The Way Home
I'm fucking exhausted.
Yesterday it was the shooting stars... the Demon King... I got all sentimental and made a complete fool of myself. Not that staring at her face all night was particularly boring... but the fatigue in my body was a different story entirely.
"...Haaah."
"Sleepy?"
"A little."
"Hehe. You'll sleep great once we get home today."
"..."
Home, huh...
Yeah. It is home.
Before I climbed the Tower, there was only one home I wanted to return to. A fifth-floor apartment in Seodaemun-gu, Seoul.
...But.
That doesn't mean I have even the slightest intention of killing her and going back.
...
That night I arm-wrestled the skeletons, I'd wondered for the first time if she might actually have feelings. And I'd worked hard to deny it. Told myself that was ridiculous.
...
Is there anyone in the world with a richer heart than this kid?
Among the wicked inhabitants of this world, whose emotions have all dried up, how many people could look at the stars and get swept away by them? The fact that those same people call her a monster is nonsense from the start.
...Then why. Why did the demonkin...
The battle with Leviathan rose up in my mind without warning. Not that I'd call it a battle, on my end. I'd only watched from a long way off.
KRAAAAAAH!
"Dorothy. Is this lizard really Leviathan? Doesn't seem like much."
"That's correct, Nine. I used fire magic — the wings are already a wreck. It won't be flying anymore."
"The poison arrows will lock up all its muscles soon enough. Took forever, being so ridiculously huge."
Fwoosh! Fwoosh!
Slash! Slash!
Clang! Clang!
....Grrr... grr... ngh...
The demonkin we ran into on the way up the Tower, climbing it to kill the Demon King, attacked adventurers without a second's hesitation.
And the humans, whose hatred of demonkin was already at its peak, never hesitated to strike back. They never once flinched at cutting their throats.
...No. When you think about it, maybe that's just obvious.
You poke a beehive, the bees sting you. If the positions were reversed, it would have been the same.
...
I feel like Jake from Avatar, fighting on the natives' side.
"Hey. Here. Say aah~"
I'd been lost in my own head when the Demon King shoved one of the round little meatballs from the lunch she'd packed straight at my mouth.
...
"...I'm good. I'll just eat it myself."
"Hehe. C'mon, don't be like that. Aah~"
"...Aah."
I bit down.
Chewing, chewing. Those blind sons of bitches, anyway. What could a kid this kind and gentle have possibly done to deserve—
...
"Mmph?!"
Cough! Hack! Gah—!
Oh, fuck! Why the hell is this so spicy?!
"Khnnngh...! Is this hydrochloric acid?! I think the roof of my mouth just melted!"
"Oh my. So it was that one after all."
Only then did she look relieved, and start eating something else.
"....W-what..."
"Nom... there was one meatball that accidentally got a whole clump of hot sauce in it, and I mixed them up."
"Urgh... if there was that much in it... khh... you could've just taken it out."
"Whaaat?! You'll get struck down for wasting food like that!"
That's rich, coming from a girl who picks every last carrot out of her food. And fuck, using the friend who held your hand all night as a lab rat?
I take back what I said earlier. She really is the great Demon King of evil.
"Alright, then, before we go..."
"Let's just go. Please. I'm begging you."
I got there first, before she could pull out that goddamn camera again.
"Why?"
"...Just— anyway, let's go. Quickly."
"No. We have to take pictures. I already made a Mist Lake slot and everything. Even I can't give this one up."
...
She dragged me around the lake, and we took three photos here and there.
Click.
"Hehe. Gotta take one more with my hair down."
...Should I just snatch the camera and throw it in the lake.
Then again, if I did, she'd drain the entire lake to get it back.
"Alright. Safe travels up to the 100th floor, please."
"Nope. You forgot we have to stop by Leviathan's, didn't you. Geez."
...
Of course.
No getting out of it, then.
I'd been hoping to just quietly skip past it.
"Right, before we go."
She reached into her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper and an envelope. The envelope looked like she'd made it herself — the folds were clumsy.
"...What's that? A letter?"
"Mm. It's for Leviathan."
...
"Why?"
I asked, clutching at straws.
"...Last time I broke my promise... you said Leviathan got mad, right? So I wrote an apology letter."
"..."
"Hm? You don't look so good. Is it because you're tired?"
She took the letter out of the envelope and held it up for me. A language I'd never seen in my life was scrawled across it in crooked letters.
"Ah, right — it's the dragonkin language, so you can't read it. I'll just read it out loud, so tell me if anything sounds weird. I've never written an apology letter before, you know."
