The Same Stage, Different Eyes
Applause rippled all around us. Ornate music flowed through the hall.
The Seoul International Drama Awards will now begin.
With the narrator's voice, the MCs appeared on stage. Watching the two of them enter with polished poise, cue cards in hand, I worked on keeping my expression neutral.
Do Gyeo-ul on top, me on the bottom. Once again, the familiar framing.
"Hello everyone. I'm Myeong Je-ha, your MC for today."
"And I'm Do Gyeo-ul."
As the two of them opened the ceremony with their greetings, applause erupted and filled the hall.
Standing before the microphone, Myeong Je-ha carried the event forward without so much as a glance at his cue cards. His fluency was such that you'd never guess he was only twenty.
"The Seoul International Drama Awards—a festival of drama not just for Korea, but for the whole world. Which works will take home the honors? I can hardly wait to find out."
"Yes, Je-ha. I'm trembling already, honestly. It's a true honor to introduce such remarkable works. Now, for our first award category…."
On the screen, the nominated titles appeared one by one. From the MC podium, Do Gyeo-ul gazed down at Yeo-reum. Even from a distance, she could see her clearly, as if they were sitting side by side.
Same nerves as always. And yet… it feels different this time.
Her face looked different from when Gyeo-ul had been sitting right beside her.
Gyeo-ul read no emotion from her expression—she inferred it from the situation instead. A first-time attendee at an awards ceremony, therefore an unfamiliar environment. And with unfamiliarity came a certain flutter of excitement mingled with giddiness, and at her age, plenty of naive daydreaming besides.
That there might be a chance she could actually win something.
Do Gyeo-ul counted more than thirty actors she recognized by name in this venue alone. This year had already produced two dramas with standout ratings.
One of them had broken through the twenty percent mark; the other had sold two million copies of its source novel. There was simply no room for any other Korean drama to squeeze in.
And the suits upstairs pushing all this 'global awards' rhetoric—it's obvious what they're thinking….
They'd hand a suitably face-saving Hallyu Star award to a handful of the top actors in attendance today and rotate the rest of the trophies among the foreign entries.
That's how the articles come out pretty.
What mattered was that a 'Korean work' walked away with an award, even amid a slate of prestigious international masterpieces.
Do Gyeo-ul, who had grasped all of these calculations since she was a child, raised her cue card again, timed precisely to the end of the nominee introductions.
"And now, the first winner of the evening."
Just as she'd expected.
"The winner of the New Trend Award is…"
She started with the American entry.
"Be All Years. Congratulations."
Gyeo-ul beamed brightly as she handed over the trophy. While the winner, clutching the bouquet Myeong Je-ha had presented, made her way to the microphone for a tearful acceptance speech, Gyeo-ul's gaze drifted back to the same spot.
It's in English, so she'll barely follow along, and it's early in the show, so she'll still be nervous and starry-eyed. Around episode five—yes, I'll use that expression for episode five.
Do Gyeo-ul analyzed Han Yeo-reum yet again. To put it precisely, she had memorized, line by line, which expression to wear in which situation.
It couldn't be mere facial muscle movement. She had to replicate Han Yeo-reum exactly—the version of her that powerfully seized the eyes of everyone watching.
"Thank you for those moving words. True to a work that explores family conflict with such depth, it delivered a message of remarkable intensity."
Analyzing every situation like this, one by one, was suffocating. Picking up seamlessly from Myeong Je-ha's line, Gyeo-ul thought,
"Once again, congratulations on the award. Let's move on to our next category."
Like a pet. I want to lock her up somewhere and just watch her.
The pure pleasure of wanting to see Han Yeo-reum act. The aimless paralysis of not knowing what kind of acting to do herself. The desire to be acknowledged in spite of it. The expectation that Han Yeo-reum alone would be enough. The collector's hunger to gather every expression from every situation into one place.
"Our second award is the Writer's Award of the Seoul International Drama Awards."
The selfish wish for Han Yeo-reum to keep growing—and, in the opposite direction, the impulse to keep her pinned at a bottom so far beneath herself that comparison would be impossible.
"Shall we look at the nominated works first?"
Do Gyeo-ul didn't know what to call this feeling. But the world had a name for the emotion Do Gyeo-ul carried.
Jealousy, they called it.
By the time the ceremony's atmosphere had fully warmed up, Part One came to an end. It was time for a short intermission. I took the water bottle Manager Choi handed me.
