But Before Long, I Figured Out Why

The funeral home had fallen quiet once every last guest had gone.

I stayed behind alone, sinking again into a grief that felt as if the sky itself had come crashing down on me.

My sky. My everything. The mother and father I loved so dearly.

But the terror of knowing I would never see them again made me squeeze my eyes shut and simply cry.

I poured out tears for what felt like forever, yet they would not stop.

The comfort people offered me did nothing at all.

Because it was someone else’s tragedy, not theirs—so the empty words of consolation they could afford to hand over… I never wanted them.

Adults who knew nothing, who just lined up formal phrases about how everything would be all right.

"Hic… sob, hnnngh!"

I stared for a long time at my parents’ faces, faces I could now only see in photographs.

My parents who had gone to heaven first—

No. I resented the heavens that had taken them from me so much it hurt.

No one is free from death, so I had always known that someday we would part like this… but even so… no matter how I tried to accept it, this farewell had come far too soon.

"Hic, hic… haaang… sob, hic…."

So I scrubbed at my eyes with the back of my wrist.

The tear-soaked corners of my eyes stung, but I kept wiping them anyway.

Because I still could not believe this fact, this reality—I could not trust my own eyes.

If I just cleaned away these streaming tears, then surely my parents would appear in front of me again.

"……Sarang."

"Hic, sob! Mom…? Dad…?"

In the late hours of the night, in a place where no one else remained, a voice called my name.

Had my wish truly reached the heavens? Did a god really exist after all…? I rubbed my eyes hard with both hands and turned my gaze toward the sound.

"I’m sorry. Auntie and Uncle are so late, aren’t we?"

A gentle voice… different from Mom’s, the one that used to scold me all the time….

But something about it was the same.

"Hic! Sob, waaaaaah!!"

The warmth that struck my chest made the composure I had barely managed to hold onto crumble all over again.

I had forced myself to act calm in front of everyone else.

I had hated even the slightest attention, feeling like some tragic heroine.

But the moment I saw Auntie’s face after so long,

something inside me began to spill out.

"It’s been a while, hasn’t it?"

"Sob, Auntie… Auntieee!! Mom and, sob! Dad, hic! What do I do? I, hnnngh! I… what am I supposed to do now?"

The warm hand wrapping around my back, and the soft smile Uncle wore just beyond Auntie’s shoulder, made the words tumble out of me before I could stop them.

"First, let me say hello properly, okay?"

"Hiiing… hic! Yes, I’m sorryyy… just a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠moment…."

I felt so embarrassed for having thrown a tantrum.

Even though it was late, I busied myself getting ready to receive guests.

"You idiot… leaving a child this young behind……."

Even under Uncle’s long stream of scolding, Dad in the photograph just kept smiling like he was the happiest man alive.

Beside him, Mom was grinning just as foolishly.

"The funeral procession is in the morning. Why haven’t you slept yet?"

"Hee… I was waiting for Uncle and Auntie…."

"Oh my, are you giving us a hard time for being late?"

"Ah, no! Really, absolutely… not at all…."

"This kid. Why are you raising your voice at this hour? If it’s not, then it’s not."

Uncle and Auntie were nothing like the adults I had been dealing with for days on end.

They never gossiped about how pitiful I was or fretted over what would become of me just for the sake of chatter.

"I’m a little hungry. Is there any food left?"

"Ah… sh-should I bring some?"

"You still haven’t brought it? Auntie, put plenty of meat in the soup. Honey, are you going to have a drink?"

"Forget it. Look at the time. We’ll be busy in the morning. Let’s just eat something simple and get some sleep."

"What’s gotten into you? Sarang, want to come look at the funeral portrait with Auntie?"

"Ah……."

Auntie took my hand and half-dragged me along.

Before long a meal was set out, and the three of us sat close together chatting quietly.

"You must have had a hard time all by yourself. Lots of guests, right?"

"Ah… yes… there were quite a few."

The two of them mixed rice into their soup and talked about this and that.

How the kimchi here tasted like it was from China, how the meat was decent—mostly idle, floating conversation—but I was glad I could forget my sorrow even for a little while.

And to me, sitting quietly, Auntie asked in a small voice,

"Sarang, how about becoming our daughter from now on?"

"……What?"

"Would a mom like Auntie be no good? Ah, that uncle over there might be a bit of a problem, though."

"O-Oppa! Oppa, hello too."

How long had it been since I last saw Unni and Oppa? I had been little then, so at least seven or eight years.

They were exactly the same as before.

Unni was so pretty I wanted to look just like her.

And O-Oppa… in my eyes he was still the second most handsome person in the world after Dad.

Both of their eyes went wide.

Maybe they weren’t happy to see me… maybe there was no place for me here….

But that was just my needless worry.

My pointless fretting.

Oppa and Unni treated me the same way they always had.

"Really? That’s great. Then come over here after school. Ah, or would you rather just live here with us? It’s close to school too—I think that would be better."

Oppa’s suggestion made my heart leap with joy.

Going with Auntie and Uncle would have been wonderful too, but for someone who loved sleep as much as I did, the distance was anything but easy.

