Board Game
Game pieces carved from carrots. The Demon King had wanted a donkey, and since I was the one who'd suggested making them out of carrots, that was what we ended up with: little donkey figurines whittled from carrot flesh.
"That doesn't look like a donkey. It looks like a mule."
I had no idea what the difference was supposed to be, but she seemed quite taken with her carrot-carved mule all the same. A smile bloomed across her face as she turned it this way and that, examining it from every angle.
Everything was ready. The Demon King was as excited as a child about to lift off in a hot-air balloon. So was I.
Because I got to watch that childlike, wide-eyed joy unfold right beside me. I think I finally understood how parents feel when they spend a fortune on toys. They aren't buying toys. They're buying their children's smiles.
"Let's shuffle the cards first."
I shuffled the Golden Key cards she and I had made, splitting the work between us. When she saw me divide the deck in two and riffle the halves together against the floor, the Demon King could not contain her awe.
"W-wow. You."
"Ah, it's nothing special."
"I wanna try too."
She lunged in, eyes sparkling, and snatched the deck right out of my hands. Cute. So cute. A complete beginner wanted to copy me? Twenty years of shuffling technique about to look like Jaws to her—
A crisp, cascading flutter.
Huh?
The Demon King reproduced the exact shuffle I had just performed, on her very first try.
"This feels good."
And after a few more goes, she was doing it cleaner than I did. If I'd left her to it, she looked ready to start pulling off card springs—or whatever they were called—fanning the deck wide with both arms and shooting cards from the opposite hand. Leave it to the Demon King to have talent overflowing for absolutely everything.
"H-how do we decide who goes first?"
The Demon King asked this while clutching no fewer than three dice, greed written all over her.
"We roll. Whoever gets the higher number goes first."
"Okay."
"You only need to throw one."
"Got it."
She set two dice down and rolled the remaining one across the board. I had already warned her to go easy, because if she flung it too hard and it buried itself in the wall again, prying it out would be a nightmare.
The die whispered across the board and clattered to a stop.
The Demon King got a one. I got a six.
"Great. I'll let you go first."
...If you wanted to be generous, you should've said so before we rolled.
My die skittered out. A five. I landed on Doppler Village.
"Now I pay the money, take the deed, and the village is mine."
I showed the Demon King the Doppler Village deed marked 2,000 gold and deposited my payment with the bank.
"And now this village is mine."
"Y-you've really made it in the world!"
"Of course. I can do whatever I want with it."
"Can I come visit sometimes? You won't charge me, right? Heehee."
"Have you been doing lots of good deeds?"
"Obviously. Just today I watered the cabbages at dawn, and I even chased off a nasty intruder."
"Well done. You didn't do anything bad, though, did you?"
"...Nnngh... I-it's nothing much, but before you woke up this morning I turned on Little Farm and took fifty king potatoes from your warehouse... You know that golden carrot juice that was on sale? Hehe."
"Land on this village and it's 1,000 gold. I'd steer clear if I were you. Unless you feel like ending up a beggar."
"Is there a space you want to land on?"
"I want a Golden Key."
She had been sneaking glances at the Golden Key deck stacked face-down for a while now.
The nearest Golden Key space from the starting point was four squares away. I hoped her die would come up a four. And if possible, a lucky card. The birthday card I had made, specifically.
"Yap!"
The die whooshed and tumbled.
...
One space. She arrived at Nebed, the most backwater village on the board.
"It's Nebed!"
"You buying? The Nebed deed is 500 gold."
"Yeah. I wanna buy it."
She deposited the five 100-gold bills she had been clutching tightly into the bank. I laid out the deed for her, along with a little donkey building.
"So now this is my village?"
"Yep."
"It's mine?"
"Yep."
"Heehee. Now I don't have to sneak over there anym—"
She swallowed whatever she had been about to say and handed me the die.
It whispered across the board and clattered to a halt.
A six.
I landed on the Golden Key sitting on the eleventh space.
"I'm so jealous..."
"You'll get there soon enough."
"Yeah, I will, right? Hehe..."
I moved my piece onto the Golden Key space and flipped the top card of the face-down pile.
"Ah."
It was the birthday card I had written.
The one card I had desperately wanted her to draw first.
"...It says 10,000 gold."
The birthday card was worth 100,000 gold. I lied.
"T-ten thousand gold!?"
The Demon King's already large crimson eyes went round, and her mouth fell open. Judging by that reaction, the gold amounts the doll-peddling Demon King had written on her own lucky cards were in far smaller denominations.
"W-what kind of card is it?"
"..."
I didn't want to tell her the effect in advance. I was afraid it would dull her joy when she finally drew it herself.
A rapid flutter of cards.
I pretended not to hear her, shoved the card I'd just drawn back into the deck, and shuffled it away in one swift motion.
"Ah! You! What do you think you're doing!"
The Great Demon King of Fairness's eyes blazed a furious red.
"Oh, you piece-of-garbage financial fraudster... You draw a goddamn misfortune card, lie about it, and shuffle it away however you please? We're through. Goodbye."
