Chapter 18
"How about this one?"
"It suits you perfectly."
"And this?"
"It suits you perfectly."
"……Hey."
"It suits you perf— Oops."
Smack!
"Ow!"
"Are you even looking properly?! Do you think I dragged you here just to hear that half-assed response?"
"Isn't it your fault for bringing a guy like me here in the first place?"
"You little—!"
Thwack!
"Ow! Stop kicking my shin! What kind of lady does this?!"
"Then maybe evaluate properly from the start, and you wouldn't get hit!"
Our lady was treating my shin like a soccer ball, dreaming of World Cup glory or something. I had my aura protecting it, so it wouldn't break, but it still hurt.
She'd already spent over three hours just trying on clothes. What guy wouldn't repeat himself after that?
"I'll go change into something else, so properly evaluate this time!"
"Yes, yes……."
How the hell did I end up in this mess?
To understand the situation, we need to rewind a bit.
A peaceful Saturday morning. After sleeping in until the sun was high in the sky, I was savoring the start of a lazy weekend with my whole body.
"Yawwwn…… It's been ages since I could sleep without a care. Tomorrow's date op will tire me out, so I gotta catch up on sleep all day today."
With the big practical exam done, no major assignments loomed, and no one likely to bother me. I planned to bliss out in honey-sweet slumber all day.
By the way, Polo was thrilled when I suggested the Flower Festival. Back in our rural hometown, "festivals" were just harvest celebrations—villagers grilling meat, dancing, done. A massive capital event like this was his first, and I could already picture his excited eyes.
Lying to such a happy-go-lucky guy and handing him off to the lady did prick my conscience a bit. But hey—a pretty girl date for Polo? Good for him. Repaying my (forced) debt to her? Good for me. Win-win, right? I consoled myself like that.
With the date plan finalized, I was about to grab lunch and crash when—
Knock knock.
The sound that wouldn't even let me nap for a minute chased away my drowsiness.
"……Who's there?"
Maybe Polo dropping by for the weekend? I opened the door—and there stood—
"……Who the hell are you?"
A woman I'd never seen before. Cute as a squirrel, dressed like a maid, so probably someone's servant.
"Are you Mars Noctus, sir?"
"Y-yeah…… And?"
"A message from Lady Celine Euse."
Why is my gut always right about bad vibes?
At this weekend-ruining summons from the lady, I desperately faked illness.
"Cough! Cough! As you see, I'm, cough! not feeling well…… I might infect her, so visiting is out of the—"
"Here's some medicine. And if needed, I'll summon Lady Celine's personal physician right away."
"W-well…… My stomach hurts, gotta hit the bathroom urgently—"
"I have remedies for stomachaches too. Take your time in the restroom; I'll wait."
What the—? She wasn't some blue cat robot; why was she packing for every scenario?
"Sigh…… Fine, lead the way."
Surrendering, I followed the maid and soon faced the lady sipping tea in her room.
"Faster than I thought. Figured you'd stall with excuses like being sick or stomach issues."
"You got cameras in my room or something?"
Chills. How'd she know?
"CC……? No idea what that is, but it's obvious. Weekend lazybones like you hates interruptions, so you'd scheme to skip out."
"If you knew, couldn't you have some consideration?"
"Why should I?"
True…… Not her problem, huh.
"Anyway, why'd you call? If it's nothing, I'm out."
"Think I'd waste time on trivia? I value my time too."
Hmm. That stung a bit.
"Reason I called you here? This."
She signaled, and a maid approached holding something.
"A dress?"
Hanging from the maid's arms: a woman's dress. No expert, but even I could tell it screamed luxury.
"Uh…… I'm not into cross-dressing."
"Pervert, what're you babbling about? I'm wearing it. Pick the best for tomorrow's outing—from a guy's perspective. And I don't give a damn about your cross-dressing fantasies. Hope you don't puke."
True, but still annoying. Doesn't she know cross-dressing is peak manhood?
"I'll try them on one by one. Rate which Polo would like best. Accessories too—pay attention."
"Yeees……."
With that, she went to change, leaving me alone to wait endlessly.
'……Bolt?'
I considered fleeing, but another maid guarded the door like a Jangpanpa warrior—drill-proof.
Abandoning escape, I waited for her return in the dress.
"First outfit. Thoughts?"
About ten minutes later, she emerged from the next room.
'Damn, she's pretty.'
A turquoise dress, fresh like spring. Arms and legs bared for vibrancy and coolness. Matched her brown hair perfectly; tiny floral hems added playfulness.
"Oh……."
"Oh?"
"Clothes make the woman."
"……."
She silently sparked flames with her fingers.
"The turquoise matches the weather, adding vibrancy. Bare limbs but not too short—cool over sloppy. For this style, braiding or updoing hair to show the neckline would be ideal!"
She nodded, satisfied, and went for the next.
Thus trapped for three hours, I watched her fashion show.
"How long is this gonna go…… I wanna go home……."
"Just a bit more. Why are guys so impatient?"
Words that'd spark sexism debates in my past life, said boldly. Thank the fantasy gods.
"You're a beauty, Lady Celine—anything suits you. Seems you're picking bright, flashy colors to offset your sharp eyes, but that's your charm."
"……What?"
"Might think upturned eyes look prickly, but your smile makes them prettier. Slender build fits clothes like a model. Don't overthink outfits—just smile more. I suck at fashion…… All these dresses look stunning; can't pick one."
"…………."
Smack!
"Ow! Seriously! Quit kicking my shin! I gave sincere advice!"
"……Out."
"Huh?"
"We're done—get out!!"
Shoved out by her sudden rage, I left her room unceremoniously.
"What the……."
Women's hearts change like reeds, huh…….
Couldn't even complain; grumbling about wasted hours, I returned to my room.
Tomorrow's date…… hope it goes well?
Her final outburst worried me, but I reviewed the plan again, convincing myself it'd be fine.
"We've received intel that the second daughter of House Euse is heading out for the festival this weekend."
"Perfect timing. Academy security's tightened; was pondering how to lure her out. She hands us this opportunity."
The man laughed gleefully at his subordinate's report. Like with Behemoth before, he delighted in this intriguing foe bringing such joy.
"Hmm…… But why the festival? She's not the type."
"Ah. Rumor is she fancies someone and is joining for an intimate date."
"A date…… Such innocent times. Heh heh……."
His smile was like watching playful kids—adorable.
"But no slacking. A lady like her likely has secret escorts."
"Shall we kill them?"
"No need. Duke's elite knights? Too costly. We win with cunning and tricks, not brawny frontal clashes."
He lumped himself and the group as sneaky bastards, but the subordinate didn't argue. Fair point, really.
"So, our way. He hasn't sniffed us out?"
"No, sir."
"Good. Smooth sailing."
Smirking at the unfolding plan,
"Oh, and delay the kidnapping a tad. Our lady deserves to savor her final date. Heh heh."