I've been tense this whole time—my throat is killing me.
Not Interested At All had received two nominations, and of course hadn't won either one. The average quality of the works that made it to the main categories wasn't just high—it was sky-high.
"Yeo-reum, do you need the restroom?"
"I'm fine."
"Then… I'll step out for a moment…."
The moment Director So left, the seat beside me emptied. I turned my head briefly toward the stage. The stage, completely empty now.
The letters still glowing on the screen caught my eye with particular force.
Seoul International Drama Awards
Still—I have to win one of these someday. Okay. Deep breath. I'll keep my heart open and send sincere applause all the way to the end of the ceremony….
"Hey, Yeo-reum."
"Whoa! You scared me."
…That was exactly when I was making that resolution. From the seat that had been empty came a familiar voice.
"Uh…."
"Myeong… Je-ha…."
Coordinator Hwang, standing beside me fixing my lipstick, went blank staring up at Myeong Je-ha's face, and Manager Choi likewise froze for a moment at that impossibly high-resolution face, like it had been shot on a different camera entirely.
"Hello. I'm Yeo-reum's classmate."
Myeong Je-ha offered the greeting warmly. When a face that was shocking enough at rest softened into a smile, the destructive power went up another level. The two of them scrambled to bow in unison.
"I've heard so much about you both. Yeo-reum brags about you constantly—honestly, I was jealous."
He's a liar…. I have never once said a word about you people. What is this.
Myeong Je-ha took control of the conversation with effortless ease.
"Let's all have a meal together sometime."
The awkward atmosphere melted into warmth in an instant.
Impressive. That particular confidence of someone who learned from birth that showing his face makes the world turn easily—the confidence of a man who's solved everything in life with his looks.
"Haha, well then—I'll just borrow Yeo-reum for a moment…."
So that's the goal. He wants you two to clear out.
Manager Choi and Coordinator Hwang exchanged a glance with me and quickly retreated to their seats. Maybe it was because of Myeong Je-ha, but I could feel gazes from the audience gradually drifting our way.
"Hey…. What are you doing, acting all close with me here…."
"That's so mean. You've wounded me."
"Stop joking around. I'm already sitting near my male co-star for the MC segment, and I have to do a drama with an idol next…. If an elder does this to me right now, hm?"
The only female celebrities I'm close with—well, you could stretch it to include Chu Ga-eul, and publicly, Do Gyeo-ul. Even then, that's barely two people. And yet here come the male celebrities, one after another?
This is the perfect setup to get framed as a man-crazy flirt….
I did not want to end up as an instant screenshot circulating on portal site best-of lists. My fanbase isn't even solidly on my side yet. I want to lock in goodwill with the general public as much as I can.
Leave while I'm being nice about it.
I looked at Myeong Je-ha, trying to convey exactly that. But he didn't spare it a thought, just crossed his legs. It's not even your seat—why do you look so comfortable?
"I was just with Do Gyeo-ul, you know. If I said hello to her and ignored you, that'd actually be weirder."
"Ah…. I suppose so."
Seasoned veteran through and through. Myeong Je-ha studied me for a moment as I nodded.
"It's fine to let some nervousness show. You're a rookie, and this is your first acting-related awards show, after all…. But in Part Two, make sure the cameras catch you looking a bit more at ease. That way, when your name gets called, it'll be all the more dramatic."
"Huh? When my name gets called?"
What Myeong Je-ha was saying pointed to one thing. An award.
"I—I could win? Was my name on the cue cards?"
"Who knows…."
"Stop messing around. Seriously—could I actually win something?"
Myeong Je-ha glanced briefly toward the back. Director So was making his way back to his seat. Rising from his chair without a trace of reluctance, Myeong Je-ha whispered,
"If you win—then yes, that's what it would mean."
And with that, he passed right by me to go greet Director So. I turned my eyes back to the stage. Still utterly empty.
If… I could stand up there.
My heart, which had barely managed to calm down, started pounding all over again.
"So you two have gotten quite close, I see."
Part One of the MC duty was over. Still, Myeong Je-ha and Do Gyeo-ul remained at the table that had been reserved for the two of them.
The front row, where the lighting hit best.
"Part Two's starting. You should pay attention."
Myeong Je-ha didn't bother offering an answer.
Meanwhile, music swelled to announce the start of Part Two, and the second set of MCs walked out to a wave of applause.