Chapter 221
Chapter 221
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 221
Chapter Title: Return to Youth
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6
Return to Youth (返老還童).
It referred to the phenomenon where an elderly master reaches the pinnacle of enlightenment and reverts to their childhood or prime.
It was also the state that every StarCraft gamer fervently wished for in their heart whenever they flubbed a mutalisk control and got massacred by filthy marines.
From the Western Demon King Gilgamesh of the Western Regions to the Central Plains Alliance Leader Qin Shi Huang, scarcely anyone had not yearned for it—.
And thus, the first person on Earth Server to achieve the Return to Youth accomplishment was none other than.
"Hmm? Why do you call upon this seat?"
The Marquis of the Sirand Principality, the Sword Marquis.
You all remember, surely. In the regression where I used the "Monkey's Paw," this old man had successfully evolved into a Shedding Rebirth Demon.
A monster of potential, truly.
Of course, I no longer relied on the "Monkey's Paw."
However, now that I knew the Sword Marquis had a Return to Youth upgrade, was there any reason not to exploit that knowledge?
"Marquis. First, listen to this. Now, the boundary between day and night is merely a transient human distinction, and within the ceaseless flow of time, it is nothing but an endless cycle of flickering light and fleeting darkness repeating..."
The rest was omitted.
The passage above corresponded to the "mantra through which he attained enlightenment" when the Sword Marquis experienced Shedding Rebirth in the 590th regression.
In other words, it was no different from an answer sheet note.
Sure enough, as he heard the perfect攻略 without a single syllable out of place, the Sword Marquis's expression grew increasingly enigmatic.
Come on, Marquis-mon! Evolve!
"Undertaker Gong. What nonsense is that?"
It had no effect.
Was this insufficient?
The 360 Crowd Aberrations watching us from the outfield grew rowdy.
-Ooooh!
-You kidnap people and threaten them with force, and now what foolish nonsense is this!
-No one in the world truly knew Undertaker was like this, but I knew deep down!
But I didn't give up.
After all, pre-learning combined with repetitive learning was the timeless Korean educational method. The regressor's class was still far from over.
With a single glance at Yoo Ji-won, I muted the commotion in the stands, then immediately drew my sword.
"Elder. Watch closely."
"Hmm?"
I performed a sword dance.
It wasn't a dance I had devised. It was an exact reproduction of the sword dance the Sword Marquis had displayed atop the peak when we two had gone on a flower-viewing excursion to Mount Hua long ago.
Even the Sword Marquis was startled by this.
"Th-that is...?"
"Do you feel something?"
"I do! I feel it! Oh! How is it that the essence of Mount Hua resides in Undertaker Gong's sword tip!"
"Feel it as you listen once more. Now, the boundary between day and night is merely a transient human distinction..."
I recited his enlightenment with my mouth and demonstrated it with my body. There would be no such professor in the world.
In other words, from a third-person perspective, my current appearance was nothing more or less than a human suddenly brandishing a sword, dancing, and muttering incomprehensible alien tongue.
The 360 Crowd Aberrations were starting to look at me like I was a madman.
"Ooooh..."
As the sword dance ended, the Sword Marquis clapped his hands. His beard was trembling.
"Truly, a magnificent sword dance! Like plum blossoms blooming on Mount Hua, like the mist embracing the plum blossoms, and like a single ship piercing through that mist. Heh, how wondrous! What should I call this ship? Is it the Three Treasures Eunuch's treasure ship, or Chungmugong's turtle ship?"
"So, do you feel any sign of Return to Youth coming on?"
"Huh? Return to Youth? I'm not sure about that?"
Was even this insufficient?
Jeers of "Ooooh!" and "I knew it would be like this!" echoed from the outfield again, but I paid them no mind.
Snap. I flicked my fingers.
Then Yoo Ji-won, who had been waiting in advance, began carrying dozens of televisions one by one from the truck bed.
A whopping 130 cathode-ray tube TVs.
The televisions encircled the Sword Marquis like Stonehenge.
"Ji-won. Play it."
"Yes, Your Excellency."
Zzzt!
Even without power cords connected, the TVs flickered to life with noise. Of course. They were all cursed televisions.
On every screen, a degraded-quality sword dance was playing. It was a video recording of my sword dance, played back.
-The boundary between day and night, heeheehee!
-A transient, hehe! Human distinction!
-The principle of the endless cycle... principle...
-Kukekekekek.
For reference, the Undertaker's sword dance broadcast on the screens was actually all performed by ghosts imitating it.
It had been quite the ordeal dragging those things out of the well and making them obey my commands. If you looked closely, you could see the resentment of forced eviction and lingering grudge in the ghosts' complexions.
"Eeeeh...?"
Perhaps sensing that the situation was going strangely awry.
Even the Sword Marquis, who vied for top spot in eccentricity on the Korean Peninsula, wore a peculiar expression. The 360 Crowd Aberrations who had been jeering from the outfield were gradually falling silent.
"What have you been doing since earlier? Undertaker Gong?"
"Do not harbor doubts. Feel it. Accept the sensations and flow being transmitted to you as they are. Sword Marquis."
