Bride Training, Part 2
"...So what's the right answer, then...?"
She was working herself into such a fury that I was starting to get curious about the correct answer myself. Honestly, I couldn't exactly swear that what I'd said had been wrong. As far as I was concerned, it hadn't been incorrect — not entirely.
"The answer, you see, is this. Unconditionally believing in your husband. That 'thing' right there — that's where the heart of the question lies."
"What?"
"You still don't understand? I suppose a person can't be perfect. Pretty face, empty inside. Well — nobody can be too perfect, can they? It's fine. Knowledge can always be filled in."
After taking that shot at me, she pressed on with her explanation, utterly sure of herself.
"In this passage, you see, a 'why' never appears. Only a scene is given. You have witnessed your bridegroom's infidelity. That sentence. What's important here isn't the fact that he cheated. You have to focus on why he cheated. Why would a husband have an affair?"
"...Uh... because the other woman was prettier...?"
"You don't know that! He could be being blackmailed. He could have some sad, secret circumstance. He might be in a relationship he doesn't even want right now. For his wife's sake — for his family's sake! To survive however he can!"
"...I-is that so..."
"It's not 'is that so.' It is!"
".... Y-yeah... I-I think you're right..."
Sophistry was the first word that came to mind. And yet, the longer I listened, the more plausible it sounded. Trust. Wasn't trust the most important thing in a family? Her words were starting to sound more correct than mine.
After all, there was no relationship on earth without its private circumstances.
"Then do you understand now what this example is trying to say?"
"Mm..."
"Go on. Say it."
"Until complete evidence comes out, you have to believe in your spouse...?"
"Hmm... it's a little lacking, but... look at the next page for a moment, Unni."
The next page was where the author's real message came out in earnest.
A wife must go beyond merely believing in her husband — she must trust him. And beyond trust, she must follow him with fervent devotion. Like a cultist who pays a fortune to drink ordinary water sold as holy water. Your husband is seeing another woman behind your back? Look first to your own self-improvement. Check whether you've put on belly fat, whether your makeup is sitting well, whether your breath smells. Whether you've waxed thoroughly, whether your pussy has gone slack. Do not doubt your husband — doubt yourself, endlessly. If a husband cheats, there is a fitting reason for it. The greatest cause of infidelity is a wife's ignorant suspicion.
"........"
It read like something written by a man pickled in patriarchy, and yet it didn't seem entirely wrong either, which left me with a strange feeling. Or did it...? A few of the lines did look wrong, actually... but I'd always been notoriously easy to talk around, so the whole thing just sounded right to me.
"What do you think, Unni?"
"It seems right, and it also seems wrong... but isn't this a little too extreme?"
"No. It isn't. This man's words are a hundred times right. It's as true as the earth being round. Starting today, Unni, you will copy this man's writing out by hand ten times before you go to sleep. Don't think of it as punishment. Think of it as receiving guidance. It's all for your sake, after all."
".... Okay..."
I answered obediently, and her hand came down to stroke my hair again, as if I were a well-behaved child. A feeling I couldn't quite name rose up under her touch. Being acknowledged. Being loved. Twisted fate or not, it wasn't such an unpleasant emotion.
"Now then, let's turn to the next page."
"...Can't we rest for just a little bit...?"
"We're only going as far as the next page today, so wouldn't it be better to finish quickly and then rest?"
"...Yeah... I think that would be better."
"Haa... our Unni, answering so promptly every time... you're just too adorable..."
"...What's with you... don't praise me for every little thing like this... nnh. M-my ear — don't lick that either!"
Whenever I talked with her, I always ended up feeling like a child. Then maybe she shouldn't have created an environment where I couldn't be treated as anything else...
"Yes. Hehe. Then let's turn the page~"
The next page was Chapter 2. Should I have been glad that we'd already finished Chapter 1, or despaired that a Chapter 2 existed at all? Naturally, the emotion I felt was the latter — despair.
