My Body Trembled at the Thought of Him Forcing Himself on Me
Shin Down
Was it lucky…? Anyway, the first thought that hit me was that I'd made it past the immediate crisis.
Even if it came with a pretty loaded little addendum about never doing it again from now on.
"Haa… I'm really gonna fucking die."
My mind and body were wrecked. Things had already been a complete mess for a long time, but the recent events had piled one more worry on top of everything else. It had only been a few days, yet it felt like years had crawled by.
Thud—
Even when I collapsed onto the soft bed, the anxiety refused to leave. Being alone in this space brought no comfort either. All that filled me was the foreign, wriggling sensation in my gut.
I naturally brought my hand to my lower belly. Inside, I could feel the tampon that bitch Areum had shoved back in. Maybe that was why—under the mental pressure of having a period, a small pain started blooming in my stomach.
"Heu…"
I instinctively curled into a ball and wrapped my arms around my belly.
"Heu, fuck… for real… living long enough to actually get a period… ahh…"
I rolled around freely on the bed that used to be mine, enduring the pain that way.
"Ahhk… this is crazy… fuck, hup… I need to take some medicine…"
I tumbled several times across the bed that was far too big for my current frame. Just when I thought I truly couldn't take it anymore—with the pulling ache in my lower back, the throbbing in my head, and the sudden urge to wake that bitch Areum right then and there—
"Ah, aaa!!"
An unexpected sensation shot up from below. It felt like something was pouring out. My body froze solid at the completely unfamiliar feeling. I closed my eyes, drowning in a wave of powerlessness.
"Heok! Heu, heuk! Haaak!"
I suddenly couldn't breathe and snapped my eyes wide open. It was like my head had been dunked underwater, or like sleep apnea had slammed into me mid-dream. I gasped for air, coughing dryly until my throat burned raw. Thrashing in agony, I brought my hand back to my lower belly.
"…?"
It was completely different. The soft belly, and the tiny hand that had been so small, were no longer like that.
"Aaa…"
Maybe "different" was the wrong word. I had simply returned to normal—and then the sound of my own voice reaching my ears left me utterly dumbfounded.
"Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!!!"
I screamed into the middle of the night. I couldn't hold it in. I needed to release what I was feeling right now, even if it was just like this.
"Heu, hehehit… ha… hahahak…"
I groped at the body I'd reclaimed. The long, cascading hair was gone without a trace. My face, which had been fist-sized, seemed a little bigger. I groped my chest. The breasts that had been swollen full were now flat and firm. Finally, I reached for the most important part down below. The clear presence of my dick bulging up through my pants was unmistakable.
I rolled around on the bed again. This time, I couldn't contain the joy.
"Heu, hehehe…"
And the only thing floating through my head right now was Park Areum. Park Areum… Park Areum… only Park Areum. I wanted to see that bitch Areum so badly.
Park Areum
I dreamed of a childhood dream that had already grown faint and was slowly being forgotten.
After academy, I always used to walk home with Shin Down. Going straight home felt too disappointing, so every single day I would grab him and drag him to the snack shop. That had been our routine.
…It was tteokbokki I'd long since grown sick of, tteokbokki I ate every single day, and yet I still loved it.
That day had been no different from any other. I'd made up some excuse about Mom nagging too much, and said I wanted to become Auntie and Uncle's daughter instead.
Looking back, that was probably why the accident happened. The thought that my parents' accident was all my fault had crushed me so badly I could barely breathe.
"Mommaaa…"
The time I'd spent with my current family had already grown longer than the time I'd had with my real parents. Shin Down and I had truly become like siblings. Uncle and Auntie had become real parents to me.
That was probably why my irritation toward Shin Down ran so deep. The rage over how my first time had been so forced, and the fact that the other person just happened to be the Shin Down of now—maybe that was what I couldn't stand.
But what was already done couldn't be undone. I couldn't make what happened between me and Shin Down disappear either. So I took out my frustration on him for no good reason. Even I could admit I'd tormented him way past the line.
Still, I'd held a tiny hope that he might become a little more human because of it. I thought he was almost there… and then Shin Sarang appeared, and everything started going sideways.
This was purely a woman's intuition. The way Shin Sarang looked at Shin Down was anything but ordinary. And Uncle and Auntie… back when we were kids they'd talked about marrying the two of us off someday—the same meaningless nonsense they'd once said to me—and now they were saying it to Shin Sarang…
Shin Sarang's situation was similar to mine, too. Losing her family and being left alone in the world—it was almost identical, not just similar. Up to that point it was fine. I felt sorry for her; I knew that pain well enough myself.
