I Have No Choice But to Hug You
“Haaah…”
Letting out a long sigh, Selena gazed at the confirmation document held in her hand.
After weighing every possibility and then some more, the only answer that kept surfacing was this one.
Imperial Academy Graduate Student – Selena Ifreet
She had poured her heart and soul into every moment of her academy life. Not a single day had been wasted.
She had missed no classes and never been late. Every assignment had been given her absolute best.
During exam periods, she had slept less than four hours. She had memorized her notes almost by heart.
Thanks to that dedication, she had graduated at the top of her class. A professor had even told her she would rank in the top ten among all graduating students.
It had felt satisfying. She had given everything, and she had received results worthy of it. She had been content with herself.
Yes. Until Karl returned and that strange new feeling had begun to stir inside her.
At the time, she had not understood it. Whether it was because she was young, or because she had taken the love she received for granted.
If asked if she had hated him, the answer would be no. Then why? Had it felt burdensome? Or had it felt shameful?
Whatever it was, the beginning had not been good. It had been a complete mess. Everything had become tangled.
They had drifted apart, she had stayed at the academy, and Karl had enlisted in the military after his leave.
She had thought that was the end. She had occasionally thought of him, but she had convinced herself that was all there was to it.
But it had not been. To be precise, she had changed. She had realized it belatedly.
She wanted to be by his side. She wanted to apologize, and to try to change things if possible.
Thinking that, she had decided to stay here a little longer.
“Graduate deferral? Selena student. What nonsense are you talking?”
“Impossible. How can a top student receive a deferral?”
“I don’t know what happened, Selena student. Your graduation is confirmed.”
…It seemed difficult to escape from. There was no angle to get out of it.
'I worked too hard at the academy and this is how it got me in trouble…!'
Apparently, Schlippen, Wilhelm, Alexander, and Joachim had to stay at least another semester.
So that was why? Karl had returned, and she had become quite close to him recently.
If she told Karl, he would say no, but it seemed like it was definitely the right thing.
Selena herself, as she had told Lavrenti recently, had benefited from the academy.
If it weren’t for this place, she wouldn’t have gotten this close to Karl. She might not have even met him.
Thinking that, even though it was a foolish reason, she felt she had to stay at the academy somehow, like those four.
But her grades were perfect. There was no reason she couldn’t graduate. If she did that, it would be perfect peace.
Even if she could meet him outside, Selena knew what the academy meant to Karl. It was peace itself to him, who had been wandering the battlefield.
She had to choose. And she had chosen. The only way to be with Karl at the academy.
It was this graduate student status she held in her hand right now. It was a somewhat frightening way.
“Graduate school? No, wait. Selena student. Are you serious?”
“A bit. No, it’s quite sudden. You weren’t particularly interested in grad school, were you?”
“With Selena student, I think you could easily handle the master’s program…”
Graduate students, those who needed master’s or higher degrees, were set.
Those aiming for a bigger stage in academia. Or those wanting to be academy professors.
Mid-tier noble children who had no special path and had to do something more.
Those people entered grad school to build their academic foundation and aim for master’s or higher.
But Selena was different. She was the daughter of Marquis Naplio, after all. And she was pampered quite a bit.
With her outstanding beauty, she had captivated not only the current academy students but also the graduates.
Everyone, seniors, juniors, had been trying to date her desperately.
Once she graduated, suitable matches would come to her. She could choose one she liked.
With the family’s power and her own charm, she would receive great love from her husband.
So, when Selena showed interest in grad school, the professors couldn’t help but be surprised.
“Are you sure you don’t want to?”
“It’s not that….”
“Are you really sure?”
“You might regret it later. The timing is already late, Selena student.”
In the end, under the guidance of her advisor, Selena had applied for grad school life.
And right now, today. The result had come out. Naturally, Selena had become a prospective graduate student.
'Was this really the right thing…? Did I do something foolish…?'
Honestly, it was quite foolish. She kept thinking it was a stupid thing to do.
She knew how busy and tough grad school was. For master’s, or even doctoral programs.
She had heard that all the academy professors had gone through those processes. And she had seen some grad student seniors. They all seemed incredibly tough.
For being with Karl. To spend time with him at the academy. That was the reason.
But thinking about it, spending time together might be even harder after graduation.
Just recalling the lives of grad student seniors, it was not just a guess but a certainty!
