Ten Years and One Hundred Thirty-Two Days
"It's getting late. Wash up, get some sleep, and we'll talk again tomorrow."
We finished the meal and sat over tea for a while after that, but the atmosphere barely shifted.
Tina giggled through her usual mischief. Elysia played along as if she'd done it a hundred times. Lucia sighed and scolded her daughter. It was a picture of easy, domestic warmth.
The only rough edge was Elysia. Whenever the conversation turned toward me, she went utterly mute and hung her head.
After that stretch of time — comfortable and awkward in equal measure, and just a little fraught — Lucia offered me a clean room.
"I could just stay at an inn nearby."
"Sleep here while I'm still asking nicely. If you leave, I won't be able to handle things on my own."
She said it with a smile that brooked no argument, so I obediently lay down on the bed.
Won't be able to handle things...
For reasons I couldn't pin down, the words left me with nothing but a sense of foreboding.
The bed was soft. The blankets were steeped in the smell of sunshine, and I let myself fall into them with real pleasure. Even so, I couldn't sleep. Time passed until moonlight lay across the windowsill, and still my eyes stayed open.
"Haa... ten years..."
I never dreamed I'd run into Elysia again in a city like this. It wasn't that I'd needed to steel myself, exactly. But when I pictured her face — those expressions, those reactions — the gap of time felt enormous. For me, those years had gone by in the blink of an eye.
I let out a small sigh.
Whether she took pity on me or simply got bored of leaving me alone, Goddess Astasia — who until moments ago had washed her hands of me and vanished — left a single line of writing.
"It seems sleep eludes you. Does some worry weigh upon you?"
"It's been a long time since I lay in a bed this soft. It's actually making me restless."
"I daresay that is not all there is to it."
"Yeah, well."
More than anything, the presence pacing outside my door was driving me up the wall.
In the end I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and opened the door. Elysia — who had been pacing in front of it for a good ten minutes already — startled so badly she dropped straight to the floor.
"…………"
"…………"
"...Why so surprised?"
I was the one who spoke first. I held out a hand to Elysia where she'd fallen.
She stared up at me with a dazed look on her face. Instead of answering, she scrambled to her feet and brushed off her negligee. The whole sequence of movements was so stiff and disconnected it felt like watching a broken doll — and I don't think that was just my imagination.
She still couldn't meet my eyes. Her fists kept pressing into the hem of her skirt. She fidgeted, her lips twitching, and then, as if she'd finally made some enormous decision, Elysia opened her mouth.
"...Is someone in there? I heard talking..."
Talking with the goddess tended to invite the same misunderstanding, so I already had an answer ready.
"There's no one."
"...No one?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Of course."
"For real?"
"For real."
"But..."
"I've been traveling alone, so I've started talking to myself more. That's probably what you heard."
"...I see."
She asked again, her eyes uneasy.
"There's really no one?"
"I told you, no..."
"Th-thank goodness.... I was worried that without me knowing, you might have formed a spiritual bond with some charming spirit and fallen in love..."
"......A spirit? Out of nowhere?"
The leap was so sudden, and so wildly imaginative, that I was the one thrown off. Elysia, though, had apparently been entertaining that possibility in complete seriousness. She let out a breath, one hand pressed to her chest, her eyes a mix of worry and relief.
"But Gray, why did you get up all of a sudden?"
"That's what I wanted to ask you."
"Don't worry about me. Did you get up because something was uncomfortable?"
"...?"
"Can't sleep? Is the bedding no good? Too noisy? I cleaned everything while you were washing up... was there dust? And if you found a silver hair on the right side of the pillow, don't get the wrong idea — I absolutely did not leave that there on purpose. Or is the light from outside too bright? The moonlight comes in straight-on, doesn't it? I'm sorry. I should have thought of that ahead of time... or I could hang a curtain right now, if you want?"
"......? No. I just couldn't sleep, and I heard your footsteps outside, so I got up while I was at it."
"Me...? It was me again...? Ah, uh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you..."
"It's fine. Do what you need to do. I was about to head out anyway."
"…………………………………… Huh?"
Elysia's face went slack, as if the world had just fallen out from under her. She stood there frozen.
"…………………………………… You're leaving?"
"Yeah... I was just gonna take a wal—"
"Because of me............?"
Still wearing that dazed expression, Elysia let the cushion she'd been clutching to her chest slip from her hands and hit the floor.
It was only then that I realized — the negligee she was wearing had, naturally, been made to be worn without anything underneath. The part she'd been covering with that cushion was not something I could look at directly without embarrassment.
She, however, was far more concerned with shoving me back into the room, her breath coming in short gasps. Her body, soft in more ways than one, pressed against me, though she didn't seem to notice at all.
"I-I'm sorry. I won't make a sound. I won't even breathe. Just go back in and sleep."
"All of a sudden...?"
"H-hurry... It's late. It's dangerous outside... There are lots of wolves nearby. Something terrible could happen. Really."
"I've fought plenty of wolves, so I'll be fi—"
"No, you can't! Don't go! Please!"
Elysia cried out as if the thought itself terrified her.
"I'm sorry. So please don't leave... Please. I was wrong back then, and I'm wrong now."
"...Elysia?"
"Please. Don't try to leave already.... Just one day. Even if it's a bother, couldn't you sleep here just one more day? If you stay one more day, I really won't get in your way. I-I'm sorry. We met after ten years and someone like me didn't even recognize you and made that whole scene. You must have been upset, right? I'm sorry. I was wrong."
