The Easy Target
I stared at Wendy, utterly dumbfounded.
"You came all the way here just for that? And you dragged the Saintess along with you?"
"That is correct, though you seem to misunderstand. I have not come as Her Holiness's escort, but in a purely personal capacity. The Saintess is merely accompanying me."
"She's right! Wendy so rarely asks for time off that when she submitted a leave request, I asked where she was going—and she said she was headed here! I figured it was the perfect opportunity, so I decided to tag along!"
"...Wow."
A sigh escaped my lips, sounding almost like an expression of awe.
"I already knew Wendy was stubbornly rigid to a fault... but I had no idea you could be so vicious, Cecilia."
"Excuse me? Me?"
Her eyes went wide, as though she had never heard such an accusation in her entire life. A beat later, she came to her senses, her brow furrowing indignantly.
"What is that supposed to mean?! Did you just insult me?!"
"Yeah. I definitely just insulted you."
"Why, all of a sudden?! Did I do something wrong?!"
"You did. Something so heinous that even I wouldn't dare attempt it."
"Wh-what could I possibly have done wrong?"
Daunted by my deadpan seriousness, she shrank back, her shoulders hunching slightly as she tried to gauge my mood.
"You came here with Wendy."
"...Huh?"
I gestured toward the blue-haired knight with my chin. Cecilia followed my gaze, glancing up at Wendy before scowling in complete bewilderment.
"What on earth are you talking about? What could possibly be wrong with traveling together with Wendy?"
"Haah... The fact that you don't even realize it shows just how heavy your karma truly is. Who knows how many atrocities you've committed under the guise of that wide-eyed innocence? It's downright horrifying to think you're supposed to be a Saintess."
"What are you—! Even if it's you, Lord Alzen, there are things you simply shouldn't say!"
She snapped back in exasperation, a spark of stubborn conviction flaring in her eyes.
"Don't tell me you're finding fault with me just because the Church failed to meet your expectations during the recent battle against the Demon King! If that's what this is about—!"
"That's not it at all. Do you really not get it?"
"I don't! So explain it properly so I can understand!"
"Fine. Let's take an example. Say you took a vacation, Cecilia. Just picture it. You cast aside the crushing weight and solemn responsibilities of being the Saintess, and for just a few days, you get to be an ordinary girl. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?"
"Well... yes? Days like that almost never happen, so... it would certainly be exciting."
Though she still wore a petulant pout, the corners of her lips twitched upward at the mere thought.
"Right. So to make the absolute most of your time off, you draw up a careful plan. Say, visiting famous dessert cafes in the Imperial Capital."
"Oh... that sounds lovely. I should definitely do that if I ever get the chance."
"Right. But just as you're about to head out, the Pope catches wind of it and says he has business at the Imperial Palace, so what a wonderful coincidence—you two should travel together! How would you feel?"
"Gah...!"
A burst of laughter escaped me the moment her face crumpled in utter horror.
"A-ah...! Th-that's a misunderstanding! It's not that I dislike His Holiness! It's just... having him around on my vacation would be a bit... And besides, he always talks about official duties and sacred scriptures whenever we're together..."
"Relax. I won't read into it."
Chuckling, I took a leisurely sip of my drink and jerked my chin back toward Wendy.
"Now then. You're a clever girl, so you should understand what I'm getting at by now, right?"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Think carefully. I'm sure someone of your intellect can figure it out."
Cecilia fell into confused contemplation for a moment. Then, as if struck by lightning, her eyes shot wide open, and she whipped her head toward Wendy.
Looks like she finally caught on.
"W-Wendy... c-could it be that... was I making you uncomfortable?"
"How could that be? On the contrary, I enjoyed having Your Holiness accompany me."
"Really? It was truly alright for me to come along? You didn't find me annoying or burdensome... or anything like that, did you?!"
"I swear upon my honor, I have never harbored such thoughts toward Your Holiness for even a single moment."
"S-see! Lord Alzen! You're completely wrong! Do you have any idea how long we've been together?! We're very close! Now apologize! You actually made me think I'd done something terrible!"
