Should I Rape Him or Not
"Eh... Dragon, I didn't think you'd get that mad—"
"Get out."
A voice... came out of my mouth.
The fox girl's eyes went wide as saucers.
Had my rage finally overpowered the trauma?
Aside from the moans I'd made while touching myself the night before... this was the first time in a very long while that I'd actually spoken.
Every so often, when I got truly furious or my emotions hit their absolute peak, words would slip out for a moment. Once every few decades, maybe. And this was one of those times.
"D-Dragon, did you just... talk...? I think this is the first time I've ever heard you spea—"
"You were about to do that to Yuan. So get out. Before I burn you to ash."
"O-Okay... sorry."
The fox girl trudged out of the cave with her tail hanging limp. Once she was gone, only Yuan and I remained, and silence settled over the cave.
I was still seething, huffing through my nose. Of course a fox would pull fox tricks on Yuan. And as if that weren't enough, she'd tried to use her powers on him. That garbage fox. Every single thing she did was repulsive.
And the way Yuan smiled and talked with another female... it made me so angry.
That was when Yuan carefully approached and spoke to me.
"Dragon... your hand is bleeding..."
At his words, I looked down at my right hand. Had I struck too hard? The skin was split open, blood welling up and running down. A wound like this would heal soon enough, but Yuan came closer with a worried face and began examining my hand.
"It's bleeding a lot... Let me do something about it."
He brought over a scrap of cloth and a water jug, cradled my hand, and tilted the jug to rinse the wound clean. Then he tore a thin strip from the cloth and wrapped it carefully around my hand.
Ah. This feels so good.
Being cared for by Yuan... it felt insanely good. Heat rose to my face and my heart started hammering. My ears were probably bright red — would he notice?
"The bleeding stopped right away. Thank goodness. Hehe."
There he went again, grinning that soft little grin. The moment I saw it, every scrap of anger the fox had left in me melted clean away.
That smile... it's too adorable. At this rate, isn't he just seducing me?
"...ss?"
I really want to take him.
"ragon...?"
Just pin him down and—
"Dragon?!"
I flinched and met Yuan's eyes.
"Ah — I kept calling you and you just stared off into space, so I got a little worried and raised my voice. You were angry because Fox was teasing me, right? It's okay. I wasn't upset. I was just terrified because of the whole 'I'm going to eat you' thing...
"Looking back on it now, I feel pretty stupid for believing her. A kind Dragon like you would never eat me, right?"
He said it with a bashful little smile.
Ah. I want to take him.
"Still, when she pulled that prank... I panicked pretty hard and ran out. You must have been startled too, right? I'm sorry."
As he spoke, he gently stroked the back of my hand. Yuan's hand... felt so good.
"Even so, hitting hard enough to split your hand open like this... I was so shocked when I saw the blood."
I lowered my gaze, trying to convey an apology.
"I-It's fine! You don't have to feel bad. Anyone can lose their temper like that. Um... but, you know... it was really pretty. Your voice, I mean."
"...?!"
At the shy words Yuan tossed out, my heart gave a hard thud.
"Dragon... that was the first time I heard your voice, and... I really thought it was beautiful."
Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.
My voice... is pretty? Yuan said my voice is pretty. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm insanely happy.
"Honestly... I've been curious. Why you never speak. But I was worried it might be rude, so I never asked..."
I wrote on the floor with my finger.
Are you curious about the reason?
Yuan read it and startled.
"Ah...! If it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to tell me. I shouldn't have brought it up... haha..."
I'll tell you.
I wrote a little more, then thought. It was a long story to explain... but I could tell Yuan.
"Really? Are you sure that's okay?"
I nodded at his words. Then, with pictures and writing scratched out by hand, I began explaining my past to him.
How the dragon nest had been raided by humans. How I'd screamed in fright at a mouse and gotten my entire family slaughtered. How the mutism had set in after that, and how I'd survived alone in the wild ever since.
By the time the explanation was finished, Yuan's lips were trembling faintly. And then... his eyes slowly welled red...
"Is that... really... your fault, Dragon...?"
His voice shook. His breath came short and broken, and the way his chest clenched tight showed plain on his face. Yuan sat in silence for a long while. Then, at last, as if the feelings he'd been holding back finally collapsed, he dropped his head.
"Hic... that... that isn't... that isn't your fault at all..."
The tears pooled at the corners of his eyes fell with a soft plip. Once they started, they wouldn't stop. Yuan roughly scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, but the tears kept pushing past and running free.
"Why... why did you carry all of that alone...?"
