2.25, The Thirteenth Ordeal(?) - Tale of the Gods
My name is Tyrrhenus, the last child that Gaia bore by herself, the incarnation of the Tyrrhenian Sea north of Sicily. I'm married to Thalassa, the incarnation of the Mediterranean Sea who oversees much of the ocean, and we've somehow managed to keep our marriage going without major incidents(?) for about seven thousand years now. My daily routine is to dump work on Poseidon, Nereus, or Oceanus, then lounge around in the sea palace of the Tyrrhenian Sea, whiling away the time and occasionally knocking up nymphs with monsters.
"Honey, heading out again????"
"Ah, it's nothing big, just popping over to Mom's palace... "
"Again? You were just there not long ago."
"Something came up. Don't worry about it—go take a walk or something. You can't just hole up in the palace every day!"
Lately, my wife Thalassa has been visiting her mother's place a lot. She used to only go once in a blue moon when she got bored, staying just a day, and even then, we'd usually go together. But not anymore. My wife and sister Thalassa keeps going to Mother's alone...
"What, are you blowing off steam from back when I made those monsters? Cheating or something, sis?"
"Shut your trap? You trying to die for real?"
"... Guess that means no affair then."
To check if she was really cheating, I called her "sis" for the first time in ages (about seven thousand years). Her already fierce face twisted into something grotesque, spewing a torrent of curses. Yeah, definitely not cheating. I dropped my suspicions and just asked my wife straight up.
"Nah, it's not like I'm doubting you or anything. I'm just curious why you keep going to Mother's."
"Jeez, curious about everything. It's just visiting Mom."
"We used to go together. What's making you go alone?"
"Hmm, wanna know? You really wanna know~?"
"..."
Eek, I'd poked the bear. My wife's face wasn't that of the sweet, beloved partner I'd lived with for millennia—it was the savage mug of a massive killer whale, bored, violent, and feral. Oh man, I hadn't meant to see this face. But then, her unexpected words hit me.
"It's nothing much. Just because of sis."
"Sis? You mean Adamantia?"
"Yeah, Mom's got some thoughts about her."
"What kind?"
"Looks like Mom wants her to get married. To a human guy."
"What? ...What the hell is Mother trying to kill?"
"Hey!!!! Watch your mouth! You little punk, you wanna die?!"
Whoops, the truth slipped out. The sis Thalassa meant was Adamantia, the eldest of the Ourea (mountain plural), our big sis and Mother's firstborn. Mom named her that because she handles iron from Mother's bones (adamas). But gods live up to their names, and she truly became an unconquerable woman.
She's a thousand years older than me, but since the day I was born, she's been holed up in the forge, face hidden, hammering metal. No guy news at all, and there's even a credible rumor she's the ugliest god around.
But still.
"Sis marrying a human? Forget the human part—what's the plan, dragging one into the Etna forge? She hates Cyclopes or Hephaestus coming around."
"Remember when Heracles killed Ladon and snapped off a branch from the golden apple tree? They used that as an excuse to stick him in as a worker. It's been a year already."
"A year already? He's not still there, is he???"
"Well... don't freak out, but yeah, he's still there."
"What?!"
This wasn't just unexpected—it was a total shock. He went in a year ago and he's still at Etna? No way. Even Hephaestus only lasted three years, and he's a god. A demigod human lasting a year? Impressive.
I got even more curious and pressed my wife. "What the heck's he doing there? They actually hook up or something? Did they sleep together?"
"Sleep? Probably just actual sleep. Heracles is sis's manservant now."
"...What the hell does that mean?"
Heracles as a manservant? Isn't that the guy famous for ignoring even his half-brothers, come hell or high water?
"You must have it wrong. No way a guy does women's servant work for a goddess for a year, demigod or not. That's insane."
"I dunno, but I saw it with my own eyes. Pulling out chairs, wiping tables, setting them, cleaning up—every damn chore."
"Whoa, sis must've cursed Heracles."
I offered my sharp, sea-god insight. My wife Thalassa nodded too.
"That's what I think. That's why I'm heading back to Mom's."
"I get the issue now, but why Mom?"
"Duh, even if it's sis, cursing a guy into slavery? Gotta lift the curse first, whatever else. Going to discuss it."
"Makes sense. You're the most merciful goddess in the world."
"Took you long enough?"
Her cobalt eyes sparkled at the praise. Those eyes, deep and gentle like the sea's allure, are what always dragged me back to this Tyrrhenian palace despite knocking up countless monsters.
Working to lift a human's curse? So merciful. I couldn't sit this out.
"So, got a plan to break the curse?"
"Yep. Give him a mental shock."
"Mental shock? Like, cause an accident?"
"Kinda."
"..."
Bad vibes. Serious bad vibes. Something felt off. A greenish glint in my beloved wife's eyes—sis was about to drop. Ugh, hate seeing that. But I couldn't rile her up more, so I eyed her to spill.
Thalassa grinned and laid out her plan. "Sis hammers metal at set times, right? I'll time a weak earthquake then. Sicily's her body, but it belongs to Mom and me too."
"Smart. And?"
"Not a big one—just enough to make sparks fly from the forge. Even sis'll take off her mask then. Curse broken."
"Using the rumor she's the ugliest god ever, huh? Kinda scary."
No joke. Adamantia sis is Sicily, Etna volcano itself. If that mountain gets pissed... lower world disaster. This okay?
"Forgot? She's been rejected hundreds of times 'cause of that mask. Guys' reactions don't faze her anymore. She's a rock."
"True, but getting dissed by a human might hit different?"
"Yeah, we'll hash that with Mom. Island in the sea— we'll manage."
"No backing out, huh."
"Obviously."
Big trouble. Her eyes turned fully green—no stopping her now. I tucked tail and saw off my beloved wife-sis.
"Got it. Have a safe trip. Say hi to Mom."
"+Yeah, she was asking for you. Come next time—fun stuff's better together."
"Sure. Go solo today."
"Kay, see ya."
She cheerfully vanished up through the sea. To a Mediterranean goddess, the ocean's a door anywhere. Us Protogenoi like me and Thalassa slip through our body-spaces freely. Later gods like Zeus or Poseidon? Dream on. Powerless as we are, humans won't remember us. Kinda sad, but I had a bigger mission now.
"A guy, even a demigod, can't be treated like that by a woman. No way."
Even demigod and Protogenoi sis—still man and woman. Woman enslaving man as body servant? Wrong. Not a slave.
As a fellow male god, I had to save him.
"And forcing marriage on a demigod 'cause she's ugly, trapping him? Hell no."
Another huge issue. Tricking a guy into marriage 'cause you're ugly? Unacceptable. I couldn't help pitying hero Heracles.
Ah, the strongest demigod who slays countless monsters, reduced to this. Every man in Achaia (Greece=world) would wail. I had to stop this tragedy.
With Uranus-bro gelded, Protogenoi pride rests on me.
"Hang on, Heracles. I'll save you for sure."
Brimming with mission, I headed south, away from my wife.