You Shouldn't Do That?
Komari threw rock, Maru went with paper. The winner was obvious, so Maru let out a triumphant shout, but wasn’t she forgetting something?
“Wait, wait a second. Let’s do it again. You didn’t have Rain unnie or Dora unnie play.”
Dora flashed a bright smile and thrust her fist forward. It was a godsend for Komari.
“Hurry up and redo it. That’s so cheap, seriously.”
Maru puffed out her chest with a smug grin.
“Jeez. Babysitting the maknae’s tantrums isn’t easy. It’s only because this unnie is nice that I’m letting you have your way.”
“If you’re an unnie, then act like one—”
“So what about Rain unnie?”
The drive would only take two hours. We’d stop at a rest area once, sure, but even then it’d be two and a half hours at most. And even if we assigned seats, my spot would still end up smack in the middle of the 2x3 arrangement. It wasn’t like I had to sit right next to them to hang out anyway. Among the four, the one with the least obsession over me was Rain, who simply waved her hand.
“I’m claiming the passenger seat. Needed someone to stick Jia in the back.”
“Huh? You’re actually sitting in the passenger seat, Rain unnie? Without playing rock-paper-scissors?”
“It’s not like I can whisper sweet nothings to Jia anyway. You three go ahead. I’ll be the boss’s meat shield.”
As soon as Rain slipped back, Dora, Maru, and Komari glanced at one another before shouting in perfect sync, as if they’d rehearsed it.
“Rock, paper, scissors!”
Komari threw rock; the other two threw scissors. The victorious Komari proudly reenacted an opera short she’d seen recently.
“A woman always goes with rock~.”
The boss’s commute vehicle doubled as the company MPV—a nine-seater famous among the public as “Dad’s car.” Naturally the three seats in the very back row were cramped and uncomfortable, so they usually carried luggage instead. That left six usable spots. Kang Team Leader should have taken the passenger seat, but today she drove her own car, so I was the one sitting there.
“Jia, swap with me.”
The moment we reached the meeting point, Rain flung open the passenger door and ordered me out.
“Out of nowhere?”
“My back. Go back. Today I’m the DJ.”
“Ugh.”
I had no intention of getting out, but Rain suddenly unbuckled my seatbelt, hoisted me up, and set me down like I weighed nothing. I tried to climb back in, but the door was already shut tight. With no other choice, I trudged to the rear seats.
Rain often turned into the car’s personal jukebox, but the passenger seat? When the boss drove she never shut up, turning the front into something closer to a one-on-one interview. I could keep up with her and actually enjoyed it, so I usually took that seat. Seeing Rain volunteer for the prime nagging spot was rare. Why bother?
I naturally ended up behind the boss. Komari claimed the seat beside me, rummaged through the small bag slung over her shoulder, and offered me an individually wrapped foreign snack.
“Unnie, want this?”
“Ah. Sure.”
Next came Dora behind me.
“Jia-nim, try this one too.”
“Ah. Okay.”
Bear-shaped jelly.
Finally even Maru, sitting diagonally across, joined the gift relay with military chocolate puffs. Once they’d given me something it felt wrong to refuse, and since I’d skipped breakfast I started opening them one by one. Thank goodness the drink I’d grabbed at the drive-thru with the boss earlier was a cappuccino. It paired perfectly with the chocolate puffs.
Munch, munch. I quietly tore into the puffs when Komari, who had been watching me, asked.
“Unnie, do you like chocolate?”
“No. Just didn’t eat breakfast.”
“Aha…”
Maru puffed up again. “I knew you’d say that, so I came prepared with some sense.”
Komari couldn’t hold back. “You hand over one lousy chocolate puff and act all proud about it…”
After last week’s I’m a Wolf collab I thought their bickering had died down, but the argument between them flared up again.
“What, what! Then why didn’t you roll kimbap or something!”
“I barely managed to wake up at nine after always getting up at two in the afternoon. How was I supposed to prepare anything?”
“Oh, so that’s something to brag about? Huh?”
