Something's Off Here (3)
There was one thing Isaac hated more than anything else in this world.
First, gods. Second, the people who worshiped them. And third, anyone who interrupted him while he was having a drink.
So basically, that meant arrogant, self-important bastards who ruined other people's fun — but this guy managed to check all three boxes at once?
Especially the drinking!
True, his old body couldn't eat, couldn't drink, couldn't feel a thing — but pouring liquor over his skull for the vicarious thrill of it had been the Skeleton Demon King's one and only pleasure in life. Honestly, at that point it was less drinking and more disinfecting a corpse, but for Isaac, it had been happiness all the same.
And now, in this lifetime, he was finally! experiencing something that actually resembled tipsiness.
They barely let a baby anywhere near alcohol as it was. And this bastard dared to get in the way of that?
'That damn Papal family trash.'
Isaac's tiny fist, tender as a bracken sprout, clenched tight.
Worse, the hypocritical little priest — as if anyone would believe he was one — was shamelessly about to use the Weapon Disarm holy art.
Weapon Disarm funneled holy power into a target, treating weapons, buffs, and even status ailments as armaments — and forcibly ejecting them all from the body.
And he had the gall to try using that?
You rotten bastard, do you have any idea that would strip away the poison I stashed away to drink in secret?!
Never mind the booze flying out — I wouldn't even get to enjoy being drunk!
Isaac's eyes smoldered.
Cross the line. Just try it. I'll hand you a family war on a silver platter.
It took Shuri exactly one glance at Isaac's face to panic. He scooped the baby up in a hurry.
"No! Don't you dare!"
To the lackeys, it apparently looked like Shuri was protecting Isaac.
The kids swallowed their laughter.
"Wow, he's looking out for his own kind, huh?"
"You really think an Eshua can cozy up to the Papal family? You think you can actually protect him?"
"……!"
You absolute lunatics!
The one I'm protecting isn't him — it's you!
'You don't know it, but this kid has the filthiest personality imaginable!'
It wasn't for nothing that Shuri got dragged around like a donkey every single day.
And that wasn't all. His original plan had been to deploy every holy art he knew and give Isaac a proper lesson in etiquette —
— Da-ya-ya-ya! (Who's teaching whom right now, hm?)!
For some ungodly reason, Isaac mastered any holy art Shuri used after seeing it exactly once.
'Is he a genius?'
And worse, every art he stole somehow came out stronger than when Shuri cast it himself.
Shuri had witnessed that power firsthand. He'd gone weak in the knees watching a building simply vanish. If the kid ever unleashed something like that on these children…
'One wrong move and this turns into a family war!'
So Shuri hurriedly whispered to Isaac.
"Stay quiet and I'll get you something good."
Nope, Bunbungee. Whatever you offer, I'm not folding.
You could hand me gold and I still wouldn't budge.
Understandable, though — the opponent was the Pope's grandson, a sight that raised his blood pressure just looking at him.
When the gods' chief errand boys picked a fight first, no self-respecting Demon King was about to let it slide…
"I'll sneak you some chocolate from Uncle's stash."
Fine. You win this round. I'll let it go.
Isaac, who'd been banned from snacks on account of tooth rot, lowered his fist at once.
Shuri let out a sigh of relief —
WHAM!
"!!?"
— which he never got to finish, because Isaac's fist drove into his stomach and doubled him over.
'Kgh…! You little —!'
He thought the kid was retracting the punch, not redirecting it at him!
Dammit, that hurt. It hurt like hell, yet somehow his body felt stronger than ever.
The Demon King, having generously topped Shuri up with surplus holy power, brushed off his hands.
Exactly. Rather than waste strength on a sworn enemy, better to spend it upgrading Bunbungee.
And so Isaac hocked a big spit at Kina Berith's feet.
"Dah. Ddu-dda-ya! (Count yourself lucky, punk.)"
"?"
Then he swung around callously and crawled off.
"Ddu-dda-dda-dda! (If your granddaddy's people weren't carbon copies of you, this wouldn't have ended here.)"
"???"
Kina Berith had no choice but to stare at Isaac, utterly dumbfounded.
