Reviewing Is a Choice, Not an Obligation
Reviewing is optional, not mandatory. Hayeon and I started chatting for quite a while. From everyday chit-chat to how my Dragon Dick Whip had helped her out.
This was only our second meeting, but for some reason, I felt this inner closeness with Hayeon, so there wasn't any awkwardness at all.
"I'm glad the Dragon Dick Whip helped."
"Yeah... Honestly, it felt a bit gross holding it in my hand, but the effect was real. Thanks again, Semin!"
"Haha... I mean, you paid a fair price for it anyway."
...Still, hearing that an item I'd sold had actually helped made me feel proud. Is this why I sell items? I wonder if the guy who bought that 'Rock' last time is satisfied. I hope more useful items come out from now on, but lately, it's all been these pervy ones, and the stress is no joke.
Once the mood had warmed up a bit, Hayeon suddenly looked at my face seriously and said,
"So, what's this worry you mentioned on the phone, Semin?"
"...Well, actually..."
I started pouring out my troubles to Hayeon. Whether it was right to keep doing review streams like this. How I felt like I was changing somehow because of the review streams.
Of course, I didn't mention the fact that I'd turned into a woman's body. No way I'd tell anyone that, not even Hayeon.
After listening to my worries for a long time, Hayeon fell deep into thought for quite a while.
A moment later, she finally spoke up.
"...I had no idea you were dealing with all that. I couldn't tell just from watching your streams."
"...Yeah."
Hayeon paused, gazing at her calloused hands with a distant look in her eyes.
"Semin, how hard do you think it was for me to get here?"
"W-Well, I've never really thought about it, but... pretty damn tough, right?"
"Ten years. For a full ten years, I worked like a dog without a single day off. Even when I had a date with a guy I liked, when I was sick with a cold, when my arm was broken in a cast—not a single day off. Know why?"
"..."
"I had this obsession that I had to get stronger, no matter what. Family, friends, school teachers... From a young age, I'd been carrying everyone's expectations, and I thought it was natural to kill myself working for it."
Hayeon gave a hollow laugh and continued.
"I ran like a maniac, but when I finally reached my goal, I realized it meant nothing. No one was left around me anymore, and I didn't even know where to find happiness."
Hayeon paused again, looking around before going on.
"So, better late than never, I started clearing out my surroundings to enjoy life a little. I tossed all the headache-inducing paperwork, brought in a bed and a gaming console to my office. You said earlier it felt more like a lounge than an office, right? Spot on. What I needed wasn't an office—it was a lounge."
"...Sorry. I had no idea about any of that..."
"No, why would you apologize? But get this—it's funny. Once I started doing whatever the hell I wanted, luck started coming my way. You know the rest. I found a solo gate, and I met you."
...Meeting me was luck? I'd never heard anything like that in my life. My eyes started to waver.
"Semin. Everyone changes naturally. The important thing is that the change in mindset has to come from your own choice. Look at my office... er, lounge. The old me couldn't have imagined this."
"So, sis, you're happy with the new you?"
"Of course! This is the happiest I've ever been. I can confidently say changing through your own choices is definitely a positive thing."
With that, Hayeon pointed her index finger at me and continued.
"But look at you, Semin. I don't know exactly how your mindset is changing, but forcing yourself to review items is making you go through changes you don't even want. From what I see, you've got some weird obsession going on. ...Just like the old me."
"...Obsession?"
"Yeah. Like you have to review every single item. What's chasing you? What's pressuring you so much?"
Pressuring me? ...I already knew the answer.
It was none other than myself.
For 24 whole years, I'd lived a powerless, mana-less, worthless life. To someone like me—a total piece of trash not even worth recycling—this ability was like a lifeline. I didn't want to let go of that rope, so I'd been anxious and desperate. If I stopped reviewing, it felt like everything would slip away from me in an instant.
With a trembling voice, I said,
"Is it really okay if I don't review every item?"
"Yeah. Keep it simple, Semin. Do it if you want, skip it if you don't."
"...What if viewers get disappointed in me and leave?"
"...Sigh, Semin. Please drop that pointless inferiority complex. You need to look back and see how amazing you are first. You can be a bit mischievous, but your viewers aren't watching for the items—they're watching because they like you. Take me, for example."
Once Hayeon finished, I sank into thought.
They watch not for my items, but because they like me? Thinking about it, that made sense. My viewers talked more about my looks than the items anyway.
...Sure, there was that crude chat about "milk jugs" and "queen tits," but ultimately, they came to see me.
With my mind made up, I spoke to Hayeon with a much lighter heart.
"Thanks, sis. That really helped."
"I was worried I came on too strong, but I'm glad."
"...From now on, I'll only review what I want to."
Hayeon nodded in satisfaction.
"Good call, Semin! ...H-Honestly, seeing you review those pervy items was kinda fun... but thinking I'd never see it again made me a little sad."
"Huh? I'll still do those periodically."
"...What?"
"I won't force it, but I might want to sometimes. ...As long as it's not something super pervy like that Reverse Bunny Girl Set yesterday, I'm down to review it."
Why'd she think I'd sworn off pervy items forever? I never said that.
What is a streamer, anyway? It's a job that provides entertainment to the people watching my stream. That's the broadcasting philosophy I've held even back when I had only five viewers.
Reacting juicily to donations is part of that too.
So, if it's pervy enough that I can handle it, I'll review it for the viewers' fun. If they're entertained, I'm satisfied too.
Of course, no more forcing myself into over-the-line stuff like the Reverse Bunny Girl Set. Just the right amount. The right amount.
...By my standards, that means something like the Gumiho Comb. The Fetish Headband is a bit iffy, but the worst it could make me do is probably ahegao. What could be worse than that?
I unluckily got hit with ahegao right from the start, after all.
...I should probably set aside a day to test what behaviors it can trigger.
Hayeon tilted her head, looking at me in surprise.
"Semin, hasn't it been less than two weeks since you started streaming?"
"My first stream was when I sold you the Dragon Dick Whip... Yeah, two weeks."
"...But your pro mindset is way beyond what I expected?"
"Haha... There's a story there... Oh, right! One more thing I wanted to ask."
I cautiously brought up the topic of my identity. Thankfully, Hayeon didn't ask any questions that could put me in a tough spot. It was plenty suspicious, but she was probably being considerate.
Hayeon thought for a moment before speaking.
"Semin, as you know, creating a new identity requires solid credit backing it up."
"R-Right?"
That's why I was shamelessly asking her for help.
Soon, Hayeon shook her head.
"Even if I vouch for you, it could still get rejected."
"Gasp! R-Really...?"
I'd heard on the community forums that getting an identity was easy... Guess forums aren't reliable.
As I made a worried face, Hayeon smirked.
"That's why! From now on, your big sis here will give you the perfect solution. I was gonna bring it up anyway—perfect timing."
"The perfect solution? ...What is it...?"
"Something that boosts your credit, manages your stream chat, and takes care of your mental health all at once."
...Smells like a sales pitch. If it's sketchy, I'll politely decline...
"How about joining our guild, Semin?"
...Huh?