"...No, that's..."
"Ahem."
To Leviathan.
I'm sorry for breaking my promise with everyone last time I came, and trying to stay a few extra days to sleep.
I just wanted to stay a little longer. I won't do it again. I'm really reflecting on it.
But Leviathan. I was so hurt and so sad back then. I apologized too, so you should apologize for clawing me. If you give me five rides on your back, I'll forgive you.
I brought a whole roast pig as a peace offering, the kind you always liked. This cost as much as six Wind Gods, you know?
Oh, right — you don't know what six Wind Gods means, do you? I made a new friend, so I'll introduce you! He's incredibly kind. You'll like him too.
So let's be close again, like we used to.
P.S. This time I kept it to exactly two days.
...
"So? Is it weird?"
...Yeah.
It's so goddamn weird I want to snatch it and tear it up.
...
Of course it's weird.
Who writes a letter like that to someone who's already dead.
"Did you know? I saw it in a magazine... a water slice?"
"...Waterslide."
"Yes! That's it! Leviathan's back is super long and flat, you know? I bet it'd feel just like riding one of those. If I ask him, he might let you ride too."
...
I wish the last page of this trip had been last night's meteor shower.
Looks like there's a depressing bonus track left after all.
If this were a book, I would have slammed it shut right here.
The Up-and-Down Box whooshed upward.
I wished for it. I wished she'd inject the mana wrong, that we'd shoot all the way to the 100th floor, and that the moment we stepped off, the box would explode with a bang.
But the box stopped, without fail, at the 82nd floor.
The door rattled open.
"There's so much snow here, we can make a snowman... huh?"
Her eyes went round.
A place like tundra, where snow had piled on dark brown trees. Leviathan's lair.
That was how it had been, up through the last time. Now there wasn't a scrap of snow left.
Back then, it was because Leviathan's ice-attribute mana had still lingered here.
"...Huh?"
"..."
It seemed to be her first time seeing the snow all melted away, too. She whipped her head around, scanning everything.
"...Wait. Wait? Why? The snow... I'm sure... last time we came..."
Her face had gone white. Then she just ran.
Her pale bare feet left small prints in the damp earth, still soaked with melted snow.
I ran after the Demon King. The direction she was heading... there was no mistaking it. Toward Leviathan.
"...Hah, hah."
How long did we run like that? The tree that had been cut down by Nine's longsword came into view. Round that tree, and right there—
I turned my head, gasping.
I could see her back.
Fortunately.
Truly, fortunately.
There was nothing in the nest.
Of course there wasn't. Leviathan was a dragon with a name that meant something. Take the wings or the horns and you could sell them for an absurd price. There had been a massive bounty on him, too.
...
I was just... grateful. Grateful from the bottom of my heart that the Demon King — this kind, impossibly pure Demon King — had not had to see Leviathan's corpse. I felt a deep, deep relief.
"..."
"..."
Forcing down the fear, I walked up beside the Demon King and stood next to her. And I looked at her face...
...
Her crimson eyes, washed of all their color, stared unfocused at the empty nest.
...
This isn't something I can handle.
And with what face was I supposed to say anything to her here, anyway.
The ones who killed Leviathan were my party. I hadn't taken part in the fight, but I'd still belonged to it.
I didn't even have the right to stand beside her while she mourned him.
I stepped back without a word. And I had no choice but to leave everything to her, helplessly.
"..."
"..."
"..."
...
If she, out of the grief and rage of this moment, decided to kill me as the representative of all humans...
I could die for her, couldn't I.
...No.
While we're at it, what if she just walked out of the Tower and wiped the humans out. It wouldn't even be impossible, for her. Yeah. That works. If you can't erase the rage toward demonkin, you just plug the place that rage comes from.
There's nothing but garbage outside the Tower anyway.
I stood there in silence, watching over the Demon King's back. That was the only atonement I could offer. A pathetically meager one.
She burned the letter she'd brought with magic. And she buried the roast pig beneath Leviathan's nest.
...
The Demon King and I walked back to the box without a word. I hadn't noticed it when we were running, but strangely, the same distance felt much longer now.
She stopped dead ahead of me and spoke. She didn't turn her head.
"...Hey."
"...Yeah."
"Leviathan... you didn't attack him, right...? Right?"
...
"...No."
...
It wasn't a lie.
"...That's a relief."
We walked on like that, and she stopped again. Still facing the way we'd been going, without turning around.
"Hey..."
"..."
"When you... climbed to the 100th floor... did you see?"
"...See what?"