A voice like a throat locked shut. The breath that broke free after he'd been holding back the sobs trembled, and his lips quivered.
"You... how scared must you have been... how... how..."
He trailed off, and his shoulders began to shake. A paper-thin breath slipped out as he bit down hard on his lip, trying to hold the crying in —
"Hnn... hic... I'm sorry... I'm just... so sad..."
In the end, he fell apart completely. His fingers trembled in the empty air. The bridge of his nose went red. Tears drew lines all the way down past his chin.
"You... how hard must it have been... alone... really... so..."
The last word dissolved, blurred under the sobs. Yuan's shoulders rose and fell quietly, tears dripping through his fingers. At first, all I could do was stare blankly at the sight.
"..."
Why. Why is a human... crying over my story?
In the center of my chest, an emotion I couldn't name stirred and twisted. Painful, hot, light and heavy all at once... strange, complicated feelings I hadn't felt in hundreds of years.
Quietly, I reached out and wiped the tears running down his cheek. Softly. With trembling fingers, I brushed them from Yuan's face.
Yuan looked up at me, startled. Dark brown eyes, nearly black, wet with tears. The moment those eyes trembled and met mine —
Something in my chest went burst.
My heart hammered like mad. My breath came short. My chest clenched and thudded as if it were being squeezed.
Why... why is my heart shaking like this...?
Lovely Yuan, crying for my sake. My battered past — the one that hurt, that shamed me, that I never wanted anyone to see — and he was truly grieving for it, empathizing with it, shedding tears over it...
Lovely... Yuan.
He was the first. The first person to feel for me this sincerely...
My insides tickled wildly and my heart pounded. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to wrap my arms around lovely Yuan... tight... tight... tight, without a single gap... and comfort him while he cried.
"Eh...? Dragon...?"
I held him. Yuan's forehead pressed against my chest, and my arms and wings folded around him, gathering every tremor of his body into my embrace. My tail moved slowly and coiled around his waist. Because I never wanted to let him go.
In that hold, Yuan cried even harder.
"Hic... hnn... it must have been... so hard... all alone..."
At those words, I closed my eyes. And I felt it. The ice that had been frozen solid for hundreds of years... the soft crack of a fracture running through it.
Yuan was... the person who shared my sorrow. The person who cried at my story. The person who understood my pain. And the person I wanted to protect.
My throat trembled, just a little. I wanted to speak.
Thank you. It's okay. Thank you for saying it wasn't my fault. Please don't leave. Please... stay here. And... I love you.
But my voice still wouldn't come. Instead, I pulled Yuan in tighter. Close enough that our breath touched, waiting for his crying to stop, pressing my trembling body against his.
Even if I couldn't speak — so that at least Yuan would know.
I'm the one who chose Yuan first. Yuan is mine, no matter what. Yuan... you won't run away from me again like earlier, right? You almost ran because you fell for that fox girl's lies. I love you to death, Yuan.
Little by little, for reasons I couldn't name, my thoughts began to twist and thicken.
Ahh... the beast's instincts... were waking up.
My body was going into heat again in front of this male named Yuan. I held him harder. Harder.
I can't be without Yuan. I want to make Yuan mine. Should I strip every scrap of clothing off him and leave marks all over? Should I rape him until he's carrying my child?
That fox... she was clearly eyeing Yuan. I have to make him mine so other females like her can't take him away.
"Hnn... the tears finally stopped. I'm sorry. That was an ugly thing to show you..."
That lovely face looking up at me as he spoke...
I want to rape him. Rape him, then smear my fluids all over his body... mark my territory thoroughly. Then he'd smell like me all day long. Ehehe♡
The black sprout in my heart was growing larger and larger.
"Dragon...? What are you thinking about?"
Should I rape him. Should I rape him. Should I rape him. Should I rape him. Should I rape him.
Asking so innocently what I'm thinking about. He has no idea I'm thinking about taking him, does he? Ah, no. At this point... maybe he's seducing me on purpose. He cooked for me, treated my wound, even cried so prettily for my sake. And on top of all that, he praised my voice... said it was beautiful. Just rape him. Yeah. Let's rape him. Take him like crazy and cover him in my spit and juices—
Smack—
My cheek stung. With the last shred of reason I had left, I'd slapped my own face with my own hand. My mind, which had been ruled by instinct, barely came back.
"Eh?! Why did you suddenly slap your cheek...! What's going on?"
I have to get a grip. Just now, if I'd slipped, I almost would have jumped him. Wait for night. When night comes... once Yuan is asleep... I can use him as material and touch myself.