Chapter 18
Chapter 18
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 18
Chapter Title: If It Were Your Smile, I Thought I Could Endure It
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"This should do it."
Helios nodded after scanning the surroundings in a deep, shadowy alley where not a single passerby could be seen.
At some point, the companions who had been with him had vanished somewhere.
It was the moment Esther was glancing around in search of the man. Helios, who had been hesitating and repeatedly opening and closing his mouth, finally spoke.
"How's your body feeling?"
The courage he had mustered to whisper in her ear earlier seemed to have fled; he glanced at her expression and mumbled softly before continuing.
"...Esther."
Even though no one was watching, the way he casually called her name—something he only did occasionally in formal settings—left Esther unable to gauge his true intentions.
She had been certain she already understood them. No more replies had come, and when she reacted negatively to the contract, he had immediately stopped showing his face. She was convinced nothing had changed from her previous life.
"Greetings to the Empire's Little Sun, Crown Prince."
"I didn't bring you here just to exchange empty formalities."
Helios brushed back his hair in frustration at her perfectly executed courtesy, only for his hood to slip off.
At the same time, a breeze carried his fine golden locks fluttering lightly.
"I asked if your body is alright."
"Regarding my rudeness the other day, once again..."
Helios grimaced as he watched her bow her head to apologize without a flicker of expression.
"Why do I only ever receive apologies from you? Is it so wrong for me to worry about you? Or am I the one doing something wrong after all?"
"..."
Even then, Esther kept her head lowered, silent and unmoving, as if she had no intention of even looking at him.
Helios felt like his insides were boiling over at her demeanor.
It had been a rare outing, barely escaping the Emperor's watchful eyes amid his busy scheming for personal gain.
He probably wouldn't even get a full hour, but right now, even that much was desperately needed.
"Esther, I want to hear your thoughts."
Because even those stolen moments of secretly watching her were no longer allowed.
Day by day, she only appeared in the fleeting fragments of those strange memories that brushed past him, making it all the more urgent.
Yet the Esther he finally met after so long wouldn't even show her pretty smile, let alone her face.
That was why. Why Helios had boldly revealed the true feelings—and base desires—he hadn't expressed for years, approaching her so aggressively.
"Your Highness?"
Esther's head was being lifted against her will.
The only one who could do that to her was the man now standing right in front of her.
As if he could bear it no longer, Helios bit his red lips and stared straight at her with eyes that flickered like flames.
Yet his large hands on her cheeks were endlessly gentle.
"Don't apologize to me."
"..."
"Don't pull away from me. Whatever the reason... no, if there's a reason, just tell me. I'll fix it somehow, bring things back to how they were. So..."
The soft touch of her lovely cheeks, as if they belonged in his hands, filled Helios with a strange satisfaction.
Gazing at this beautiful woman looking straight at him, he even felt an illusion of returning to that first encounter when she had called him her knight.
"Please... don't do this..."
It was an emotion he didn't know how long he'd been holding back. He couldn't even remember how he'd endured it this far.
"I didn't come to see you like this. I just..."
I just wanted to see that smile you gave me so happily. Then I thought I could endure it.
He couldn't bring himself to say those final words; his lips trembled pitifully.
"I'm not so idle that I'd come out here to toy with you using that insignificant position of yours. And I have no intention of leaving you alone anymore."
Again. Helios realized the contradiction in his own words, spoken unwittingly.
The word 'anymore,' as if implying he once had let her be. Yet for some reason, he felt compelled to add it.
"...Your Highness, what on earth do you mean by that?!"
As Helios gently stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, Esther suddenly pulled away, realizing the source of the eerie sense of déjà vu in his words.
"What exactly are you saying?"
She tried to hide her agitation, but her voice trembled faintly at the end.
The worst possible scenario was unfolding in her mind.
What if he'd recovered all those memories? But how?
Esther hadn't crossed paths with Helios at all during this time.
Hadn't she gone to great lengths to avoid him precisely because he said memories resurfaced every time they met?
"I'm sorry, that was a slip of the tongue. Sometimes even reality..."
Helios trailed off. Esther was staring at him intently.
Her face had gone deathly pale, as if she'd heard something she shouldn't have.
Was that really just a dream? No, is this truly reality? Do I really not know why Esther came to hate me? Or have I already figured it out?
