What I Needed
“...”
I sat on the bed, staring blankly out the window at the lively scene unfolding outside.
Despite the series of events yesterday, the festival was proceeding smoothly.
Of course, the academy wasn’t doing this without thought.
The management office had even considered halting the autumn festival right away.
They judged that continuing under such circumstances was too dangerous.
But perhaps that was exactly what the hidden gganf wanted.
By stopping the operation they had planned, the Empire would show its true strength.
After weighing those opinions, the festival was decided to proceed as normal.
What did I think? It was fine. It had to be.
In truth, the reason the Special Intelligence Agency had deployed fewer personnel was because of good reason.
While their attention was focused on the academy, they had simultaneously raided the suspected hideouts of the gganf—more than ten locations at once.
As a result, we had managed to capture most of the gganf leadership that dared to establish a base in the Empire.
From their perspective, they hadn’t expected such a swift and coordinated strike.
In other words, the Special Intelligence Agency had handled their business exceptionally well.
“Although a few escaped, they’ll be caught soon enough.”
This was the “We went to check the other place and our house was gone!” operation.
In any case, the ones who had targeted my first festival were now gone.
“I’m sorry, Sergeant Karl Adelheit. It was clearly our mistake.”
In the middle of the morning, the vice director of the Special Intelligence Agency personally came to apologize.
The mistake, of course, was letting one gganf slip and causing the disturbance.
Since the on-site personnel had caused the unfortunate incident, they would take responsibility.
“Please show us some leniency,” they said.
I waved my hand, saying it was fine.
Who could have predicted that I, who had been beaten so easily, would be in this state?
The gganf’s prepared smoke bomb. No, it was a CS gas, right?
The moment you inhaled it, anyone would have to run away screaming!
I couldn’t figure out when these kids had developed and acquired such a thing.
If they had used this on the battlefield… the Empire’s army would have been in quite a predicament.
The saving grace was that it was still a very incomplete product.
It had dispersed quickly, allowing for immediate pursuit, and there weren’t enough quantities.
Otherwise, the gganf would have all been carrying it for escape.
“Please, spare me the apology. After all, this was a task I volunteered for.”
“Still…”
“The Special Intelligence Agency has done enough by completely wiping out their bases. So don’t worry. If you feel sorry, please keep a close watch to ensure nothing happens during the festival period.”
At my suggestion, the vice director firmly promised to do so and left.
And indeed, within an hour, the Special Intelligence Agency agents began secretly positioning themselves.
They were the kind of people who could move out immediately if they sensed anything suspicious.
More importantly, why was I lying in bed like this? I hadn’t been injured.
It felt slightly unfair that a healthy man was being treated like a patient.
…Ah, to be precise, I had been injured. I had gotten a bit torn up from the gganf’s beating.
But it was a minor wound that would heal with treatment magic and more.
Treatment magic was expensive, but I was a recipient of the Imperial Medal of Honor.
If I wanted, I could receive that money anywhere. Right now, even.
Yet the reason I was in this patient cosplay now was—
“Karl. Can I come in?”
Right on cue. That was the reason.
I answered that she could come in, and the door opened cautiously. Selena peeked in, her face timidly appearing.
In her hands were medicine for the wound, disinfectant alcohol, cotton, and bandages.
Yes, it was because of Selena. More precisely, because she had insisted on treating my wound.
At first, I had tried to refuse. With treatment magic, it would heal completely.
And I had to watch the cooking booth that had almost turned into a mess while we were out together.
But Selena stubbornly insisted that she had to take care of my wound.
I had expected it, but she had probably been deeply shocked by the impact I had taken when dealing with the gganf.
Seeing her like this, she seemed to want to watch over me more calmly.
“…It was shocking, wasn’t it, Selena. Since you were making such a fuss.”
It wasn’t a scene a noble lady would normally see.
No, perhaps it was something a person should never see in their lifetime.
Honestly, even I thought I had gotten too excited and caused unnecessary trouble.
When the gganf had a knife and I saw the wound on Selena’s arm.
Unconsciously, scenes from the battlefield I had seen countless times flooded my mind.
After that, I don’t know exactly. When I came to, Selena was stopping me.
Was this what they meant by “something snapped”?
“Show me your hand.”
