Showing Your True Feelings
“Time to get dinner ready!” At Lee Seoeun’s shout, the Spirit members began moving in perfect sync. The female students who had just stuffed themselves with hotteok weren’t particularly hungry, but the guys who had been running around playing foot volleyball were in a completely different state. Every three seconds they were howling about how starving they were, and Choi Kang even tried to sneak in another snack before the meal, insisting he could just make more hotteok. In the end, President Seoeun decided to start the barbecue early. The members assigned to light the fire headed outside.
“Out of the way!” Once plenty of charcoal had been piled inside the grill, Choi Kang brought over a torch. The blue flame touched the black wood grain, but the fire refused to catch. It was only natural—university students weren’t about to splurge on quality charcoal for an MT. Their half-hearted hope that it would light without starter fluid, combined with the cheap charcoal, led to nothing but misery. Eventually the members had to take turns performing what felt like a ritual sacrifice in front of the coals…
“Agh! Is this thing actually going to light today?” Yoon Hana, wearing work gloves, wiped the sweat from her forehead. It had gone so quickly last year, yet today the fire stubbornly refused to catch.
“Sh-should I switch with you?” Park Juyeon, who had followed her out, hovered nearby, glancing around nervously.
“No, no. I don’t mind doing this, it’s just annoying that it won’t light.” Ugh. Next time we do barbecue, we are absolutely not using this charcoal. What brand even is this? Never again.
“What were you doing inside?”
“Huh?”
“Did you make hotteok too while we were playing foot volleyball?”
It was an innocent question, but Juyeon hesitated. If she admitted she’d been playing games alone in the corner, she’d get scolded… Seoeun wasn’t the only one who disliked it when people went off on their own during group activities—Hana felt the same. She considered lying, but realized there was no need. After all, she hadn’t been playing alone.
“I played with Suhyun.”
“With Lee Suhyun?”
“Yeah. He asked me to play with him.”
Who had asked whom was a little vague, but it was still the right answer for Suhyun’s sake.
“Was it fun?”
“Super fun.”
“Suhyun liked it too.”
Juyeon smiled brightly. The air in front of the charcoal was hot, yet Hana’s mood didn’t warm to match. What was this strange, unidentifiable feeling? She’d felt something similar earlier when she’d briefly stepped into the room. After thinking it over, Hana diagnosed the emotion as guilt. Of course something would go wrong if she dragged along someone who said he wasn’t confident. She should’ve just let him stay in the pension and relax instead of pushing him to join. Forcing people into things really wasn’t good.
“I-isn’t it bad to keep heating just one spot like that?”
Juyeon spoke up cautiously to Hana, who had been blankly torching the same piece of wood for a while now.
“Oh. Sorry. I spaced out for a second.”
Hana snapped back to attention and finally succeeded in lighting the fire after what felt like an eternity. The rest of the members began coming outside as well.
“Who’s good at grilling meat!”
Being good at grilling meat was a strangely ambiguous position. It was nice to be skilled at something, but that pride inevitably led to labor. In other words, if you bragged about being good at it, you were the one who had to do the grilling. That was the unspoken rule.
“I’ll do it!”
Taewoo, the 24th-generation guitarist who desperately wanted to be a well-liked junior, shot his hand into the air.
“Ooh~ Taewoo, you’re good at it?”
“Yes! I’ll grill the meat!”
If your instrument skills weren’t up to par, you compensated with sociability! Seoeun definitely appreciated that attitude. He was eager and hardworking. Maybe she could even consider making him the next president. But the most basic requirement for a president was still solid performance skills. Someone who only held the group back couldn’t possibly lead others. Even if they weren’t the best, they needed to be at least above average. Seoeun decided to observe him a little longer and finished arranging the table.
“Huh? We didn’t bring the ssamjang.”
“I-I’ll go get it!”
When Lee Suhyun tried to stand up from his seat, Jiyeon, the 24th-generation female vocalist sitting beside him, stopped him.
“Oppa, I heard you hurt your ankle! I’ll get it!”
No. Please don’t. I’m trying to escape because sitting with you all is too much for me right now! More than half the guys were already standing around the grill claiming they’d cook, so Suhyun had no choice but to remain trapped in the flower garden. To make matters worse, the two 23rd-generation members, Hana and Juyeon, were sitting at the far opposite end. True to Seoeun’s wish for everyone to get along, Suhyun had been tossed right into the middle of the first-year girls and could only make a miserable face. It was like a lone sheep—an extreme outsider—had been thrown into a den of lions known as popular kids. To him, the juniors’ questions felt more like an interrogation.
“Suhyun-oppa, what’s your major?”
“…Economics.”
