Crazy Psycho Fangirl

"So......"

The Silver-rank adventurer party had finally gathered in one place. Aries was soothing them with her gentle voice as they wandered lost in the darkness, exhausted and terrified. Or was it because of the darkness? Either way, while things were all warm and fuzzy over there, it was pure hell between me and the Hero.

So that's why the holy sword had jumped in to comfort those guys! But unlike Aries, who showed off her excellent crisis management skills, I was the one directly involved—I couldn't just run away.

"Another person's, hand on."

"Seal, how, undone?"

In situations like this, the best move was to say nothing at all. At least now I was confident the Hero wouldn't melt me down into a puddle of scrap metal, so I invoked my right to remain silent.

The Hero seemed annoyed by my silence. Like a kid playing with a toy, she poked me repeatedly with her finger. Each time, ripples of holy power surged, shaking my entire body.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

It looked like she was venting her anger, but this action was purely mechanical—just recharging the weakened seal with power, no emotions involved... that's what I'm telling myself.

"Hmph."

Once she'd inflicted enough pain to satisfy her, the Hero said nothing more and just sheathed me at her waist. Aries, who had been stuck in the ground while chatting with the other adventurers, returned to her spot as well.

Wait a sec, thinking about it, this is bullshit. She chewed me out for touching someone else's hand, but the Hero herself walks around dual-wielding swords!

"So, my fault?"

Hahaha. No way, right?

The Hero had reverted to her usual drowsy expression and spoken softly, but I felt an indescribable pressure and shut my mouth.

As I fell silent, the Hero, who had been slowly stroking me with a hand devoid of holy power, tossed another question my way.

"Jealous?"

Whoops, my true feelings slipped out.

Soon, a terrifying flash and scream echoed through the air. I felt like bursting into tears, gathered my wobbly blade, and slithered back into my sheath.

"Hate you."

Muttering that, the Hero got up and prepared to hit the road again. Armed with countless blessings, her body and mind were still fresh and energetic even in this darkness.

But the others? No chance. One of the adventurers—the unremarkable warrior who lost the eye-contact standoff—finally spoke up after exchanging glances.

"Ahem... Um, Hero?"

"What."

"Our leader's in rough shape too... Could we rest a bit longer?"

By the way, the leader—who'd had his wrist sliced off by the Hero and suffered a massive shock from the forced disconnection—was currently half-delirious, lying with his head in the mage's lap. Honestly, kinda jealous. Damn it. I never even had a girlfriend till the day I died!

Of course, I wasn't completely inexperienced with women. I'd held hands or hugged pretty intensely a few times, if you count arm-wrestling female orcs or straight-up wrestling female wyverns as "contact with women"...

For the record, I lost both times.

"Ugh."

So damn depressing. Now that I'm a sword, I can't even get excited about that stuff anymore. Even when a cute girl like the Hero grabs my bulging part (the hilt), I feel nothing.

"Hmm..."

By the way, while I was lost in thought, the Hero had ignored the adventurer's plea and was pulling me in and out of my sheath. When I yelped, she widened her eyes.

No way she'd punish me that harshly, right? As I swallowed hard, she sheathed me again and turned to the adventurers.

"Fine, whatever."

At her words, the adventurers—who'd been watching her nervously—sighed in relief and collapsed. Sure, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the Hero had come as a porter, but no one actually treated her like one. Right now, she was just mindlessly guarding the luggage pile.

The other adventurers lacked the guts to talk to her anymore, so instead of the tasty fresh food in the pile, they pulled out their bland jerky from their pockets.

Of course, I didn't have the courage to talk to the Hero either. So I decided to harass the easiest target: Aries.

Aries ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠might be a native of this world, but after decades dealing with me, she'd learned Earth's ultimate truth: sticks and stones. As I revved up my bullshit, she recoiled in horror.

But we're swords—we can't run or plug our ears. Even if Aries blocked my mental waves, I blasted through with overwhelming output, slamming my thoughts into her mind.

Aries let out a hysterical scream at my cheeky mental waves. I snickered.