The problem started when my body and Shin Down's swapped. That was when the look in Shin Sarang's eyes changed. She looked at Shin Down with the eyes that should have been looking at me. And the way she looked at the swapped me was exactly the same as before.
The way she treated me and the way she treated Shin Down. They seemed similar, but they were clearly different. To my eyes, she looked like she was wagging her tail as hard as she could in front of Shin Down. And Shin Down, completely oblivious, just stood there with that dumb, happy grin on his face.
That pissed me off. I was the one stuck in this mess because of someone, and that someone was over there flirting with another girl right in front of me. Even though I was standing right there. So I treated him even rougher than usual. Shin Down became pretty obedient. It was satisfying. I thought that was enough.
I fell into a deep sleep, content with that thought. That was when the familiar pain came for me. Out of pure habit, I tried to endure it the way I always did. But then a sudden realization hit me. Why the hell was I curling up and clutching my belly in this kind of pain right now?
When I came to my senses, I wasn't in my own room where I'd fallen asleep. I was lying on Shin Down's bed.
"Euhk…"
When my period hit, the first day always hurt the worst. Normally I would have grabbed some medicine nearby and gone back to sleep, but right now there was nothing around me. The lethargy wrapping my whole body, the stiffness in my lower back, and the pain pressing down—press, press—on my lower belly made everything feel like too much effort.
"Hauk, why… all of a sudden…"
Because of my period? The first thought was that it was impossible. But then the second thought followed: in a situation like this, arguing about what was possible or not was even more ridiculous.
"Hi, hihehe…"
A hollow laugh slipped out. I glanced nervously at the door, heart racing. It felt like Shin Down could kick that door open and walk in at any second. And the thought of him forcing himself on me even though I said no, of him tormenting me—my body started to tremble.
"Heu, haa… heung…"
My breathing grew short. In my imagination, I was already a complete mess, filthy and ruined.
"Fuck, heuhit…"
They say it's better to take the beating first. That was why this waiting… this empty stretch of time… was so terrifying. I glared at the door, waiting for the Shin Down who would come through it at any moment.
.
.
.
"…Ha?"
But nothing like that happened.
Shin Sarang
The alarm ringing from my phone woke me up.
"Heueung…"
Sleeping in an unfamiliar place, and on the bare floor without even a bed, had been a little uncomfortable—but I still managed to greet the morning feeling refreshed.
First I tidied up the blankets I'd slept in. I folded them neatly, stacked them against the wall, and placed the pillow on top to finish cleaning up.
"Heung!"
Then I stretched with a little yawn, working out the stiffness. My body, locked up all night, creaked and let out pleasant little cries of protest.
"…I don't wanna go."
Starting today, I had to go back to school. Deep down I just wanted to stay home and play with Oppa, just the two of us. Still, I forced myself to move past the laziness.
What should I do about Oppa and Unnie, who both sleep in so late…? A brief moment of hesitation. Then I stepped out of the room and glanced at the one next door. Honestly, Unnie didn't matter much—but I wanted to wake Oppa up so we could eat breakfast together.
I made up my mind, then hesitated again about whether to knock… and decided to just go in and wake him myself.
"I'm coming in."
I murmured it so softly it was almost a whisper in my own ear. Then I gently pushed open the door to Unnie's room.
Tip-toe, tip-toe—
I wanted to wake him myself, so I kept my footsteps completely silent as I slowly approached.
"Heung…"
But the moment I reached the side of the bed, Oppa was making little pained sounds. It was obvious something was wrong with him.
"Unnie?"
"Kkeung…"
"Uh, Unnie?"
He still seemed deep asleep. No matter how many times I called, he wouldn't wake up. So, with no other choice, I climbed onto the bed. Then I carefully shifted myself over next to Oppa. Even though it was only over the blanket, I wrapped my arms around Unnie's body and pressed myself right up against him.
"Oppa…"
I'd come in to wake Oppa, but right now I whispered softly, hoping he wouldn't wake up just yet. Then I closed my eyes beside him, ready to let my body sink into the rhythm of his restless movements.
"…S-Sarang?"
"Yes!?"
But a voice suddenly came from the doorway and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Like a thief caught red-handed. I flopped up like a fish yanked out of water and stared at Oppa with wide, startled eyes.
……It was Oppa.
I pressed a hand over my pounding heart and looked at the Oppa lying on the bed. Then I looked back at the door.
"…Oppa?"
"Uh, yeah… sleep well?"
"Ah… yeees…"