Chapter 161
Chapter 161
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 161
Chapter Title: The Beloved Potato Saintess
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As you all probably know well, the Saintess was dead serious about her hikikomori ways.
Even though she was human and lonely enough that one might expect her to expand her circle of friends a bit, she didn't form any personal relationships at all except with me.
She didn't even participate in online communities.
She would observe trends on SG Net, but she never posted or commented herself. There was a reason why the Saintess's SG Net nickname still hadn't appeared anywhere.
When I asked if she wasn't lonely.
'Humans all die eventually, Mr. Undertaker.'
'In that final moment of death, even if you're surrounded by family at your bedside, that last 0.01 seconds right before your consciousness plummets into the abyss—no one can share it with you.'
'We are all beings heading toward that 0.01 seconds. It's a moment of silence and stillness that no human words or concepts can adorn.'
'If that's loneliness, then every day of life is just a prelude to that ultimate loneliness. I simply want to accept that air as it is.'
That was her response.
I went, "Oh—," chiming in agreement, but on the other hand, I tilted my head. Doesn't that ultimately mean she is lonely?
In any case, the Saintess wasn't an involuntary hikikomori but a voluntary one—an ideological hikikomori at that. It would be extremely difficult for someone like that to get close to anyone else.
But what if it wasn't a human, but a potato?
"Ah, hello! Mr. Potato……! G-Good morning!"
In the hideout lobby, Sim A-ryeon bowed deeply with a bob.
The Saintess potato riding the robot leisurely moved its mechanical arm in greeting.
[Yes. Good morning, Miss Sim A-ryeon.]
"Heh, hehehe…… Yes!"
It wasn't just Sim A-ryeon.
"Hello. Good morning. The potato sprouts look pretty."
[Yes. Good morning to you too, Miss Lee Ha-yul.]
"Wow, Saintess! Your potato skin looks extra shiny today! Looking great!"
[Thank you, Seo-gyu.]
Everyone staying at our hideout greeted the Saintess potato with bright faces and bright smiles.
Meanwhile, my jaw had dropped so wide open it looked ready to bungee jump straight toward Newton's gravity.
What the hell was this?
"Oh, Saintess. There's an offline meetup for the SG Net houseplant club members this time. Come join us! Everyone will love it!"
[Yes, got it. But I should hide my identity.]
"Sa-Saintess, let me water you with this watering can……! Eheh. Y-You like this, right?"
[Thank you. It feels really nice.]
"Saintess sis. I have a drinking date with Corps Commander No Do-ha tonight. Would you come along?"
[Gladly.]
Wah-kah-jjee-kah—.
The hideout was bustling. All the guild members surrounded the Saintess potato, fiercely engaging in a middle-school-level psychological turf war ('I'm closer to her than you!' 'Huh? What are you talking about? I'm the real close one!').
That's right.
I had no idea what principle or reason lay behind it, but astonishingly, the robot-potato-Saintess was enjoying immense popularity.
Unlike when she was confined to her frail human body, the Saintess, now a potato, received affection and love from everyone.
Why?
"Ah. Bro, you didn't know?"
"Didn't know? Know what?"
"The Saintess decided to start a new constellation service a while ago."
With that, Seo-gyu showed me a document file. It read as follows.
――――――――――
[Notice]
Starting today, the constellation 'Understander of Anguish' will provide psychological counseling to Awakeners.
In this harsh apocalyptic era.
Not just physical pain, but psychological suffering is severe too. Yet when you try to vent your mental stress, all you get from those around you is, 'As long as you're alive, that's what matters—what's with these full-belly worries?'
Are you unable to confide your pain to those around you for fear of seeming weak or ridiculous?
Rely on the constellation 'Understander of Anguish,' not humans. The constellation won't exploit your weaknesses or mock you.
Don't hesitate—please inquire about counseling.
――――――――――
"……."
"This is the draft. Right now, Saintess sis is doing beta testing with us. Man, she gives really good counseling!"
