Spouse? Partner?
Embedded within my body were over a dozen different methods of suicide.
Consisting mostly of lethal toxins and triggered spells, they were the lingering fruits of procedures performed by Greenjack—procedures that had likely been thoroughly undone by now. Originally, I had prepared them in anticipation of torture. Factions, secret syndicates, demons lusting after the vast hoard of classified information I possessed... or even my own family, should they ever confirm my true identity. Rather than be captured and subjected to unending agony at their hands, I had crammed myself full of failsafes so I could end it all cleanly.
...Yet never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would end up using them like this.
KABOOOOM!!
I called them "suicide methods," but not all of them were strictly designed to destroy only my flesh. Some were violent scorched-earth options intended to take my torturers down with me if worst came to worst.
"Kh-ugh?!"
A blinding crimson flash seemed to scour the surroundings, instantly followed by an explosive blast of flame and violent shockwaves that violently tore through everything in their path. According to the nameless technician who had embedded it, the detonation packed enough raw force to vaporize an ordinary human down to the marrow, but...
"What kind of... cheap parlor trick is this?!"
Bzzzzzzzt!
Against a Master, the effect was painfully meager after all.
Sounding utterly incensed, her vocal cords scraping harshly in a roar, Tsarkhella ripped straight through the heart of that terrifying explosion, lightning crackling across every inch of her skin.
Right. I had anticipated at least this much.
"Phew...!"
Taking a deep breath, I watched the premonition of the immediate future shove itself into my mind and maneuvered the Silk of Atonement in advance.
"You...!"
The moment she tore through the scorching gale and laid eyes on me, her brow softened in fleeting relief—only for her lips to twist into a feral snarl as she lunged.
Crack-crackle!
"Stop playing reckless games with Alzen's body and just die already!"
Ah. So that was what set her off.
From her perspective, some nameless imposter who had hijacked her little brother's body was treating it like disposable trash. And to be fair, she wasn't entirely wrong.
"Heh..."
With a crooked smirk, I wove the Silk of Atonement into motion. I didn't spare a single thought for dodging or defending.
Even seeing through my intention, she didn't slow down. She was certain her strike would land long before I could pull off whatever I was planning. And she was probably right.
A heartbeat later, her fist passed clean through my abdomen.
"...What?!"
Not piercing or tearing through flesh, but phasing straight through like passing through a phantom. Because the explosion hadn't fully subsided, the authority of the Ring of Absolute Evasion still enveloped my entire body, making such a feat possible.
"What is this...?!"
"...Caught you. At last."
Flustered, she tried to leap back and put distance between us, but the Silk of Atonement had already wound tightly around her limbs.
—Well done. Heheh... To think you would employ such an outlandish scheme. You never fail to exceed my expectations.
Hearing the Demon King's amused voice in my head, I set my feet firmly onto the earth. The sensation of weight gradually returning to my body, which had been suspended in midair wrapped in the purple haze of the Ring of Absolute Evasion, was truly bizarre.
"Wh-what in the world are you...?"
Meeting the bewildered gaze of Tsarkhella, who looked as if she were staring at an inexplicable anomaly, I clenched my right fist tight.
"Bite down."
"Kuh—!"
Yanking the Silk of Atonement binding her limbs downward with all my strength, I threw a punch.
"You... nameless... little bastard...!"
"You dodged that?"
Yet this absurd woman managed to slip my fist even in that position, flexing with unbelievable suppleness and reflexes.
—Hahaha! The disparity between you is stark indeed! Now, let me show you how it is done!
WHAM!
Right then, my left fist moved of its own accord, driving brutally into Tsarkhella's face.
"Gah! You piece of shit...!"
Crack-crackle!
Taking a clean hit seemed to have flipped her switch. Gritting her teeth with a savage glare, she charged, lightning surging wildly from her Shamanic Ritual Tattoos.