“Oh! Then you’re the same year as Juyeon-unni?”
“That’s right?”
“I heard the first-year guys in Economics are all really handsome.”
“Whoa, for real! I went to a blind date last week and there was this insanely good-looking guy.”
The Economics department had a huge intake, so naturally there were plenty of good-looking guys. On the flip side, that also meant there were just as many average or unattractive ones. But humans always interpreted results in the way that suited them best.
“Oppa, if you know any juniors, can’t you set up a blind date for us?”
“Agreed. Our lineup’s actually pretty solid too, you know?”
Suhyun’s head throbbed. How was he supposed to introduce them to juniors when he’d never even been to one himself? He didn’t know a single junior in his department.
“Ahaha…”
“Sohye! If Suhyun-oppa sets it up, you should go too~ Right?”
“Nah… I’m into self-coupling, so I’ll pass. That kind of thing.”
After her polite refusal, Ji Sohye gazed off into the distance as if she had no interest in the conversation. At the end of her line of sight was Choi Kang, who was wearing only a sleeveless shirt despite the chilly weather and diligently grilling meat with tongs. How much working out had he done to build those solid shoulder muscles? She’d tried every method she could think of to get into his reliable embrace, but Choi Kang proved to be an even stronger opponent than expected. He rejected any private meetings, claiming he was busy. Even after registering at the same gym just to see him more, their conversations barely continued. And today she’d even come all dressed up! Yet the reality was she hadn’t managed to talk to him properly even a few times. Still, it was too early to be discouraged. There was another event the members, including Sohye, were looking forward to. Because there were so many people, they’d prepared soju in boxes. The clear green bottles were still asleep in the refrigerator, not yet ready to make their debut.
“Enjoy your meal!”
Taewoo took the lead and brought over the grilled meat. Thick slices of samgyeopsal were piled high on the disposable plate. The doneness was perfect. The combination of samgyeopsal and herb salt created an irresistible savory flavor. They decided to rotate the grilling duty, but Suhyun declared that he was fine and would take the next shift himself. After wolfing down the meat like he was in a food fight, he sprang up from his seat.
“I-I’ll go help the others grill!”
“Eh? You already finished, oppa?”
“Suhyun! You can switch after eating more.”
“No, I want to grill meat right now. No—I want to be allowed to grill!”
By the time he came back from grilling, maybe the seating would have changed at least once? Clinging to that vague hope, he pushed through the juniors and tagged out with Choi Kang. Once the other guys also went to eat, Suhyun found himself alone at the grill. Surprisingly, he felt comfortable in this situation. Maybe he should just stop eating and keep grilling here. It felt like he was actually being helpful to the others, and his mind was at ease, so perhaps this suited him after all. Sweat beaded on his skin from the heat, but it didn’t feel bad.
“…Hey.”
Just as Suhyun was staring intently at the grill, wondering when to flip the meat, he looked up. Standing in front of him was Hana, wearing a rather prim expression.
“Yeah? You don’t have to switch yet.”
It hadn’t even been five minutes since he started.
“I didn’t come to switch.”
“Then?”
Hana extended her arm toward Suhyun. In her hand was a generously filled ssam wrap.
“Ah. Open up.”
“No, I’m fine. Go eat comfortably.”
“Just open your mouth. The person grilling meat is supposed to get fed by someone else. It’s tradition.”
It might have been normal culture, but having Hana feed him still felt embarrassing. His mouth opened rather timidly compared to the size of the wrap. Hana, looking like she wouldn’t accept any refusal, shoved the ssam straight into his mouth. The crunch of green onions, the salty taste of ssamjang, and beneath it all, thin slices of garlic and two thick pieces of meat.
“Th-thanks.”
Suhyun mumbled his gratitude while chewing. Hana let out a small laugh at his face.
“Hey. Since you hurt your ankle, grill for a bit and then go back inside. I’ll send the juniors away.”
“…It’s fine.”
“Just listen to me.”
At the scolding tone that reminded him of his mother, Suhyun shrank back and nodded. When Hana returned to her seat, Seoeun, who had been eating right beside her, gave her a sly look.
“Hana-jjang.”
“Yeah?”
“That wrap. You made it for Suhyun?”
“That’s right?”
Seoeun snickered as if something was hilarious. Hana raised one eyebrow.
“Why?”
“Ah, it just reminded me of last year and it was funny.”
“Last year?”
Why was last year suddenly coming up? Seoeun gestured for her to lean in closer. Wondering what she was about to say, Hana obediently offered her ear.
“Last year you said you hated it when girls made wraps for guys because it was too obvious what they were thinking.”
In that moment, Hana’s cheeks flushed hot.