A Psychopath's Survival Guide
Fortunately, the World Tree rankers had each other. They comforted one another, putting their heads together to come up with a plan.
“The number of rankers in the Guild Alliance has dropped significantly, and they've got too much on their plate right now to wage an all-out war.”
“Exactly. We just need to watch out for assassins and stick together.”
“Unlike those other guys, we're rankers! We won't go down easily!”
“That's right! We're friends!”
“Hey, I'm getting a whisper from Johansson. He's asking what's going on...”
“You haven't blocked him yet? I blocked him the second his name popped up.”
“Don't accept any whispers from Johansson's friends. Block them quickly, you too.”
“……”
Tae-hyun watched their exchange with a thoroughly pathetic expression.
Carbanog states that these guys would fit right in with the Power Warrior Guild.
Are you trying to give Lee Da-bi a heart attack? Absolutely not.
Carbanog suggests that for priests of Archisus, that level of shamelessness is well within acceptable parameters.
The rankers continued to comfort and cheer each other on, slowly recovering their mental stability.
Tae-hyun, who had been waiting, let out a yawn and asked,
“Can we get moving now?”
“Yeah! You bloodless, tearless—”
The following players have been placed on the bounty list. Rewards will be distributed upon verification of PK (Player Kill).
Targets: Johansson, Green, Quadro, Kang, Suana...
“……”
“……”
“Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah!”
One of the rankers, having finally lost his mind, began to thrash around while clawing at the mine wall.
“This is a dream! This has to be a dream!”
“Calm down, you lunatic!”
“If I jump off that cliff, maybe I'll go back in time or unlock a hidden class!”
“The humans have lost their minds! Stop them!”
The Underground Alliance Goblins began firing sleep darts and paralysis needles at the rankers indiscriminately.
The Chimeras of Archisus firmly pinned down the resisting rankers.
And then, a flurry of whispers bombarded Tae-hyun.
"#@$%! &*$%! #@$%..."
*(The message was so packed with profanity it was barely legible.)*
"...What the hell happened?!"
“Ah. You want to know what happened?”
"Yes!"
Suana was so out of it that she didn't even bother using her usual polite tone.
It sounded like Johansson was throwing a massive fit next to her, as Suana's voice could be heard arguing with him.
"These bastards blocked all my whispers!"
"It's not my fault!"
Tae-hyun quickly summarized the situation: The rankers told me to do it!
Upon hearing his explanation, the two of them seemed to realize the truth instantly.
"%$@^&%!#%@&!"
Carbanog marvels at the sheer variety and richness of the human race's curse vocabulary!
Time to block them.
Tae-hyun swiftly blocked both of them. If he didn't, they would undoubtedly keep pestering him with whispers.
“Hey, guys.”
Tae-hyun stood before the rankers. Honestly, he wanted to see how far they would go, but he had too much work to do.
Besides, these rankers were valuable labor! Their high levels weren't just for show; a single ranker could easily do the work of dozens of ordinary players.
“Pull yourselves together. Pan-On isn't over yet.”
“Kim Tae-hyun...!”
“Right...! We have Kim Tae-hyun!”
“The man with the most enemies in all of Pan-On, Kim Tae-hyun!”
“The man who made it into the Guinness World Records for having the highest bounty on his head, Kim Tae-hyun!”
“The Kim Tae-hyun who gets itchy if he doesn't encounter at least one assassin a day!”
“……”
Tae-hyun wore a deeply displeased expression.
Did I really make it into the Guinness World Records?
A truth revealed to him without his own knowledge! Regardless, the rankers stared at Tae-hyun with eyes sparkling with hope.
Come to think of it, there was hardly anyone more expert at being hunted than Kim Tae-hyun.
If it was Kim Tae-hyun, he would surely have some brilliant, unimaginable strategy to share!
“Kim Tae-hyun...! Tell us! What should we do?”
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Those giant guilds just put a bounty on our heads!”