"As they are?"
He looked around.
"In this scene where ghosts are twisting their limbs backward and spewing curses, what am I supposed to accept as it is?"
"Use this too."
I handed him earphones. Connected to the earphones was an MP3 loaded, naturally, with a cursed audio file.
As he plugged in the earphones, the Chasing Ari BGM flowed into the Sword Marquis's ear canal along with the mantra in the tone of the Heart Sutra.
-The bounda-ry be-tween day and night is mere-ly a tran-sient hu-man dis-tinc-tion, and with-in the cease-less flow of time.
"..."
"Ah. Don't turn the volume up too high. Just think of it as listening to M.C. Squa're. You know M.C. Squa're, right?"
"Heh, hmm. Hmmm."
"How is it, Sword Marquis? Do you feel the sensation of Return to Youth approaching now?"
"No, from the start, this seat has no idea what Undertaker Gong is even talking about..."
Was even this insufficient?
The 360 Crowd Aberrations, whose expressions had slightly soured, mumbled their complaints.
-I have no idea what he's doing, but I knew it would be like this anyway.
-From the moment he started this Return to Youth sideshow, I knew it would turn out this way.
-Even if he mobilizes ghost TVs to intimidate us, you think we'll submit? I knew something like this would happen from the start...
Their voices had notably weakened in vigor, but the aberrations still clung to their "I knew it would be like this."
But I wasn't discouraged in the least.
"Ji-won."
"Yes, Your Excellency."
"Bring Ha-yul and Dok-seo."
"I shall obey."
Aside from me, Yoo Ji-won, who had reached the pinnacle in aura proficiency, swiftly fetched the little sisters (Lee Ha-yul & O Dok-seo).
Among them, Ha-yul looked gaunt.
She had devoted herself earnestly to choreography practice over the past few days, comparable to a K-pop idol trainee from a major agency.
"Ha-yul, have you mastered it perfectly?"
[Oppa. Die. Please.]
"Splendid. That's exactly the spirit."
[...]
"Now. As I mentioned last time, show this geezer your dancing skills."
Lee Ha-yul drew thread from her fingertips and attached it to the Sword Marquis's joints. The spiderweb-like sticky threads quickly connected to his limbs.
"Eeeh? Eh? Eh?" The Sword Marquis panicked, but he couldn't block Ha-yul. Even though she looked feeble, few Awakeners could beat her one-on-one.
"Ji-won. Drop the beat."
"Yes, Your Excellency."
"Dok-seo. Go."
"Okay."
O Dok-seo smoothly flipped her cap backward.
A fashion permitted on the Korean Peninsula only grudgingly to hulks over 190cm—a dangling gold necklace glittered brilliantly over O Dok-seo's shirt.
"Yo. Alliance of the Regressor. Yo, here we go fucking psychopath. Freestyle real quick. Let's get it."
As Yoo Ji-won impassively layered sweet beats on and off the rhythm, O Dok-seo gripped the mic.
"Boundary between day and night Yo, that's a human distinction, transient distinction, kieeeek, Yo ceaseless flow of time, it flickers briefly, heeheeheehak, darkens again, repeat, kkig, repeat, Yo, Repeat Da Capo, chijijik, it's the principle of the endless cycle, the law of the boundless world Yo..."
The midway static was because that mic was cursed too. With ghosts possessing most electronics, it was unavoidable.
But O Dok-seo, the pure rapper of this era, sublimated even the aberration's wails into her rap.
Amid this, Lee Ha-yul freely manipulated the Sword Marquis with her puppet threads.
"Gaaargh! M-my joints?!"
No need to hide it.
Lee Ha-yul had perfectly learned the sword dance I reproduced. Thus, it was possible to puppeteer the Sword Marquis like a marionette and force him to dance the "dance of enlightenment."
This was the regressor's stratagem.
If one couldn't ascend to the realm, then force-feed them enlightenment concentrated to 300%.
"Huuuugh! Huuuugh!"
"How is it, Sword Marquis? Do you feel the Return to Youth gradually approaching?"
"I-I'm dying! Feels like I'm dying! K-knees! Shoulders! My back, it's gonna snap aaaargh!"
I brought Sim A-ryeon.
Sim A-ryeon crouched beside the Sword Marquis, quietly popping joints back in whenever they creaked.
"Ugh! Huugh! Gaaahuuugh?"
"S-scream... and it'll hurt more."
Her spine shattered midway, but it was no issue. Sim A-ryeon giggled hehe, ehehhe innocently as she kept popping.
That's right.
How much had they been bullied by the Sword Marquis so far, all because they were the sole saviors from the food shortage?
My comrades, who harbored grudges from the start, gladly cooperated in this operation.
(Only the Saintess exercised veto, hence MP3 over telepathy.)
"Huuuaaaargh!"
With the Sword Marquis's screams as background music, I turned around.
There, the 360 Crowd Aberrations stared at us pale-faced.
In other words.
-I knew it would be like this...
-Kugegeggeggek.