Seo-gyu said.
It was a good thing I was a regressor who wouldn't have to worry about dentures no matter how old I got. If I had been wearing them, they would've flown right off.
"Psychological counseling……?"
"Yeah."
"Who's doing it?"
"Huh? The Saintess. I told you."
Have these kids lost their minds?
The Saintess giving advice on the extremely subtle and delicate flows of stress from human relationships?
No way.
The kind of counseling the Saintess could handle was at best something like 'reflections on the correlation between Kant's sensible-intellectual forms and Schopenhauer's principle of causality.'
What nonsense is that?
That's exactly what I was thinking.
The Saintess's counseling was at least 2.2 million light-years away from ordinary psychological counseling.
"Seo-gyu, you…… are satisfied with that psychological counseling?"
"Yeah. Totally satisfied. I bet it'll start for general Awakeners next week?"
"No…… Kids. Get a grip. There's no way that'll succeed!"
It succeeded.
"What the—?"
And it was a huge success at that.
-Anonymous: TBH, I've been super depressed lately? But after counseling with 'Understander of Anguish,' my mind felt so much lighter.
└Anonymous: Same here lol. When people here kept recommending it, I was like, why are these guys pushing this? But after I tried it, I bawled my eyes out in just one hour.
-Anonymous: Guess we're all struggling more than we let on.
└Lit Girl: Honestly, it's normal to struggle lol. The world's a dumpster fire, kids go out for a walk and come back as sunflowers—how could you not?
└Anonymous: Fr lololol
-[National Highway] Historian: Hm…….
-Goryeo Jang: This bro doesn't say stuff like this lightly, but you guys should try psychological counseling with 'Understander of Anguish' too. Totally different league from lowly humans.
I was stunned.
Is it some kind of anomaly? Well, yeah, it's an anomaly.
In any case, only the outer appearance had changed to a potato—the inner essence was still…… Of course, the insides were potato too, but her ego and consciousness remained fixed as the Saintess, right?
Even Dang Seo-rin had fallen head over heels for the psychological counseling provided by the 'Understander of Anguish.'
"Ah, Undertaker. Sorry, let's just eat and part ways today. I have a schedule."
"Hm? Not drinking? That's rare. What schedule?"
"It's counseling day today. Teacher 'Understander' says psychological counseling is important to do regularly. Lately, I've been getting sessions on why I'm so obsessed with railroads and witch hats."
"……."
"I realized I had a surprising amount of trauma from when I was little. Hey, why don't you try it too? Something about Romance of the Three Kingdoms."
The world had gone mad.
I hurriedly went to find the Saintess.
The Saintess potato robot, which had moved from Yongsan to the hideout cafe, was sitting cross-legged right in the middle of a private room.
Yeah. The potato-shaped Saintess riding the robot had laid out cushions and was sitting in meditation.
The scene itself boasted an utterly surrealist style.
"Saintess. Let's talk."
[Quietly.]
Creak. The robot arm moved to make a 'shh' gesture.
Considering that potatoes don't have lips, this was surrealist too. Even Zenyatta would look human compared to a robot potato.
[I'm in the middle of counseling with Miss Dang Seo-rin. Please wait 50 minutes.]
"……."
So, what exactly are you and Dang Seo-rin exchanging in this psychological counseling?
Volcanic lava named curiosity bubbled deep in the pit of my mind, but I barely held it back.
Privacy. Privacy.
[Yes. The session has ended. But I have another appointment in 10 minutes, so please make it quick. What's the matter, Mr. Undertaker?]
"…Saintess. I really hate to say this, but I have no choice. This is an anomaly incident."
[An anomaly incident?]
"I'll be direct. Saintess, you hate humans, don't you? How did you end up counseling other people's psyches?"
[I have transcended the human shell.]
???
[As you pointed out, Mr. Undertaker, I was deeply rooted in misanthropy. But once I shed my human body, strangely, humans started to look like a 'different species' to me.]
"A different species?"
