Chapter 39
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 38
Chapter Title: Buying the Bottom
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Defeating a high-ranking black mage was good. Not just any trivial thing.
Learning that they didn't have the ability to trigger a dungeon overflow themselves was also good.
But the problem was the live broadcast of showmanship for Yuria, who had risked her life out of pure sibling love and rage at my near-death.
"Karen... I'm a weak and sickly person."
"These days, weak and sickly people seem to tear apart monster-level mutants with their bare hands."
"Hear me out. Physical strength isn't that important. Every night, I'm captivated by the illusion of revenge, my gaze stolen by an empty shell of a goal, endlessly wandering toward a past I can't return to—like a mere ghost."
"You joke well too. Didn't you pick out only the meat last night, devouring enough to empty House Zahav's pantry, then lie on your back snoring loudly as you slept? Eating your fill and sleeping soundly. I don't know anyone more carefree."
"What? I snore? Wait, how did you even know I snore in my sleep? Don't tell me..."
"It's just a butler's virtue to worry about his master's health, so don't misunderstand."
"......"
Karen tilted her head as if wondering what delusion I was under, scanning me with a look that said she'd seen it all.
Maintaining that expressionless face even now was truly infuriating.
"......Shut up and let me continue. Where was I?"
"Mmgh. Mmph."
"Don't cover your own mouth; just speak normally."
"Yes. You said up to being a ghost wandering toward a past you can't return to, Patriarch."
"Right, that's it. ......But what came next?"
"Even if you ask me..."
Karen blinked in disbelief.
In truth, those words from earlier were a snippet from some internet drivel my past-life self had read while rolling around on Earth.
It was something with overly flowery prose spouting nonsense...
Unfortunately, the memory was too old, and I'd forgotten the rest in between.
I pondered for a moment to recall, but faced with the same blankness, I just stated the conclusion.
"Karen, Karen."
"Yes."
"Only your chubby cheeks can save me, a man mentally exhausted."
"That again..."
Karen let out a deep sigh, closing the notebook she'd been writing in, and spoke.
"Why on earth do you always want to knead my cheeks?"
"People naturally feel good touching something soft and squishy."
"Like a woman's breasts, for example?"
"Huh? Uh... yeah?"
I hadn't gone that far, so my voice faltered for a second. But Karen, who'd thrown the straight punch, just muttered calmly.
"Hmm. I see. The Patriarch's taste is women with soft breasts..."
"Why the hell are you remembering that?"
"Because it's about time to start looking for your partner, Patriarch."
"What about Lady Jevella?"
"I'm talking about the second one."
"Second one..."
I had no such intentions, and I planned to slip away somehow before the situation forced it, but for now, I was still engaged to Jevella.
And already looking for the next wife? Was this right?
I stared at Karen in disbelief, and she blinked back, peering into my eyes just as intently.
We stood like that for a while, silently staring into each other's eyes and blinking repeatedly, until Karen's mouth suddenly dropped open as if realizing something.
"Ah. With all the recent marriage proposals coming in, we needed to filter them first. It doesn't mean bringing one in right now."
"Yeah, figured... Wait. Marriage proposals? Suddenly? Why?"
"Because the feat you showed has already become famous across the Empire. Of course proposals would pour in. Plenty of nobles crave pure, powerful blood."
"Seriously, why?!"
Even if I conceded a hundred steps that I'd become famous in Zahav lands or the south, the entire Empire? How? Through what means did they know?
Seeing my dumbfounded look, Karen kindly added an explanation.
"Did battle fatigue make you miss it? There weren't just Zahav people there—Academy students were present too."
"What the..."
So all the poses and antics I did thinking no one would see were witnessed not just by Zahav folks, but by top talents selected from across the Empire?
They rushed back to report to their families, and now most prominent nobles in the Empire knew about me fighting a black mage half-mad, or my 'resurrection' (or not)?
Hmm. I understood the situation perfectly.
"Karen."
"Yes?"
"That's an order. Cheeks here."
"......Eek!"
Karen flinched at the word 'order.' Soon, her face flushed red as she slowly turned toward me, bringing her face closer.
Her eyes squeezed shut—a rare expression change for the usually stoic Karen.