At the end of those chaining thoughts, Helios realized something.
He knew. Why Esther had no choice but to come to hate him.
"Ugh!"
At the same time, a familiar headache and overwhelming terror gripped him.
Helios doubled over, groaning low and trembling in pain. Esther panicked at the sight.
"Your Highness, are you alright?!"
Unable to do anything, Esther fidgeted anxiously when suddenly a man who seemed to be from his earlier entourage knelt before Helios.
The man hurriedly rummaged in his pocket, pulled out a vial, and pushed it into Helios's mouth.
"Your Highness, take this."
Helios quickly chewed and swallowed the medicine, but still groaned lowly as its effects hadn't spread yet.
Gradually, as time passed, his breathing slowed, and color returned to his pallid skin.
"My apologies."
Helios staggered briefly before standing with his subordinate's support. His forehead, slick with cold sweat, evoked pity.
"And here I am, in no position to ask about your health."
"..."
Helios gently pushed away his subordinate, who kept trying to support him, and gave Esther a feeble smile.
"It was nonsense. Just dismiss it as such."
"But..."
Esther needed to know exactly what he meant. She had to find out how much he'd remembered. Or else...
"Don't even think about joining that investment."
"Pardon?"
The topic Helios latched onto to change the subject was the earlier investment.
Seeing her listen intently made him think he had to dissuade her somehow, but the investment was dangerous regardless.
"His Majesty's so-called investment is just a loan in name only. It's essentially lending money while pretending to invest in promising goods, then seizing and selling them off. Once popularity wanes, he'll make you cough up every last coin."
"..."
Having already been burned by the Emperor before, she had no intention of touching it anyway. This reconnaissance only solidified her resolve.
That man hadn't changed. A sly, lowly snake. She hadn't expected anything, but this was still beyond predictable.
But the real problem was elsewhere. Esther looked at Helios standing before her and asked.
"Why are you telling me this? We're just a small merchant group. And if it benefits the Imperial Palace, wouldn't it be more advantageous for me to jump in?"
Helios's composed expression made her heart ache.
Why, when you knew all along, didn't you tell me in our previous life? Why did you let our merchant group fall into such ruin?
...And why aren't you intervening now, when the victims will only grow, to stop the Emperor?
You're the same kind of man, Helios von Evgenia. Why pretend to care about me now, why show this favor?
"Think about it. Why I'm saying this."
Helios gave a sad smile and barely restrained his hand from reaching out to her.
"Right now, I lack the power to stop that man. But..."
"..."
"I'll make everything right. And I know full well how dangerous and reckless this is for the Empire's Crown Prince."
...But even if I returned to before coming back here, I'd make the same choice, Esther.
Hiding the true feelings he couldn't voice to the end, Helios let out a self-mocking laugh as he kept four steps' distance from the wary Esther.
"I'll take full responsibility and set it all straight. I promise you that. But this was my final selfish desire. I can't condone letting you fall into that despair, even for a moment."
"...Lies."
"What?"
Helios, witnessing her expression crumble for an instant, asked again without catching her mutter, but no answer came.
Instead, Esther was preparing to distance herself once more.
"Thank you for the advice. I too felt that investment was beyond what I could handle. I lack the ability for it anyway."
"That wasn't my intent. I..."
"...My deepest apologies for interrupting, Your Highness."
It was Baron who cut Helios off. Because of it, Helios clamped his jaw, accentuating his sharp jawline as he fell silent.
"You must return now."
"Your Highness, I pray for your good health. Please return to the Imperial Palace safely."
Esther avoided his gaze, bowing as if to signal no more conversation, then stepped back a few more paces.
Helios had to accept that everything was over.
"Alright, take care until we meet again."
"..."
At her bowed figure, Helios felt his stomach twist, but he had no time left to linger.
Helios pulled his hood back on and left the alley. Now, only Esther remained.
"Why say something like that to me?"
The man she'd thought was in league with the Emperor was now trying to protect her. And the Emperor's actions were completely different too.
As everything flowed so differently from the past, Esther murmured weakly into the empty air. No reply came.
Esther hurried back to the merchant group, leaving the alley. She had no time to stay either.
The day Esther had been waiting for finally arrived.
"Guild Master, the trade ship has safely docked!"
Esther looked at Dana, who burst in with an excited voice.