Bang!
...
No. She had to be the one to draw this birthday card, even if it meant weathering a little condemnation.
"Ah, sorry. I shuffled it back without showing you by accident."
"...Is that true? You really drew a 10,000-gold card."
She asked this with her eyes narrowed to slits, red light leaking through.
"...Yeah."
"...I believe you. You don't tell lies."
The die whispered. The die tumbled.
"Nnngh."
The Demon King rolled a one twice in a row after that, and now sat on the third space.
...Is this even possible.
One in two hundred and sixteen.
"Chin up. If you roll another one next, that's a Golden Key."
"Mm. That's true."
And yet.
The die whooshed. The die clattered.
"...Nnnnngh..."
A two...
Why, of all numbers...
Three ones in a row, and then this. One more one was all she'd needed.
I had already traveled a considerable distance, while she still hadn't even escaped the first row. The Golden Key she had wanted so badly sat right in front of her, and she had skipped clean over it.
...
"...It's all right. These things happen. We've got plenty of time. Let's take it slow."
"...Okay!"
My die whispered out and tumbled to a stop. A six. Another Golden Key.
I kept landing on high numbers. I was always the unlucky one in games like this, so why was everything going my way today? Maybe because I was sitting across from someone even more luckless than I was, one-on-one.
"..."
Glancing at her as she stared at my advancing piece with naked envy, I checked the face-down card.
...Another lucky card. I would have preferred a misfortune card, honestly.
I couldn't shuffle it away this time. With no other choice, I showed the contents to the Great Demon King of Misfortune.
Your donkey has given birth.
Gain 5,000 gold.
"It says, 'Your donkey has given birth. Gain 5,000 gold.'"
"C-congratulations."
Clap. Clap. Clap.
The Demon King applauded with a half-smile. Unlike me, already on the last of the board's four rows, she was still stuck on the first, and her face looked bitter.
"T-this time for sure."
The die whooshed. The die tumbled.
...
Haa.
The number on the Demon King's die was a three. It was the highest roll she'd had all game, but the space her piece arrived at after advancing a total of eight squares was Desert Island.
"...Ah."
I had already explained every rule to her, including the ones for Desert Island, so there was no lie I could tell to spring her free. She would have to stay trapped in there for three turns.
...
Even on this tiny board, she had ended up isolated.
"I-it's okay. If I roll a one I can get out of Desert Island, right? I'm good at rolling ones, so I'll be out in no time."
Whoosh. A two.
Whoosh. A three.
Whoosh. A two.
And so she failed to emerge even by the time I had completed a full world tour, returned to the starting space, and collected my bonus money. In the end, she served all three turns to the last.
"...Hehe. Three turns are up now. So I can leave."
After that, the Demon King went back to circling the board, little by little, slowly.
"Oh. I landed on the Duprim you bought."
"..."
I had already raked in several lucky cards and a world-tour completion bonus while she had been floundering. I didn't need to take 3,000 gold of her desperately needed money. But if I let her off, she would kick up another storm about fairness.
"Here. 3,000 gold..."
"Oh..."
The gap between us only kept widening. Our game pieces drifted farther and farther apart.
"W-wooooow!"
At last.
At last, the Demon King landed on a Golden Key!
She was beaming from ear to ear before she had even checked what the card said.
"Congrat—"
I clamped my mouth shut before I could finish. Given her luck, the odds of that being a lucky card were not good.
"...Hooo."
The Demon King drew a deep breath and reached a pale hand toward the face-down Golden Key pile. The tension was no different from that scene in Tazza where a hand bound over a Go board flips a hwatu card.
A sharp flick.
...
"...Iiiih."
...
She held the card out for me to see.
You were stepped on by a Brachiosaurus.
Pay 300 gold.
A misfortune card. In her own crooked handwriting. What kind of funeral offering is 300 gold for getting stomped to death by a Brachiosaurus? Then again, if it were her, she probably wouldn't even get hurt.
The bills I had dealt the Demon King at the start of the game had only ever been taken from her, never replenished. And now another 300 gold had been stripped away.
The Demon King landed on Golden Key spaces several more times after that, and drew misfortune cards every single time. She was abducted by aliens. Bandits stole her sack of dinosaur dolls. She lost a mayonnaise lid. The penalties she had written herself were bursting with Demon King flavor. All of it, exclusively over her own head.
...
Whether we were playing rock-paper-scissors or Barrel Roulette, the Demon King's luck had always been horrifically bad.
"..."
I almost wished she would just use a hallucination spell, the way she had with Iron Fist. I would have let it take me gladly. But she didn't.
"My turn. I'm rolling."
The Demon King took the die in her hand.
I had gone to all this trouble making a game just to make her smile. All it seemed to prove was that the goddess of fortune in this world despised her with a passion.
...Just once.
Victory and defeat were already decided. This money gap was not a distance that could physically be closed. Even so, I wanted something good to happen to her, just once.
The die whispered. The die tumbled.
"Four spaces. One, two, three... oh, it's a Golden Key."
