A Book That Feels Like a Burden
Lunch was served in the student cafeteria.
“So, what exactly did he do?”
“He borrowed a number from the library.”
“…Did you give it to him?”
“I couldn’t because he doesn’t have a phone. I stopped him when he asked to keep the number until he got one activated.”
“Huh.”
“What? I saw him that morning, didn’t I?”
“…What? He’s my friend, though!”
“Fufu, what’s the big deal.”
Cecil and Sion had become surprisingly close in no time.
“….”
Unlike Bail, who silently hid behind me like a curtain, she spoke.
“…This is uncomfortable.”
If this were a manga, a speech bubble would have popped up next to me. But this was what Bail had to say from right behind me.
“…Sorry.”
The only thing I could say was one thing, but—
No, we’d only known each other for two days. I figured she was sociable like the rest of us.
…Or maybe it was something else?
Had my empathy-building plan actually worked?
If so, then with Sion too—
“…Well? I don’t know what it is, but don’t say rude things.”
Of course it was a joke.
Seriously.
It wasn’t like I could do anything about it.
Hey, who on earth starts a conversation by calling someone an orphan? Haha.
Haha haha.
Haha.
Hah.
“Ah. Well, Sion.”
“Hm?”
“Let’s head to the bakery we passed by earlier. We don’t have anywhere else to go, right?”
Eh?
“I was about to go to the library.”
This was a bit of a pickle.
I still hadn’t finished the book I was reading, and there were things I needed to look up.
I hadn’t even read the part I originally came for.
How was I supposed to convince her?
“Oh? Then shall we go there instead?”
“Hm?”
“Why?”
“No….”
What? Why are you suddenly so relaxed.
We’d known each other for a while now, but the Cecil I knew was someone with backbone, stubbornly honest, and fiercely determined. She might bend a little once something was decided, but she never gave up.
If anyone could have made me go to the bakery just to eat bread, it was her.
“When did I ever… huff. Well, the library’s so huge anyway—want to take a look around?”
I knew that would be exactly what she’d do.
Still, it was a bonus for me. I wasn’t much of a shopper, and since I kept owing Cecil favors, spending money felt like a burden.
“Ah. Sion, you coming too?”
It was less a question and more a confirmation.
When we left the library, I’d noticed a few books he hadn’t even opened on his side.
“Ah. I’ll head back to the dorm first. I’m tired.”
“We just ate lunch.”
“You look older than me too. Your joints… ugh.”
“We’re the same age.”
“Anyway, I’ll go ahead. Get some good rest.”
“You too.”
One by one, it was Cecil, then Bail.
“Ah… okay.”
…Did I mess up?
Just looking at it, she was avoiding me on purpose.
No, we were fine together.
***
Cecil didn’t like the library.
Not because she had some deep reason, but because she’d never been inside it and didn’t know if she’d like it. It made more sense to do something you actually enjoyed than to take a risk.
When it came to things Cecil liked, there were plenty of them.
Food was a given, and she’d also enjoyed shopping for clothes, browsing the department store, and taking walks. Just those few were more than enough.
She had no reason to step foot in the library.
If it was just for a fun outing with no special purpose, even less so.
That was why, when Jedin mentioned the library, I tried to talk him out of it.
Jedin was weak against emotions like that and usually went along with it.
Then one day I suddenly thought:
I’m really not that bad, am I?
Over the past few days.
It hadn’t been long, but Jedin had done almost everything I wanted.
The first day, he’d stuffed a squirrel into my bag and run off with me.
The second day, he’d let me go wherever I pleased.
Jedin didn’t look unhappy, but he was just—well, happy about the outing.
In a way, the library was the first thing he’d ever wanted to do first.
If I ruined that and threw a tantrum, of course he’d go along with it. That was just how Jedin was.
But I’d watched him for a long time.
We’d buy bread together, wander around a bit, and let him go when it got dark.
But by then, he probably wouldn’t have the energy or time to go to the library.
If my friend did that.
‘Well, I don’t like it.’
