Chapter 74
Chapter 74
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: penny
Chapter: 74
Chapter Title: Genetic Factor II
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Shin Noah
No Do-ha's ominous mutterings had absolutely no impact on our safari expedition.
Even Sim A-ryeon and Seo-gyu, who were famous for never getting excited no matter what, were chattering away noisily in the back seat.
It was probably thanks to the factory-made potato chips and chocolate snacks I'd prepared for today that they played such a huge role.
"Th-this is my first time being invited by someone else and hanging out with a bunch of people like this..."
"Me too. It's the first time you've ever called me out somewhere, bro, so I had high expectations."
"As expected of the Busan Station crew... I-it's a bond that's incomparable to those lame outsiders...!"
I turned the wheel with a pleased smile.
I, the Undertaker, was determined to guide them today not as a guild master, but as a humble safari guide.
"This marks the entrance to the Idea Ranch. Welcome, everyone."
"Woooow! Huh? Wh-wha...?"
Sim A-ryeon's cheer as she peered out the window at the ranch vista peaked like a soprano's high note before gradually trailing off.
"Uh... Guild Master...?"
"What's up?"
"Why is there... um. A ten-meter steel barbed fence and concrete walls around a horse ranch?"
"Hmm."
I nodded.
"It's definitely not the most aesthetically pleasing outdoor decoration."
"Y-yes. It's a bit scary, or to be more honest, it feels... practically monstrous...?"
"I agree."
I pressed the remote button firmly.
*Creak... rumble...*
The massive iron gate sealing off the safari theme park slowly swung open.
"But A-ryeon, a thing's appearance is just a secondary attribute. It never defines the essence."
"Y-yes...?"
"Think about it. Ranches have fences by default. The animals you're raising can't just wander off freely, right? All we've done at the Idea Ranch is make our fence a bit sturdier, a bit tougher. The ranch's essence hasn't changed at all. Got it?"
"Uh..."
The tires of my safari truck elegantly rolled through the opened gate.
"Oh, and you can keep the windows open, but don't stick your head out. It could be dangerous while I'm driving."
"Ah, y-yes..."
As soon as Sim A-ryeon pulled her upper body back inside the vehicle, I pressed the remote button again.
*Shrrrk-*
Iron bars rose up from the window frames as if they'd been waiting, protecting the windows.
"Eek!"
"G-Guild Master? Why are there suddenly i-iron bars on the windows?"
"Well, I made some modifications to the truck for safari use. What do you think? Killer, right? Your guild master has all sorts of talents."
"I-it's amazing, of course it is, but... why do we need something this amazing...?"
"......"
At this point, Seo-gyu had gone as quiet as No Do-ha for some reason.
From the rearview mirror, I could see cold sweat starting to bead on his tough-guy face.
"Of course, it's to ensure the safety of our precious guests with ironclad protection, isn't it?"
"Ah, no. What I mean is, why does a simple ranch tour even require safety measures...?"
"A-ryeon."
Seo-gyu said gravely.
"Y-yes?"
"Buckle your seatbelt."
"Eek. B-but seatbelts are uncomfortable and make it hard to breathe, so I hate..."
That was when it happened.
*-Keeeigh!*
"Eeeeek!"
The adorable neighing from outside the truck coincided with Sim A-ryeon's scream erupting inside.
"Ah, everyone, please direct your gaze to the 2 o'clock position. Can you see it? This is the first horse we're proudly presenting from our Idea Ranch: Nee-nee."
"Horse...?"
No Do-ha stared out through the iron bars with cold, dead eyes.
"You call that a horse...?"
There, a horse was eyeing our safari truck warily.
A sign reading 'Nee-nee' hung from its long, horse-like neck, though it had apparently chewed part of it off again, leaving only 'Nee■ee' legible.
Seriously. What a troublemaker.
Of course, having been raised in the Void, its appearance differed somewhat from ordinary horses.
That is, in non-essential, secondary attributes rather than its core essence.
For instance, unlike other horses, Nee-nee could walk on two legs instead of four.
Well, not upright like a human—more hunched over.
But it was still a horse.
Its skin wasn't brown, black, or white, but leaned toward a fairly green hue.
Probably an adaptation to the grassy plains around Daesanmyeon, overgrown with weeds?
And... well. Its teeth were sharp.