She puffed out her cheeks, thrusting her face forward to demand an apology, and in response, I blew a thick plume of cigar smoke straight at her.
"*Cough!* *Hack!* *Cough, cough!*"
"You really are naive, Cecilia. Who in their right mind would tell their superior to their face that they're an annoying nuisance? If the Pope asked you that very question, could you honestly tell him the truth?"
"Th-that's...!"
Cecilia went pale as a sheet, fidgeting nervously while stealing anxious glances at Wendy. Seeing her distress, Wendy let out a quiet sigh.
"Haah... Lord Alzen. Please cease your teasing."
"I'm not teasing. I'm actively improving your working environment on your behalf. You ought to be thanking me."
"I never asked for such a thing, nor did I request it."
"Well, that's true enough."
I shrugged, offering an enigmatic smirk.
"But what if doing this was necessary to ensure your younger brother's safety and track down the demon Harcal? What then?"
"...!?"
Wendy's eyes widened ever so slightly. Beside her, Cecilia stiffened, divine power unconsciously rippling through her frame as her expression hardened.
"What do you mean by that, Lord Alzen?"
"Actually, I lied. It has nothing to do with that."
"...Whaaat?! Why would you lie about something like that?!"
"Why else? Because it's fun."
Rendered utterly speechless, Cecilia stood there with her mouth hanging open like a landed fish, staring at me as if asking what kind of unhinged lunatic I was.
Her reactions were just too good. Teasing her was an absolute delight.
Using her flustered outrage as a drinking snack, I snickered and knocked back another gulp. Suddenly, the liquor tasted exceptionally fine.
"Phew... In any case, Wendy. You don't need to thank me. I just blabbed about something you never asked for or wanted, purely on my own whim, didn't I?"
"...That is quite different."
"How is it different?"
"Because in truth, you saved me."
"......"
She said it with such absolute, deadpan conviction that I was left momentarily at a loss.
"You can say lines like that without so much as a twitch in your expression? Don't you feel even a shred of embarrassment?"
"What reason would I have to feel embarrassed?"
"Man, you're rigid to the point of foolishness..."
"Wendy is not foolish! Take that back this instant!"
"Taken back."
"Kh... *grrr*...!?"
Watching Cecilia turn bright red with indignation brought a pleasant grin to my face. Turning back to Wendy, I asked, "So, you came to treat me to a meal, just like I mentioned last time?"
"Yes."
"...Normally, when someone tells you to buy them a meal, do you actually show up just to buy food? Usually, people think of some other way to repay the debt... Unless the meal was just an excuse and you came to ask me out on a date?"
"What are you blathering about?! Why would Wendy ever ask an absurd man like you on a date?!"
"A date... Perhaps it could be considered one. Conceivably."
"Wendy?!"
Cecilia gaped at her in horror, but Wendy's expression remained completely unperturbed.
She was like a walking plaster statue.
"What do you mean, 'perhaps'? It either is or it isn't."
"I have lived a life entirely devoid of romantic involvement with the opposite sex, so I know very little of such matters."
"Well, fair enough."
Though their paths differed, Wendy was fundamentally similar to Muriel.
Actually, considering the Church's doctrine and training methods, she might be even worse. While cruelty and harsh brutality might have been excluded, an organization that championed frugality and asceticism as supreme virtues would have restricted every conceivable freedom. Romance, let alone casual socialization with the opposite sex, would have been strictly forbidden.
"Hmm... Then what if I said I wanted your body instead?"
"Lord Alzen?! What kind of disgraceful nonsense are you spouting?! Have you lost your mind?!"
"If that is what you desire, anytime."
"Wendyyy?!"
Cecilia went into an absolute panic, instinctively seizing Wendy's hand in a tight grip.
"Wh-wh-what are you saying, Wendy?!"
"Your Holiness. I was saved by Lord Alzen. Thanks to him, I learned the identity of the one I must take vengeance upon, and I was able to find my long-lost brother. Therefore, if that is the price Lord Alzen desires, I am more than willing to offer it."
