Chapter 30
I followed Kim Ha-ryeong into a quiet cafe on the edge of the district.
Only after we had set our drinks on the table did the conversation finally begin in earnest.
“Do you know much about Seo-ah?”
“I’ve been trying to get to know her better.”
“I see.”
Kim Ha-ryeong smiled with that same broad, easy warmth she always wore. I remembered her from the time I’d swept through Seo-ah’s surroundings, checking for anything dangerous; I’d looked into her too, back then, and she hadn’t seemed to be hiding anything suspicious or harmful, so I’d left her alone. She and Seo-ah had never been especially close anyway, so I had never paid her much mind.
I took a sip of the bright red tomato juice I’d ordered, and after dragging the silence out for a long while, Kim Ha-ryeong finally spoke again.
“Do you know anything about Seo-ah’s parents?”
“A little.”
Lee Jin-woo, Seo-ah’s biological father and my cousin, had died while riding an intercity bus from Daejeon City to Seoul when Seo-ah was eight. The buses that ran between cities were always supposed to have awakened escorts on board, and this one had them too. The problem was that the route had only just reopened after the end of a Wave, and high-level monsters, drawn by the scent of human life along a newly carved safe route, had come swarming in.
Most of the passengers died where they sat. Jin-woo was among them. Only a handful of civilians and children like Seo-ah survived, dragged out by the escorts at the last possible moment. I had seen that much written in the documents handed over by a former employee of the Comprehensive Life Center, a woman who had once been charmed by me.
I knew almost nothing about her mother. Only that she had lived in Seoul, unlike Jin-woo, who lived in Daejeon, and that after Jin-woo’s death she had been killed by a villain not long afterward.
“Do you know that before she came to the orphanage, Seo-ah lived alone with her father?”
I nodded, and Kim Ha-ryeong drew a slow breath before continuing.
“Do you know why?”
“No.”
If I’d wanted to, I could have found out anytime. I just hadn’t bothered. It didn’t seem like information I absolutely needed in order to stay with Seo-ah, so I’d left it alone, assuming I’d learn someday if the time came.
“The world’s gone to hell, and orphanages are full of children who’ve been hurt by terrible things. Seo-ah is especially pitiful among them.”
Her old eyes dropped to the coffee in front of her, sinking with a look of quiet sorrow. She kept talking, dragging the story out, and I was just about ready to say something sharp when the words that followed made me pause.
“That child almost died once when she was two.”
“...What?”
Kim Ha-ryeong, staring at my blank face, began to tell a long, dark story.
Jin-woo and his wife had had Seo-ah six years after the monster invasion. Daejeon City, like most other cities at the time, was still in the middle of building its Wall, so every day was spent under the threat of death. Monster incursions, battles between awakened fighters and the military to stop them, thunderous blasts and screams that never seemed to end; it was that kind of era.
“Then the first city to finish its Wall was Seoul,” she said.
The Wall guaranteed absolute safety from outside monsters. In fact, after Seoul’s Wall was completed, deaths from monster attacks disappeared entirely, and word spread quickly to the other cities. Compared to the uncertain wait for each city’s own Wall to be finished, more and more people began flocking toward safe, secure Seoul.
Jin-woo had been one of them.
“So many awakened were heading for Seoul. Seo-ah’s father didn’t let that chance slip by.”
He had thrown every connection and every scrap of influence he possessed into the effort.
“In the end, he barely managed to send his wife and daughter to Seoul.”
Jin-woo’s parents were already living there. The timing and the circumstances were ideal for his wife and daughter to stay with them. Even though he lacked the means to go with them, he had planned to follow once he’d saved enough. For a man without awakened abilities, he had been more than capable of making that happen.
“But Seo-ah’s father never made it to Seoul.”
About a year after sending his wife and daughter away, he got a call.
“At the time, two-year-old Seo-ah was brought back to her father’s arms alone.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Do you remember the period, twelve years ago now, when human trafficking was rampant?”
Human trafficking?
The incident Kim Su-hyun had mentioned earlier while explaining the Eraser came back to me. Why was that suddenly turning up now?
“Seo-ah was one of the children rescued from that trafficking ring.”
“...!”
She had been one of the few children saved when the ringleader, a necromancer, was killed. The Guardian had too many other disasters to deal with at the time, so Seo-ah was entrusted not to Seoul, but to Jin-woo in Daejeon, which was closer.
“Because of that, the investigation into why the children ended up at the trafficking site was also left incomplete.”
With manpower stretched impossibly thin, only the parents against whom clear evidence or circumstantial proof had been found were punished.
“Seo-ah’s mother testified that she had left Seo-ah with her in-laws for a moment to go buy groceries, and when she came home, her daughter was gone.”
And her in-laws, too, were already dead.
There were suspicions, but not enough evidence. After considering the alibis from that time, the conclusion had been that it was the work of a villain.
“Seo-ah’s father tried his best to focus on the fact that his daughter was alive, rather than on the grief of losing his parents.”
He could not afford to break down, not even for the wife left alone in Seoul. He had been desperate.
