The Exorcism Ritual's Hidden Peril

This C-rank researcher's name was Baek Jiseung.

He was the head of a household — a father to one son and one daughter. He was also a man I had now crossed paths with no fewer than three times, someone with whom I had, by this point, a fair degree of familiarity.

And last of all, he was the man who had been designated as "Ara's fighting-game opponent."

Nearly three hours had passed since Baek Jiseung and I had started playing. I had been wrenching the joystick so violently that my hand was beginning to go numb, but I still refused ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to let go of the stick.

The reason was simple.

In three hours, I had not won a single match.

"Urgh... Aaaaagh!"

After getting cheerfully pulverized yet again, I rounded on Baek Jiseung.

"To seize victory by such cheap tricks — how craven of you!"

"I punished you thoroughly with fundamentals, actually."

"Fundamentals? Ha! Even the God of Martial Arts would laugh at such drivel!"

"Jiseung, your martial arts may be dazzling, but they are nothing more than tricks and cheap ploys."

"How can you so thoroughly refuse to cross blades in a fair and honest contest!"

"...First of all, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"And more to the point, Number 322... ah, I apologize."

"Ara, you're just really, really bad at this."

Damn it.

Of course I was bad. How was I supposed to be any good when I hadn't touched a stick in thirty years?

I had specifically requested from Dr. Kim Mi-ryeo an opponent who was "a scrub compared to me, but still capable of putting up a decent fight."

Apparently, no such person existed in this world.

Baek Jiseung offered me some advice.

"You should probably practice against the bots, or spend more time in practice mode grinding out your combos."

"Now it is I who cannot understand a word you are ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠saying."

"Uh, so, in Korean, that would be..."

"Hone your blade against a scarecrow."

"Or refine your martial arts in the training yard — is that what you mean?"

"Something like that, yes."

Still, the muscle memory I had lost was beginning to return, if only a little. At first I hadn't been able to land a single hit — I had been shaken down for my very soul.

"I can win a bout now, at least."

"It's a round, not a bout."

"Ought we not cherish our proper and beautiful language?"

"In any case, you have done well. The hour grows late — go on home."

"And while you are about it, pick up a box of Choco Pies for your beloved little daughter and son."

"Ara, my son and daughter don't care for old-fashioned snacks like that."

"They like fried chicken and pizza."

"Aigoo... tsk. The youth these days."

I was waving him off with a flick of my hand when it happened.

"Hold."

I stopped Baek Jiseung in his tracks. Then I began to pat and prod him, feeling my way over his body.

"Hrm."

"Hmm."

"Hrrrrrm."

"Ara...?"

"I-if you suddenly start doing this, it's a bit..."

"Tell me, Jiseung."

"Have your shoulders ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠felt heavy of late?"

"And when you rise from sleep, do you still feel exhausted?"

"...!"

At my words, Baek Jiseung went pale.

"H-how did you know that?!"

"Misfortune has settled upon you."

"...?"

Baek Jiseung gave me a puzzled look.

Tsk.

Dr. Kim Mi-ryeo really did work her subordinates to the bone.

"It is a rather potent misfortune, I grant you."

"But if we perform a proper Aekmakigut, you will be right as rain in no time."

"I don't really know what this 'misfortune' you're talking about is, but surely you don't mean..."

"That my body has been contaminated by an Anomaly..."

"It is not that."

"I shall not make a widow of your beloved wife, so set your mind at ease."

"However, I swear to you — if you do not receive an exorcism this very moment..."

"..."

Baek Jiseung's expression grew complicated. He was clearly wrestling with whether he ought to believe the Anomaly standing in front of him.

Well, his trust in me was of no great importance. Whether this man believed me or not, I was going to perform the Aekmakigut regardless.

"Baek Jiseung. Sit yourself down."

"...Yes."

He obeyed without protest, though there was a flicker of fear in his eyes. Of course he had no choice but to obey. Publicly, I was a Level 0 Anomaly.

"Endure but two hours."

After that, I began to circle Baek Jiseung, performing the Aekmakigut.

An Aekmakigut is best performed between the third day of the new year and the first full moon — but I had not existed in this world at that time, so what else was I to do but perform it now?

Besides, I had no ritual mugu, no simple talismans, and no offerings. I had no choice but to drive out the misfortune with a chant alone.

And for two full hours, at that.

Flutter, flutter.

The hem of the mubok I was wearing flared and snapped with every turn. Hmm. The women's mubok really was better suited to a gut than the men's version. The way the skirt billowed let me perform a far finer ritual.

...The masses of fat sloshing at my chest, however, were deeply irritating.

Once the sequence of the exorcism was complete, I pulled a stunned-looking Baek Jiseung to his feet.

"How fares it?"

"Uh, well... I don't really..."

"..."

"...Huh?"

"O-ooooooooh!"

Baek Jiseung swung his shoulder through the air once, then his eyes went as wide as a rabbit's.

"It feels incredible!"

"H-how is this even possible..."

"...Ara."

"Did you, by any chance, do something to me..."

"Tsk. You. Have you spent your whole life getting conned?"