What was that kid?
Then Isaac spat phlegm at the lackeys too — ptoo, ptoo, ptoo — and the lackeys grabbed him by the collar.
"What kind of manners do they teach in Eshua?!"
"Hey! Tie this one up here! Don't let him into the vault!"
But that was the exact moment it happened.
"Enough!"
"!"
The thunderous bellow made the children jump. Adults had appeared at the entrance of the vault, where only the children had been moments before.
Elders and senior elders of House Eshua.
Their brows were knitted fiercely.
"Why are the candidates brawling with each other? Did you fight?"
The lackeys hastily pretended to cradle Isaac in their arms.
"Of course not, Elder! W-we were just… exchanging greetings!"
"He's just such a darling baby…"
These were Eshua's elders and senior elders. If word got out that they'd laid hands on a fellow Eshua, who knew what penalties might come down on them.
One look was enough for the elder to see exactly what had happened — but he chose not to press the matter.
A Saint, by definition, was a being destined to stand beside the Saintess and ascend to sainthood. He could not be allowed to rely on help, or even to expect it. True, if this had happened to Shuri, the elder might well have stepped in.
'I bear no grudge against Isaac, but Shuri must rank above a toothless infant with no power to speak of.'
Honestly, what were the odds a nursing baby would carry out any treasure anyway?
And if the child got hurt inside the vault, it would only disgrace House Eshua.
'Tiresome business.'
Perhaps the wisest move was to seize on some excuse and keep Isaac out entirely, even now.
But the senior elder who'd arrived alongside him clearly thought otherwise.
"Khhup."
As if to say the elder wasn't doing his job properly, the senior elder gathered phlegm in his throat and glared at him.
"……."
Under that stare, the elder's eyebrows twitched.
These old men. For some reason, they seemed to have pinned enormous hopes on Isaac.
'Well, they were the Saintess's top guardian knights, after all.'
The senior elders sided with the Saintess's bloodline, while the elders sided with Goel.
Still, even favoritism had its limits. However partisan you were, there was a line…
"KHHUHUUUUUUP!!"
"……."
In the end, the elder's face muscles writhed as he turned to the lackeys.
"Friendly competition between candidates is acceptable. Violence is not. Cause one more disturbance and you will be expelled on the spot."
The lackeys smiled.
"Yes, Elder. We'll be careful from now on, grateful as we are for your leniency."
"I never said anything about leniency."
"Pardon?"
The elder narrowed his eyes in rebuke.
"You will be entering last. Now get to the back if you understand."
"What?!"
"Saint candidates, grabbing a weakling by the collar. Reflect on yourselves."
"!"
The lackeys turned to their leader with wounded looks, begging for help — but Kina Berith ignored them completely, glaring only at Isaac.
The baby who had somehow neutralized his power was nagging at him.
'Don't tell me he's actually stronger than me?'
And then it happened.
"There. That is where you'll be entering."
CLUNK!
"!"
With an enormous rumble, the children screamed.
The wall they'd assumed was solid stone began to stir.
The towering wall, reaching as if to the heavens itself, split apart like a living jigsaw and began to move. Under the children's trembling gazes, it divided in a perfect circle.
Through the opening gleamed mountains of treasure — and the children's eyes changed instantly.
'The Saintess's treasures are in there.'
Kina Berith turned his gaze as well.
Right. Having his power neutralized must have been pure coincidence — some protective holy art of the Saintess, surely.
What mattered now was what lay inside the vault.
'What you bring out decides who becomes the Saint.'
Just as expected, the elder and senior elder called out.
"Now then — bring us the finest-looking treasure you can find. We expect the discerning eye of a Saint."
At their words, the candidates' eyes flashed with rivalry. Not that there was much strategy to it — every one of them had already decided exactly which item to go for.
"Bring back that treasure, and the Matriarch of Eshua has promised a secret art in return."
"Indeed. A reward even His Holiness the Pope could never grant!"
Every child's gaze turned deadly serious.
But Isaac snorted at the lot of them.
'So Melissa put something on the line, did she?'
He had no idea what, but apparently everyone was after the same treasure?
