The Weeping Heiress and the Fake Boyfriend
"Bwooooh!! cough, cough!!"
"……."
I rubbed the back of my neck as I watched Diamond soak the bedsheets with her tears.
"Come on, stop crying already. You're gonna drench the whole duvet."
"Hic, nooo… it's because you said you won't be my chef…!"
This was getting seriously awkward.
If she'd just proposed I become her personal chef, I could've turned her down smoothly. But I never dreamed she'd bawl her eyes out like the house was collapsing.
"Why won't you do iiiit…! Sniff!"
I could understand her feelings, at least.
In this world, I'm a loner with no family or friends, scraping by in a crumbling mansion. She must've figured I'd jump at the offer.
'But is it really worth getting this depressed over?'
Of course, I was happy she'd praised my desserts. Not many people had been so bluntly complimentary before.
It would've been fine if it stopped at simple praise, but Diamond was showing this weird, obsessive fixation on me.
"Hic… Sniff!"
It even made me feel like I was the one who'd done something wrong, leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
"I'm the one who got kidnapped here… Ah, don't grab my pants. Your mascara's gonna smear."
"Uhehek! Ugh!Uwaaah!"
"And your crying sounds gross as hell! What animal are you?!"
I couldn't even imagine this coming from a noble lady. Had she always been like this since she was a kid?
Following her to the bedroom to calm her down had been a mistake. Should've just bolted.
"Wait, wait! I said don't grab my pants! Your tears are gonna soak 'em!"
"Uwaaaah~!Sniff~!! Bwooooh!"
"……."
Her face buried in my crotch, putting on a spectacle no words could describe. This wasn't a champi— no, it was Diamond.
If anyone in the mansion saw this, I was done for. Literally, physically done for.
"You! Maid! Do something about her!"
I desperately appealed to the maid Diamond called Ruri for help—
Slurp…
—but she was casually sipping her black tea, ignoring us completely.
"Ah, did you call me? I was testing some black tea bags I found at your place, Mr. Jade, so I didn't quite hear you."
"She's lost it too, in her own way."
How the hell did she even get into my house in the first place? The more I dug, the worse my sentence would get.
"Oh, right—I found a peculiar book on your shelf. Let's End It with One! 69 Correct Facts About Pregnancy and Childbirth—"
"Don't worry about that one."
"Understood. What about this Prenatal Classes with the World's Top Medical Team?"
Why'd she bring that here, anyway?
"…Lady Diamond won't stop crying once she starts. It lasts four to six hours. Best to give up clean and become her personal chef."
Taking a job just to stop a girl from crying? It sounded like a fairy tale on paper.
Either way, I had to pry Diamond off my crotch somehow. She was glued there like a limpet.
"Brilliant Aster Diamond!"
"……?"
Calling her full name finally snapped her out of it. She looked up at me, dazed.
"Stop for now. I'll make as many desserts as you want."
"…For real?"
Finally, words were getting through. Felt like soothing a toddler, though—not much of a conversation.
"Cakes? Ice cream? Muffins? Pudding? Cookies? Tarts? You'll make all of them…?"
"Yeah. Cakes, ice cream, muffins, pudding, cookies."
"You skipped tarts!"
"Cakes, ice cream… anyway, all of them. Promise."
I patted her back and spoke gently.
She finally seemed satisfied, wiping her tears and nodding.
"So let's pick this up later, okay?"
"Yeah…"
I was wrapping it up on a good note when Ruri cut in.
"Miss, your friend is here."
"…Who? Sniff!"
Diamond blew her nose into a tissue as she answered the maid.
No way she'd meet anyone looking like that. She'd probably send them off politely.
"It's Ms. Amber. One of your classmates, surely—"
"Ah, Amber! I've been meaning to invite her over sometime!"
The second Amber's name dropped, she chucked the tissue in the trash, lit up with joy, and fired back.
Impossible to believe this was the same idiot who'd been clinging to me bawling moments ago.
'What the hell? Bipolar?'
Anyway, Amber showing up solo was a surprise. Would've preferred a Silver Unit infiltrator skilled in stealth.
Since they're friends, talking it out might work, but…
'Isn't this a bit reckless?'
Screw up, and I might leak Silver Unit info without realizing.
Our flimsy Gaia Foundation camouflage was already in the ears of the Brilliant heir.
But Amber had her reasons. She's not the sharpest, but she knows right from wrong.
"I'll bring her up. Please wait a moment."
Three minutes later, my savior arrived to spring me from this place.
"Whoa~ Diamond-chan's place is huge!"
"Amber, come in! This guy's refusing no matter how much I offer him!"
Damn, she could twist a story like a pro. News anchor material.
Amber smiled kindly and started gently scolding her.
"You can't buy people with money. Always think of their feelings first, right?"
"Their feelings… not money?"
"Yeah, 'cause some people won't budge for cash. Like this bro here."
"Hmm, that's tough. Never met anyone who doesn't bite at money before."
She shook her head, utterly baffled.
"Then you convince him, Amber! You're friends with the coffee chef, right?"
"Yeah, we know each other. But convincing him might be tricky…"
"Ehhh?! Why? Don't tell me you're after him too?!"
"No, it's not that. It's just—"
I was wondering if things were getting worse when Amber crossed her arms, flashed a cute pout, and winked at me.
"Straight up, this guy's my boyfriend."
…Huh. Didn't see that coming.
Thanks to Amber, I escaped the mansion safely—but—
"Whoa~ Pretending to be a couple actually worked. Let's head back and report to Boss quick."
"Hold up, don't change the subject. Where do you think you're going on your own?"
Didn't work, huh.
"Always getting into risky spots! What would've you done without me?"
"Sorry!!"
No comeback, so I yelled at max volume.
"Yelling your apology like that just sounds like backtalk, though…"
"Yeah, even I thought that while shouting."
Definitely not proper apology form. Drew stares from passersby, too.
Time was still 10 a.m. I'd whipped up a ton of desserts for Diamond after all that chaos, and noon hadn't even hit.
"Yawn… Fine, forgiven this time. Diamond-chan kidnapped you on her own."
"Exactly my point."
Honestly, I was barely at fault here. Woke up imprisoned in that mansion.
"…You won't get kidnapped again, right?"
Stuffing her with desserts didn't calm her, so I compromised by giving Cafe Eclipse priority access.
She whined about no other chefs, even when I offered recipes.
But she might flip again soon. Needed to fix the root issue.
"I'm sick of this life. Unwanted attention rubs me the wrong way."
This time it was a tame lady, no harm done. But next time might cost me my life.
Had to kill this trend and dial down the spotlight on me.
"Got any ideas? Can't just close shop."
"Trend with a trend, obviously."
Trends explode into the public eye absurdly fast, but fizzle just as quick without fuel.
The afternoon tea craze I'd unwittingly sparked rode on Diamond's fame.
So pit an even bigger celeb against her, problem solved.
'Didn't wanna borrow her power, but…'
Water under the bridge. Been wanting a calm chat with her anyway.
I grabbed my smartphone and punched in a contact. One I'd memorized from borrowing Sophia's phone ages ago.
The number of humanity's hope, known to all—the magical girl Ruby.