Chapter 123
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 123
Is this much pain always required for things to finally crumble?
The heart, once frozen solid, was beginning to melt away, drop by drop.
Just like now.
* * *
“Aster.”
Aster looked down at her.
Her deep pink hair, which he had painstakingly brushed every evening, was swept up and tied back today without a single stray strand.
She wore a heavy robe.
Leather shoes, practical for running if the need arose.
And her eyes, brimming with tears, hinted that she was leaving his side forever.
“If—just if—I don’t return with our daughter…”
“…”
“You have to make her happy.”
“…”
Seeing Aster remain silent, she let out a soft chuckle.
It was a laugh devoid of even a grain of joy. It was closer to a forced smile.
With that painful expression still on her face, she reached up and pressed her finger firmly between Aster’s brows.
Her touch on his furrowed brow was freezing cold.
In that brief moment, Aster realized the fear she was hiding, and he found himself unable to say a word.
“Look at you. You’re so big and your eyes are so sharp; our daughter will be terrified of you when she grows up.”
“…Am I really that scary?”
“You have to ask? So, please, always be kind to her. Buy her lots of pretty clothes, and give her plenty of presents on every birthday. If she ever gets sick, stay by her side and hold her hand tight.”
“…”
“Everything I won’t be able to do… I want you to do it all for her. Do you understand, Aster?”
“…”
“Make sure she’s never afraid of you. Make sure she can feel happy knowing she has such a wonderful father.”
“…”
“So she never feels the void left by her mother…”
“…”
“You have to do right by her. She’s our daughter. Our youngest. Our Tulia…”
The tears she had been holding back finally spilled over.
“Our poor daughter…”
Like the most precious treasure in the world, she held Tulia tight, and teardrops fell softly onto the baby’s forehead.
Fearing the moisture might wake the little Tulia from her deep sleep, the two of them hurried to gently wipe the tears away.
Aster looked at his sleeping daughter’s long eyelashes. Would that pale, faint pink darken to match her mother’s as she grew?
Or would it remain a soft light pink, true to her name, Tulip?
“Aster.”
She spoke while wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
“Promise me you’ll raise our Tulia so she never feels sorrow or want. Just as you promised to love me for the rest of your life. Please?”
“…I will.”
His throat was so tight with emotion that even a single word was difficult to force out.
So this—this answer—was not a sound produced by his vocal cords.
It was a sound Aster barely managed to squeeze out by hammering at his own heart.
“I promise. I will do exactly that.”
She smiled through her tears.
“Thank you.”
* * *
“…”
The Marquis remained silent for a moment, as if reminiscing about something he missed dearly, before slowly speaking.
“You asked why I never sent anyone all this time. Why I simply neglected you. You asked if I thought just sending things was enough.”
Marquis Aster Frezier took my hand. No, rather than taking it, it was more like he was enveloping it.
His hand was cold and hard as a stone that had never known the warmth of circulating blood.
Perhaps that was why.
Even though I had been bristling like a ball of toxic cotton, I couldn't bring myself to pull my hand away.
“You’re right.”
“…”
“You’re not wrong, but if I may offer an excuse…”
Marquis Aster slowly lowered his gaze.
“There are more barbarians at the border than you could possibly imagine. In the beginning, I simply couldn't afford to leave. If I had pulled even one person from the front lines to send to you, an entire squad would have been annihilated.”
“…”
“Every three months, when the Imperial merchant guild came for supplies, I chose money and gifts to send to you. Later, when they started bringing dress catalogs, I ordered everything in them and had them sent.”
“…Everything?”
“Yes, everything.”
The Marquis murmured as if talking to himself.
“I didn't know that not a single one ever reached you. I just thought you would like them. I imagined you wearing pretty dresses every day and playing happily.”
I thought of the extravagant outfits Sandra and Belladonna Merton used to wear.
Watching them, I had always thought Nigella loved them very much.
I really did.
“I was a fool. I didn't realize that because the merchant guild was based in the capital, they might be close with Nigella.”
Marquis Aster gave a self-deprecating laugh.
“No, I didn't realize Nigella was that wicked.”
“…”
“As time passed, things became more organized and I had some breathing room. I was finally going to come to you, but then a letter arrived from Lilius.”
“…What kind of letter?”
“A letter saying that you had come to hate me.”
“…”
Nigella and Lilius had worked together to drive a wedge between the Marquis and Tulia.
No, they hadn't just driven a wedge; they had broken the bridge between them so they could never reach each other again.
