Chapter 107
Chapter 107
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 107
Chapter Title: Resident I
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Shin Noah
1
There’s been one nagging question that’s tormented me for ages.
“How do I build a hideout so well that everyone says it’s perfect?”
A hideout. My own secret base.
As everyone knows, I have a trauma.
It’s the incident in the 89th round where that pink-haired alien, Go Yo-ri, wiped out my base in one shot.
Ever since then, one corner of my skull has constantly echoed with Go Yo-ri’s full ASMR voice cooing, “Brainwashed by a single ultimate beam, you pathetic♡ infinite regressor got totally owned♡ What a lame hideout♡.”
Of course, Go Yo-ri would never actually talk like that. If she learned about my trauma, she’d just tilt her head with a “?” That’s how severe my mental scar was.
I desperately needed a solution.
So today’s story is an episode about my sweet home.
2
I haven’t mentioned it directly to you all until now, but in truth, I’ve explored my own personal El Dorado across countless rounds.
The utopias came in all varieties.
I’ve tried a super-luxury yacht tricked out as a mobile sea fortress, and even set up house on a deserted island.
High-rise buildings, underground bunkers, subway tracks, armored trains—you name it, I’ve tried every form of “hideout” people can normally imagine.
But for some reason, none of them ever fully satisfied my aesthetic standards.
Always 2% short. Every single time, 2% short.
“Oppa’s standards are too high.”
The puppeteer Lee Ha-yul grumbled.
Her own lips stayed firmly shut, of course. She just had her ever-present maid marionette say it for her.
Lee Ha-yul, daughter of the all-time greatest traitor (former Busan mayor), had a knack for drawing puppet strings from under her fingernails.
Her puppet strings were like superconductors in the aura world—they channeled aura with almost no loss right to the tip. This miraculous superconductor was incredibly useful for hideout security.
When building an impregnable hideout, Lee Ha-yul’s help wasn’t optional; it was essential.
Not just me—both No Do-ha and Cheon Yo-hwa always hired her for renovating their bases too.
Even this expert was balking at the building owner’s requests.
“Tell me. No lies. What’s oppa’s ideal guild building?”
“First off, obviously, it has to withstand prolonged physical attacks from the outside.”
“Like an underground bunker?”
Lee Ha-yul nodded.
“Possible. Every guild leader wants that. Next?”
“It’d be nice if it could handle intruders who break in using non-physical means too.”
“Possible. Make entry itself a nightmare. Like a labyrinth.”
“But at the same time, guild members need to deploy quickly. Lots of secret passages.”
“……?”
“And I have no intention of forcing a harsh life on my guild members. At the very least, they should live more abundantly than other guilds. For instance, if they want to stroll along the Han River, they should be able to right away. And ideally, with a great view.”
“…….”
Lee Ha-yul closed her notebook. Then she looked up with golden eyes.
“Oppa. Where’s your conscience?”
It was definitely a conscienceless demand.
To completely block invasions from that alien Go Yo-ri, I needed flawless security.
But beyond a certain point, security and convenience don’t mix well. You can’t expect five-star hotel room service on a nuclear sub, right?
Still, pretending Go Yo-ri didn’t exist was—
Aah! In my head! That pink voice in my head! Iä! Iä! Let’s become one, Guild Leader!
In the end, days of torment from Berlin Philharmonic-level echoes continued.
Then one day in the 196th round.
I was lost in gloom, sitting at a table by the Han River, blankly staring at the water.
That’s when a man I’d never seen before came pedaling up on a mountain bike from far off. Two pistols at his waist. Backpack and rifle on his back. The latest apocalypse fashion.
“Huh……? Not here?”
The bike guy stopped about 600 meters away and looked around.
“Weird. SG Net definitely said it was here…….”
The words “SG Net” piqued my interest.
At the time, I’d given up on security altogether and built my hideout under the Han River. Near the convenience store where I first met the Saintess.
And aside from my hideout, there wasn’t a single proper building in the area. Thanks to the Void in Gangnam—which, along with Old Man Show’s wife, had swallowed most of the area south of the Han—that infamous “Seoul summer” incident.
In other words, the place the bike guy was looking for was almost certainly my guild hideout. As the person in question, I had to probe his intentions.
“What can I do for you?”
“Gah!”
The bike guy jumped in fright. I’d snuck up with my presence lightly concealed.
He reflexively reached for his rifle but quickly let go, judging it would only provoke me.
“Oh. Uh, no, I heard there’s a cafe around here with killer coffee…….”
“Rumors?”
“Yeah. You know SG Net? I’m an Awakener. They said on SG Net there’s a great cafe if you follow the Han River…… And no matter how I look, this is the only building around.”
“A cafe with great coffee?”
I tilted my head.
…It was only later, after checking SG Net myself, that I learned the culprits behind this: Dang Seo-rin, Cheon Yo-hwa, and others.
