sons of bitches?
The pen in my hand dropped with a light thud. Rememver's eyes crinkled with benevolent wrinkles, as if finding the situation quite interesting.
I stared at the bastards shamelessly occupying one side of my office with a dumbfounded look.
So, this was them rebelling because I was sending them somewhere dangerous?
Don't tell me they wanted me to come along so they could kill me? To stab me in the back the moment we arrived at the subjugation zone?
"Strictly speaking... it's not just you all going. Lady Rien is going too, isn't she?"
"Isn't Lady Rien also a member of our knight order?! So 'just us' is correct!"
Well, look at that. Where was this when they were going on about her being a parachute appointment?
Of course, that was only meant as a prank. They never truly ignored or despised her. But still, they were the ones who treated Lady Rien like an outsider while griping about parachutes.
I was so dumbfounded I couldn't even get a word out, when Rememver, who had been observing the situation, slowly stepped in.
"It's presumptuous meddling, but please consider it the nosiness of an old man and hear me out. How about going?"
"...Me?"
"Yes. Hasn't this old man tormented the Count quite a bit over the past week? Think of it as my apology. A short vacation. Go and come back."
If it's an apology, shouldn't you normally do something I like...?
I was so flabbergasted I didn't even know what kind of expression I was making anymore.
However my ambiguous expression came across, Rememver spoke with a face full of dignified smiles.
"Conveniently, your personal physician also advised you to beware of fatigue and stress. So shouldn't you rest at least once in between?"
Right. 'Rest.'
A monster subjugation isn't rest. It's 'work' of brutal difficulty!
Isn't it common sense that both 'fatigue' and 'stress' pile up after a monster subjugation?
I also belonged to that 'common' range. What on earth did they see when they looked at me to say such a thing...?
"When the Count went on a monster subjugation alone not long ago, didn't you come back with your face brightly blooming? Even those dark shadows under your eyes had vanished. I didn't mention it then, but this old man was quite surprised."
"Ah, that's..."
It was because I got plenty of rest in the Demon Realm.
Over there, I just lazed around all day without any paperwork. Of course the dark circles disappeared and then some.
Ah, now that I think of it, I want to go back to the Demon Realm. Over there, only my mind was exhausted. Here, my body's exhausted too. It's really driving me crazy.
Well, if I actually went back there, I'd probably miss the human world again.
"It's already backed-up work anyway. Even if it backs up more, you won't be able to tell the difference, so go with peace of mind. I'll organize the documents as much as I can."
"That's..."
"He's right, Count! Please come with us!!"
"So..."
I don't want to go.
And my face looking bright wasn't for that reason either.
But if I said that, I'd have to explain why my dark circles disappeared, and that would inevitably corner me.
In the end, I had no choice. And Rememver's final remark was the decisive blow.
"If the Count moves, the rat hiding in the residence will move as well. This old man will catch him without fail, so the Count need only enjoy yourself and return."
"Fine..."
What could I say when he was offering to catch the spy? There was no reason to refuse.
In the end, I voiced my agreement in a half-dead voice.
And now.
"Count! I see monsters over there!"
"...Yeah..."
"Let's go smash theeeem!"
"Where did you learn to just charge in recklessly without even the commander's orders?! Fall in line immediately!"
"Cough, cough... Squad Leader..."
"It's 'Squad Leader, sir.'"
Where am I? Who am I?
Why am I in this incredibly dangerous place with these lunatics?
Amidst all that, Lady Rien was controlling these mad dogs like a single ray of light, steady and sure.
Come to think of it, this was why Lady Rien had been parachuted in.
At first, they'd seated Milan—the best fighter among them—in the squad leader position. But the guy who was supposed to be commanding, the moment he spotted an enemy, would just sprint to the very front with a thunderous battle cry without so much as a word.
So next, they seated Cletter—the calmest one—in the squad leader position.
[All right, you little bastards, see the enemy over there?]
[Then let's gooooo! Chaaaaarge!!]
That was when I realized. He wasn't calm. He just looked calm.
In the end, he was just another one of the mad dogs.
Did he think yelling 'Charge' was all there was to commanding?
I absolutely cannot pick a squad leader from among these bastards. If I did, we'd be doomed. Definitely doomed.
And that was how Lady Rien Rainer came.
She had the skills to formally enter a good knight order even without this kind of parachute appointment. I just felt sorry for her.
So I'd always secretly watch Lady Rien's reactions with the heart of a mother who'd raised her child wrong. But these wretches, oblivious to my feelings, kept talking back and causing accidents without a hint of self-awareness.
And today was no different.
"I don't know about being reckless, but charging the enemy is what the Count taught us..."
"Right, he said to charge in no matter what."
"Didn't he say we had to become madmen that even madmen would avoid?"
On top of that, framing me!
When did I ever?! I was gracious enough to let them stay at the residence, and this is how they repay me?
I stole a glance at Lady Rien. She wasn't actually misunderstanding, was she?
Her expression looked sick of it all, but she probably wasn't misunderstanding.
'Damn it...'
Of course she was. She'd clearly misunderstood.
What if she quit being the knight order's commander because of this? She was the only reason those bastards could be controlled at all.
Growing anxious that she might actually submit her resignation, I hurriedly attempted to explain.
"I..."
"I wasn't trying to insult the Count. I apologize."
Before I could even properly start, a solemn apology cut sharply in.
Wait. Was there no assumption, even at the start, that I wouldn't have taught such a thing? What about the assumption that this was their slander?
Staring into those unwavering eyes that held not a shred of doubt, my words caught in my throat.