But the situation back then had been miserable. Monster attacks threatened the cities, villains were running wild, and for civilians, getting to Seoul was nearly impossible. A few years later, Daejeon City finally completed its Wall, which improved things somewhat, but travel to Seoul was still difficult.
“One year passed. Then two. By the time Seo-ah turned eight...”
It had been shortly after she entered elementary school that intercity buses began running again. Jin-woo thought it was his chance.
And then he died.
So casually. So absurdly. Leaving his young daughter behind.
“Normally, she should have been handed over to her biological mother, who had custody. But in practical terms, that wasn’t possible.”
The city simply wasn’t in good enough shape to safely send an eight-year-old child to Seoul on her own.
“So she came to the orphanage. That was when I first met Seo-ah.”
Seo-ah had been out of her mind with shock. Perhaps it was because she had lost the father she loved right in front of her. In every sense, she had suffered too much trauma to live normally.
Kim Ha-ryeong, moved by pity, cared for her as sincerely as she could, praying the child would recover. Then, one year later, Seo-ah’s biological mother died.
“I heard she was killed by a villain.”
Seo-ah, having lost every last blood relative, was left alone.
But the next thing I heard was even worse.
“I told you earlier that Seo-ah had been rescued from a trafficking site when she was two.”
“...And?”
“That was actually because her biological mother sold her.”
“What, huh...?”
Kim Ha-ryeong reached into the worn handbag at her side and held something out to me. It was a thin, old notebook.
“A few days after the news of her death, her belongings were sent over. This notebook was among them.”
It looked like something she’d used in college. Inside, she had written down the truth of the matter.
I opened it at once and began to read.
- The man I met this time is unbelievable.
Was this a notebook for taking notes? The date was written there. Twenty years ago, back when the world was still peaceful, was the first line.
- Ugh, what do I do? He’s too good to throw away. The other girls are after him too. Should I just go ahead and marry him?
Several pages after that had been torn out.
The handwriting that came next was rougher than before.
- I’m insane. Fuck. Why do I have to live like this?
- I never should’ve gotten pregnant.
- Useless bastard. A man with abilities would be so much better than someone like him...
- They’re keeping an eye on the pregnant mother so she can’t get rid of the baby? Crazy government. Crazy world. Fuck. Aaaagh!
- I gave birth in the end. They say motherhood awakens love, but this is just disgusting. The idea that I gave birth to something like that is horrifying. It makes my skin crawl.
- I’m tired of pretending now. Good thing my husband is too stupid to notice.
- Seoul? Does that mean I don’t have to listen to those explosions and monster screams anymore?
The messy, disconnected lines suddenly found some room to breathe again.
- My in-laws are a pain, but at least they’re taking care of the loud brat. I don’t have to see those disgusting monsters either. This place is paradise.
- A few years later, my husband called and said he could come up too. Annoying. Do I have to keep acting again? What about my freedom?
- I hit it off with a handsome man at the bar where I worked. And he’s awakened too. How am I supposed to resist that? I’ve held out long enough. It’s all that idiot husband’s fault anyway.
- After one night together, the man seriously asked me to go out with him. No matter what, I can’t do that when I already have a husband and a child in the open. He’s my lifeline.
- I told him the truth and rejected him, but he smiled strangely. Said he’d take care of everything. Told me to leave it all to him.
As I read on with cold eyes, I found several more pages torn away. Then I reached the next surviving line.
- He said he’d only take care of the child! Why the in-laws too! No, I... I never meant this! It’s not my fault! It’s not!
- The child I handed over is alive? With my husband? How?
- Everything is a disaster. I went to confront the man. He hugged me gently and said everything was fine, that I shouldn’t worry, just wait at home....
That was where the writing stopped. Only old bloodstains remained, spread across the page like dried paint.
So that was it. Jin-woo’s wife had actually been a deranged, insane bitch?
She had thrown away the husband who devoted himself to her own safety, cheated on him, and then sold the child she herself had borne?
He should’ve chosen a better woman. Idiot.
I had always known my cousin was soft-hearted, but I hadn’t imagined it was this bad. Though in this case, that crazy woman had clearly been determined to fool Jin-woo from the start.
“Haaah...”
I let out a hot breath, the heat rising in my chest. Biting down on my tongue, I forced the feeling back under control.
I set the notebook down and downed the rest of my juice in one go. The bitterness and a sharp taste of blood slid down my throat and vanished beyond it.
Just as I was starting to feel a little better, Kim Ha-ryeong, who had been quiet this whole time, spoke up.
“There was a similar diary among the belongings Seo-ah’s father left behind as well. Everything I’ve explained to you so far came from reading those two diaries.”
Then she paused, closing her eyes for a moment before speaking again.
“Seo-ah read them too.”
“What?”
“Her mother’s diary had been hidden among the belongings, and Seo-ah found it while sorting through everything. That pitiful child was far too smart for her age. She read it all through the night and cried until she had no voice left.”
After that day, Seo-ah became visibly quieter. She barely spoke except when necessary, and lived as though she were trying to make herself invisible.
“Then, one day, Seo-ah asked me for help for the first time.”