I wouldn’t cut ties, but I’d definitely say it.
I don’t like that kind of behavior.
‘…I don’t like it.’
I don’t like it.
I didn’t want to hear words like that.
Cecil, the Cecil who had to survive a harsh world alone without anyone to protect her, was used to being hated.
There was hate with reason, and hate without.
There was hatred full of malice, and light, casual hatred that just got swung around.
So she was always ready for it, always prepared to be disliked.
Words like “I don’t like it” were a familiar kind of hate.
But.
To you.
To the me who had only just met you again, I didn’t want to hear it.
I’ll admit it.
Because I was too happy to see you, too relieved, maybe even a little petty for not noticing at first, I had acted on impulse.
Just like back then.
He probably didn’t care, but even this small hate felt too painful.
If Jedin had heard it, he probably would have thought, “Just the library?” but I didn’t want him to get the impression I was some spoiled kid.
For a moment, my mood sank.
The bright times we’d spent together made the dark ones feel even darker.
…No.
It’s fine.
It’s fine.
I’m here,
“…?”
“Hm? What’s wrong?”
Jedin was right beside me.
“…No.”
“The library is pretty big, huh? I thought it might scare you a little.”
“That’s not it.”
I decided to smile.
I’d smile and hide it.
No one would know what I was thinking, what I was feeling.
Just like always.
***
Sigh.
Maybe I should have gone to buy bread instead.
Since coming to the library, Cecil had been acting strangely.
Did she really hate the library that much? She didn’t seem like the type who disliked books.
Or had she really wanted bread that badly?
I hadn’t known.
Yesterday I’d been eating at every place I could find.
But once she decided on something, she fixed it right away.
Cecil had tripped over it,
“Huhuhu…”
What on earth was wrong with her?
Had I really made a mistake?
When I imagined her calling someone an orphan, had I accidentally said it out loud?
Or if not,
“Huhuhu…”
Why was she even here?
She said she was going back to the dorm.
And why was she sneaking glances from the vague middle of the path?
You’re even holding your book upside down.
“Jedin?”
“Hm?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I kept glancing at her, so I tripped over my own feet.
Ugh. I didn’t know either.
Let’s just read the book.
This part was about the hero of the Holy War. According to the dean, he was a non-Realm user who couldn’t even open a 1st Realm, but he was a hero who blocked the front lines ahead of everyone.
- The Demon King was not simply sealed away.
He had turned countless talented high-Realm experts into corpses or cripples, and the hero’s party was no different.
That was because they had poured everything into sealing the Demon King, so no one was left behind on this side.
If there’s a king, there are ministers.
It’s impossible for one king to rule all the ministers, so they selected capable people and placed them in middle management roles—essentially noble positions.
Among the nobles, the top one was the Demon King’s Grand Duke.
The remaining Demon King forces, led by the Grand Duke Ulteo.
They couldn’t stop their offensive.
It made sense.
The Demon Realm hadn’t existed originally.
It was the Demon King’s own world created by his power at the 10th Realm. That was why it was called the Demon Realm.
It was only natural to assume that defeating the Demon King would also destroy the Demon Realm, and a wrong plan would return to threaten humanity as the deadliest blade.
The king personally knelt and lowered his head.
It was an unprecedented act.
Even when the hero’s party defeated the Demon King, they had only bowed deeply to show respect.
The king raised his head and, with the dispersion magic tools, spoke to everyone.
“Please, die.”
“Please go out to the front line where death is certain and die.”
It wasn’t about dying in place of the king.
It wasn’t about dying in place of the nobles or those with high positions.
Please.
Hero who has retired, farmer who has hoes and sickles, noble bloodline.
For your weak mother, for your young child, for your powerless old man, for your close neighbor, for the empire that will continue someday, as you grow up, as your children grow up, as their children grow up.
For those who will someday truly mourn and remember you.
Please.
Please go out to the hopeless battlefield and die.
Please buy us time with your death.
Until our spears and swords grow sharp enough to pierce our enemies.
