Chapter 100
Chapter 100
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 100
Chapter Title: The World's Laziest Angel
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“Get up.”
Damn it.
“Get up.”
What the hell did I do wrong?
“Get up.”
“Let's speak casually. Yeah? A conversation. The greatest weapon of a 21st-century civilized person!”
“I'm not from the 21st century.”
Then where are you from? This guy's lost his mind. Stop. Don't come closer. I flailed my arms wildly, but the result was...
“Ow.”
The same as always. Not even surprising anymore. And why is your control so perfect? It should hurt enough for me to fake fainting or something.
She dials it back just enough that it's only the impact of collision. Is this karma?
Adjusting her strength to beat me without knocking me out... who could have done that?
Not me. Probably not?
“Get up.”
Hearing that damn white-haired voice, I mulled it over. I'm so used to it now that I can think even as I'm flying through the air.
Giving up is easy. Who's the genius who said giving up is for when the cabbage is all wilted?
Giving up is the best.
“Hm.”
One thing's for sure: this isn't a character from my novel. No memory of creating someone this much of a pain in the ass.
Thwack—!!!
The moment that thought crossed my mind, an enormous shock enveloped my body. It really hurt. Too much to even make a sound.
What the hell is this? Looking up, the white-haired one glared down at me like I was vomit.
“That hurt my feelings.”
“That's your reason?!”
“Yes.”
This is insane. How much time until class ends? I've already taken at least thirty minutes, right?
I glanced at my watch as the white-haired one charged again. Not even three minutes had passed. Time is so damn relative.
“Just one question.”
“What?”
“Do I have to keep getting hit?”
“......I'm not such a bad person.”
“Right?”
This is going well. Suddenly, we're communicating.
“I'll send you flying once for every time you've mentioned that damn blonde.”
What?
I blinked in confusion. The white-haired one approached. An ominous sound came from her hand.
“Hey.”
“You should have a rough count of how many times.”
“Do you remember how many pieces of bread you've eaten in your life?”
Make some sense. If I don't call the damn blonde "damn blonde," what else? Rotten blonde?
“Ah.”
My vision spun as expected. In the now-familiar whirl, something suddenly flashed through my mind.
A face similar to Raphael's, or even more so. A character I didn't create. Reacting to being called "damn blonde."
The term "reasonable suspicion" popped into my head. And at that moment...
A voice replayed like lightning striking.
—Really? Who is it? Who's using transformation magic to impersonate Seong-hoon? Michael? It's Michael!!
Raphael's words from the ranking match. Our eyes met in midair. Her jet-black pupils locked onto each other.
Of course, I was the one pitifully slammed into the ground. But my mouth moved.
“Michael...?”
“Tch.”
From her expression—like 'That's not a name for someone like you to say'—
It's a match.
“I guessed right, so spare me?”
“Would that work?”
It would—!! And just like that, I went flying again.
“......”
What is this? In the incomprehensible situation, I looked around.
First, right in front of me.
The white-haired one who'd been tossing me around during sparring was sipping tea in my house.
She vanished right after training ended, only to be waiting in front of my house.
Next, to my right rear.
The damn blonde who wouldn't believe me even when I said 'I met Michael. She's a psycho?' on the way home. Now she was trembling, clutching my arm and hiding behind me.
Finally, to my left rear.
The devil who nearly died when Michael entered the house. I told her to bring tea, and now she was roughly holding my left arm and hiding behind me.
“The tea is good. For a devil.”
Eek.
At the glare, Lily let out a squeak like 'Eek!!' and completely hid behind me.
「Ah, Master. Th-that human is scarier!! Chase her away!!」
“Master?”
「M-Master...」
Yes. That's the proper devil. I kept the improved Lily hidden behind me. More importantly, did we even have tea at home? We didn't.
No one in our house drinks tea. So why is there tea? The slippers we're wearing are suspicious too.
“Seong-hoon! Why is that devil here?!”
“I told you. I met Michael.”
“I thought that was obviously a lie!! Why is that crazy miser— I mean, that beautiful lady—here!!”
She hides at Michael's glance too. The only one standing tall is the blonde on my lap.
Raphael took a sip of the tea Lily brought and made a face like 'Ugh~ too bitter~,' but it's better than the two behind me.
“Wh-why are you here!! Seriously!!”
Raphael pointed from behind me without coming forward. Is this an anonymous attack?
Clink.
With a crisp sound, Michael set down her teacup. An elegant one we'd never seen in our house.
Where'd she get that?
“Feels like you're enjoying life, Raphael.”
Michael scanned the room. Glanced at Levatein once, at the two hiding behind me, at Lachesis yawning beside us.
Finally looking at me, she made a displeased face.
What? Why only at me? I'm hurt? It lingers if I get hurt?
“Do you know what's been going on in the Heavenly Realm lately?”
“Th-the Heavenly Realm?!”
Raphael swallowed hard at the sudden topic. I swallowed too. Unrelated to the question, but curious.
“I was on an expedition until recently. When I returned to the Heavenly Realm after that long expedition, do you know the first thing I saw?”
Michael took a breath and continued.
“God was rolling on the floor clutching his stomach. Laughing like a madman, so I went to see what was up. Turns out he was watching a video.”
She pointed at me as she said it.
“A video of you. Every time he rolled on the floor, he'd clutch his stomach and laugh hysterically.”
Raphael and Lily held me back as I tried to stand. Let go. It's just a story.
I said let go?
“With God doing that all day, do you think work gets done properly? Of course it's delayed bit by bit. But there was an even bigger problem.”
—Master!! Hold it together!! You can't beat that human!!
—Seong-hoon. That person's a monster!! Please!! It'll backfire on me too!!
“Raphael's absence.”
““Huh?””
