Chapter 32
Chapter 32
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 32
Chapter Title: My Name is Chae Seol-ah
-----------------------------------------------------------------
My name is Chae Seol-ah.
My father was a good man. It was just a shame that he was always so busy we couldn't play together.
“Dad, you have a lot of money, so why are you always so busy?”
When I asked him that question around the age of ten, he smiled kindly and stroked my hair.
“Seol-ah. It’s my dream to make a lot of money and help people in need. Your mother feels the same way.”
“Why is that your dream?”
“Hmm… When I was young, I was so poor that I sometimes went hungry, but someone helped me back then. If it weren’t for that person, your dad and my pretty Seol-ah wouldn’t be here today, right? If I help others as much as I was helped… wouldn’t we all live in a better world?”
I couldn't fully understand my father's words back then. Of course, I'm even more skeptical now.
In any case, my father strictly kept the promise he made to me. He helped so many people, and my mother was genuinely proud of him and loved him for it.
And yet, we lived a prosperous life, enough for me to have most of the things I wanted. I started learning piano at a young age, and from the age of ten, I also took vocal lessons.
I won third place in a competition for children under thirteen and even had the honor of being mentored by a world-renowned soprano.
The investment in exorbitant lesson fees paid off handsomely. At sixteen, I won first place in a youth competition for those under eighteen.
One of the top two arts high schools offered me admission with a full scholarship and various forms of support.
Just when my life was filled with such joy, another piece of happy news arrived.
My parents' happiness reached its peak when my mother announced she was pregnant with my sibling, who would be seventeen years younger than me.
I was a little embarrassed, though…….
Anyway, everything in the world seemed easy.
It was during our family's happiest time that trouble struck.
“Hello? Mr. Kim, say something. What in the world is… Hello? Hey, Kim Jeong-sik!”
“Honey, what’s going on? What on earth…”
“…Jeong-sik would never do that. It can’t be…”
My father's long-time business partner had swindled him. A scam so devastating it was impossible to recover from. He asked for help here and there, but the people my father had helped over the years instantly turned their backs on him.
Our family collapsed as if it were all a lie.
Every time I woke up, I wished that what I had experienced was just a dream. But the red seizure stickers plastered all over the house and…….
“…Haaa.”
The white puff of my breath in the unheated room only made the painful reality sink in.
The shock, which came during my adolescence, left me speechless for a while. I literally couldn't speak; perhaps it was aphasia. We didn't even have the money for a hospital visit back then.
“Don't worry, Seol-ah. It was even harder for me when I was young! We can get back on our feet!”
“That’s right, Seol-ah. I believe in your father. You know how amazing he is.”
To feed us, my father started taking on daily manual labor jobs. He always left at dawn and came home late at night.
“Honey, be careful. You’ll ruin your health at this rate.”
“Don’t worry, dear. I’m not dead yet!”
It was a cold winter day. Despite his tired face, my father shouted energetically, not wanting to worry his family.
And that very dawn, my father collapsed on a cold street. The hospital said he would have been fine if he had arrived just ten minutes sooner.
If he hadn't been scammed… no, if he had just collapsed at a time when more people were around… none of this would have happened.
I have no memory of the funeral at all.
The day after the funeral, I heard my mother's soft sobs in my sleep.
“My poor husband… What will Seol-ah and Haeng-bok do now…”
Her feeling of helplessness resonated with me.
I was so scared.
I felt like if I left her alone, my mother would die too.
“Mom! I’ll do better. Don’t die!”
I think those were the first words I had spoken in almost a month.
“*Sob*! Why would I die! I have my beautiful daughter, why would I die…!”
“Mom…”
I clung to my mother, crying, until I fainted.
From that day on, I suffered from insomnia. Even when I managed to fall asleep, the slightest rustle would jolt me awake, and I would check on my mother.
Every time I opened my eyes, I saw my mother's back.
Watching her suppress her sobs, my anxiety grew. I was so afraid she would disappear that I felt like I wanted to die first.
My mother had always lived a gentle life, never having done rough work. Now, she began working at a jeon shop in a traditional market, dragging her heavy body.
Not long after, the owner of the building where the jeon shop was located had to close the business due to personal reasons.