"No! You have to value your own body! Offering yourself up as collateral like that is wrong! You need to listen to your inner voice! Maintain your dignity!"
"Isn't it a bit rich for you to say that, Cecilia? The Church is the one that made Wendy like this in the first place."
"What?! Are you insulting the Holy Church right now?!"
"Yeah, I am. When you've done something deserving of scorn, you should accept the criticism humbly. The living proof is standing right next to you."
"Kh...!"
Stumped for a rebuttal, Cecilia stepped squarely in front of Wendy as if to shield her, glaring at me with fiery eyes.
"I-I have my own thoughts on that matter as well! But regardless! I will never hand Wendy over to you!"
"Oh, really? Now this is getting interesting. Well, Wendy? Her Holiness says she won't hand you over, so how are you planning to express your gratitude? At this rate, will you even be able to buy me a proper meal?"
"......"
Only then did Wendy turn toward me, her stoic expression cracking into a faint, barely perceptible grimace.
A thoroughly entertaining sight.
"...Your Holiness. Please, try to understand."
"Understand what?! What is there to understand?!"
"I must express my gratitude to Lord Alzen. If I do not, I will regret it for the rest of my days."
"Ugh... is it truly that serious?"
"Yes."
"...F-fine. Then! Just a meal! We strictly limit this to a meal! Don't you dare even think about offering your body! Do you understand?!"
"That... appears to be up to Lord Alzen."
"...!!"
Cecilia whipped her head toward me, glaring daggers with all the ferocity she could muster. She seemed to think she looked menacing, but to me, it was barely worth a snort.
Adorable, really.
"Lord Alzen. Even you wouldn't truly demand her body, would you?"
"Who knows? Wendy's quite a beauty with an exceptional figure, so I can't say for sure whether I'll be able to restrain myself."
"Just what kind of person are you...?!"
Pacing anxiously while glancing between Wendy and me, Cecilia suddenly seemed to strike upon a brilliant idea, her lips curling into a triumphant smile.
"Then! I'm coming along too!"
"What?"
"Your Holiness?"
"There's no problem with that, right?! I've received a great deal of help from Wendy myself, so I want to repay the person who saved her as well! That's fine, isn't it?!"
"Oh? The Saintess herself wants to repay me? In that case, I'd like one of the Church's sacred relics."
"Th-that's out of the question!"
"Why should it be? Are you saying Wendy's worth doesn't measure up to a relic of the Church?"
"That's not what I meaaant!"
Finally reaching her breaking point, Cecilia let out a shrill screech that echoed loudly throughout the room.
"In any case! I will never permit the two of you to be alone together! Wendy would be in danger!"
"...It's a bit rich coming from me, but I'm literally the weakest person in this room. If anyone's in danger, it's me, not Wendy. Besides, a kid shouldn't be butting in on an adult date."
"What kind of date is this supposed to be?! Don't flatter yourself! Wendy is simply trying to return a favor!"
Exhaling another ring of smoke, I shot Wendy a sly grin.
"Hear that, Wendy? Looks like you won't even be able to repay me unless you can persuade the Saintess."
"...Did you orchestrate this situation on purpose?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Haah... You truly are mischievous."
"Well, I wonder... None of this would have happened if Cecilia hadn't tagged along. And since she's the Saintess, it's not like you can just refuse her. Honestly, it's pretty irritating, isn't it?"
"W-Wendy? Is that true...?"
"It is not. Please do not try to drive a wedge between us."
Wendy let out a quiet sigh, fixing me with a cool, piercing glare. I merely chuckled and waved a dismissive hand.
"Heheh. Well, guests are guests, so I ought to treat you properly. I'll have rooms prepared, so stay here for the time being. Muriel."
"Yes. I shall show them to their quarters."
Muriel stepped forward to escort the two away. As they left, Cecilia snarled and bared her teeth like an agitated Chihuahua while Wendy remained as expressionless as ever. Once the door clicked shut behind them, a pleasant quiet settled over the room.
"Ah, peace and quiet at last..."
I was genuinely curious to see what choice Wendy would make.
It promised to be quite the entertaining pastime.