"I did nothing strange. Just accept it."

"Ah, but you must give bokchae. That is essential."

"Fail to pay a mudang her bokchae, and divine punishment will find you."

"I, too, ended up in this state because I was punished."

"...?"

"In any case, be on your way. Next time you come, bring some tasty snacks as bokchae."

"Ah, and if there is anyone around you upon whom misfortune has settled, send them to me."

"The entire staff of the branch can speak with me freely, can they not?"

"They simply do not come because they are afraid of me."

"I... understand."

"Thank you, Ara!"

Dr. Kim Mi-ryeo could not help but be thoroughly bewildered.

BAR-322 — Ara — forming personal connections with the personnel of the B.A.R.I. Seoul Branch had been well within her projected range of outcomes.

What she had never in her wildest dreams anticipated was that every last person in the building would start lining up, desperate to receive something called an "Aekmakigut."

It had started with Baek Jiseung, the man designated as Ara's fighting-game opponent.

According to the records, Ara had used an ability called "Aekmakigut" on Baek Jiseung. Astonishingly, after the ritual, Baek Jiseung's work efficiency had more than doubled compared to before. He had also passed the "Work Satisfaction Test" — a periodic requirement for all bureau staff — with a score nearly twice his previous result.

The Work Satisfaction Test was a satisfaction survey in name only. In reality, it was a form of ideological screening, a test to measure the degree of mental contamination.

Passing that test with more than double the previous score meant, put simply, that Baek Jiseung's quality of life had more than doubled.

Word of Baek Jiseung's transformation spread through the Seoul Branch with startling speed. And since Ara was a specially managed entity, any staff member at the Seoul Branch could make contact with her without difficulty.

They came in droves, one after another, to receive the Aekmakigut.

Things had reached the point where there was now an actual "Aekmakigut waiting list."

"..."

As branch director, Kim Mi-ryeo felt the need to supervise this entire situation. She requested a conversation with Ara.

I gave Kim Mi-ryeo a brief explanation of misfortune — and of the Aekmakigut.

"This is only my conjecture, mind you."

"The staff of this bureau, by the nature of their profession, cannot help but suffer from chronic fatigue."

"And given that their primary duties are the containment and study of evil spirits, the great majority of them are bound to be caked in misfortune."

"That is why the Aekmakigut I perform has proven so effective."

"So... you used your supernatural ability as a mudang to..."

"Tsk! It is not a 'supernatural ability'!"

"It is a sacred rite of our people's time-honored indigenous faith!"

"If you truly doubt me, summon Baek Jiseung and give him a physical examination!"

"I guarantee you there will not be a single side effect."

"We already did."

"Just as you said, Ara, there were no side effects."

"And the work efficiency of the staff who received the Aekmakigut has improved to a remarkable degree."

...They had already given him a physical?

This organization really did not mess around.

"Which brings me to my point, Ara."

"Is there a quieter method of raising the staff's work efficiency? Something that doesn't involve all this commotion?"

"Hm? You are granting permission rather easily, I must say."

"Of course I am."

"The reason I decided to advocate for you in the first place was to improve the Seoul Branch's work efficiency."

"But this method is far too noisy."

"The amount of time it takes is a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠drawback as well."

"Quite so. I have been finding that part troublesome myself."

"An Aekmakigut is not supposed to take this long."

"Ahem. Doctor."

"If you would just give me a single Shinkal, I could finish an Aekmakigut for each person in less than a quarter-hour..."

"Bringing in weapons is absolutely out of the question."

"It is not a weapon. It is a mudang's mugu."

"Please think of another method."

Hrm.

Another method... well, there was only one thing for it.

"I shall tell you what I need."

"The flowers and fruit of the pagoda tree."

"Hanji."

"And lastly, red Gyeongmyeonjusa."

"...Is there anything I have named that does not exist in this world?"

"No. Those are all materials that actually exist."

"That is a relief!"

"Good. I shall make talismans with these."

"...Talismans?"

She didn't know, of course.

I explained talismans to Kim Mi-ryeo.

"At jasi — that is, around midnight — I shall personally boil down the flowers and fruit of the pagoda tree and dye the hanji with the extract."

"This is called goehangji."

"Upon the goehangji, I shall inscribe characters imbued with spiritual power, using Gyeongmyeonjusa."

"And that is a talisman — a mudang's enchanted implement."

"...And that has an effect similar to the Aekmakigut?"

"Precisely! If the bokchae is paid properly, it may even surpass the Aekmakigut in efficacy."

"Very well. I'll have everything prepared at once."

Heh heh.

Things were going smoothly. When I had first fallen into this incomprehensible modern age, the road ahead had looked pitch-black. But the people of this era were people in the end, and people, as a rule, could be reasoned with.

If things continued like this, the day they recognized me as a human being would not be far off...

"For reference, the B.A.R.I. Seoul Branch has a staff of 2,353."

"Take as long as you need — please prepare 2,353 of them."

"Why, you miserable—! Fuck this!"

Honestly.

Getting recognized as a human being was a real pain in the ass.