It was common to see the two squabbling on stream, but watching it in private was surprising enough that I asked, worried.
“Are you two still not on good terms? Did you actually fight during I’m a Wolf?”
“Aww, no. It’s just our usual WWE.”
“These days WWE includes real low kicks, I see.”
“I was joking, seriously. Maru unnie. Calm down. Maru jjong-jjong.”
“Hey!”
Since she sat right behind Komari, Maru’s hand shot out and pinched her cheek, stretching it.
“Eugyaak.”
“I held back last week, but today I’m not!”
The back seat had grown so noisy that the boss finally intervened.
“Kids? Keep that up and I might just turn the car around and send everyone home.”
“I’ll shut up.”
“I’ll be quiet…”
As expected, riot control was best handled by the Gwanrodong sashimi master. But the calm was only temporary.
When we stopped at the rest area and I slipped away to the bathroom, Dora followed. The moment I came out, Maru and Komari—having seen it—stood side by side growling like Chihuahuas. Later at the coffee shop I laughed at Rain dancing to the trot music playing over the speakers, so Komari and Dora sneaked up, danced the same bizarre dance, and competed over who did it better. Worried someone might recognize us, I grabbed their collars and dragged them back to the car, only for them to start growling again.
Normally I would have laughed it off, thinking their chemistry was great, but after stirring things up between them during the I’m a Wolf collab I felt strangely guilty.
The first-gen couplings are incredibly diverse, but my favorite has always been Komari and Maru. If my presence was getting in the way, it made sense for me to step back. Anyone who enjoys watching girls run wild would probably understand. That’s why I naturally drifted over to Kang Team Leader after she joined us at the campsite.
“Did something happen before I got here?”
I smiled brightly and shook my head as if nothing had. Sorry, Team Leader. Please tank for me today.
Once I glued myself to Kang Ji-ho, the members had no choice but to hold an emergency reflection meeting.
“Honestly it’s Maru unnie’s fault. If you lost rock-paper-scissors you should’ve yielded.”
“That was only about the car! No one said anything about the whole day!”
“No, even if it wasn’t that—whenever I try to spend a little time with her you always run over and bother us, so Jia unnie thinks she’s in the way and runs off.”
“That’s not true! You do the exact same thing, Komari!”
“…I don’t.”
“Wow. At least change your expression before you lie.”
“What did you say!”
Dora wrapped her arms around both their shoulders at once and asked, “You two aren’t seriously fighting, right~?”
“As if.”
“Of course not.”
The timing of their answers was identical. No wonder fans kept pairing them every collab.
“But Maru unnie is being serious.”
“It’s because Komari takes it too seriously.”
Even their wording matched, so Rain burst out laughing.
“Puhaha! Are you two copying each other? I can’t breathe.”
“Don’t laugh…”
“Why are you laughing when it’s serious!”
“Kyahahahahahaha!”
Dora sighed and muttered. With the oldest sister acting like that, the second-oldest had to step up.
“At this rate we won’t get anything done, never mind the plan~. Jia-nim has to feel comfortable with us before we can pull off the hidden camera, doesn’t she?”
The “Make Jia Cry on Her Birthday” operation required two stages. First, stick to her like glue and treat her like proper first-gen members. Accept everything she said positively, prepare snacks, hold her hand or grab her shoulder and lead her around. Make her melt naturally into the group so she’d feel a strong sense of belonging. That was step one.
The second stage was the hidden camera at night—when all the daytime kindness would feel like a dream. For some reason only Jia’s plate would be missing at dinner. Everyone would pour drinks and toast, deliberately ignoring her. Her belongings would suddenly disappear and no one would pay any attention. Then, right when she started thinking I shouldn’t have come; I’m just intruding, the cake would appear, the four of us would sing an a-cappella birthday song, and an emotional beach party would begin.
If we were already creaking this badly from the start, the whole operation would fall apart.
“Maru, you planned this hidden camera. So hold back your emotions until it’s over, okay?”
Maru’s eyes were already glistening.