I grabbed both her cheeks and slowly pulled. They stretched without resistance.
This was it. Finally, some stress relief.
I scooped Karen up, sat her on my lap facing me, and kneaded her cheeks vigorously while sorting my thoughts.
Innumerable alliance requests pouring in toward me, who possessed bloodline ability strong enough to fake death and resurrection.
Well, not entirely wrong. I hadn't realized it myself, but noble blood—thicker than imagined—flowed in me.
But it wasn't Zahav's.
Most of my power was forcibly gained through human experiments or brutally trained into me.
The one who clearly seemed born with bloodline ability was big brother.
Actually, maybe I was an illegitimate child born between mother and another Zahav blood relative.
It sounded insane, but brother suddenly awakening to some dark family secret and having me with mother? Absurd.
After all, until sold to the black mage group, I was a normal kid aside from Earth memories.
Issues piled up claiming I inherited thick Zahav blood from incest.
For starters, to me—with a child's body but adult mind—mother and brother were just a normal parent-child pair.
Above all, the mere one-year age gap between brother and me.
In short, I might have noble blood, but it wasn't Zahav's—confirmed.
In such a situation, nationwide attention on me was far from desirable.
Especially if I had to fall from grace someday.
But a pinch is a chance. A crisis is just opportunity by another name, right?
Just as news of all Zahav men dead tangled Yuria's Academy life.
How would 'The illegitimate pushed as Patriarch due to no men turns out too strong' look to others?
Clearly like a bottom-buying opportunity.
Zahav was one of the Empire's four great ducal houses, prestigious. But recent dungeon overflows strained finances and military.
The new Duke Zahav, freshly ascended and illegitimate-born, lacks education, with internal fractures...
But his power undeniable, so allying now while Zahav weakens could yield big returns later.
Yes. The nobles sending proposals weren't after immediate gains but investing in future moonshots—like my past self's first stock buys...!
And like past me, they'd learn it wasn't bought at the knee but the shoulder.
"Heh heh."
Grinning in victory, I released Karen's cheeks from my fiddling.
"Karen, Karen."
"......Yes."
"Cancel all those proposals."
"Pardon?"
"Instead, tell them if they want ties with Zahav, pay a friendship fee. And of course, add that the more they pay, the deeper the friendship."
"Friend...ship fee?"
"Yeah. Pay the fee, and we're all friends."
I answered lightly, but for some reason, Karen nodded with resolute eyes.
"Understood. I'll relay that to Lady Jevella, the Academy students, and all noble houses that sent letters."
"Huh? Oh, yeah."
I nodded, smirking at Karen's retreating back as she hurried off.
Good. Now just take the money and do nothing.
I'm not an idiot. From experience, whenever I intentionally screw something up, it backfires into good results.
So do nothing.
Take money but do zilch, complaints pour in, hurting my reputation.
My stock price crashes on its own, ending in delisting...!
Enoch's plan was rational in itself, but the problem was he overlooked far too much.
First, no one expected dignity or honor from Zahav.
Friendship fees? Extorting nearby territories on whims was Zahav tradition. Demanding loan repayments brought threats—annual event.
Yet houses always sought ties with Zahav for one simple reason.
In noble society, mere association with top-tier dukes held meaning.
But Enoch officially acknowledged friendships for fees, even ranking them by amount.
After payment? Silence. No 'You look rich—fork over more' racket.
Common knowledge: Massive bribes needed for high-noble ties.
In that sense, Enoch just dragged shadowy deals into the light for 'fair' competition.
Past Zahav generations would've taken daughters too, plus dowry cash.
Enoch demanded pure cash—no extras.
Naturally, his evaluation soared relatively.
But one issue overshadowed all.
"A man surpassing the founder, bearing the rising sun, the great adversary black mages fear... becomes friends for money?"
The Empire had a group drowning in cash: the Magic Tower.
"We must contact Master immediately!"
And the Tower had one long-unsolved problem.
Maybe this new friend could help.
A promising Academy mage girl, reading the official notice, finally asked her meditating roommate after much deliberation.
"Yuria. Duke Zahav... your brother, what kind of person is he?"
"My husband."
"?"
"Oh, brother-in-law too."
"???"
Well, that's how it went.