“It’s alright. I was just doing this as a hobby because I enjoy making jeon. You don’t need to pay a premium or a deposit. Just pay a little rent each month. It has a lot of regulars, so it should be manageable.”
“Thank you, ma’am…”
“Live well, you must.”
Thanks to the kindness of the building owner, an older woman who pitied us, we took over the jeon shop for less than half the market rate for rent.
But that, too, was short-lived. A practical problem arose.
My sibling was due soon…….
Making a living, childbirth, and childcare. It was absolutely impossible for my mother to handle it all alone.
I started looking for an excuse not to go to high school. I learned online that many aspiring celebrities only complete middle school, which is compulsory education, and don't attend high school.
“…A celebrity?”
I thought if I could just succeed, I could return to a glamorous life.
Even if they weren't as pretty as me.
Even if they couldn't sing as well as me.
Even if they couldn't dance as well as me.
Looking at the mediocre members of successful groups, I thought it was definitely possible.
I told my mother my decision.
“Are you crazy! You should be studying at your age!”
It was the first time my mother had ever gotten angry with me.
“Mom. Do you think I can adjust if I go to school in this state? My friends probably don’t even know what happened to our family. Realistically, it’ll be hard to even graduate. You know how much the lessons cost.”
“You can go to a regular high school! I’ll take out a loan if I have to…”
“…Mom. We don’t even have a place to sleep right now. And the baby is coming soon.”
My mother broke down, wailing at our heartbreaking reality.
“…I’m sorry, Seol-ah. I’m sorry for being a failure of a mother… I’m so, so sorry.”
“What are you talking about? I’m pretty because I take after you. They say every cloud has a silver lining. I’m going to make it.”
And so, I gave up on high school. My teachers were disappointed, but they couldn't live my life for me.
“Hey! You should be preparing for your audition!”
“I’m practicing enough. And I’m pretty because I look like you, Mom. You don’t have to worry.”
I was depressed, but I pretended to be bright. They called it audition prep, but unable to afford an academy, I just practiced singing and dancing at home while watching my phone. During the busiest hours, I always helped my mother with her business.
Then one day.
*Sizzle!*
“Ah!”
“Oh my! Are you okay?”
“Y-Yeah. I’m fine.”
Boiling oil splattered onto my arm. I lied to reassure my mother, but the wound was severe. A small burn scar formed on the inside of my arm.
Still, I was most at peace when I was by my mother's side.
“Honey. Are you really auditioning? How long are you going to keep flipping jeon! You said you’d succeed so I wouldn’t have to worry!”
And so, I was pushed into an audition.
“…Ah. Good vocalization. How can you produce such a refined and comfortable tone? Your physique is great too.”
A nationwide competition with a 7,000:1 ratio, starting from regional qualifiers. Amidst a sea of talented kids, I passed my very first audition.
It felt like the world was mine again.
“Congratulations, my daughter!”
“It’s all thanks to you, Mom. It’s because I take after you.”
My mother, who had been overjoyed, burst into tears, likely thinking of my late father. Seeing that, I resolved to succeed no matter what. I was scared to be away from my mother, but for her sake, I had no choice but to move into the dorms.
But the debut, which I thought would come quickly, was delayed by a year, then another. In that time, only four of the original seven members remained.
I was anxious and afraid. I was already twenty-one, and all I knew was singing and a little dancing.
It felt like if I couldn't debut, my life and my mother's would be over.
“Get up. We have to go to practice!”
“…Mmm. Unni, let’s just sleep a little longer.”
Even though we were in the debut lineup, we practiced even harder and tried to stand out, afraid of being forgotten. For someone like me who had nothing, all I could do was work hard.
As if my efforts were bearing fruit, good news arrived.
“Your group name has been decided. It's ‘Answer.’ It means you’re responding to the support of your fans.”
We, the members of Answer, hugged each other and jumped up and down. I choked up when our youngest, Yi-na, burst into tears, but as the leader and the eldest, I had to stay strong.
“*Sob, sob*, Unni. *Sob, sob*.”
“Everything’s going to be okay now. Stop crying. You’ll get ugly.”
I hugged the youngest, Yi-na, and stroked her hair.
“*Sob, sob*… But Unni… your chest is warm.”
“…”
The eccentric youngest, Yi-na, who was strangely obsessed with my chest and would crawl into my bed, saying she was scared to sleep alone.