What to do. Really, what to do. Ah, I don’t know. Anyway, I already stamped and signed. Now I can’t back out.
Don’t give up, Selena. What are you going to do now? In the end, it turned out the way you wanted!
No matter how busy, no matter how little time. As long as I can stay at the academy with Karl—
“Selena!!”
From ahead, Karl was running quickly, waving both hands.
The voice calling her name was so loud that Selena almost dropped the documents.
“Karl? The appointment time isn’t over yet—
Without listening to Selena’s answer, Karl snatched the document from her hand.
So fast that there was no time for Selena to stop him.
“…It was real.”
“Karl.”
“You really applied for grad school.”
Karl’s voice was filled with surprise and shock.
He let out a sigh “Ugh” and stared at Selena for a moment before continuing.
“Why?”
“…”
“You worked really hard to graduate. And you said you had things you wanted to do after graduation. Above all, grad school isn’t easy or leisurely at all. It drains a person’s energy!”
“…I know. Karl.”
“You know? Then why did you apply for grad school?!”
Karl kept sighing, unable to understand at all. His frustration was evident.
Selena felt something sting inside her chest at that sight.
“…I had no choice.”
“Selena?”
“I had to, so that I could be with Karl at the academy during the remaining time.”
At that answer, Karl was shocked, thinking ‘Is that the reason? That’s why you applied for grad school?’
Probably, to Karl, the reason Selena gave seemed absurd.
But for Selena herself, it was different. Even if she had to bear all that, she had to do it.
“Even if it’s not the academy, we can meet outside. I’m not some student who can’t see you just because. If Selena just hangs out outside and comes to the academy sometimes—
“I know all that, Karl. What the academy means to you. What kind of place it is.
Army, and the battlefield. A place different from that harsh, difficult one. A place with only peace, no anxiety or fear.
That’s why Karl came back to the academy. The reason he keeps worrying about being a ‘repeater’ is because of that.
Selena knew that. So, she wanted to be with him in that meaningful academy.
“So it was scary. If I fall away from you here, we might go back to being nothing to each other.”
“That won’t happen.”
“But it could.”
Selena’s voice was cracking a bit. Then, an apology came out of her mouth.
“I’m sorry, Karl.”
“Sorry for what.”
“Back then… I rejected your confession too harshly.”
“I told you many times that wasn’t your fault. Rather, I was the one who did wrong.”
“I know. I know… but still, I’m sorry. Even for what I’m about to say now, I’m really sorry.”
“What I’m about to say now.” Karl tilted his head, confused.
Selena closed her eyes tightly.
“Me, me… Will you date me?”
“Selena?”
“Back then, you confessed, so this time I’ll be the one. I like you, Karl. I don’t know why I pushed you away like a fool back then… but now I like you. I like you even more. I want to be with you more, and I want to spend more time with you in the same space.”
Her hands, which were holding each other’s, were trembling violently.
She looked very nervous.
“Is it embarrassing that I, who rejected your confession once, am doing this? I know. I’m ashamed of myself too. But, but! If I don’t do this, my heart will be suffocated and hurt. So, Karl. Can you give me one more chance? This time, I’ll try to like you more than you like me. So—
Karl stared at Selena for a moment and let out a deep sigh. At that, Selena flinched.
Of all times, a sigh at this moment. This was clearly not a good reaction.
“I’m really going crazy.”
But instead of pushing Selena away, Karl pulled her into his arms.
“So you chose grad school because you wanted to be with me. You didn’t want to get any farther?”
“Uhn…”
“You knew how tough and time-consuming grad school was, right?”
Selena apologized, but Karl also knew his own fault.
Announcing a public confession and expecting a good reaction was crazy, wasn’t it?
Because of that shock, he had gone to the army, but it was ultimately his own decision.
Selena hadn’t done anything wrong. Even if she had, the lingering feelings were gone.
It was only natural. How could one push away a woman who chose grad school just to be with him?
“How long is grad school?”
“…Three years.”
“Exactly until I graduate.”
“Uhn. After master’s… I wanted to finish together when Karl graduates.”
“Really, I’m going crazy.”
Three years of military life. And three years of grad school life. What are they doing for each other?
Karl lightly patted Selena’s back. He thought, if Selena had reacted like this when he confessed, it would have been good, but he shook his head.
By rejecting him, she had grown, and by pushing her away, she had realized her feelings more clearly.
If they had taken one more step together, yes. That would be it.