But horses naturally have well-developed teeth. Nee-nee had just undergone a bit of convergent evolution there.
Still a horse.
Finally, its hooves—nails and claws—were slightly sharper.
Yet considering that hooves were an original feature, this was a minor change.
After taking in all those traits, No Do-ha muttered flatly.
"That's... a dinosaur, isn't it...?"
At that moment, Nee-nee opened its mouth.
*-Keeeigh!*
Hmm. From my perspective, having built a strong bond with the ranch horses over the past six months, it meant something like, 'What nonsense is that, No Do-ha? I'm a horse.'
"What? A dinosaur? Hey now, don't slander us. How do our babies resemble dinosaurs in any way? Dinosaurs are hideous creatures covered in feathers, but our kids have smooth skin."
"Hmph. Leaving aside the mane growing on horses, since when did horse skin start mating with reptiles to produce that glossy green shade...?"
"Ve-velociraptor?"
Seo-gyu shouted from the back seat.
"Raptor! It's a raptor, bro!"
"Raptor?"
"Yup! The one from Jurassic Park―― Wait. No way, bro, you haven't even seen Jurassic Park?"
"Of course not. That came out before I was born."
"No, the original trilogy was old, but holy crap. I never knew you were such a movie noob. There are so many recent sequels too..."
"Eeeeek!"
No Do-ha panicked, Seo-gyu got excited, and Sim A-ryeon cheered.
Clearly, everyone was made happy by our Nee-nee's cuteness.
I kept driving the safari truck.
"Ah, now please turn to the 9 o'clock position―― There, you can directly observe Pointy, the thirty-third horse to succeed in the benevolence project at our ranch. Walking on all fours like a proper horse is its defining trait."
"Triceratops!"
"Please don't call our Pointy by such a baseless name, student Seo-gyu."
"Another dinosaur... What the hell did you do to these horses to make rhino horns sprout from their foreheads...?"
"Now, look to 11 o'clock, and you'll see Bouncy, right? Such a pretty-headed kid."
"Pachycephalosaurus! Headbutting dinosaur!"
"Oh dear, Bouncy is so happy to see us that it's knocking on the truck politely? Haha. Shall we all wave and say hi to Bouncy?"
"Eeeeek... The truck's shaking, eek..."
As expected, the safari tour was a resounding success.
Every time I introduced one of our ranch family members, cheers erupted like wildfire.
In my entire regressor life, there'd never been a day as fulfilling as a host.
"Alright, everyone. Isn't it a bit boring just watching the horses from the safety of the truck through the bars?"
"No!"
"I feel the same way! So, under this guide's direction, we'll have a special time for you to interact with the horses."
"Aaah! Aaaaah...!"
Sim A-ryeon wailed.
I mean, come on, you don't have to like it that much.
"With that in mind, let's call out the pride of the Idea Ranch, my personal favorite: Woof-woof."
"Woof-woof...?"
"It's a very docile and good boy. Come on, everyone, out of the truck. A-ryeon? Better come out nicely. If not, I'll expose on SG Net that you're Goryeo Jang."
"Eeeek. Hic, hueeeeng..."
Led by me, our group filed out of the safari truck one by one.
"Woof-woof! Come here!"
*Whistle.*
I pulled out some goat barbecue from the trunk and tossed it deep into the woods.
A moment later.
*Thud!* A goat hind leg, torn off, flew back from the forest.
By sheer coincidence, it flew right past Sim A-ryeon's face and stuck to the truck window.
"Kyaaaaak!"
"Now, Woof-woof makes his entrance. Everyone, our Woof-woof is very sweet, but still young and lacks composure and calmness. So please refrain from provoking it as much as possible."
"We've agreed to call that '[bad personality]'..."
*Boom. Thud. Boooom-*
Woof-woof revealed its majestic form from between the forest trees.
The most overwhelming size among all the horses we'd seen so far.
Front legs somewhat slender compared to its massively burly hind legs.
Above all, that beautiful head.
Seo-gyu swung his fist.
"Yes! Of course a T. rex had to show up! And it's the featherless version! Fuck, who cares about scientific accuracy!"
"*Grrr...*"
It had been a while since Seo-gyu, as SG Guy, let a "fuck" slip.
Beside him, Sim A-ryeon flopped over unconscious.
Probably overcome with emotion. Our Woof-woof was handsome enough for that.