I held on with the Silk of Atonement as hard as I could, but suppressing the raw physical prowess of a Master was an impossible task. Even seeing the future vision, I couldn't dodge the way she did. Beyond the sheer difference in physical specs, holding onto her meant she was effectively holding onto me. In truth, she was the freak for dodging in that position in the first place.
POW!
"Guhk...!?"
A fist wreathed in aura slammed directly into my gut. All the air exploded from my lungs as if every internal organ had violently shriveled.
"Cough..."
It was a blow heavy enough to send chunks of organ tissue and blood spilling up my throat. Consciousness flickered like a dying candle.
—Do not lose consciousness. Endure.
"...Shut up and do your damn job...!"
Grit!
As I ground my teeth and rasped, the lips sprouting along my left arm burst into boisterous laughter.
—Hahahahaha! That's the spirit! Allow me!
CRACK!
"Kah-ack!"
This time, a mana-infused strike pulverized Tsarkhella's head square-on. Spitting blood with a sickening crunch, her eyes flashed with savage intensity as she immediately struck back. Far too fast—an impact vibrating a beat faster than the arc of lightning rocked my skull.
THUD!
"Kuh-ugh...!?"
The sensation of my brain rattling violently inside my cranium made me choke on a breath, forcing my eyes wide open.
Wham! Crack! Pow!
The left arm harboring the Demon King's consciousness and Tsarkhella's relentless barrage traded blows with escalating ferocity, battering each other's bodies black and blue. Blood and flesh splattered; points of impact caved in or bruised into a necrotic dark purple. The agony was suffocating, nauseating, but there was nowhere to run.
"Kuh, kahack! Ka-ha-ha! Haaaa-hahaha!!"
Despite taking just as savage a beating as I was, despite the blinding agony she had to be enduring, she began to take pleasure in it—eventually bursting into a peel of mad laughter.
"You crazy... bitch...!"
"Hahahahaha! Yes! More! Bring it on! Make me hurt more! The first one to drop is the loser! The last one standing takes everything!"
"Shut... up...!"
Thud-thud-thud! Crack-crack-crack!
The cadence of strikes was so terrifyingly rapid that flashes of light blinded my vision.
"Damn... it..."
If I could, I would have set off another self-destruct and slipped away with the Ring of Absolute Evasion, but unfortunately, that wide-area explosive was my only one of its kind. Unless a threat engulfed my whole body, I couldn't trigger that intangible state again. Besides, slipping away would mean letting Tsarkhella go after finally catching her, which would only drive my chances of defeat higher.
In the end, this had to be settled right here, right now.
"Just... go down...!"
"Ahaha! Nowhere near enough! Not by a long shot! My lovely rival! The reaper who will show me death! Ah! Crush my bones and feast on my flesh! Flay my skin and gouge out my eyes!"
"Insane... wench...!"
"Hahahahaha!! Ahahahahat!!"
How long did we trade blows to the tune of that incessant laughter? Before I realized it, the distance between us had shrunk until our noses practically brushed.
...It wasn't that we lost track of spacing in the heat of combat or accidentally tumbled together. It was an inevitable necessity. The Silk of Atonement was not infinite. Every time my bones fractured and muscles tore, I patched them with the silk to keep myself moving, pulling us closer and closer in the process.
"Haa, haa...!"
"Cough, hack..."
Pausing our assault for a fleeting second, we stared into each other's eyes before driving our fists into each other's faces simultaneously.
...Well, I was in no condition to form coherent thoughts, so strictly speaking, it was my left arm acting on its own accord, but whatever.
Wham! Crash! Thud! Crunch!
And so, the slugfest resumed at point-blank range.
"Haah! Hahh! Fuuh! K-hehehe!"
"Stop... laughing, you crazy lunatic...!"
Crunch! Smack! Crack!
"Kahaha!! Doesn't this position feel rather erotic, little brother?! It looks as though we are coupling in bed!"
"Ha...!"
Her raving madness actually forced a laugh out of me. She wasn't wrong. Far beyond merely close, our bodies were pressed flush against one another, rubbing together in intimate proximity. Our clothes had long since shredded and fallen away, baring bare skin to the air, and through gaping wounds our raw flesh mashed together, slick blood splashing with a squelching, lewd rhythm.