And… the thought of living with Oppa and Unni made me so happy as well.

It felt like those days long ago when I had lived with Mom and Dad.

But unlike Oppa, Unni’s reaction was a little cold.

She made no effort to hide an atmosphere that said I was a nuisance, or the look of clear displeasure on her face.

So I grew desperate.

I wanted Unni not to hate me, and I wanted to show her I wasn’t a bother.

But the more I spoke, the more I kept thinking of my parents, and tears that I thought had already dried poured from my eyes again.

"Sob, hic…."

"Ah, ah… Sarang. Why are you suddenly crying?"

Tears that burst out without warning.

Unni’s flustered expression.

Somehow that only made me cry harder, and I sniffled and wept for a long time.

"Hic, sob… I’m sorry… sob, I’m… okay nowww…."

"…No. You can cry more if you want."

Unni’s hand wrapping around my back soothed the feelings that had welled up inside me a little.

And thinking that maybe, just maybe, Unni would allow it if I asked now, I mumbled with my tear-streaked, slightly ugly face,

"U-Unni… can I… live here with you? Just until I graduate, sob… I’ll stay only that long."

At last Unni’s head nodded up and down, and like an idiot who had already forgotten she was crying just moments ago… I ended up smiling a tiny smile.

A new bed, an environment completely different ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠from usual—I couldn’t fall asleep easily.

I tossed from side to side, and sometimes just lay there staring blankly with my eyes open.

But it was so comfortable.

Not that place where I had stayed up night after night these past few days, but here, where Oppa and Unni were—I liked it here.

And the sweet scent rising from the blanket pulled me under; I simply let my closing eyes do as they pleased.

"Hnnngh…."

The warmth of the sunlight announcing a new morning, and the birds outside the window chirping in a way that tickled my ears, felt newly welcome.

Until yesterday, closing my eyes and opening them had been so frightening, and the emptiness of no one beside me had driven me nearly mad—but the fact that someone was in this house, and that those someones were Oppa and Unni, wrapped my heart in softness.

"Ah…."

It already seemed past morning.

I had gone to bed late, so I woke late, and hurriedly pushed my body up out of the blankets.

Creeeak—

I opened the door and stepped out of the room.

Unni’s room right next door, and the whole house for that matter, was utterly silent.

Probably both Oppa and Unni were heavy sleepers in the morning.

Even though it was a little late, I was about to head off to do some light cleaning and prepare a simple snack when my phone suddenly started buzzing—weeeing—.

"Ah, Auntie! Yes… I’m up."

"Heehee… nooo… I really just woke up."

"Ah… I just got up so I’m not sure. Should I put them on?"

I exchanged a short morning greeting with Auntie and hung up.

Then I gave a soft knock on Unni’s door.

"Unni? It’s Sarang… can I come in for a second?"

"……."

No answer came, so I knocked once more.

"Unni…?"

Was she still asleep? Should I just open the door and go in? But without permission…? What if it made her mad…?

All sorts of thoughts swirled, and I gave a tiny shake of my head.

Then my gaze turned toward Oppa’s room across the living room.

First I should ask Oppa—Unni was still sleeping, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠so… I should ask Oppa, I decided.

So I tip-toed, slowly, carefully, across the living room until I stood in front of Oppa’s door.

"O-…?"

My body froze.

It was hard to make out clearly, but from inside the room I could definitely hear both Oppa’s and Unni’s voices together.

Maybe they were talking about the trip… that easy thought crossed my mind, along with a tiny worry that they might be leaving me out.

"O… Oppa? Unni?"

Knock knock knock.

The house fell so quiet it felt cold, and then Oppa’s voice burst out from the room.

"……Just a second!!"

Ah… the urgency in that voice made me feel like he was hiding something from me.

So I almost flung the door wide open—but I was still afraid of being disliked, so I just stood there waiting for Oppa to come out.

When I had counted to fifty in my head, the door carefully opened and I could see Oppa’s face.

"What is it?"

"Ah…."

For a moment my mind seemed to lock up.

It was a feeling hard to put into words—something subtle and strange.

"Ah! Just now someone called asking when we’re leaving."

"Auntie?"

"Ah, yes. It was Auntie."

It was only a few exchanged words, but there was definitely something a little different about Oppa compared to yesterday.

"Got it. Go on."

The slightly cold tone left my heart unsettled.

I went to the living room, sank onto the sofa, and sank deep into thought.

That brooding stretched longer and longer, until I saw Oppa come out of the room again and head into the bathroom.

Then back to the room—and the whole time, Unni never came out.

"Hiiing…."

An unexplainable tightness in my chest.

Curiosity that wouldn’t go away.

But before long, I came to understand the reason.

The door standing wide open.

And inside it—Unni and Oppa.

The Oppa who had felt different from yesterday, and the Unni who gave off a different feeling from yesterday too.

"Ah! Just now another call came… They said… to come a little more slowly… heehee…."

In my shock I ended up telling a lie.

And because ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I couldn’t bear to meet their suddenly widened eyes, I fled into my room as if running away.