Chapter 39
Chapter 39
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 39
Chapter Title: I Want to Be an Adult - 1
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"Hmm..."
The sunlight streaming through the window wakes me from my sleep.
Rubbing my still-heavy eyes, I sit up and reach for the phone by my pillow.
I turn off the alarm that was set to go off in ten minutes.
"..."
Ugh.
For some reason, my body feels heavier than usual today, so I just sit there on the bed for a moment.
The urge to lie back down and burrow under the covers comes rushing back.
But I can't lose here.
If I can't even overcome something like this, I can't overcome anything.
Smack!
I slap my own cheek to clear my head, get out of bed, fold my blanket, open the curtains, and crack open the window to air out the room.
Then, I step onto the scale with practiced ease.
This is the digital scale I bought after saving up for it.
67.6 kg
"...Is it broken?"
I bought it after saving up, and it's already acting up. This won't do.
I can't believe the number on the screen, so I step off and get back on.
But the number remains the same.
Thinking maybe it's not on a level surface, I shift it around a bit and step on again, but the number still doesn't change.
...This is strange.
I ate five whole meals yesterday, so how could my weight have only gone up by 0.1 kilos?
And I definitely felt heavy when I first woke up.
Right. It doesn't make sense.
The scale must be the problem.
It must be groggy from waking up in the morning too.
"I should have bought a Korean brand."
I sigh. I saved up for this, and it's already giving me trouble. I should have gone with my dad to buy it. I must have been tricked by the salesperson's smooth talk since I went alone.
Sheesh.
I let out a sigh, grab some fresh underwear to change into, and head for the bathroom.
"..."
I strip off my clothes and stand in front of the mirror for a moment.
Then, I inspect my body from various angles.
I stretch out my shoulders, I tense the muscles in my arms. I even turn around to check the growth of my back muscles without missing a beat.
Hmm...
Why does the body change so slowly?
Let's just stop. Squeezing myself isn't going to create muscles that aren't there.
It's just draining my energy for nothing.
Shhhhhh-
I turn on the shower.
Now, the biggest challenge before work awaits me. Water so cold it looks like it could freeze on contact comes pouring out of the showerhead.
I spent so long putting on a show in front of the mirror that I probably don't need to stretch separately.
"Hoo, ha!"
I take a deep breath, steel my resolve, and leap into the cold water.
"Ugh...!"
I grit my teeth and tackle the shower with a fighting spirit.
Thinking about it, my seniors are truly amazing.
They finish training and shower with cold water just like this, but some of them even submerge themselves in ice water.
I mean, not just cold water like ice, but a bathtub filled with actual ice.
And yet, my seniors act like it's nothing, completely used to it. Meanwhile, I'm making a huge fuss over just a cold shower.
When will I become an adult like that?
"Hoo, hoo."
I finish my shower in about five minutes and quickly towel off. If I dry myself thoroughly like this, the cold feeling miraculously disappears.
Instead, a heat rises from my body, and I even feel a little warm.
My confidence overflows as well, so I puff out my chest and stand in front of the mirror again.
But the mirror still only shows a skinny little shrimp, so I become humble again and hurriedly put on my clothes.
Nothing is ever easy.
Even just leaving my room in the morning requires getting through several hurdles like this and mustering up courage.
If leaving my room is this difficult, it's only natural that the world is full of difficult things.
In many ways, I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I want to be an adult.
To do that, I have to eat properly first.
That way, I can grow faster. One of the reasons I want to be an adult quickly is that I hate being the one who needs to be protected by my seniors.
In the last match, I received a lot of help from my seniors. They fought in my place and got angry on my behalf because I was still weak.
My seniors had to play a more difficult game because of me.
I'm truly grateful for that, but... I'm also sorry, to the point where it hurts.
If I could protect myself, my seniors wouldn't have had to go to such lengths for me.
It's all because I'm still a kid.
That's why I have to eat.
A lot.
Lately, I've barely felt the emotion of hunger. It's only natural when I eat five meals a day.
The coach and the other coaches told me there's no need to rush, but I'm in a hurry these days.
So I increased my meals from four a day to five.
I toss my bag carelessly by the entrance and head to the kitchen.
When I open the fridge, the lunch boxes are lined up perfectly, with their lids fitting just right. It's neater than most teams' defensive lines.
It's all Ji-woo's work. I told her I'd prepare the lunches and just wanted her to teach me how, but she refused. She said it's better for her to do it than to teach me.
Anyway, I take one out, heat it in the microwave, and sit at the table to start eating...
"Hm?"
Huh. The contents of the lunch box have changed a bit.
Originally, it was just white rice, a block of fish steak, broccoli, and a hard-boiled egg... but now there's something that looks like a fried food added. When did she prepare this?
"...Oh."
I take a bite and taste potato and egg.
It must be a croquette or something, but it's really delicious.
I don't know why the side dishes suddenly increased, but thanks to the new side dish, my breakfast, which was just about chewing and swallowing, has become somewhat enjoyable.
After finishing breakfast like that, I pack my lunch box in my bag and leave the house.
The city scenery is the same as always, but my commute to work has changed a lot lately.