“It’s fine. This kind of wound is something I’ve seen hundreds of times on the battlefield…”
“Give me your hand, Karl.”
Since it seemed she wouldn’t easily back down, I obediently extended my hand.
Unlike Selena’s fair and delicate hand, my rough and calloused one felt a bit embarrassing.
Wait. I had washed my hands several times, right? If the gganf’s blood got on them, I should have washed them at least ten times.
“Fortunately, it seems I don’t even need to disinfect it. Just apply the medicine and wrap it with a clean bandage.”
I quietly spread the medicine over the wound and carefully wrapped it with a clean bandage.
I had thought this would help with the booth work, but I held back for now.
If I said something here, it would give Selena some idea of my thoughts.
“…The four people at the cooking booth are doing well.”
Perhaps she had noticed my inner thoughts. Selena suddenly spoke up.
“Even though there was that incident yesterday, they’ve been handling it well, and after that, they’ve been taking turns doing funny performances. And the snacks they sell seem to be quite popular.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah, it is. So the other students won’t be gossiping about you, Karl.”
“I should thank those guys later.”
“Instead, the students should thank you. If it weren’t for you, Karl, they would have been selling only weird things.”
Hmm. That was true. Probably, the academy newspaper’s front page would be filled with headlines after the festival ended.
The academy four: They tried to offer the devil’s excrement as a sacrifice at the festival! Something like that.
“It’s done.”
I clenched and unclenched my fist repeatedly. The bandage was wrapped quite well.
It was a very familiar situation for a noble lady. As if she had learned it professionally somewhere.
“I learned it from oppa. And I got used to it because I was doing it for oppa.”
Now that I thought about it, oppa was also in the army. That made sense.
I was about to thank Selena and start moving a bit when—
“Karl.”
Selena, who had been sitting beside me in silence for a while, opened her mouth.
“I have something I wanted to say to oppa. To oppa, who came back from the war, changed a lot.”
“What to say…”
“It’s fine, Karl. It’s not your fault. You did your best.”
My body suddenly trembled, my heart pounding erratically.
The word “fine,” and then… that it wasn’t my fault.
And… that I had done my best, something I couldn’t have done even if I died.
“Sometimes at night, I heard the sound of sniffling in the garden. When I looked, oppa was crying. That strong person, after returning from the war, would occasionally do that.”
“...”
“At first, I didn’t know why. Then, by chance, I found out. From oppa, who had fallen asleep for a moment in the carriage, names of some people came out of his mouth, and he was muttering apologies.”
I didn’t know exactly what had happened to her older brother.
But I understood. Everyone who participated in that horrific war would have wounds they carried.
Perhaps it was a curse they had to bear until the moment they breathed their last.
“While patting oppa’s back, I said it was fine. At that time, at that moment. Whatever happened… you weren’t at fault at all. Oppa would thank me every time.”
“...”
“Karl is the same. It’s fine. You did your best. You didn’t do nothing. Karl, it’s not your fault. There’s nothing to blame you for.”
Selena slowly stood up from her seat. She said to rest a bit more and to meet in the afternoon.
Just as she was about to turn her body, I unconsciously grabbed her.
“…Really.”
And before my rationality could stop it, my mouth moved on its own.
“Really, is it okay? It’s not… my fault?”
The rescue that day when I received the Imperial Medal of Honor, Selena’s older brother and his comrades survived.
But the squad members I managed to save barely survived that rescue, and they all died in the next battle.
This time, I couldn’t save them. I lived, but those bastards died without even the hardship of being saved.
The remaining ones said it wasn’t my fault. They told the dead to forget and find a way to live.
They said if you weaken, you die. You have to live too, right? They shook me like that.
If there had been certainty, it would have been good. Really, I wished they hadn’t died because of me.
Not knowing that made it even more terrifying. I had no choice but to keep asking myself.
They hadn’t died waiting for me. If I had gone earlier, maybe they could have lived.
“Yeah, Karl.”
Not sure. No. No… because I was scared. So I couldn’t give the answer myself.
It wasn’t because of me. I had really done my best. They wouldn’t blame me.
Selena, with a gentle smile, filled in the blank while stroking my head as if comforting me.
“You did your best. You suffered. And thank you.”