That was when I finally understood. She had the completely wrong idea.
"Elysia."
"Yes... I found you now..."
"............."
"I'm sorry. From now on... from now on I'll never make a mistake. I'll do everything. I won't let you slip away. So..."
"............."
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry don't go don't leave—"
If this kept up, something was genuinely going to go wrong. I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, hard, and changed the subject.
"Elysia. I was going to go for a walk. Want to come?"
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry so—"
"A walk. Want to go?"
"I'm sor—..... Huh? A... walk...?"
"A walk."
"A walk......"
Coming out of her panic by degrees, Elysia turned the word over a few times. Then her eyes went very wide.
"A walk... I'll go! Are we going now? Right now?"
"Yeah... we are going now, but... uh."
I glanced sideways at her negligee and reluctantly finished the thought.
"...You're going out in that?"
"Huh? ...... Ah......."
It was still late summer, tipping into early autumn, but the hour-before-dawn wind carried a real chill.
Elysia came out wrapped in an outdoor robe, eased the door shut, and hurried across the garden toward me. Then she stopped, leaving an uncertain stretch of ground between us.
I couldn't say who took the first step. We walked the garden for a while with no path in mind. Silence settled over us — not a hostile silence, just the kind that comes when neither person knows what to say.
Now and then I felt her eyes on me. She kept two paces away. It felt less like a walk together than two people tracing parallel lines.
I turned the lantern toward the sound of running water, following the chorus of night insects. At first I took it for a pond. A closer look showed a lazy little stream. Only when we stepped onto the narrow wooden bridge did the distance between us finally close.
I was the one who spoke first.
"Is this awkward?"
"Huh......?"
"Still feels awkward."
"........."
"Just talk comfortably. I've been thinking that for a while."
"......I'm sorry, Gray."
She put an apology in her mouth instead of an answer. I hadn't been looking for one. I pretended not to hear and changed the subject.
"Looks like you've been doing well. That's good. I figured Bishop Boris and Priestess Lucia would look after you, but I didn't expect you'd still be living together."
"Ah, yeah... That day... I went to them just like you told me when you saved me. I showed up looking like a beggar, couldn't say a word... They didn't ask questions. They just took care of me. Then some things came up, and a day or two turned into a longer stay, and somehow I've been living with them ever since."
"A temple is safe, yeah. Good thinking. Thanks to them, it looks like your identity hasn't been exposed."
"Mmm..."
The words were coming more naturally now. Her face and her voice had both settled into something much calmer than before.
"I heard that ten years ago, my corpse... well, Elysia's corpse was found at the scene that day. So the rumors died down faster than I was afraid they would. That was you too, right?"
"Magic. Give me some flour dough and I can make a doll that's a perfect double. It's a dusty old spell — the thing can't move and it doesn't last — but for lying still until they burn it and bury it, you won't find better."
"...If it was a doll pretending to be my corpse, it probably wasn't in great shape even after they pulled it out of the fire."
"Well. She was a witch who'd caused trouble. From the Empire's perspective, they needed to make an example of the body, whatever it was. Anyway, thanks to that, you didn't come under much suspicion, right?"
"Yeah... From that day until now, it's been so peaceful I sometimes wonder if this is even allowed. I never fully let my guard down, but... I received so much help I can barely put it into words."
"They're good people."
"I'll have to repay this kindness."
"That's a good idea too."
"Yeah................ And to you, too."
Elysia held her breath, then forced the next words out in a voice that had gone tight and swollen.
"Hey, so..........."
Tug. Tug. She caught the edge of my clothes and pulled. She still couldn't lift her head, but I could tell her face was soaked in tension. Her lips trembled.
"Tomorrow... are you leaving?"
"Hmm? Well, I'll have to head out."
The color drained from her face.
There had been a time when those red eyes of hers seemed so cold I'd wondered if a needle would draw even a drop of blood. Seeing tears well in them now was nothing short of alarming.
I'd known she would take it the wrong way. I spoke before the misunderstanding could sink any deeper.
"I can't stay in someone else's house forever, so I figured I'd look for a place nearby."
"............... Huh? H-huh...?"
"Those irritating Covenants the goddess dumped on me are all finished. I don't have anywhere to go back to, and nowhere I particularly want to go. I came to this town just following my feet. I figured I'd stay here for a while."
"Here......?"
"Well... not here here. Personally, I'm not a fan of temples."
"You're settling in this city......?"
"For the time being?"
"……………"
"……………"
"…………… Really?"
"Yeah."
"For real...?"
"For now...?"
"…………… Liar."
"I'm not lying. You don't trust me that much?"
"Well... back then too... you just left... without a word..."
"…………… Yeah, back then... well... I was busy..."
"And now, after all this time......"
"Showing up out of nowhere was pretty sudden, yeah. It's been ten years since that day, hasn't it?"
"One... thirty-two days..."
"Huh? What?"
Her voice was shaking. Her legs gave out and she sank to the ground, half in tears, and I didn't dare open my mouth.
A reunion after ten years, one hundred thirty-two days, and three hours.
Even if I generously let the hundred and thirty-two days slide, that last measurement — three hours — sent a cold sweat down my back.
Should I be grateful she hadn't gone down to minutes and seconds?
Stay here, I'd said.
I'd said it barely thirty seconds ago.
No. This... this might actually be...
Suicide.