Regression
"Shall I take a walk..."
Suddenly, the thought struck me—I wanted to walk. I never went anywhere besides work and home, never even took a stroll. But today, for some reason, I craved it.
I glanced at my watch: 2 a.m. No matter. Tomorrow was a holiday, so no office for me.
Thud, thud, thud, thud.
Walking the dark predawn streets felt worlds away from the rush of commute or quittin' time. No cars, no people—just quiet emptiness. And that emptiness soothed me.
"Do I really have to keep living..."
Anyone overhearing would flinch, but those words captured my heart perfectly. A life with no reason, no goals—just existing. I'd lost so much already, regrets draining any will to live. Dreams abandoned, scraping by alone in a tiny mid-tier company. Seven years of this, and I had zero desire to change it. Just... existing.
"Things were okay lately, but today it's worse..."
I'd stopped even thinking like this, living like the dead. But tonight, the question gnawed: Do I really have to keep going?
"Fuck it."
I'll live since I'm alive. Die when I die. With that, I kept wandering the night streets.
"Hm?"
Up ahead, a girl. Silver hair cascading long, dressed in a white dress, walking alone. It struck me as odd.
"Even in a safe country, leaving a kid out this late..."
She looked barely elementary school age. Letting her roam alone at this hour? Problematic.
Don't get involved.
I worried a bit, but it wasn't my business. Better not risk being labeled a kidnapper or pedo. I'd end up actually wanting to die. So, I decided to pretend I hadn't seen her.
As I turned to go, headlights pierced the distance—a car barreling toward the crosswalk.
Cars on the road weren't unusual, but this one's speed was insane. Even on empty streets, it screamed danger.
"No way..."
Before the thought finished, my body moved. I'd just seen the girl stepping into the crosswalk. I sprinted full tilt.
Fuck... shoulda exercised.
Skinny? Sure, but from barely eating—not muscle. A short dash, and I was gasping, legs leaden.
Still, I pushed on, yelling.
"Watch out!!"
She heard, turned her head. But she froze, oblivious to the car screaming in from the side—unlike what I'd expected.
Damn it!
It was right there, mere meters away. No chance to grab her and dodge.
If I scoop her and run? Get sued? No, that's not the point!
Maybe the brush with death slowed time. Thoughts raced, but no answers. Grabbing her was impossible now. I could stop, dodge the car myself. But then the girl...
Thud.
"Ah..."
KRAAAAASH!!!!
No other thoughts came.
"Guh... hack... urk..."
Every breath brought the taste of iron, telling me my state. How far did I fly...?
To save her, I'd shoved the girl aside. Her spot became mine. The car, unable to brake, plowed me.
Fuck...
I don't know why I did it. Didn't expect dying for some stranger's kid.
No doctor here, but one thing was clear: I'm done. Couldn't twitch a finger, vision blurring. Gut torn open, hot fluids gushing. Body chilling fast.
Driver's probably out cold.
Wanted to curse them, but breathing was my limit. Hoped someone heard the crash, called 119. But even if they did, too late for me.
Wanted to die, but not like this...
No goals, no reasons—death seemed fine. But so sudden... At least I saved one life. Some meaning there.
Won't get sued now...
Worried her parents might accuse me of assault even if I lived. Dead men don't get charged...
Where'd it all go wrong...?
Parents dying young? Relatives ditching me? Or when my only family, my aunt...
Yeah, probably from then.
Parents gone, most kin abandoned me. But one distant relative I'd never met took me in.
8th cousin? 9th? Still don't know...
Called her Aunt for simplicity, though not really. She saved me from the orphanage, raised me.
Wanted to call her Mom once...
Lived with her till near college graduation. Then that happened...
Hate recalling it.
After, hope died. Lived like a wreck, quit dreams, joined a small firm. This life.
Looking back, chances came plenty.
Money, fame—opportunities aplenty. Especially with women; luck was unreal.
What's luck without seizing it? Fucked 'em all up like an idiot.
College me: naive, timid, zero game. Blew every shot.
Pathetic, even now.
Body numbing, memories flashed like a torrent.
This the life-flashing-before-eyes thing? Hate reliving the bad ones...
No control. Just watched.
Ah... really ending.
Vision fading, mind slipping. Instinct screamed: this is death.
"Heh~ Didn't expect you'd jump in."
A bright voice cut through the haze—totally wrong for the scene. Almost made me laugh.
Squelch.
More fluid from my gut. Whatever. Vision caught her faintly: the girl, unharmed. Good.
"Lucky there's still folks like you."
Yeah, world's tough these days.
"So, wanna gift? Name it."
Gift? I'm dying—what gift?
Won't last a minute. Meaningless.
"Doesn't have to be stuff. Anything you want."
What I want...
More wish than gift. Billions, fame—useless now. Even survival? Nah.
Go back... I want to go back.
To before regrets. That happiest time.
"That's your wish, bro?"
Yeah, my wish.
She double-checked. Wait, can I even speak?
Mind fading, sight gone, voice lost—yet conversing?
"Normally no, but... sure! Special grant!"
Her cheery tone jarred amid death throes, but she continued.
"Lotta regrets, huh? No regrets this time—do it right."
Those words broke me. Vision blackened. Last sight: her beaming smile.
.............................
Ugh... huh? I'm alive?
Unknown time passed unconscious. Consciousness stirred. No death-pains now—body felt perfect.
What? Dream?
Too vivid. Night walk, saving girl, impact— all crystal clear. Pain lingered, unforgettable.
Never wanna feel that again...
Mind cleared, eyes opened. Sharp vision.
"...Where am I?"
Unfamiliar yet familiar ceiling. Sat up, scanned room. Memories tugged.
Door opened mid-recall.
"It's already 9—time to get up."
"...Aunt?"
Aunt Jeong-ah—from seven years ago—stepped in.
