I Eat a Whole Pizza, a Whole Chicken, and Two Packs of Jajanggetti All by Myself~
Tang!
“Kshaaaa...”
“Whew. Floor four, cleared.”
“You wanna die?”
The fight with the black knight Balthazar was behind me. I’d started climbing the Tower again, and floors three and four had fallen in a blink.
For the clear bonus, I took the Sacred Fist combat correction I’d passed on last time, plus a stat bonus.
“Smooth sailing.”
The build was coming along without a hitch, and the Tower wasn’t putting up any real fight. Maybe it was about time to wrap the stream.
“Then I’ll see you later~”
“Part two starts at eight tonight~”
Shower at home, tear into some chicken while browsing the gallery, then flip the stream back on. The timing would land perfectly.
“You’re banned.”
“Ehehe! Now this is sex!”
The moment the climb was over and I got home, I ordered chicken and pizza still steaming from the shop. The chicken was half sweet-spicy glaze, half straight fried. The pizza came in four flavors — bacon shrimp, bulgogi beef, pepperoni, and chicken — and of course I got it large, with a cheese crust, and pasta on the side.
“A real top-tier babe doesn’t gain weight no matter how much she eats, you know?”
I ignored the status window’s baseless heckling and tore straight into the packaging.
“Haaahm... mm!”
One hand worked a mouthful of hot-sauce pizza, cheese pulling off the scalding dough, while the other lifted a drumstick.
Crunch!
“Delicious, delicious!”
The clean, salty crunch of the fried crust bloomed across my tongue, and the sound of admiration left me on its own. I may be a lifelong virgin, but I know this, right here, is sex.
“Mmm... gulp... slurp...”
A pickle with every slice of pizza, a cube of pickled radish with every piece of chicken, and then—
Hiss!!!
“Khhh... hell yes!”
One deep bowl of ice-cold cola and my insides felt blasted clean open.
“Smack, smack, smack...”
My mouth kept working without mercy while my free hand picked up the phone.
Ding!
You can now set a fixed nickname on Hunter Gallery!
“Heeh...”
Clearing through the fourth floor today had unlocked a fixed nick on Hunter Gal at last. Floating posts had been barred from writing this whole time, and the timing couldn’t have been better.
“Ah. Ate every last bite.”
Chicken and pizza wiped clean, I hurried to lock in the nickname. The name... hmm. Orthodox Saintess. That would do.
“What. You got a problem?”
“Then sit up straight and fix your posture.”
Settings finished, the first post I ever put up on the gallery was this.
(photo: a chicken picked down to the bare bones.jpg)
(photo: a pizza box scraped completely empty.jpg)
You all ate well too, right?
I just had a light little meal ^^
“Urgh...! Why do they keep calling me a pig!”
All I’d done was post an ordinary proof-of-dinner, and a flood of slander that made no sense came pouring in.
Why am I the only one getting called a pig?
You people boil two packs of ramen because one isn’t enough.
Then you crack an egg in, dump rice on top and eat that too, and you still have to suck down an ice cream before it counts as a normal meal, right?
“AAAAAAAHHHH!!!”
I’m not browsing the gallery! I’m not looking!!!
“Buuurp... let me digest a little first.”
I shut that harmful, unhealthy gallery off without a second thought and got ready to stream. Even so, I still had to sell the viewers on how modest and frugal I was.
Beep!
“Hello, my faithful! For part two, we’re doing a mukbang!”
“Ah... no! I’m about to eat now!”
“All right~ shall we start the dinner mukbang?”
The second the broadcast went live, I quietly dropped a censorship delete on that message and carried on.
Don’t resent me too hard, Hero. This is all a sacrifice for my image.
“All right~ today’s meal is a salmon poke bowl!”
Wearing the brightest, most innocent face I could manage, I held up the bowl so the viewers could see the healthy vegetables and the fish.
Don’t like it? If you don’t like it, what are you gonna do about it.
“Now I’ll try a bite...”
Crunch. Munch, munch. Nibble.
Hair tucked behind one ear, I speared the vegetables one careful forkful at a time, set each bite in my mouth, and chewed.
“Mmm... it’s so big, it’s hard to eat...”
Why am I taking it this far?
Because no matter how I look on the outside, I can’t have the viewers filing me somewhere in the neighborhood of a wild animal. This was just an extreme measure, something to drive the trolls off and leave only the decent viewers behind.
“Hehe... thank you!”
And maybe the effort wasn’t wasted. Little by little, wholesome viewers filtered into the chat, and the whole room started going soft.
Yeah. This was enough.
This was...
“Fuck.”
Watching the chat turn sweet pissed me off out of nowhere. Yeah. Acting like some little girl just doesn’t fit me.
“Everyone, I’m going to go boil some jajanggetti.”
I tipped the poke I’d been nibbling into my mouth in one go and went straight to put water on. Two packs of jajanggetti, obviously. A soft-boiled egg, a scatter of cheese, and a heavy shake of chili powder, and then—
“Drool: fully armed and ready!”
“Then, excuse me for a moment.”
After that I fell solemnly silent and, right in front of the viewers, performed a dazzling noodle inhalation. Tongue rolling, I threw the uvula express lane wide open so the strands would slide straight down, and my jaw never once stopped moving as I sucked in jajanggetti soaked through with gooey cheese and egg.
“SLURRRRRRRRP!!!! CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP! SLURRRRRP!!!!”
Somebody out there would surely say it. I’d already eaten the chicken, the pizza, and the pasta alone for dinner, shotgunned a poke bowl on top of that, and now I was putting away two packs of jajanggetti — how did any of that make sense?
I answered the question quietly.
My room was pure chaos.
But that was fine.
I wasn’t hungry anymore.
“Haa~ that hit the spot!”
“Now I’ll have dessert! One whole tub of Together ice cream!”
Our viewers seemed to be laboring under a single misconception.
The dinner stomach and the dessert stomach are run as entirely separate operations.
“Ah, what should we do now?”
I rubbed the belly warming into a comfortable swell and stared blankly at the chat.
“Ehh...”
I was this drowsy, and suddenly it was training? Wasn’t there some free-win content out there that didn’t need my body or my brain?
“When did I ever say that.”
Looking at them again, these bastards were trying to run a scam. I had never once so much as said I’d do anything of the sort.
“Ngh...”
The status window, though, had started clinging in a voice nothing like her usual one.
“No — I told you, I never said I would in the first place.”
“...”
I forced my eyes off her pitiful act. It might have been my imagination, but a Ku200 microphone was sitting on my bed.
“It’s my first time. Is that okay?”
“Hmm...”
One thing was certain. Any claim I had to a pure, innocent girl-streamer broadcast had already sailed the moment I inhaled that jajanggetti. If it was for the sake of balance...
“Then I’ll do it~ Just in case, please keep the volume reasonably low.”
...Am I doing something wrong?