“Ah… I’m hungry.”
Seul-bi, who was habitually hungry.
“Helloo… Oh, it’s you, Oppa. Yep, yep. I’m doing fine.”
And Mi-ji, who always seemed so precarious that I had to keep an eye on her.
And so, the four of us were set to debut.
I thought everything would be fine once we debuted.
The risqué song and the skin-tight outfits that revealed every curve of our bodies.
And the choreography…
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! Wait, wait! Not like that. Keep your waist still and just stick your butt out, okay? Now grind with that butt! Let’s go again! One, two, three, four… I said no! Keep your waist still!”
I hadn't even had a boyfriend since the third grade. The choreography I had to perform was excruciatingly embarrassing.
‘Isn’t the choreographer unni embarrassed by this kind of dance at all?’
I tried to protest.
“…I have a question.”
“What is it?”
“This kind of… choreography can’t be shown on TV…”
“Of course, there’s a separate version for broadcast. This is for events. Are you questioning me right now?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“The fairy concept is overflowing these days. Do you think rookies like you can survive in that market? You want me to make you flutter around like fairies?”
“N-No!”
“It’s a saturated market. Focus on surviving first.”
“I understand, ma’am.”
“Call me Ssaem! You make me feel old.”
I thought the embarrassment would be temporary.
If only I could succeed.
“Maa… Noona, noona?”
“Oh, look at our Haeng-bok, all grown up! You can even say noona now?”
He was my adorable little brother, so cute I wanted to bite him, but at the same time, I resented him. I could clearly see the path of hardship my mother had already walked and would continue to walk.
My father, whom I loved and missed so much.
Why did you have to leave so soon?
If only you hadn't lived so kindly…
Our activities began.
The road managers kept changing, and eventually, Team Leader Park started managing us.
“Hey, you fucking bitches. Does this industry look easy to you? Get on your knees!”
“What?”
“These girls… Do you have any idea how much money has been spent on you? You’re not going to pay back your debt?”
The verbal abuse was unimaginable, but we didn't dare talk back.
“Do you know how many girls end up serving drinks on cam shows because they can’t pay off their debts? You want to end up like that?”
Seul-bi said angrily.
“Unni, let’s report him. This is ridiculous.”
I wanted to, desperately. It was unbelievable in this day and age. But I didn't dare report him.
“We might be able to prove the verbal abuse and mistreatment, but what about our debt…”
“…”
“And you know. If a scandal like this breaks out, we’re finished. Let’s postpone our revenge until after we’ve succeeded.”
Because I was afraid, I had no choice but to be a coward.
This was the only chance for me, my mother, and my chattering little brother to step back into the light.
I had to succeed, no matter what it took.
A month, then two, passed.
We worked hard to get popular, but our results were lackluster. The company seemed to have given up on us, recruiting new trainees, and I grew anxious. I didn't want to be outshone by the new trainees, including the youngest, Yi-na.
“Unni, can you put a little more glitter on me? They’ve recruited new trainees.”
I could feel myself becoming so sensitive that I wondered if I was developing a mental illness. I knew it, but I couldn't control it.
That was when a man appeared.
“I’m Min-jun, I’ll be working here from today. Team Leader Park, please wait outside.”
With visuals that could rival any popular male idol, he exuded a unique aura. At first, I thought he was just another road manager who would quit soon.
“What did you do wrong to be on your knees! Get up, now!”
As he swatted Team Leader Park's hand away, a chilling charisma radiated from him. A shiver ran down my spine, and I swallowed hard.
‘He’ll just become another bad guy when faced with the same situation.’
I was wary of him. I had seen countless people like that.
But… could I have been wrong about him?
“This is precious money I made by selling my late mother’s ring.”
His words, spoken with glistening eyes, made my heart sink. It made me reflect on how I had started to view the world so negatively.
Now, it was becoming difficult to deny the inexplicable pull he had. At least, for now.
“Aah! Tancheon Service Area! Chestnut bread!”
I saw him let out a small laugh at Seul-bi's wistful cry.
“Alright, we’ll make one last stop before we get to Gurye.”
“Yay!”
Perhaps…
Could this person be our savior? If so, my mother could finally stop struggling.
But I quickly shook my head. The world wasn't a warm enough place to expect kindness without a price.