Until we can protect our loved ones with those swords.
Please die.
Then we will surely remember you, seek revenge, mourn, and record your name so we can praise you forever.
For this empty, meaningless glory.
Please.
Please offer your precious life.
The hero who had retired from the front line returned.
The farmer stood in the battlefield with his hoes and sickles.
The nobles had to risk their lives and march out, and most of those who faced the Demon King with weapons had died.
The Demon King’s power had been severely weakened.
But it could not be said to be meaningless.
They had burned their lives and pushed the front lines forward, big and small.
Because that front line hadn’t reached the capital.
Because the hero and some skilled experts had trained and sent out real soldiers.
Because one-armed mages and those swinging hoes had become whole-bodied soldiers.
Because the soldiers had clearly known where the cheap growth had come from.
All of these things had been the last epics of the humans who defeated the remnants of the Demon King War. Or rather, the epics of those who had survived the remnants.
That was why the empire’s citizens remembered them. They mourned them. They were furious.
And they recorded it. So that the future, like me, who didn’t know the truth, would continue the memory.
The empire, and everyone who lived on this empire’s soil—
They should remember that fact and record it, and rightly honor them.
That was the last consolation the empire, which had nothing left to give, could offer.
They had clearly promised it.
***
“….”
There was still a lingering feeling.
This had happened only twenty years ago.
It was an event that occurred only a few years after I was born.
I had accepted the fact that I was an orphan.
But that didn’t mean I accepted it gracefully.
Why was I different from others?
Why did I have nothing that others had?
Why did I have to become like people different from others?
The acceptance had come surprisingly fast.
Of course. While being laughed at as an orphan and getting hit, I naturally became that way.
The understanding had also been fast.
The reasons I had been wronged were the ones the punchers themselves had told me.
So what I wanted to say was that they didn’t give me any reason to accept it.
I had accepted that I was an orphan, and understood that being an orphan meant getting hit, but that didn’t make it right.
That wasn’t a problem I needed to understand.
So I resented it.
I resented the parents I had never even seen faces of—parents who might have been debtors or prostitutes, just like the kids said.
I cried.
Why did you abandon me? Why did you give birth to me if you couldn’t handle it?
I even thought, really hating it, that it would have been better if I hadn’t been born at all.
My internal screaming usually ended there.
The next day, I still needed to eat and live, so resentment and anger couldn’t be excessive.
The will to survive had been enough as a driving force.
But what if they had been the heroes of the Holy War?
…No.
Even if that were true, nothing would change.
If so, I could show respect and mourning.
But.
Now it’s fine.
I have an adoptive father who raised me, mothers who cherish me like their own children.
There’s even a little kid who follows me like a hero, and a little brother who brings me a piece of cake when I look gloomy.
They are my family.
Maybe my real parents were heroes of the Holy War.
But now it didn’t matter much.
Without them, I had risen on my own, and now I have people to support me.
“…Hm? Hey. Why are you crying?”
“Jedin, are you crying?”
“…No.”
So now it’s fine.
The son you saved has met a new family and overcome everything.
You can just say that he’s living happily as you always wished.
“It’s fine. Let’s go eat.”
“Huh? It’s already six.”
“Yeah. This one’s on me.”
I had roughly read the book, Cecil hadn’t opened hers for some reason, and Bail had borrowed the book she was reading and left the library.
It was lunch time, but I wasn’t that hungry, so I ate lightly at the cheap student cafeteria.
Ah, they had eaten lightly. Same menu, but it felt heavy for me.
Then I wandered around for a bit before heading back to the dorm.
It was a bit late to leave the academy, and there wasn’t anything to do inside.
If there had been classes, I could have had study meetings, but—
Well, at least I could do previews.
[General Magic 1]
[About Mana]
It was the book I had borrowed to learn.
And thirty minutes later.
I closed the book.
The knowledge Eri had taught me was far more useful.
Cecil, who couldn’t focus because she had too many thoughts and the book wouldn’t stay in her hands.