Dizziness (1)
The dizziness hit hard. I knew I should’ve taken just one sleeping pill, but the moment I tried to stand, a brutal headache slammed into me and I collapsed. Couldn’t even get off the bed—I just pitched straight onto the floor.
“Ah… the pills…”
Swearing I’d never touch them again, I somehow dragged myself up, opened the door, and went to get water. While drinking, I checked the tank. The temperature and water quality looked fine. The Bipa were as ugly as ever. As I prepared their food, I decided once more that I really needed to rehome them soon. Watching them closely, I realized there wasn’t a single trace left of Sumatra in the tank. Only the Bipa schooling through the water like they owned the place. I didn’t even want to turn them into spicy stew. Rehoming was going to be impossible—they looked too vicious.
“Son, Mom was too harsh yesterday…”
I was still staring at the tank when my mother’s gloomy voice reached me. She looked gaunt, her eyes full of apology as she watched me.
“It’s fine. I’m okay,” I said, telling her not to worry, then went back to my room to change into my uniform. The dizziness seemed to have eased for a moment.
When I returned to the living room, she had made simple sandwiches for breakfast and set a plate in front of me. While I was eating, she spoke softly.
“Hae-in, your father and I are going to be busy until this weekend…”
“Don’t worry. Nothing you’re afraid of will happen. Just go do what you need to.”
“You won’t… you won’t do that again, right…?”
“…I didn’t do it, but I won’t cross any lines. Stop worrying.”
Her anxious expression as she spoke to me was painful to see. Neither of my parents had ever been quick to anger, but because of whoever had dragged me into hell, it had been a long time since I’d seen them smile. They hadn’t believed from the start that their only child had committed school violence through gaslighting, but the fake evidence had been too meticulously crafted. In the end, they’d had no choice but to accept it with tears in their eyes. Memories—or rather, scars—from last year that I didn’t want to recall.
“By the way, why are you two so busy?”
“Everyone’s coming to pay respects at your grandfather’s grave.”
“Really? Ah, that day’s already here.”
“That’s right, Hae-in. Your grandfather eradicated the Baekhyeom Sect and saved the victims from oppression. I’m glad you haven’t forgotten.”
“Of course. How could I forget that?”
My grandfather, as a prosecutor, had gone beyond public duty to prevent the entire country from turning to ash. To honor his dedication, the victims from back then visited his grave on the anniversary of the case’s resolution. After he passed, it had somehow become a tradition.
“The fact that your forced transfer ended the way it did… was only possible because those victims, who became pillars of society, wrote petitions on your behalf.”
“I know… You’ve told me that many times.”
“It’s not gratitude you should feel toward Grandfather and those people—it’s remorse. Promise you’ll never do anything wrong again. Understand?”
I just nodded and got ready to leave. Today was Friday, and this Sunday we were all supposed to visit Grandfather’s grave.
“Son, even if the students’ stares are harsh, try to endure it. Don’t let them sway you.”
“I’ll try. I should get going now.”
“Hae-in, you’re kind to people you like, but you won’t even remember the names of people you don’t care about or dislike… We’ve always worried about that…”
“Why should I care about people I don’t like? It’s a waste of time.”
“Who does this child take after?”
Mother saw me off with worry in her eyes, and I stepped outside. The rain had stopped, and the sunlight greeted me fiercely. On the way to the bus stop, I decided to contact my old classmate from yesterday. I needed to find out exactly why he’d come looking for me.
I was about to press the call button when a familiar voice spoke beside me.
“Hae-in, you’re out early again today.”
I looked toward the source instead of calling. “Lee Ga-rang…? Why are you—agh!”
The dizziness returned. I could only stare at her with a grimace. Ga-rang smiled brightly, looking at me with the same gentle affection as if nothing had ever gone wrong between us.
“What’s wrong? Let’s go together.”
Before I could react, she linked her arm through mine without hesitation. I should have shaken her off, but the vertigo made it impossible. Ah.
“Ga-rang, what are you doing? Let go…!”
“You told me to get lost yesterday, but I don’t think I can do that.”