Maybe because she had drawn nothing but misfortune cards in a row, she was no longer as excited as she had been the first time she reached a Golden Key space.
...Please be a lucky card.
A soft flick...
She turned the card over.
"Huh? Yellow? A lucky card?!"
Oh.
My fist clenched on its own. She had finally found a lucky card.
"..."
The Demon King read the lucky card with her eyes gone round as saucers. Then her mouth began to fall open, that already large mouth stretching to its absolute limit.
"Th-this card is weird."
"Let me see."
...!
She held out the card she had just drawn. It was the birthday card I had written. The moment I saw it, something like an electric current ran through my whole body. Unlike her, sitting there with a dazed look on her face, I knew exactly what this stroke of luck was worth.
Happy Birthday.
Receive 100,000 gold.
"Congratulations."
"Th-this is 100,000 gold?"
"It's the jackpot card I wrote. Wow, I really wanted to draw that one myself, and you got it."
"I-is it really 100,000 gold?"
"Really 100,000 gold."
"W-wooooow..."
She held the birthday card in both hands, staring at it for a long time with glittering eyes. This was her luck. Luck she had earned by rolling the die herself.
"...Hey, though."
Still looking dazed, as if she couldn't even begin to grasp the sum of 100,000 gold, she asked:
"What's a birthday?"
"...What?"
"What kind of present is a birthday present that it gives you 100,000 gold?"
"..."
For all that clever head of hers, her knowledge was full of gaps, like a stone staircase weathered away in places. Had she never once celebrated the day she was born?
"It means a present that celebrates the day you were born."
"That's a birthday?"
"Yeah."
"..."
I knew exactly what the Demon King was thinking. I never should have put a birthday card in the deck. I had gone and reminded her of yet another thing she was missing. I never imagined she wouldn't know what a birthday was. I should have just written something about a golden dinosaur.
"...Then."
"Hm?"
Tap, tap.
She pointed at her Paper Crane.
"I want to make the day this little one turned into a game my birthday. Give me a present then."
"...Just pick a different day."
"...Why?"
"..."
"No. Even I can't give this one up. I've already decided on my birthday."
Haa.
"You like it that much?"
She still wouldn't let go of the birthday-present card I had made.
"I dooo. I like it so much. Hehe. I'm in such a good mood! I'll treat you. I'll give you 200 gold."
...She had just received 100,000 gold, and she was still stingy about the strangest things.
"Congratulations. In that case, since you've collected the money, you should put the card back and shuffle."
"I-I don't wanna. If I put it back now I feel like I'll never draw it again."
...
She might have been right. Her luck was that abysmal. It wasn't much of an exaggeration to say this might have been the best card of her entire life.
"Then hang on to it for now."
"Okay. Hehe."
Her next turn. Perhaps her clogged fortunes were finally breaking open, because she arrived all the way in the Serhan region.
"Huh? Isn't this a big city?"
"That's right. You buying?"
"Mhm. I've always wanted to go here."
The hand I had been extending with the Serhan deed to this overnight tycoon stopped.
"You've never actually been there?"
"...No."
...I see. I didn't ask why.
Well. This was a good thing. The reason I had made this game—to let her travel to places she had never been able to go—was being fulfilled, without a doubt.
Right after I completed my third lap, she finally finished a world tour of her own.
"Wow! I'm finally back."
"Well done. You're pretty good for a first-timer."
A bald-faced lie, but still.
"Ohoho. I was thinking the same thing."
She showed me the birthday card she had drawn earlier and smiled, thoroughly pleased with herself.
Her gold had been nearly wiped out; one more landing fee would have bankrupted her. But because she had drawn the birthday card, the game went on.
My turn.
The die whispered. The die tumbled.
A five. From the third space of the first row, I entered Desert Island for the first time.
"Huh? You went to Desert Island."
"So I did."
"..."
Winning or losing didn't matter anymore. While I sat here stuck, I hoped she would lap the board quickly and pick up a lucky card or two.
She had just completed her first world tour and now sat on the second space. A two would land her on the Golden Key in the fourth space of the first row.
Gulp.
"...Should I throw?"
She suddenly looked terribly serious. For reasons I couldn't name, she seemed more earnest now than at any other point in the game.
...Please. A two.
I hoped the die would come up a two. Since I wanted it too, maybe that would be enough to neutralize her terrible luck.
The die whispered. The die tumbled.
...
Maybe the hoping hadn't been fervent enough.
Against every expectation, the die came up a six.
It was the first six she had rolled all game. From the second space, she too was sent to Desert Island.
...
"...That was so clos—"
"Waaaaah!"
...Huh?
Beaming from ear to ear, she scooped up the donkey that had been sitting on the second space and moved it all the way to Desert Island in one go. Hadn't she wanted the Golden Key?
"...Why are you happy?"
"Hehe. I'm with your piece."
...We couldn't even get out. What was so great about that?
...
Well. We were trapped together.
Just like in this tower.
Unlike earlier, when she had been alone on Desert Island, she didn't look the least bit bitter.