The theme of Chapter 2 was Devotion. And there, once again, was the name that had been quoted in Chapter 1.
Nicholas Sheftov.
What the hell was this bastard even supposed to be? One thing was certain: he was no ordinary man. And she seemed to have been profoundly influenced by someone like this. What made him truly vicious was the way he mixed truth and lies so subtly that even I was getting confused.
"Alright. I'll give you ten minutes again, Unni. Read it and tell me what you felt."
I was busy tearing the author apart in my head when the time came to read the next passage.
"....Okay."
This time, I read with every intention of letting it go in one ear and out the other.
What is devotion? Devotion is like a mother. Endless love — offering up body and soul to love another. If this is brought into the marital relationship, then bride and groom must have nothing to hide from each other. You who are reading these words now. Do you truly, sincerely love your spouse? Then prove your devotion. Reveal the ugliest face you most wish to conceal. For reference, my wife once masturbated in the middle of the street as proof of her devotion.
"............."
What kind of insane garbage was this? And what on earth was that madman's wife doing with her life?
Nicholas Sheftov. This bastard was a communist through and through — a red, no question. Naive Kim Heejin had clearly been brainwashed by this kind of communist ideology.
"Have you finished reading, Unni?"
"....Yeah..."
I must have spent so long cursing him as a commie in my head that the ten minutes seemed to have already run out.
"What did you feel?"
"........."
The question of what I had felt made my breath catch in my throat. I didn't know. That madman's ideology was clearly wrong — but I couldn't put into words why.
"....Unni. Any answer is fine, so please just answer me."
"...It's just weird... that stuff..."
In the end, the word I chose was "just" — a word that embarrassed me even as I said it. "Just," from a grown adult who'd lived as many years as I had. I was starting to understand why adults always told you to read books.
"Which part are you having trouble understanding?"
"....I get that you shouldn't hide too much from each other, but having nothing to hide at all is a little weird, isn't it...?"
"What's weird about it? Isn't it only natural that a couple shouldn't have secrets? I would do anything for you, Unni."
"....When the person with the most secrets says that, it doesn't exactly inspire trust..."
At my sharp remark, she let out a sigh. Her body tensed, like someone who'd been called out on something that was never supposed to be pointed out. Even I thought this answer had crossed a line, just a little.
"...Unni."
"....Yeah..."
"I can't help having a lot of secrets. Honestly speaking, I'm a rather important person in this country. But you, Unni..."
She paused to catch her breath. As if she didn't want to say what came next, she let out another deep sigh before continuing.
"Unlike me, you don't have anything to put forward except a pretty face, do you? Do you have some impressive secret you need to hide even from the person you love? If there's a secret about you that I don't know, I'll tell you my secrets too."
"....Uh.. I don't..."
"That's right. You don't. What could you even do without me? With that sickly body that can barely hold a pair of chopsticks, could you do physical labor? With that ossified brain of yours, could you study? You'd end up selling your body, if anything."
"Hh... hhk..."
I knew. I already knew all of this. But hearing it spoken from her own mouth felt like a dagger driven into my chest.
"I'm sorry, Unni. That was too harsh of me. But it was something we had to address at least once — the fact that just because I love you doesn't mean we stand in the same position. I have many secrets I must keep, for the country and for you. But you don't have any secrets to hide, do you? If you love me, you should lay everything bare for me. You'll understand, won't you? You love me, after all."
"Hnghh, huuuhhh...."
"I could tell you everything too, Unni, as long as it isn't a truly official secret. I have nothing to be ashamed of in front of you."
She was right. Just because we were lovers didn't mean we stood on equal ground. Even from the rumors alone, she was a giant — and I was nothing more than a woman of a certain age whose only asset was a pretty face.
The only thing I could call a secret worth hiding was the fact that I wasn't really Yoon Seohyun. Beyond that, I had nothing to keep from her.
If she insisted that to love was to lay everything bare, then I had to lay everything bare before her.