"The ones on the floors above... you saw them, right? They're still okay, right?"
"..."
...
Grief and fear sat thick in her throat.
The answer to her question was no.
There is no one in this Tower.
She is the only one who doesn't know that.
...
Something was blocking it, solid as a wall. The truth would not come out of my mouth.
I've already committed too many sins.
The Paper Crane hanging around her neck.
The filmless camera in her bag.
...
And even so.
I'm really sorry.
I know I'm a piece of shit.
Look the other way just one more time.
I'm scared you'll break right here.
I'm scared that every time you remember this trip, you'll only cry.
I'm so scared right now.
Because you're stronger than me.
So much stronger.
Just once.
Please understand, just this once.
"...If you mean the demons, they were there... Our party just avoided them and only looked for the stairs to climb."
...
"...Yeah... I see."
...Right.
This is right.
There's no need to hurt all at once, is there.
A little at a time, slowly — and when her heart hurts, I can hurt with her, can't I.
Catching a cold over and over is better than coming down with a terminal illness, isn't it.
...
I was afraid she'd go to the 83rd floor to check, but she didn't.
Did she believe me.
Or.
Did she just want to believe it herself.
Once we were back, we washed up, ate a simple dinner, and went to our own rooms. She tried to treat me the way she always did, but I spend every day looking at nothing but her, so I could see the places where it caught, just slightly.
...
My room, after so long away. On the bed.
Sleep wouldn't come.
...
I threw off the blanket, got up, opened the door, and walked to her room.
I arrived in front of the Demon King's closed door.
...
"Hey."
I spoke to the Demon King.
...
No answer came back.
Why? She shouldn't be asleep.
I crouched down in front of the door, the way the Demon King does. If I sat like this, maybe I could understand her loneliness even a little.
...
I was sleepy, but I couldn't sleep. Leaving her to stay up all night in sorrow while I escaped into dreams alone would be a coward's move.
...Let's just... sit here tonight.
That was when.
The door creaked.
...!
"...You...? What are you doing?"
She opened the door and came out.
...
I grabbed her hand.
"Let's go."
I took the Demon King's hand and pulled. She let herself be led, limp as an empty plastic bag.
This time I walked in front, and she walked behind.
I opened my door and went in. I sat her down on the bed.
"...What's wrong?"
"...Sleep."
".....What?"
"Sleep. I'll keep watch tonight."
She was lying on the pillow I always used, wearing a puzzled look.
"..."
"..."
Tonight, at least, I wanted to let her run from the sorrow. Otherwise I was sure she'd suffer all night with Leviathan's death rising up again and again. Until morning. Isn't that too much to bear.
...
"...Heh.. hehe. I'm okay. There's a lot of this kind of thing now..."
"I'll protect you tonight. You can sleep."
...
It was a walking contradiction. A human, protecting her from humans, when she'd lost a friend to humans.
But in the end, whether to question that contradiction or not was her choice.
".....Pfft."
"..."
"....Ahaha.. you... you're a weakling, and yet..... heehee..."
Even so, she lay down on the bed.
"Then please protect me. Just for today."
She turned onto her side, and I lay down beside her. I pulled the blanket up so that only our heads were out.
"..."
"..."
"...I told you to sleep. I'll take responsibility. I won't sleep."
"...It's been so long... I forgot how to fall asleep."
...How to sleep, huh.
"Try repeating the happy things in your head."
"...The happy things?"
"Yeah."
...
...
"If you keep staring at me I can't sleep..."
"...Still..."
"Come on. Trust me."
"...Okay."
She closed her eyes.
We stayed like that for a long time.
Then she slipped her head under the blanket and buried herself in my chest.
"...Nngh... hic..."
I felt my clothes grow wet with her fat, round tears.
It was pitiful.
The fact that the only shelter that could soothe her — this girl made sad by humans — was the arms of a human like me, made my chest ache with a vicious kind of pain.
I wrapped my arms around the Demon King's small body inside the blanket and held her tight. I didn't have the courage to look at her face. Because I'm a coward.
How much time passed like that.
The quiet sobs gradually stopped. The trembling lessened, and then faded.
And the Demon King fell asleep.
...
Now I understood why she was the strongest in this Tower.
Because she had to bear all this sorrow alone.
This small, soft, fragile body. And this heart, so pure.
...
It would be a lie to say I wasn't sleepy after two days without sleep. But I didn't sleep. Because what I was holding, there inside the blanket, was far too precious.
I hoped she would have a good dream tonight.
I hoped shooting stars would fall in her dreams all night long.