"Heheheh..."
I must have taken one too many blows to the head. My sanity was slipping.
Crack! Thud! Pow!
"Kh-urk..."
Ah. The limit. My absolute limit. No matter how fierce one's willpower, there is a line the physical vessel simply cannot cross. Teetering on that precipice, I clung desperately to the frayed edges of my awareness.
"...It was fun. Rest now, Alzen."
"You piece of..."
WHAM!
Before I could spit out a final curse, her finishing blow landed, and my consciousness scattered like smoke on the wind.
"Lord Alzen...!"
"His consciousness...!"
"Fall back...!"
"Woooaaah...!"
With the duel concluded, the barrier seemed to collapse. Through blurring vision, I caught the backs of Muriel and Rebecca, while the muffled shouts of my companions drifted faintly into my ears. And with that, my mind plunged into the pitch-black abyss.
—A narrow defeat, my friend. Rest well.
Just before the lights went out completely, I thought I heard the Demon King's voice.
"...An unfamiliar ceiling."
Muttering the quintessential cliché, I forced my heavy eyelids open.
"Are you awake, Lord Alzen?"
"...Muriel. Is that... you...?"
"Yes. It is me. You fought admirably, Lord Alzen."
"...Did I... lose?"
"You lost. But it was magnificent. Truly, with no flattery intended."
"Phew... ugh."
Attempting to hoist myself up, a jolt of pain flared through me, and I collapsed back down with a groan.
"...How's my body? Feels like... something should've broken..."
"Miraculously, you are in pristine condition."
"Pristine...?"
"Yes. Lady Cecilia's holy arts healed every wound cleanly. Not a single scar remains."
"Hah..."
Holy arts really were something else. Or rather, in this case, the Saintess herself was extraordinary. Honestly, I'd prepared myself for death, never expecting to make it out alive.
"However, there may still be lingering aftereffects, so you must rest quietly for the time being."
"...I was planning to do that even if you didn't tell me..."
With great effort, I lifted a hand and gave a little flick of my fingers. She shook her head.
"Lord Alzen. Alcohol is strictly forbidden for now."
"...Do you want to see me go out of my mind?"
"It is forbidden."
Suddenly leaning her face over mine, she cut me off with firm finality. I met her gaze for a moment before letting out a defeated sigh.
"...So, where is this?"
"A barbarian ger."
"Ah, is that so... It's pretty big, though?"
"Naturally. It is the Great Chieftain's ger."
"Right..."
After a brief silence, I twitched my fingers again.
"No."
"Then at least a cigarette..."
"Absolutely not."
"Damn it all... Then at least let me suck on those tits."
Spurred by a sudden spike of frustration, I blurted out whatever came to mind.
"...Understood."
Whereupon she smiled and actually began peeling off her clothes.
"I wasn't actually asking to suck them..."
"Is that so?"
"Well, now that they're out, it'd be a waste not to."
"...Fufufu."
Letting out a soft chuckle, she pulled my head onto her lap and smothered my entire face between those plush, massive peaks. As the soft, smooth, delightfully heavy sensations enveloped me with a cool freshness, my tension melted away into a languid daze.
"Little brother! My husband! You are finally awake!"
Right then, Tsarkhella thrust open the flap of the ger with brisk vigor and strode inside.
"......"
Her jaw dropped, her eyes bulging wide at the sight before her. It was quite a comical expression, but I was in no state of mind to tease her. Because what she had just said refused to leave my head.
"...Husband? What kind of bullshit is that now?"
"Hm? Ah, yes! I look forward to our future together, my husband! Whether boys or girls, three children should be plenty!"
"......"
"And straying is strictly prohibited! Sever all ties with your other women! I shall let it slide for now, since you were unaware!"
"......"
I clung desperately to my fading sanity. First things first: I needed to hear what on earth this lunatic of a woman was babbling about.