She had finally reached the point where the bullying at school, which had only been getting worse, became unbearable enough that she asked an adult for help. Kim Ha-ryeong, who had other children to care for as well, only realized the full extent of Seo-ah’s situation later than she should have, and moved to deal with it immediately.
“But I couldn’t help her.”
The parents of the students who had been targeting Seo-ah were mostly the sort of people with power and influence. More than that, they had likely gone after Seo-ah precisely because they knew the power their parents held.
“There was nothing I could do. Truly nothing.”
Kim Ha-ryeong’s old eyes trembled violently, as if she were reliving her own helplessness from that time. The school. Public authority. Everyone turned a blind eye. Even Kim Ha-ryeong was pressured to look away by the weight of that disgusting power, because if she didn’t, the orphanage itself might have been destroyed.
“I had to choose.”
If she kept trying to help one pitiful child all the way through, then all the children in the orphanage would end up miserable. But she also couldn’t ignore a child who had reached out and asked for help. After agonizing over it for days, Seo-ah suddenly changed her words. She said she was fine, looking at her with eyes darkened by shadow.
“I’m ashamed to say it, but I leaned on that clever child’s consideration back then.”
She treated Seo-ah’s wounds as they kept multiplying day by day. Sometimes she listened to the child and offered comfort. But the root of the problem was never solved, and she had unconsciously chosen to look away from it.
“And you’re calling that an excuse?”
The heat I’d barely forced down surged back up.
“I won’t make excuses. I’m a sinner. I stood by and watched one child’s misery.”
My killing intent seeped out around me, and Kim Ha-ryeong’s face went pale. Even so, she kept her back straight and met my eyes head-on.
“So I’m prepared to pay for my sins. I can do that now. Because you’ve appeared for Seo-ah.”
The blood that had been rippling beneath my feet stopped moving. I stared at her quietly, and a faint smile appeared at the corners of her wrinkled mouth.
“It’s only natural for the orphanage director to know the basic information of an adoptive parent. You’re a returnee, aren’t you? I figured it out after watching you for a few days. I thought you must have had some connection to Seo-ah in the past, in one form or another. You cared about her far too much.”
She wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t simply because Seo-ah was the daughter of my cousin. That was only an excuse.
Seo-ah was, to me, meaning and trace. Proof that I had been born on this earth, had lived here, and had returned to it. She was the one existence that kept me from forgetting the starting point from which the current me had become myself.
There was no way I could not cherish her.
“Since you appeared, all outside pressure disappeared. I don’t know exactly what happened, but all of it must have been because of you. As the director of this orphanage, and as a disgrace of an adult, I offer you my deepest gratitude.”
Her pale, wrinkled face trembled faintly. Even so, she smiled and bowed her head.
“...”
There it was again. That strange feeling.
Just like with Kim Su-hyun, the sincerity pouring off the person in front of me left me unsettled in a way I didn’t like.
“That’s everything I wanted to tell you. I intend to hand over my position to someone else and turn myself in. I’ll accept whatever punishment is due for standing by while one child suffered. If you’re not satisfied, you can take my life here and now. As the person who will become Seo-ah’s parent, I think you’d have every right to do so.”
Kim Ha-ryeong lifted her head, then paused to catch her breath. After that, she closed her eyes.
“The orphanage won’t be as hard to run as it was before, so anyone should be able to manage it properly. And please tell Seo-ah I’m truly sorry. I wanted to say it to her myself, but that child wouldn’t even look at a rotten adult like me. It’s my just deserts, but I still wanted to apologize.”
And with that, Kim Ha-ryeong’s long story came to an end.
Silence fell heavily between us.
I don’t know.
Should I kill this woman now? Or destroy the school that had stood by and let it happen? But even if I did that, then what? What would change?
It would be easy enough to clear out this filthy feeling gnawing at me. But would that really be for Seo-ah’s sake? Would it, honestly?
My head hurt from thinking about something I had never had to think about before.
I was stupid, foolish, and useless. I had always been that way.
I’d always chosen to do something and regret it later instead of doing nothing and regretting that. That was how I had lived.
And yet now I was hesitating. Why? Because this woman was remorseful? Because she regretted what had happened?
This feels wrong.
I got to my feet. The old eyes stared up at me in shock.
I ignored her and left the seat as I was.
In the end, I couldn’t make a decision. I couldn’t do it. This wasn’t mine to decide.
I left the cafe and ran through the city center.
I stormed into the luxury officetel Kim Su-hyun had provided and shoved the door open.
“Guhk?”
“Ah, big sis. You’re ba..."
Seo-ah, who had come to greet me, was pulled into my arms before she could finish.
I drew her small, startled body against me tight, stripping away every limit on my senses, just as I used to do with the Demon King sometimes in the past.
I held Seo-ah. And in that instant, I understood.
“Huk.”
“Uh, big sis?”
Tears spilled from my eyes. The emotion rushing up inside me surged like a mad tide.
“Waaahhh!!”
I’ll cry for you, since you can’t cry yourself.
I’m stupid, so this is all I know how to do. I’m sorry.
I cried like a child.
I cried a great deal.
Until I had poured out every last bit of this child’s festering emotion, I stayed there for a long time.