They’d gone on a so-called “baiting spree” on the forums.
-[Baekhwa]High School 4th Year: Hooee >_[)! Cream latte while gazing at the Han River is the most delicious thing in the world]_<)!!
(Proof pic. No face, just left hand holding a cream latte cup, toasting toward the Han River.)
-[Three Thousand]Witch Judge: In this era, savoring coffee more flavorful than before the world ended. Magic of autumn.
(Proof pic. Witch hat and coffee cup on table, Han River in background.)
Dang Seo-rin and Cheon Yo-hwa occasionally visited my hideout. Each time, I—whose hobby was playing barista—naturally treated them to coffee.
But they competitively posted proof pics on SG Net, sparking rumors of “There’s an insanely good cafe in Gangnam!”
-Goryeo Jang: Morning coffee.jpeg
And the finishing blow came from my direct guild member, “The Bird That Drinks Aggro.”
-Goryeo Jang: Bro can’t function in the morning without his caffeine fix.
-Goryeo Jang: Today’s cafe mocha.png
-Goryeo Jang: No way there’s some newbie on SG Net so broke they can’t even drink coffee, right? If there is, pls suicide ASAP to preserve the forum’s dignity ㅇㅇ……
-Goryeo Jang: This big bro’s personal barista skills.jpg
When Sim A-ryeon’s daily proof pics matched the angles of Dang Seo-rin and Cheon Yo-hwa’s shots, SG Net users became convinced the “Gangnam cafe” was real.
Our bike guy had taken the bait and come all the way from Gangwon to Seoul.
“There’s no cafe around here. As you can see, all proper shops in Gangnam are gone now. There’s Sauron’s Tower over there, but it’s a Void.”
“Oh……. Figures.”
The bike guy’s face fell.
Early twenties, maybe.
I smiled.
“But if it’s coffee, I know how to brew a bit. Since we crossed paths, how about a cup before you go?”
“Huh?”
The bike guy politely declined at first, but when I insisted, he couldn’t hide his joy and accepted.
The result?
“Whoa, seriously……. Delicious. Whoaaa, boss! This has gotta be way better than that Gangnam cafe……?”
“Thank you.”
“Wow, that hit the spot! Thank you, sir!”
“No problem. If you ever get your hands on coffee beans, come by anytime. I’ll brew some then too.”
“Uwaa. Thank you so much……!”
The bike guy tried to give me bullets or emergency rations as thanks, but I politely refused. They were useless to me anyway.
He fidgeted nervously, bowing repeatedly even as he mounted his bike and left.
Skrrrt—the bike slipped on the pothole-riddled asphalt.
Watching his back from afar, I suddenly realized today’s unexpected encounter had been surprisingly fun.
“Ah.”
Enlightenment struck.
The form of hideout I wanted. Why all my past attempts always left me unsatisfied.
“A cafe. It’s a cafe!”
Yes.
I’d always wanted to run a cafe.
For the first time in ages, passion ignited in this regressor’s heart.
2
“Oppa. So, you’re saying the guild hideout building doubles as a cafe?”
“Yeah. Call it a cafe-style hideout.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, otaku?”
Lee Ha-yul didn’t get my idea at all. But I wasn’t disappointed.
Pioneers are always scorned by the ignorant masses.
The cafe I aimed to create was a type never seen in world history. The design could only come from my fingertips, from start to finish.
“That look’s gross. A cafe’s a shop. Shops are all about accessibility. Agree?”
“Mm.”
“Oppa wants impregnability to physical force. Plus, absolute security against mental-brainwashing yokai. How? A cafe and hideout at the same time? Running both?”
“Oh dear. Ha-yul, you’re trapped in outdated thinking. In this world overrun by yokai and Voids, we can’t cling to old ways.”
“…Secret time. Sometimes No Do-ha unnie calls me over when she drinks and badmouths oppa. For three hours straight.”
“……?”
“Her drinking habits are annoying……. But lately, I kinda get where she’s coming from.”
“……?”
Ignoring the absurd slander, I pulled out my solution.
“We can kill two birds with one stone using yokai.”
“Using yokai?”
Lee Ha-yul blinked.
“Utilize them? …How?”
Like this.
That very day, I took Ha-yul and headed to Busan. Traces of the Japan-Korea undersea tunnel—the Inunaki Tunnel—still lingered off the coast.
Inunaki Tunnel. This yokai was the master key to achieving cafe, hideout, accessibility, and security all at once.
Click. First, I snapped a spirit photo of the tunnel entrance.
-Come back soon. 57th time already?
It had been a while since my last shot, but the Inunaki Tunnel kept updating our reunion count.
I didn’t know the principle, but a “持续 relationship” was clearly forming.
So communication should be possible, right?
“Can you understand me?”
Click. I voiced the question and snapped another photo.