If I had to pick what's changed the most from a month ago to now, it's that so many more people recognize me.
The commute that used to be quiet and my own time is gone.
Now, my commute is a continuous racket.
"Hey, good morning!"
"Good morning."
"Heading to training? Do your best!"
"Thank you."
The man from the house next door, who used to seem like nothing more than part of the scenery, now greets me, and people sitting in the plaza drinking coffee wave at me.
Sometimes, people even stop me and talk to me about all sorts of things.
"Our soccer genius, good morning! Here you go."
"Thank you."
"How's your condition?"
"Not bad."
"Good to hear. This weekend, I'd love to see our soccer genius play for 90 minutes. Did the coach give you any special hints? Ah, I guess that's confidential?"
I give an awkward smile at the words of the fruit stand owner I always pass on my commute.
The aftermath of that interview was much bigger than I thought. It wasn't just a problem that I was caught by Ji-woo. The bigger problem was that I spouted nonsense like, 'I'm a genius, so look forward to it from now on.'
To be honest, I was half out of my mind, and I was also thinking that Ji-woo would be watching, so I said that...
Thanks to that, I've ended up with pointless expectations.
"Take care! I'm looking forward to this weekend!"
Thinking about it, it's all my mouth's fault.
There's a saying that a single word can repay a thousand gold in debt, and it seems to exist for a reason.
When everyone I meet tells me they're looking forward to it, I feel like I've incurred a debt of a thousand gold with a single word.
Like I did with Ji-woo, now I'm in a position where I have to live up to the expectations of all the soccer fans in this city.
To be honest, the feelings I have are not the same.
When I was expected of by Ji-woo, and when I'm expected of by the people here.
If the former is a strong desire to show a worthy performance, the latter is a sense of burden that I must not fail to meet those expectations.
Just like in Korea.
I don't know why that is.
Maybe it's because of the memory of the spectators who hurled insults and jeers at our team's players.
The fans' attitudes ultimately depend on how we perform.
If we do well, they cheer; if we do poorly, they jeer.
Meaning, right now everyone is friendly to me... but if I start to show a disappointing performance, they could turn their backs on me at any time.
I'm afraid of that.
I can brush off people who have always hated me insulting me.
But having someone who liked me suddenly turn and insult me... just imagining it would be incredibly hurtful.
I don't yet have the broad-mindedness to brush that off lightly.
Like the seniors who came home smiling even after being jeered by the home fans.
So maybe that's why I've been thinking so much lately about wanting to be an adult like my seniors.
"Hey, the maknae is here."
"Hey, maknae! Come here quick, quick!"
"We're having a really important talk right now? Tell us what you think."
"Hey, maknae. These idiots are saying a hippo is stronger than a rhinoceros. Does that make any sense?"
...I'm really envious.
Even in a situation that's a burden every single day, the adulthood of my seniors, preparing for tomorrow with such joyful expressions.
*
"Hoo, hoo..."
It's a wicked thought, but when I'm preparing for the next match like this, I sometimes get this thought.
If only I had played a little less well in last week's match, wouldn't it have been fine?
Of course, even I know it's a ridiculous thought.
I should be grateful for my good fortune, but here I am thinking things like that.
But... from my position, where I have to do better in the next match than I did in the last, the last match feels like a hurdle.
A hurdle I have to jump over.
The better I did in the last match, the higher the hurdle I have to jump over becomes.
Can I really jump over that hurdle again next time?
That seemed to be my peak. It even seemed to be more than I had.
But people are expecting me to show an even better performance.
What am I supposed to do?
Will such luck follow me to the next match as well? What if it doesn't?
...There's no end to it.
I've gone through experiences I couldn't have even imagined over the past few months, and I've learned a lot, so I thought I had changed a bit...
But these kinds of thoughts still remain in my head, tormenting me.
I know that worrying about this is good for nothing. But it's not that I'm worrying. The worry just comes to me on its own.
"Hoo, hoo!"
In the end, I just focus more on my training.
At least when my body is feeling unbearably tired, these worries don't come.
And my anxiety also lessens.
Because I've learned that I grow as much as I suffer. That was when I was training with Coach Luca.
The harder I prepare for the next match, the higher the probability that luck will follow me.
So I push my body until it's screaming in pain.
Physical suffering is much better than mental suffering.
Thinking about it, this is something I felt while training with Coach Luca too.
Once this week's match is over, I should go see Coach Luca.
"Huff, huff..."
I collapse onto the grass.
My heart is pounding so hard that no thoughts can form. I just stare blankly at the sky and see the stars twinkling in the pitch-black night sky.
...Wow. That star is exceptionally bright.
I wonder what it feels like to be the brightest of all those stars?
Is it good?
"Hoo."
Our next opponent is a team called AS Roma.
Roma is currently ranked 7th in the league, one step above us in 8th place.
And I am scheduled to start in that match against Roma. The coach told me in advance after last week's match ended.
That I would be starting next week.
That's why I'm here doing this right now.
It's so late that all I can see are the stars, but to get rid of my anxiety, I had to push my body to its limits even at this hour.
I want to do well against AS Roma so desperately it hurts.
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