*-Raaaawr!*
Maybe because it saw Daddy, Woof-woof expressed its joy.
"Did you hear that? Woof-woof is our ranch's baby, known for its 'woof-woof' cries, and it loves goat meat the most."
"Carnivorous horse...?"
"Of course. Why hold back our kid from eating meat?"
"Ah. I'd always wondered why the Undertaker Awakener doesn't start a family, or at least keep a pet. But seeing you today, I'm suddenly relieved you don't have kids or companions..."
*Boom! Thud!*
Woof-woof charged toward me furiously on its hind legs.
I drew up my aura across my body and embraced its head with both arms.
"Aigoo, there there. Good boy. Did you miss Daddy a lot?"
*-Raaaawr!*
"That's right, good boy. No spilling food while eating. Here's the goat hind leg you dropped, Woof-woof. Chew it well."
*-Grrowl! Rawr!*
"What do you think? Isn't our Woof-woof just adorable?"
"......"
Sadly, there was no response from Sim A-ryeon, already passed out, and Seo-gyu was too busy excitedly observing from all angles.
So No Do-ha, who lacked a human soul second to none, had to answer.
"You're just overpowering a T. rex through sheer brute force..."
We capped off the safari tour's highlight like that and leisurely returned to the lodge.
For the record, Sim A-ryeon stayed unconscious the whole time.
I grinned widely.
"So, Captain No Do-ha. What's your impression after inspecting our ranch's achievements?"
"Hmm..."
"I think Woof-woof would be the most suitable as mounts for the cavalry we'll raise."
"Hmm..."
"It's not easy to raise them, but if you give me the time and budget, I'll definitely breed a thousand Woof-woofs and create the world's strongest cavalry. Oh, and of course, all the riders will wear the horn bugles I made and blow them during every charge."
"Mm."
No Do-ha grinned widely too.
It was an exceedingly rare smile for her.
"Bullshit."
Why?
3
Epilogue 1.
In the end, Woof-woof's cavalry debut was scrapped, but not all of the Idea Ranch's achievements were ignored.
"Undertaker Awakener. That Pointy or whatever, the huge-ass dinosaur, d-does it eat a lot of feed...?"
"No. Thanks to the mysteries of Void genetics, it absorbs most of the energy needed for biological activity through its skin constantly. And it's a horse, not a dinosaur."
"Dinosaur pup or horse pup, doesn't matter. That's good news anyway. So from now on, we'll use Pointy for hauling stuff in the National Highway Management Corps..."
Additionally, Thump-thump—in other words, the headbutting-specialized horse—was selected as the military mount for Awakener riders instead of Woof-woof.
Naturally, I fiercely protested this utterly deplorable decision.
"No! Cavalry has to have style! What romance is there in riders on Thump-thump!?"
"But the Woof-woof you're pushing eats nearly 100kg of meat a day, right...? Meanwhile, Thump-thump barely needs feed and is docile too. I don't see why you'd hesitate...?"
"Fuck! Cavalry isn't raised for efficiency!"
"Then let's call it a mobile unit instead of cavalry, whatever. Or dinosaur squad. Fuck. Even I'm fine with calling ours the National Highway Management Corps..."
Unbelievable. How can a person have such poor sensibilities?
Eventually, from the 380th cycle onward, Korean Awakener occasionally rode around on Thump-thumps.
At least in the cycles where I managed the Idea Ranch.
I returned sadly and mounted Woof-woof's neck alone.
A red sunset was sinking beyond the horizon.
"Sorry, Woof-woof. I won't be able to make you a mate..."
*-Rawr...*
"Don't worry about it. My life's value comes from philosophical pursuits, not base desires from romantic relationships," Woof-woof replied.
Ah! How heartrending!
Overcome with sorrow, I blew the horn bugle while mounted on Woof-woof's back.
*-Fwooooom!*
*-Raaaawr!*
Against the backdrop of the hot sunset, one horse and one human roared.
Humanity's dream of cavalry had finally drawn to a close.
4
Epilogue 2.
"Seo-gyu. I looked up that dinosaur movie you recommended last time. Honestly, I didn't like it much."
"Huh? Which ones did you watch?"
"Six of them. I started with the finale since that's what you said it was. Subtitle was Dominion or something. How could you recommend crap like that?"
"Come on, bro, fuck..."
- Genetic Factor. End.