“Uh... yeah, they did.”
“What should we do?”
“...Can't you just play well?”
“……”
“……”
The atmosphere among the rankers instantly turned icy. Sensing that his explanation was severely lacking, Tae-hyun spoke up again.
“Well, I don't know what you're expecting from me, but I don't have any special tricks. I only used ordinary methods.”
“Then teach us those ordinary secrets!”
“Yeah! That's more than enough!”
“Hmm. Really? Well, first of all, cut off all contact with every player you know.”
“...???”
“...Why???”
“Is the next step quitting the game...?”
“What are you talking about? It's because those guys might betray you.”
“……”
The rankers nodded, looking half-dazed.
“A-And after that?”
“Once you've done that, you must play strictly solo. Never party up, no matter how difficult the dungeon or quest is! The party members you meet could easily be assassins or bounty hunters in disguise!”
“……”
The rankers' mouths fell half-open, a thin trail of drool nearly escaping.
“I'd say that covers the basic preparations. Next, you should find a hideout. I highly recommend a dungeon. Specifically, one with complex pathways that are perfect for laying traps. Usually, the big guilds own those kinds of dungeons, but since they took them by force anyway, you can just take them by force too. Once you decorate it to your liking, your primary setup is complete. After that, it's all about fighting. Since your general location will be leaked, people looking to collect the bounty will swarm you in droves.”
The rankers, listening to this mind-boggling strategy, had no idea what kind of content goldmine they were missing out on. If they streamed this, their viewership would skyrocket!
“B-But you're just one person, and the enemies will keep coming, won't they?”
“If you just keep killing them, and killing them, and killing them, usually the enemies give up first.”
“……”
“……”
You absolute lunatic!
“Once you kill them until they're sick of it, your level will have gone up quite a bit, you'll have hoarded all kinds of loot, and the other side will be too terrified to mess with you for a while.”
“I... I see. So the point is to show them that we aren't easy targets.”
“True, if they realize we're tough nuts to crack, they won't attack recklessly... Is that when we negotiate?”
“What negotiation?”
“Ah, do we just run away then? Until they forget about us?”
“What running away?”
“???”
“Next, you invade their territory.”
“...!!!”
“If you just take the hits, people will look down on you. Negotiation? Please. You have to force them to beg for negotiations. If you propose it first, they won't even listen.”
“No, how can a single person...”
“It's better because you're alone. It's much easier to avoid detection. From this point on, the specifics vary wildly depending on your class and skills, so it's hard to give concrete details... but you just do whatever you can. Personally, I love using the 3 Rules of Looting.”
“The... 3 Rules of Looting?”
“It's the law of pillaging that opponents hate the most. You'd do well to memorize it. Occupy their Guild House for 3 hours, their Guild Town for 3 days, their Guild Dungeon for 3 weeks, and their Guild Territory for 3 months. You have to hold out for at least that long for them to shed tears of blood and realize the error of their ways.”
“……”
The rankers felt goosebumps break out all over again.
That was right. The person standing before them wasn't the highly reputable star player of Pan-On 2, but the notorious butcher of Pan-On 1!
Because his image had changed so much, they had forgotten, but there were few lunatics in Pan-On 1 as unhinged as Tae-hyun.
Though, in truth, he wasn't much different now...
“You don't have to do all of them, and you don't have to do them in order. But doing at least two usually gets a great reaction. Oh, right. When you fight in their Guild House or Guild Town, make sure to destroy the surroundings. It's an easy detail to overlook, but it's best to start by setting everything on fire. It forces them to waste effort trying to put it out. Anyway, if you retaliate with that much dedication, they'll eventually realize your sincerity and beg for a treaty.”
“I... I see...”
“And that's when the kill order gets...”
“No! If you accept their negotiation offer right away, they'll think you're weak! What have you been listening to this whole time?”
“That... that wasn't the end???”
“If you show weakness, they'll retaliate eventually, even if the negotiation succeeds for now. Wouldn't you want revenge if you were subjected to all that?”