Currently, ghosts on 130 cursed TVs were dancing while chanting the enlightenment mantra like reciting sutras.
-I knew it would be...
"Quantum choice existence, Yo. This seat still day is day, night is night, eh-heh, kieeeek, flaunting my own beauty, Yooo."
As the National Highway Management Corps psychopath operations leader impassively added beats, the shrine maiden of the forsaken god, O Dok-seo, delivered her rap.
-I knew it would...
"Ehehhe."
The puppeteer manipulated the Sword Marquis into shoulder dancing, and the top-tier healer mended the old man's spine joints that couldn't withstand the intense movements.
-I...
-knew it would...
"Huuuargh! Gaaahuuugh!"
That dance contained the profound realm of the Mount Hua Sect Leader, and the dancer was the Marquis of the Sirand Principality.
If they had even a grain of conscience, they dared not admit knowing such a demonic spectacle could exist in the world.
-...
-...
And the crowning touch.
After over 30 minutes of sword dance, the Sword Marquis gasped for breath, then suddenly widened his eyes.
"Huh, ugh? Th-this stance... I remember it, or maybe not...!"
At that moment, not just sweat but a plum blossom fragrance began emanating from the Sword Marquis's body.
I clenched my fist.
"It's here!"
However, it differed slightly from the 590th regression's plum scent.
Hmm. Back then it was 100% natural aroma plum scent, but now it was some synthetic floral scent that seemed harmful to lung health if inhaled long-term?
The aura, once infinitely close to the righteous faction, now carried a somehow demonic faction vibe. Wait. It even felt like cultist?
But it was still one step short.
The Sword Marquis wore an expression teetering on the brink of enlightenment as he continued dancing (feat. Lee Ha-yul).
I immediately pulled out my smartphone.
"Sword Marquis, elder."
"Hugh, huuuugh... H-huh?"
"Look at this."
The smartphone screen, connected to SG Net, displayed a single post.
-Anonymous: [SYSTEM] Click this post and you will transfer to 《Another World》. (Views: 2)
It was [Hero Syndrome]!
Not just any ordinary Hero Syndrome post. It was one tagged #Wuxia #MountHuaSect #Regression, unearthed using National Highway Management Corps death row inmates.
The inmate who clicked it testified to being reborn as the second son of the Namgung family, ascending to Sword God, and participating in the Great War of Righteousness and Demons.
Though 30 seconds later, he muttered, "Huh, why are there tears?" and forgot everything.
This was the finale of the full-course feast I, Undertaker, had meticulously curated solely for this moment.
"Seize it, Sword Marquis elder."
"Huuuaargh...?"
"The final piece leading to enlightenment!"
Lee Ha-yul moved her threads.
Thus, the Sword Marquis reached out, and click.
He clicked the Hero Syndrome-infected post.
――There was light.
Plum blossoms spread like wildfire around the faux Greek temple.
A olfactory datum modern humans had never smelled: "plum blossom fragrance." That is, a scent roughly like mixing rose and cherry.
Soon, the light subsided.
The wrinkle-covered geezer had vanished. In his place stood a gray-haired boy, head bowed blankly.
"Hmm."
My head nodded involuntarily.
Return to Youth success!
I turned to the 360 Crowd Aberrations who had witnessed the entire spectacle live.
And quietly asked.
"How is it? First time seeing Return to Youth, right?"
-...
"Even now, you knew it would be like this?"
-...
The 360 trembled.
-I, I...
-I knew it would...
Pop.
-I didn't know it'd be like this, you mad bastard!
-What lunatic could predict something like this!
-Aaaaaaaaaah!
-Weknowabsolutelynothingwecannothaveknowledgewedidntknowitwouldbelikethisourthirstforknowledgeandpowerisdoomedtobe frustratedbyfateweknowabsolutelynothinglifeispainandwearesimplybeingscastasideintheworldwedidntknowitwouldbelikethis...
-We can't slander. We can't slander.
-Hiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaagh!
Shiver shiver shiver!
The 360 convulsed en masse and toppled sideways.
Milky-white wraiths, like spirits exorcised by an exorcist, burst from their bodies and fled far into the wooded forest.
The forest friends had returned home.
[...Undertaker.]
[Ghost-like aberrations have been popping out of people across the entire Korean Peninsula and vanishing somewhere.]
Hmm.
I gave a thumbs-up to my comrades who participated in this operation.
Among them, Sim A-ryeon beamed brightest and said.
"Y-yes, Guild Leader... You're the best!"
The aberration "Expertise." An entity with potential to evolve into "Witch Hunt" or "Internet Wraith" later.
Subjugation complete!
7
A brief epilogue.
"Congratulations on your great accomplishment, Sword Marquis elder."
"Hmm."
"How do you feel now?"
"Feels good. My mind is clear as if washed, and the world looks different. At first, I couldn't comprehend what absurd antics Undertaker Gong was up to, but now I realize all these trials were solely for this seat. I realize it. Now... right now..."
"Now?"
"Now I just... really want to beat the hell out of Undertaker Gong."
"Ah."
I knew it would be like this.
-Slanderer. End.