He'd wondered why she'd suddenly summoned all the Saint candidates. Clearly there was a specific item she wanted them to retrieve.
But honestly? He couldn't have cared less.
The best treasure?
Some reward that doomed Melissa put up?
How was that his problem?
'What matters is my body.'
Wasn't that the entire reason he'd bothered to play along with this trash-fire Doljabi in the first place?
And sure enough, inside the vault he could feel a familiar aura.
'Haah. Young whelps. While you lot squabble over shiny things, this elder will go retrieve his own body.'
Let the chicks fight over the Doljabi among themselves.
"Oh, right. We forgot to mention."
"The Remains of the Skeleton Demon King are in the third chamber — the very last room."
Oh, how gracious of House Eshua. Handing him the location like they couldn't wait for him to take it.
"The Matriarch did instruct you to retrieve it, but the Remains of the Skeleton Demon King are dangerous. Proceed with caution."
Right, right. The Skeleton Demon King's Remains that the Matriarch wants retrieved are in the third cham—
Wait. What…?
"The third chamber! She said the third chamber!"
"Run for it the second we're inside!"
"Grab the Remains of the Skeleton Demon King and the Matriarch will reward us!"
"?!"
No. No, no, hold on, what the—
The thing Melissa wanted brought out was my body?!
Isaac clutched the back of his own neck.
'You damned priests!'
Why don't you just suck the marrow out of a flea while you're at it!
What kind of person makes children fetch something like that?!
"True, the Matriarch did say it herself — but rewards of that caliber come with a reason. You could die in there. We don't recommend it."
"Treat the Remains of the Skeleton Demon King as a bonus at best, and prioritize safe, intact holy relics."
Yes! Exactly! Something else! Go grab the nicer stuff!
It's just a pile of bones anyway!
But whether they knew his heart or not, the children began to murmur.
"You're going for the Remains too?"
"Yep. It's in the third chamber, right? And isn't the best treasure always clustered in the deepest room?"
"Hm, then maybe I'll aim for it too."
"Same. My family told me to bring that one back no matter what."
You filthy priests!
You people should just eat your moldy relics and drop dead!
Haa. Well, if that's how it is, nothing to be done.
Isaac heaved a long, long sigh.
And just as the elder finally gathered the children's attention and began reading out the rules and precautions —
"Hey!"
A child's wail yanked every gaze to a single point. The elder and senior elder shot a fearsome glare toward the source of the sound.
"What is it now!"
Isaac was sitting beside the lackeys, sobbing — as though they'd been beating him.
And in fact, the lackeys were yelling at him.
No wonder the elder and senior elder's brows shot up.
"You lot again! You couldn't go five minutes without tormenting a child?! And you call yourselves Saint candidates?!"
Every child's eyes converged on them. And when the other party was something like a vassal family of the Papal household, attention was inevitable.
After all, a powerful rival might be eliminated right here.
The lackeys, meanwhile, were beside themselves.
"No, I didn't touch him! I was listening to the Elder's briefing and this brat suddenly attacked my leg and— huh? Where'd he go?"
Isaac, who'd been bawling right beside him seconds ago, had vanished.
"Ah — over there!"
Isaac was already slipping straight through the open doors of the vault.
"Da-da-da-da! (Then I'll just go in first, thank you very much.)"
This was no infant's crawling pace.
High-Speed Stride(高速闊歩 — 1st Tier)
A bodily reinforcement blessing — its speed now far exceeding the original.
Shuri recognized it instantly: the booster holy art stolen straight from him.
Though for some reason, it looked a great deal faster than the version he knew.
"…Um, Elder?"
The Saint candidates pointed after the baby who'd already bolted, then looked at the elder and senior elder. Their eyes said it all: isn't that cheating? Can a Saint candidate really do that? A few of them were simply gaping at the sight of a nursing infant casting a holy art.
The elder and senior elder had gone speechless too.
They wore the expressions of men wondering what on earth they'd just witnessed.
The reason was simple.
"Isaac! That's a restricted zone!!"
"If you go in there, the traps will trigger across the ENTIRE vault!!!"