“But I only ran over every time I saw Jia…”
“The problem is that you end up fighting Komari… Same for you, Komari. Since we agreed to do the hidden camera together, at least until we go to sleep tonight, stop bickering with Maru. All right?”
“Tsk. That’s because Maru unnie keeps picking fights…”
“Komari.”
The two had never truly fought. They bickered constantly, arguing over who was right, but one would always apologize or yield first and they’d end warmly. That was fine on broadcast, but doing it in real life could make people worry they were actually fighting. I would probably think the same. Anyone who could tell broadcast from reality would worry.
“Anyway. Until the hidden camera tonight, can you two try not to nitpick each other?”
In the end the two who had been watching each other hugged lightly, as if on cue. Hugging like this was their private promise to reconcile—a rule they’d made during the early days of training camp after a real fight.
“Now go tell or show Jia that you didn’t actually fight. Then the escaped Jia-nim might come back.”
“Okay.”
“I will.”
The first-gen renewed their determination. After all, both Kang Team Leader and Cheon Do-hee were on their side today. It was a first-anniversary trip, but they had already received plenty of congratulations through broadcasts and concerts. They simply agreed to help celebrate my birthday since I had contributed so much to that grand concert. All they had to do was win me over. If they stopped fighting and showed a harmonious front, calling me over, I would eventually fall back into their arms.
But the first-gen were mistaken about one thing: I am not always kind to the members. I only become extremely favorable when it involves their broadcasts. Normally I am closer to a stubborn, self-assertive general.
“Aren’t you going to play with the kids? You came all this way—shouldn’t you hang out with people your own age instead of an auntie like me?”
Even when Kang Ji-ho tried to persuade me like that, after seeing the members fight because of me I had no intention of going back.
“They’ll be fine without me. Or, Team Leader, would I get in the way if I stood next to you while you film the vlog? Should I go over to the boss instead?”
“Hmm~ No, no! It’s not that. Don’t worry about it.”
From a distance the first-gen kept glancing toward Kang Team Leader. Maru had sent her a message saying she wanted to explain things to me. Kang Team Leader was desperate to return me to the kids. The first-gen’s anxiety meant the plan was already going off the rails.
Fortunately, she knew the best way to persuade me: a work-related request.
“Jia, can you do me a favor? I need to run to the bathroom. Could you film the kids for a bit?”
“Ah. Yes. Hand it over.”
“Try not to get their faces. We can blur them in editing anyway, but leftover footage feels messy. So film the ground as much as possible, okay?”
“Yes.”
After handing me the camera I walked back with quick steps and stood near the members again. They all breathed a collective sigh of relief. Komari and Maru approached to explain.
But perhaps because of what happened earlier, I reflexively stepped backward. Those quick steps gradually sped up until I was outright running.
“Hey, why are you running away?!”
“Why are you chasing me?”
A sudden full-speed chase across the white sand beach. Even with my short legs and a gimbal in my hands I somehow ran lightly over the sand. Komari, who had decent athletic reflexes, kept up. Maru, however, did not. It wasn’t just games—she was terrible at any physical activity.
So it didn’t take long. Thud. Maru face-planted into the sand, her face and clothes completely covered. She sat up sobbing. At least it was dry surface sand, but she had still turned entirely beige.
“Huuuuh…”
Komari stopped in shock, spun around, and sprinted back. She used the sleeve of her hoodie to gently brush the sand from around Maru’s eyes, nose, and mouth so she wouldn’t scratch her skin.
“Unnie, are you okay?!”
“Hic. Hik… I’m fine. Hng…”
“Stay still. Whoa, you’ll have to change all your clothes…”
Even though they usually acted like they wanted to devour each other, the moment something went wrong these two took care of each other better than anyone.
As the temporary vlog cameraman I couldn’t possibly miss a scene fans would love. I approached silently and filmed Komari’s feet as she embraced Maru, then paused the recording.
“This shot is good. I’ll keep filming.”
At those words Maru’s tear ducts exploded. After all, who was responsible for making her run and fall like this?
“Huuuuh, hiiiiii, huuiiiiiii!!”