I forced my eyes open and looked at her properly. She was smiling, but it was a cold smile hiding something sharp. I tried to gather strength in my hands to push her away, but—ah…! I nearly fell, and her hand caught me just in time. I must have taken the wrong dose of sleeping pills yesterday. She pulled me upright and pressed me firmly against her.
“What are you trying to do…? This is weird.”
“Just a walk. Until we get to school.”
We walked side by side like a couple. She kept my arm locked in hers, speaking with that fake smile.
“Do you remember?”
“No. Why would I?”
“You didn’t even listen… just cut me off. That’s not like you, Hae-in.”
“What even is ‘like me’? My head’s spinning, so can you just… not talk?”
Thanks to the sleeping pills, the dizziness was overwhelming, so I begged her to stop talking, but she kept going, almost mocking me.
“Everyone messaged me on SNS—called me vulgar, filthy… things I can’t even repeat. They hurt me so badly.”
“Yeah, they did. Forget those memories. Why are you still holding on to them?”
Anger seeped into her smile. “How could I forget? Every time people look at me, they’re thinking, ‘That kid’s parents are biological siblings’!”
“Haah… Sang-hui and Na-rin don’t think that about you… You still have them, Ga-rang.”
“Yeah. Thanks to them, I’m… still alive.”
She stopped walking. I had no choice but to stop too.
“But… Hae-in, I couldn’t ignore people’s attention the way you do.”
“What’s so scary about those bastards…? Seriously.”
“It’s not that they’re scary. It’s because you’re the problem.”
“What did I…?”
I spoke through the dizziness, and she looked at me with that cold smile again.
“Unlike Na-rin and Sang-hui, you never did anything for me…”
“I did do things for you…”
At my words, she clicked her tongue in silence, her expression turning pitying.
“That’s why it’s disgusting. You tried to use our weaknesses to keep us for life.”
“…No. That’s not true…”
“Do we still look like fanatics who get moved by every word you say?”
With that, she shoved me away. I fell hard, groaning in pain. Of all times for my head to be spinning… and the sunlight was beating down like it wanted to burn me alive. I felt like I was drying up.
“That hurts… you crazy…”
“That’s not even one percent of the humiliation we suffered, Oh Hae-in.”
“So what do you want me to do?”
“Because of you, the whole world is pointing fingers at the three of us, and you’re just living peacefully without a shred of remorse?”
“You’re saying it’s all my fault that those damn bastards did that?”
“Yeah. But since you keep insisting it’s all fabricated and refuse to admit anything… we’re on the verge of going insane.”
She bent down to the fallen me and… hugged me. Then she whispered into my ear.
“This is goodbye. I’ll never meet you again, even if I die.”
At those words, the dizziness somehow stopped. All my nerves focused on Lee Ga-rang.
“If you’d at least said you made an irreversible mistake because you wanted to keep us… I would’ve forgiven you.”
Her lonely voice echoed in my ears.
“You’re trash. A disgusting monster wearing human skin who betrayed even your own blood.”
I tried to stand up in anger, but the dizziness returned. She wanted to see me suffer…
“Ah… damn it…”
“That’s right, Hae-in. That’s the sight you’ll have to live with for the rest of your life. Now get lost.”
She looked down at me clutching my head with a blank expression, then walked away. She’d pretended to be kind, only to end everything between us with those vicious words…
I barely managed to stand, fighting the dizziness. Even as the sunlight kept stabbing at me… I stared blankly for a long time in the direction she had gone, unable to open my eyes properly.
Suppressing the turmoil in my chest, I headed for the bus stop. Checking my watch, I realized I was going to be late for school. The bus wouldn’t come for a while, and it was too far to walk. I was the only one at the stop. Sitting on the bench, I took out my phone, opened the gallery, and one by one sent every photo and video of the three of us to the trash. I permanently deleted them all, saying goodbye to those old memories…
A few drops fell onto the screen. It wasn’t rain—it was my tears. They rolled down silently. I just kept crying without a sound until the bus arrived without warning. I paid the fare without hiding my tears, and the driver told me to hang in there. I bowed my head in thanks, but the dizziness was so bad I couldn’t even hear his encouragement properly. I just sat in the first empty seat, covering my mouth, praying the vertigo would finally subside.