[Yes. There's no longer any reason to cling to the human form, I suppose. It feels like looking at pets. Or observing insects.]
She's definitely an anomaly!
Damn, No Do-ha was right again. The robot potato Saintess was an anomaly in her own right. I had no choice but to revere the National Highway Management Corps commander's insight.
"Saintess, sorry, but from now on, you need to be subjugat—"
[But paradoxically, that's why I can finally love humans.]
What.
[The reason I hated humans until now was ultimately because I saw them as the same species as me.]
[Now that the species is different, I can view them objectively and with affection. Like looking at cute animals.]
[Mr. Undertaker. You're probably seeing me as an anomaly right now. But even if I have become an anomaly, would that make me dangerous? I'm just a potato, after all.]
[A potato that loves humans, at that.]
"……."
[I'm very happy right now.]
"Good lord."
I clutched my head.
Right. If the Saintess had fallen into 'Judger,' she deserved immediate subjugation, but 'robot potato Saintess'…… Honestly, she wasn't much of a threat!
The Saintess in that form was too weak. Her combat power without auras was obviously limited. Even feeble fighters like Sim A-ryeon or No Do-ha could take her out in one hit.
Above all, I didn't want to subjugate the Saintess who had, for the first time in history, become aware of her love for humanity.
[And there was something I wanted to ask you when you came, Mr. Undertaker.]
"What is it……?"
[Please dice me up.]
What nonsense is this now?
[Mr. Undertaker. Do you know how potatoes reproduce?]
"…You split them and plant them. Making sure each cut piece has an eye sprout."
[Yes. That's one way potatoes reproduce. This is just my guess, but I think I can probably 'multiply clones' the same way.]
Okay.
She's getting seriously anomalish now.
"I really want to raise objections on all fronts, but first, let me ask this: Why do you want to multiply clones?"
[Simple reason.]
The potato Saintess said.
[The number of Awakeners I'm counseling through psychological sessions has exploded too much.]
[I'm somehow managing with time stop, but honestly, it's getting harder to focus on each person one by one. Even just now with Miss Dang Seo-rin, I was actually counseling six people at once.]
"Ah."
[Plus, I'm not just acting as 'Understander of Anguish'—I'm role-playing other constellations too. Work overload.]
[So, I figured if I multiply clones and divide the roles among them, things will go much smoother.]
"……."
It…… made sense!
The potato Saintess robot creaked as it rose from its cross-legged position. Then it patted my shoulder with its cheeky mechanical arm.
[I tried dicing myself, but even I hesitated to slice my own body into pieces.]
[I want to entrust it to you, Mr. Undertaker.]
[Even in this form, will you still see me as a comrade?]
This sly one, pulling out the cheat key!
"Saintess. What if dicing you severs your life for real……."
[Don't worry. Even if such a disaster happens, I'll never resent you, Mr. Undertaker.]
What could I do when she put it like that?
I drew Doha and approached the robot potato Saintess. Then, carefully, I scored and sliced it into pieces.
"Doesn't it hurt?"
[No. Not painful at all. There's a bit of a strange sensation, but nothing else abnormal.]
"That's a relief……."
Even as I said it, I was doubtful. Is this really a relief? I wasn't sure.
I transplanted the seed potato pieces into the greenhouse pots. The soil quality was guaranteed since it was the greenhouse the Sword Marquis had trampled through.
A few days later.
The potatoes successfully sprouted in the greenhouse. I put them in a basket and took them to No Do-ha.
"……."
No Do-ha glared at me silently.
Then, just as silently, she built robots for the rest of the potatoes too.
Kkii-gi-gi-gik—.
The five potato Saintess robot squadron turned to us and chorused.
[Thank] [you] [Mr. Undertaker] [] [Miss No Do-ha too] [Which] [one is] [the real me] [I'm not sure] [but] [all the 'mes'] [are the real me]
"……."
"……."
No Do-ha glanced at me.
"So, she's not an anomaly……?"
It was summer.