“That makes sense, but... then what?”
“You ignore their offer and run even wilder. If you do that, they'll quietly lift the kill order on their own. They're only human, and they won't want to keep throwing their guild members into a meat grinder. The guild members themselves will start avoiding you, too.”
“So that's finally the end...”
“No! If you just leave them alone, the guild will eventually seek revenge! What is wrong with you? Are you really a ranker?”
Tae-hyun snapped in annoyance. The ranker flinched, thoroughly taken aback by his genuine irritation.
“S-Sorry. But wasn't that the end?”
“If you keep running wild, the guild will eventually disband. Once that happens, you can consider it mostly over. Of course, you can't just stop there. You have to hunt down the guild master and executives and repeatedly PK them. That's the only way other people will learn their lesson and leave you alone.”
“……”
“That's about it. Not too hard, right?”
“...I think I should just quit Pan-On...”
“?!”
Of course, among the rankers who claimed they would quit, not a single one actually did.
If they were the type to quit so easily, they would never have become rankers in the first place.
“Do you want me to tell you how to quit successfully?”
“No thank you!”
The rankers reacted with extreme sensitivity to Tae-hyun's offer. They didn't need that kind of advice!
Tae-hyun pouted slightly. He had been about to share tips he had personally acquired through trial and error in Pan-On 1...
The rankers huddled together and whispered among themselves.
“That bloodless, tearless bastard's advice is completely useless to us. We have to figure this out on our own.”
“Agreed.”
To be fair, there was nothing factually incorrect about Tae-hyun's advice.
...The only problem was that the person giving it was Tae-hyun!
Tae-hyun could pull off all of that, but for them, they would most likely end up forced to log out inside a dungeon mid-fight.
A surge of murderous intent welled up within them toward Tae-hyun, who made it sound as simple as "just do this and that, and boom, you're done."
That absolute, utter...!
“From now on, if newbies ask me questions, I'm going to answer them so kindly.”
“Me too...! I will never, ever say things like 'Why can't you do something this easy?' again!”
“Let's all work hard together!”
“Guys. Working hard or whatever won't change the fact that we're completely screwed. Wake up.”
“First, we need to clear all the dungeons here.”
“Let's recover as much of our lost gear as possible and hoard some gold. We'll get rewards too.”
“And after that?”
“After that, we have to escape to somewhere deserted. Staying in the kingdoms of the Central Continent would be suicide...”
“We won't even be able to stream. The moment we turn our broadcasts on, we'll be exposed.”
As they spoke, the rankers suddenly stared at one another.
At that exact moment, a single thought crossed everyone's mind simultaneously:
Can I really trust this bastard?
No matter how they looked at it, if push came to shove, every single one of them seemed entirely capable of selling the others out!
“...Should we split up?”
“That sounds like an excellent idea.”
“It's not that I don't trust you guys, haha... It's just that splitting up increases our overall survival rate, right?”
“I think... I'll head toward the Asbian Empire.”
“...I'm going to the Prica Continent. There are still plenty of undiscovered regions there.”
“I'm heading toward Uruk.”
Of course, it was all lies. Only a fool would honestly reveal their destination in a situation like this.
But there was always at least one fool.
And in this group, there was a ranker who was exceptionally terrible at lying.
“Green, where are you going?”
“Oh, me? Well, I'm just...”
Green trailed off. Seeing this, the other rankers' eyes gleamed.
Look at this guy. Why is he acting like this?
“What's wrong? Do you seriously think we'd leak your destination?”
“It's not that...”
“If not that, then what? Are you worried I'll follow you?”
“……”
“Aha, so that is it!”
“Wow, Green. You really look down on us, don't you? Even if we don't follow you, we all have our own places to go!”
“Really?”
“Of course! So just spit it out. We're just curious.”
“...I think I'll just stick by Kim Tae-hyun's side.”
“...!!!!!”