At those words, my eyes met Raphael's as we both tried to stand. What? More importantly, you shouldn't be surprised. Even if I am, you can't be!!
“Me?”
Michael nodded at Raphael's question. Our eyes met the blonde's again.
““Lies!!””
Has to be a lie. Raphael's an outcast in the Heavenly Realm. No friends. She even confessed she dumps all her work on lower angels.
“Where's a lazier angel than me?!”
“That's a brag!!”
“Then it's a brag!! I'm an amazing angel!!”
“How does that become a brag? Are you an idiot? That's not amazing, it's pathetic!!”
“Pathetic? Hah. Seong-hoon. You get it. How convenient is it to dump everything on others!!”
No argument there. Dumping work on others and taking the best parts? Nothing beats that.
That's why I always foist it on the maids.
I nodded, and Raphael's eyes widened as if she knew. Her already big eyes sparkled bigger.
“This is it, right? Regret story? They miss my empty spot now that I'm gone?”
Stop reading novels. No place regrets a deadbeat leaving. They'd be thrilled—
“Something like that.”
Huh? Raphael put her hands on her hips triumphantly at Michael's words. See? Her nose was up like Pinocchio.
But it crumbled fast.
“Without Raphael, work ground to a halt. Normally she'd scatter her tasks everywhere and bully lower angels, but without that boss around, they think 'Raphael's gone too, so this much is fine...'”
I glanced at her, and Raphael froze. Avoiding my eyes, a whistle escaped her pursed lips.
“If it was just one, it'd be fine, but that idiot angel poked everyone since no one talked to her. By the time we noticed, almost every angel in the Heavenly Realm had that mindset, and it was too late to fix.”
She added that only I and Gabriel could talk to Raphael anyway, the idiot.
“So, to sum up. The angels slacked off because the bad example disappeared?”
Michael nodded at my words. Not the one next to her, though.
“Bad example? I'm wronged!! Wronged!! Isn't it the Heavenly Realm's fault for ostracizing me?”
I ignored the blonde ranting 'I did my best—!!' and looked at the white-haired one.
I know this. Common cliché. They need Raphael back in the Heavenly Realm, so they sent someone on her level, Michael?
Right? Tell me I'm right?
I shoved the chattering Raphael forward.
“Seong-hoon—?! Huh? Why push me to center stage? Wait!!”
“You're here for Raphael, right? Thanks. I'll send her right now. Don't worry. I'm not attached to this stuff. Take her quick.”
That's the usual cliché. Hesitate over sending her, bonds deepen.
But too bad. If this blonde leaves, it'd be cheers all around for me.
“Seong-hoon? Can't ignore what you just said? If you're taking me, you should stop it!! Can you survive this harsh world without me?!”
Yeah. Super well. Even better. So go.
I kept pushing Raphael toward Michael. Levatein below me happily kneaded away, clueless.
“Aaa!! Stop!! You'll regret it!! You'll regret!!”
No regrets. I'm a no-regrets author.
As Raphael and I wrestled, Michael—who'd been sipping tea—tilted her head.
“What are you talking about?”
Our gazes turned to the white-haired one. She set down her teacup under our stares.
“I never said anything about taking her.”
Our movements froze. Ignoring us, she continued.
“I just fled before the sparks fly. As far as I know, Gabriel hasn't slept in a week. So I ran here before she could order me.”
What? I tried to parse her words.
“So. Your fellow angels are working their bones off, and you ran away because you hate work?”
Michael touched her lips and let out a short groan at my summary.
“Hm. The phrasing is off. Precisely, I took vacation. Beat Gabriel to it. God recommended this place.”
Root's the same. I looked at the frozen blonde mid-charge.
She looked back. Understanding what I was about to say, she shook her head.
“Raphael.”
“Don't say it.”
“Is missing a screw a racial trait for angels?”
I said don't say it—!!
Raphael's headbutt hurt a bit.
'Just came to say hi today.' With that, Michael returned to her dorm.
I told her to take Raphael, but headbutt instead. What's the problem?
Especially scary was Michael glaring at me before leaving. Didn't do anything wrong, but getting targeted feels unfair.
“Happy you got a new friend? Huh?”
Ah. Wrong here. I helped Levatein on my lap with her puzzle. She grinned and finished it.
“Does that look like my ally? That human—no, angel—is rotten. She can't stand me fooling around even a little?”
Ah, wrong here. This time Raphael fixed the puzzle. I'm just seriously assembling it piece by piece.
“But who am I? Seraphim. Owner of 12 wings ordinary angels can't reach. I held out to the end. Always got dragged by the scruff.”
“You said you have no friends.”
“Not friends!! If anything, Michael's like a little sister. Ah. Wrong piece.”
Little sister? What? Oh, perfect fit. High-five with Levatein after placing it right.
“Me, Michael, and Gabriel are the first creations. I'm the eldest.”
Gabriel's the youngest but nags the most—whatever, in one ear out the other. Then something descended before my eyes.
A snack bowl with cookies.
「Eat... Please eat.」
“I did a good job patching her language, huh?”
“Yeah.”
I gave a cookie to Levatein out of reach, then suddenly eyed Lily.
“Lily.”
「Wh-what.」
“Where'd the cookies, tea, slippers—everything—come from?”
「I bought them.」
What? My brain stalled and wouldn't restart.
“You can go outside?”
「Master took all the demonic energy, so horns covered means no one knows unless it's church folk.」
Really? Come to think of it, her evolution ticket's with me. That explains—
Wait.
“Then the money?”
「There was a bankbook, so—」
Bankbook? What bankbook? We have only one at home? I hurriedly set Levatein down and dashed to the bankbook.
Opening [God's Bankbook], the first thing I saw was—
[Balance: 520 won]
“Raphael.”
“Yees~”
“Grab that bastard tight.”