-Come back soon. 57th time already?
Sadly, no change in the spirit photo.
I tried again.
“Inunaki. If you understand me, leave a different mark at the entrance. I have an intriguing proposal.”
Click.
-Come back soon. 57th time already?
“Hmm.”
Normal communication failed.
No matter how much some yokai seemed to use human language, they didn’t really think like humans.
But who am I? In the 380th round, I successfully bred dinosaurs from Void horses. An infinite regressor.
“…Oppa. Gotta ask out of curiosity. Why are you suddenly making king steamed buns?”
“Wait and see. It’s all highly calculated.”
From that day, I sought ways to communicate with the Inunaki Tunnel.
Day 1. Judging by how it killed magical girls, it seemed to abnormally favor human heads, so like Zhuge Liang in the southern lands, I stuffed meat into dumpling wrappers and offered them at the tunnel mouth.
(No reaction.)
Day 3. Maybe it wasn’t heads but just shredding human bodies as a secret hobby? I prepared human-body puppets and handed them over.
(I deliberately placed them deep inside; next day, they were vomited out at the entrance. Effect confirmed.)
Day 5. Enlightenment: maybe magical girls were its taste. I collected pre-apocalypse magical girl figures and decorated the tunnel middle.
(Shredded and spewed out at the entrance. Communication success.)
“See? It’s reacting! Ha-yul! Yokai have their own communication methods, and we humans can find them!”
“…Nah, it just seems pissed.”
Day 10. The “magical girl figure strategy” worked, so I procured stacks of old magical girl series posters. The Magical Girl Council cooperated eagerly. I papered the tunnel walls.
(Posters went up, then graffiti came alive and shredded them. Real-time communication success. The Saintess, watching, tried to stop me.)
Day 17. With National Highway Management Corps help, I used death-row inmates to keep papering magical girl posters. Plus, I recorded magical girl anime OSTs and played them via radio at 13 points: entrance, midpoints, exit.
(The whole tunnel’s graffiti writhed. No Do-ha hated it.)
Day 25. Combined previous efforts and asked Baekhwa Guild Leader Cheon Yo-hwa for backup. Released Night Parade of One Hundred Demons into the tunnel.
(Flooding spotted throughout. Graffiti writhed beyond squirming, like screams. Cheon Yo-hwa hated it.)
Day 30. Finally, change observed in the stone wall inscription at the entrance.
-Don’t come (来るな).
-Go back (帰れ).
I was thrilled at this great progress.
Of course, yokai probably didn’t grasp language semantically. But they remembered human reactions to certain words.
That’s why the Void’s most common cries were “Spare me!” “Help!”—they’d learned those lured humans effectively.
Click. The spirit photo showed “Don’t come” “Go back” plus countless languages.
“Bad guy” “Noise pollution” “Why?” “Die” “Nuisance” “Incomprehensible” “Curse” “Stop” “Noisy” “Hate” etc.
What a brilliant discovery!
Worth enduring scornful looks from countless people to pursue communication with the Inunaki Tunnel.
So couldn’t I evolve the communication further?
The Inunaki Tunnel was Japanese-born. And Japanese, like Korean, had polite speech culture.
In befriending casually, never forgetting “礼” (etiquette) was East Asia’s virtue.
Day 60. Multiplied posters by 15x, extended anime songs to 24/7.
The Magical Girl Council balked at no more poster reserves, but I never underestimated Japan’s otaku potential. Since Iwami silver mine ran dry, Japan’s main export was otaku culture.
Mobilized death-row inmates and regular prisoners to paper the tunnel. No matter how Inunaki shredded, humans reposted faster.
The Japan-Korea undersea tunnel now smelled of pure otaku from the interior—like Comiket onsite.
(Lee Ha-yul, No Do-ha, Saintess, Cheon Yo-hwa visited together, demanding I halt the operation.)
Day 70. Anime song radios destroyed everywhere. Requested Magical Girl Council again; held a magical girl concert mid-tunnel. Live music, worlds beyond recordings, echoed grandly underwater.
(Man-yeop-myo and Phantom Sword hated it.)
Day 77.
Entrance inscription changed.
-Please don’t come (来ないでください).
-Please go back (帰ってください).
-I’ll do anything (何でもするから).
-Please (お願いします).
I shuddered.
East Asian etiquette finally imprinted on the yokai. Now I was convinced it saw value in serious friendship.
“Ha-yul. You’ve waited long. I’ve finally persuaded the Inunaki Tunnel. Now we can build a hideout with perfect security.”
“Sorry. Can we start tomorrow? I have dinner plans with No Do-ha unnie tonight. Drinking.”
“Of course. Have a good time!”
“…….”
Next round.
A neat sign hung at the Inunaki Tunnel entrance, replacing the messy graffiti.
[Cafe Hideout]
[New Tenant Coming Soon!]