The Marquis’s voice was hoarse from the weight of that devastating realization.
“Tulia.”
“…Yes.”
For a long while, we simply stared at each other in silence, as still as the inscriptions on a tombstone.
“You said you were too afraid to send anyone to me.”
“…”
“I was the same. It sounds ridiculous, but I was the same. I was told that if you saw me—the father who wasn't there when you were hovering between life and death—you might have a fit. I was terrified.”
“…”
“Even though I’m much older than you, I was so scared of that. I just hoped your heart would soften and kept sending gifts. Every time, I practically raided the merchant guild to send you only the very best.”
“…”
“I didn't know my avoidance had pushed you to the brink of death. This father of yours… I knew nothing.”
“…”
“I’m sorry, Tulia. I was a coward, and I was pathetic. I failed to act like a father. I failed to be a dad.”
“…”
“Because of that, you almost…”
The Marquis’s voice trembled slightly at the end.
He said no more. He simply bowed his head a little.
Tears fell from the tip of his straight nose, hitting the floor with a soft thud.
“I was afraid of losing again. I’m sorry, Tulia.”
He didn't specify who he had lost. But I knew.
The person the Marquis had lost long ago. His beloved wife.
And I was their youngest daughter, the one rumored to be both the fruit of their love and the proof of her betrayal.
It was absurd.
Nigella and Lilius.
They had aimed all their weapons at Marquis Aster. Whether they did it knowingly or unknowingly, I couldn't say.
But because of the guns and blades they had aimed so precisely, Marquis Aster hadn't dared to take a single step.
Not until Tulia had nearly withered away in secret.
“Marquis.”
I asked in a slow tone.
“Do you still… love Mother?”
I didn't expect him to answer immediately.
I thought there would be at least a trace of hesitation, piled up like shredded paper.
But my assumption was arrogant.
“Yes.”
The Marquis answered without a moment’s hesitation.
“There has never been a moment when I didn't.”
“…”
It was a fact known to everyone that the Marchioness—Tulia’s mother—had abandoned the Marquis and run away with her first love.
Even so, did Marquis Aster—did Dad—still love Mom?
Was that even possible?
But I didn't ask any further.
Just as I had spent the whole day vomiting out my misery, the Marquis’s heart must also be torn to shreds, his very spirit worn raw.
The fake painting, filled with a fake coziness depicting a fake bedroom, had long since been discarded at our feet.
Instead of the fake he had brought clutched in his hand, Marquis Aster pulled something real from his pocket.
A green diamond, its vivid light strikingly beautiful.
The delicate gold surrounding the diamond was heavily scratched, looking much like the state of our relationship.
Marquis Aster spoke as he gazed at the diamond.
“The moment I saw this green diamond, I knew I had to give it to you. It looks so much like the color of your eyes.”
“…So you did remember the color of my eyes.”
“Of course I remembered.”
The Marquis smiled faintly.
“When you were born and first opened your eyes to look at me, I was amazed because your eye color was exactly the same as mine.”
“…”
“Green emeralds and jade are common, but green diamonds are hard to find. As soon as I saw it, I decided to buy it and kept it with me.”
“…You didn't send it to me right away?”
At my slight confusion, the Marquis let out a low laugh for the first time.
“No. Because looking at it reminded me of your eyes.”
“…”
“So, while I sent everything else, I wanted to keep this one for myself.”
“…”
“But then, I finally sent it for your birthday last year.”
“…Why?”
At the implied question of why he’d had a change of heart, Marquis Aster was silent for a moment before answering slowly.
“Because I thought that if you looked at this diamond, you might think of your father, too.”
“…”
“The truth is, I hoped that you, Tulia, might think of me occasionally…”
“…”
“Even if it was just once in a while. I sent it to you thinking that maybe, just maybe, the resentment you held for me might soften a little.”
“…”
“That was all, Tulia.”
“…”
“…Thank you for staying alive. Tulia.”
“…”
“Just that one thing… I am more grateful for that than I deserve. Tulia. My daughter.”
Why does emotion turn into moisture when it becomes overwhelming?
Why can’t it just evaporate? Why must it take form and spread?
“I… I really…”
I didn't even know what to say. Tears just flowed uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry. I… your dad…”
Right then.
Rainbow-colored letters rose into the air, glowing like radiant coral.
[System] Benefit ‘Child’s Talent: Pearl-like Tears’ is now complete!
[System] Benefit Description: Haven't you been suppressing your emotions too much? Haven't you been acting too much like an adult? This allows you to express your emotions in their rawest form!