Aries and I were locked in a one-on-one mental link. The Hero could eavesdrop if she wanted, but the adventurers couldn't hear us even if they died and came back. But that scream Aries just let out? It slipped her control and boomed everywhere.

I could see the adventurers, who were chilling, jumping up in shock.

"Wh-what was that voice just now?"

"That scream sounded like Lady Aries..."

"No way Aries would make a sound like that. Must be some monster mimicking a human voice."

As their serious discussion dragged on, Aries grew more embarrassed. Her image on the continent was that of a noble, sublime guide to heroes. Even when the Hero trashed a city, the viscount believed Aries's bullshit without question.

Her status as a divine artifact forged by the three gods themselves was that immense. Of course, the reality of that lofty holy sword was a crazy psycho fangirl who only cared about her owner.

Aries grumbled, reining in her emotions. As I cackled at the sight, the Hero—who'd kept her eyes closed through all the chaos—finally opened them. A bit later, the half-fainted leader struggled to sit up.

By then, I could sense something approaching from afar.

Also, that leader dude sensed the enemy a tiny bit faster than me. Is this the power of Crisis Detection (B)?

I focused my senses in the direction the human radar—aka the Hero—was staring. First slimes, then an ogre. What enemy this time?

With the Hero by our side, there was no fear. Amid anticipation and excitement, the foe emerged, radiating a dull glow.

It was none other than!

Its soul fluctuations were so massive they couldn't be fully concealed by its form—a body shaped like an ogre's, but slimy and wriggling like a slime all over. The soul mass it carried dwarfed the previous two combined.

As I recoiled in horror at this grotesque hybrid, the Hero sprang into action. No need to draw weapons.

She kicked off the ground and leaped, smashing her elbow into what passed for the slime ogre's face.

Her speed was lightning-fast. The hybrid's face caved in, trembling and emitting some unknowable roar-or-scream.

The Hero kicked the half-destroyed face, launching herself into the air. I'd never noticed since she usually used weapons, but her hand-to-hand skills were at a master's level.

Twirling gracefully like a cat midair, she plunged straight down at the hybrid.

"......Whoa."

The admiration—whoever it came from—was laced with fear. The hybrid, which had appeared with such fearsome momentum, shredded like it'd taken a grenade to the face.

And there stood the Hero in the middle of the foul, rotten blood puddle—pristine, without a speck of flesh or dust on her. Does she have some Blessing of Cleanliness or something?

Even without effort, the blessings cloaking her body repelled all evil and impurity, purifying the souls leaking from the shattered flesh and sending them to the afterlife.

Wait—hold up. Wasting those souls like that is such a shame!

Sensing the urgency in my voice, the Hero obliged without a word.

Submerging in the filthy, sticky blood felt gross, but bearable.

Sucking in the souls untouched by her blessings, I leisurely repaired my holy-power-damaged blade. Fresh sharpness gleamed along the honed edge.

Sigh, but picky Aries clearly disapproves of me doing this.

As I've said a million times, tampering with souls is a divine taboo. But right now, with the gods unable to project their influence on the mortal plane, that taboo holds no real power.

The Hero showed no reaction this time either. She'd tacitly approved my actions.

If a "line" can bend through compromise, it's not a true line—it's hypocrisy. And I have zero interest in listening to hypocrites.

Aries once told me the Hero is close to the three gods, so heavily influenced that she can't break their taboos. But that's a contradiction if you think about it.

Who receives even more divine influence than the Hero? The holy sword itself, forged by the gods from birth.

Yet Aries only nags verbally or begs the Hero for punishment—she never acts herself. Sure, I'd called her an indestructible piece of trash before.

We're right next to each other on the same waist. If she unleashed her innate holy power, it'd be fatal to me.

But Aries didn't punish me. Even knowing that ignoring a taboo-breaker is taboo itself.

Just like over a century ago, faced with a question she couldn't answer, Aries fell silent and dimmed the holy glow enveloping her.

Once the radiance faded, she looked like an ordinary sword—pathetic. I let out a hollow chuckle.

Ha, that's the holy sword for you. The weapon the gods sent to save the world.